Littleton Counselor | Family Counseling | Couples Counseling https://unitywholenesscenter.com Counseling in Littleton, CO. Wed, 19 Oct 2016 08:34:56 +0000 en-US 1.2 https://unitywholenesscenter.com https://unitywholenesscenter.com 2 Chris redspa@gmail.com Chris 3 Suzanne equinelites@aol.com Suzanne Hello world! https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/hello-world/ Sat, 23 Feb 2013 14:14:43 +0000 Chris https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=1 Welcome to WordPress. This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start blogging! 1 2013-02-23 14:14:43 2013-02-23 14:14:43 open open hello-world publish 0 0 post 0 Uncategorized Bad Grief Charlie Brown https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/bad-grief-charlie-brown/ Wed, 27 Mar 2013 15:05:50 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=94 <strong>Bad Grief, Charlie Brown</strong>< strong>(as opposed to Good Grief that Lucy talked about to Charlie)</strong> By Suzanne Carter, M.A., L.P.C. My teen aged son and I were watching the news following the hostage taking and subsequent shooting death at Platte Canyon High School a few years ago. We heard a so-called expert on Grief suggest that the parents of grief –stricken students from Platte Canyon, not allow their teens to be immersed in their emotion.  As a Child and family therapist with a specialty in grief for children, families and adults, my “ears” went straight up; my son’s did as well. Truly, when a child, teen or adult faces any type of loss, we are, in fact, immersed in our emotions. One definition of Grief is, “The conflicting mass of human emotions that naturally follows any type of loss”. The bigger or more intense the loss, the more overwhelmed one will feel from this resulting mass of emotions. To say that the parents should not allow their children to be immersed in their emotions is like suggesting to parents that they should try to keep their children from getting wet while swimming. The fact is, it is natural to have these feelings and the only way to correctly deal with them is by having someone be present to them and to validate them. Though, this seems like an easy task, it is rarely practiced in this western society. We deal with grief and these emotions by stuffing them. A child learns to deal with grief very early in life by not dealing with it. Thus, when these children who have stuffed their emotions from day one in their lives grow up, they teach their children to do the same. The effect of stuffing ones emotions is this: One can only avoid dealing with their emotions by dis-connecting from themselves. Thus, there are millions of people walking around not connected to their feelings or to themselves. The consequences of this are monumental. If we are not connected to ourselves, we make decisions based on what everyone outside of is telling us. We do not know how we feel or what we think and we become dis-connected from our own sense of right and wrong. I would suggest that the correct way to help our children deal with grief is to listen and validate their thoughts, feelings and fears around what happened. The best way to do this is to be willing to deal with our own feelings first. If we have not dealt with our own feelings as adults, the only thing we want to do around another’s feelings is to get that person to stop feeling. The best way we do this is by intellectualizing or saying something that gets the person out of their feelings and into their heads. An example of this would be when a teen comes home from this traumatizing incident and tells their parent how scared they were. Typically, the parent might say: “Well you were safe and there were plenty of police around and the protocol your school followed helped you know what to do”.    Actually, this response, though sounding good actually causes the child to not want to continue talking. The best response would be: “I bet you were scared. I would be scared too.” This encourages the child to continue. The parent could add: “What did you do when you were feeling that scared?” In summary, our human lives our filled with loss. The healthy response to loss is Grief or that conflicting mass of human emotions that follows the experience of loss. If we are around people who can tolerate and validate our feelings, we experience a connection with them and we realize we are not alone. We can heal what we are willing to feel. The healing that results then makes us  stronger to reach out in life in ways that we would not have done before the loss. If we stay connected to ourselves, we grow stronger and become more able to deal with future and bigger loss and we are able to be present to others when they face loss.& nbsp;& nbsp; 94 2013-03-27 15:05:50 2013-03-27 15:05:50 open open bad-grief-charlie-brown publish 0 0 post 0 Uncategorized _edit_last 3 Equine Assisted Therapy Makes My Soul Sing https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/equine-assisted-therapy-makes-my-soul-sing-2/ Fri, 29 Mar 2013 02:38:53 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=116 &nbsp;< strong>Equine Assisted Psychotherapy</strong>& nbsp; By Rev. Annie Lonardelli& nbsp;< em>“Equine Assisted Psychotherapy (EAP) makes my soul sing,” </em>states Suzanne Carter. Suzanne is a psychotherapist, (graduated from IUPUI in 1978 and received her Masters degree in Psychology from the University of Colorado at Denver in 1981), Unity minister, life coach, author and lecturer. With over 25 years as a therapist, she remains committed to learning new therapeutic methods to help her clients.<em> “When I saw EAP training was available.” </em>She says,<em> “I was eager to see what it was about. It was incredible!” </em>EAP is a natural fit for Suzanne who, in addition to her love for animals and her counseling practice brings a spiritual perspective to this work. <em>“I believe that all of life is sacred,” </em>she says.<em> “Animals have a spark of Divine nature within them. They can be wonderful teachers.” </em>Suzanne practices Equine Assisted Psychotherapy at an arena south of Denver, Colorado.& nbsp; Animal Assisted therapies have been around for a long time. Therapy dogs have been in use for years working with people in nursing homes and hospitals as well as serving as companions for individuals with special needs. EAP, which was developed in the early 1990’s, introduced the horse into the field of animal therapies. “What makes the horse so special is their sensitivity and willingness to interact with humans.” Carter says, “If horses are not in their herd, they are instinctively motivated to pay attention to what the humans are doing in their presence.” &nbsp; The theory behind EAP is that the normal defenses and barriers which might hamper many forms of conventional therapy dissolve in the straightforward, nonverbal interaction with horses. A trained therapist, like Suzanne, works with the emotional response evoked by the animal-human interaction. Unlike prolonged therapies, core issues quickly rise to the surface to be resolved. For example, fear, an appropriate response to a 1000 pound animal, presents an experiential opportunity to learn effective ways to maintain safety, set personal boundaries and be assertive. Under the guidance of the therapist, the client experiments with ways to deal with the fear. The way the horse responds directly and clearly to the client’s actions provides instant feedback about what works and what doesn’t. What results is a therapy in which the client can immediately experience the benefits of making changes. The insights gained through this work translate into practical life skills. Clients may gain greater self-confidence, improve their creative thinking and problem solving skills, enhance their understanding of personal responsibility and increase self-awareness. EAP addresses a variety of mental health and human development concerns including behavioral issues, substance abuse, eating disorders, emotional and sexual abuse, depression, anxiety, relationships and communication. Each session is specifically designed to suit the client’s needs. There are many activities possible, and the sessions can accommodate one individual, a couple, family or group. No prior experience with horses is required. The focus of EAP is not riding or horsemanship. 95% of EAP takes place on the ground and should the client get on the horse, it is for a slow, guided walk in one of the last sessions.& nbsp; 116 2013-03-29 02:38:53 2013-03-29 02:38:53 open open equine-assisted-therapy-makes-my-soul-sing-2 publish 0 0 post 0 Uncategorized _edit_last 3 The Miracle of Grief Recovery https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/the-miracle-of-grief-recovery/ Fri, 29 Mar 2013 20:46:49 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=119 The Miracle of Grief Recovery By Suzanne Carter, M.A., L.P.C. The first anniversary of 9/11 was close to the death of my beautiful and aptly named sister, Linda. At that time, I got “The Call,” the call we always fear will come and as it came, I realized that at some level, 1 knew it would always come way too early for my sister. “The Call” came as I was doing finishing touches on a 9/11 memorial service I was coordinating at the church where I was a co-minister with my husband. The call informed me that Linda, who had been in the hospital for eight days, had taken a turn for the worse, and it was not known how long she would live. Linda had entered the hospital on 9/3/02, and on that day she began her recovery from alcoholism. I had called her that morning and she told me she was in severe pain – someone close to her had left her. In the depth of pain, pain which she told me was so bad, she never knew one could hurt this bad, she turned to alcohol. Alcohol had been her best friend for many years. As do most alcoholics, she learned to deal with the bumps, bruises and tragedies of life by numbing the pain. While in the hospital, she suffered tremendously. I believe that she did work through much of the pain she had experienced in this life so her soul could leave free so she could begin a new adventure in living. While in the hospital, the withdrawal period for her was as bad as any experience of withdrawal, I have ever heard of. It was, of course, so painful to see my own baby sister in this distress. Plus, because of her strength, and her need for independence, she had to have her hands tied down the entire three weeks she was in the hospital, or she would try to leave. A year after her her death, I still found myself, at times, not believing she was really gone forever as my sister. I still found myself calling to her as I did at the moment of her death: “Please don’t leave, please come back, please don’t leave, please come back, I need you, I want you, and I want you to know how wonderful you are, you never knew this because of the alcohol”. This phrase had been a mantra for me. But I was able to move through this crisis in such a way, that I am truly more whole and well than before. I still have much pain about her death but I am able to talk about the pain over losing her so early in life (she was only 45); I am able to talk about my sister freely and I know how to deal with this pain when it bubbles up. It comes sometimes in a large way, and sometimes small, much as the waves in the ocean break in small and large patterns. Plus, I have found a way to help others move through times of grief as well. Following my sister’s death, with the exception of two close women friends, I was unable to find anyone to really say anything to me that helped the deep and yet invisible wound Linda’s premature death had left in my being. The problem was that because I had no visible tears or rips in my flesh, no one knew of the pain and deep wounding that I was experiencing in my whole being. I finally called a former therapist in the state of Michigan. (I had moved from Michigan four years before). I thought my extremely gifted therapist would help me process these seeming unbearable feelings. This expectation was wondrously wrong. Paul told me that I needed to secure a copy of the Grief Recovery Handbook, revised edition, by John W. James and Russell Friedman. He advised me to work through the book and as soon as possible to take the Grief Recovery certification training the Grief Recovery Institute offers and begin to help people the world over deal with grief. I did get the book, I worked through it with my husband and two friends, and then I did the training. I have led grief recovery groups and have counseled many people on grief issues. The beauty of this program for me is that I have always said my goal as a therapist is for my clients to heal the blocks that would keep them from making their dreams come true. I have discovered that the blocks for probably 95 percent of all people have to do with grief and recovery issues that were never dealt with. I knew Linda had a lot of grief issues to deal with but, try as I may, I was never able to help her get into recovery. Her desire to stop drinking was there 100 percent but her ability to know how to deal with insurmountable grief, the grief that was underneath and driving her need to drink, was absent. I’m doing all I can to prevent another premature death of a sister, a daughter, a friend, a cousin, a wife, to the grips of addiction. I hope to remove the stigma of addiction, and help the world to know that we all use addictions to medicate the pain we do not know how to deal with that stems from grief and loss. I dedicate my grief work to my sister, Linda, my precious sister whose radiant light went out way too soon. I vow to not let her death be in 119 2013-03-29 20:46:49 2013-03-29 20:46:49 open open the-miracle-of-grief-recovery publish 0 0 post 0 Uncategorized _edit_last 3 The Whole Picture, by Harmony, an 1100 pound writer………. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/the-whole-picture-by-harmony-an-1100-pound-writer/ Fri, 29 Mar 2013 20:52:35 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=121 <p align=”center”>The Whole Picture</p>< p align=”center”> </p> Hello, my name is Harmony Carter and I am the Equine daughter of Suzanne Carter.  I am an 1100 pound Thoroughbred, grand-daughter of the famous, Secretariat.  Yes!  That is true.  However, I never raced.  Though I was born into a bloodline that created magnificent race horses, my soul mission included something more important than being a horse that humans could watch run.  My human owners wanted me to race but I wound up with a knee injury during my training and so I was to be a brood mare.  However, after breeding 2 champions, I lost a baby at birth and my human owner at the time could not deal with the grief so decided I should move to the Thoroughbred Retirement Foundation.  This was very upsetting to me.  Not only did I lose my 3^rd baby but I felt I was just “discarded” because my owner could not handle the loss and I was moved to another place to live.& nbsp; I am calling this gift, the Whole Picture because the humans in my life failed to look at the whole picture of who I am.  My original owners were sorely disappointed when I could not be a racer and gave me away.  My next owners decided I could only be a brood mare but when a problem occurred, they also gave me away. & nbsp; At the Thoroughbred Retirement Foundation, (known as TRF), they did not know what to do with me and thought, well she is a horse with a famous pedigree; maybe she can become a jumper.  My knee issue came up again, and finally, they began looking at the bigger picture, that is there was something far greater I could do and be rather than just a horse who runs, jumps and makes champions. The whole picture about horses is our amazing ability to understand humans and to almost “psychically” perceive their feelings even when they are out of touch with them.   Horses are here on earth for many more reasons than just to race or be ridden.  We are actually very good “therapists”, and finally there is a field emerging that lets us be co-therapists with a human therapist. This field is called, “Equine Assisted Psychotherapy”. (Ask Suzanne for more information about this).& nbsp; At TRF, they decided to let me finally begin fulfilling my true soul passion, that is to help humans become more aware of their feelings and intuition, and I was to become a Therapy horse.& nbsp; This is how Suzanne and I finally got united (or actually, re-united, but that is another story).& nbsp; However, it took the humans at TRF a couple of years to figure this out, and in the mean time I was in deep grief about the loss of my baby and even more about the loss of my human caretaker.& nbsp; The humans did not get the whole picture about horses having grief, however, and they mostly just figured I needed to spend time in a stall.  This was ghastly for me.  I was all alone and left in a tiny room with 4 walls.  I have heard that this is how many humans deal with their own grief and this nearly killed me. However, in my determination to not die of grief, I found a way to help distract me from my pain.  I developed an addiction much like a human will develop an addiction rather than deal with their own painful feelings after a loss. My addiction is called “cribbing” in the horse world. I anchor my teeth on a fence, and then breathe in deeply.  Because of my huge race horse lungs, I get a rush as big as a race horse.  This deep inhalation stimulates endorphins and wham I have a natural high. However, it is a serious addiction.& nbsp; The tragic thing about this addiction, however, is that most humans who see me doing my addiction fail to see the whole picture. They see me cribbing and just tell Suzanne to just give up on helping me heal this serious problem.  However, my human mommy does see the whole picture: She sees me as the ONE I have come her to be and she and I are working together to help me heal this addiction.  One way we heal this is to see humans with problems and as I help them, it enables me to move past this addiction.& nbsp; In closing, perhaps you can see why my gift is called, THE WHOLE PICTURE.   It seems that humans have failed to see all aspects of themselves and all other creatures.  It seems that when someone has a problem, that person is seen as the problem rather than a person with a problem.  So I invite you to be willing to start seeing the Whole Picture.  It begins with a willingness to see with your heart and your mind. One reason I am so good at this is because my Grandpa Secretariat had a HUGE heart. (When he died, they looked at his physical heart and it was one of the biggest horse hearts ever!)  Of course his heart helped him win races, but his “heart-genes” have been passed down to me to use this heart capacity spiritually.  I invite you to start seeing the whole picture today by using your heart to see the truth.& nbsp; 121 2013-03-29 20:52:35 2013-03-29 20:52:35 open open the-whole-picture-by-harmony-an-1100-pound-writer publish 0 0 post 0 Uncategorized _edit_last 3 Equine Assisted Psychotherapy: Horses as healers. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/equine-therapy/equine-assisted-psychotherapy-horses-as-healers/ Fri, 29 Mar 2013 20:55:48 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=125 A lot of people think Equine Assisted Psychotherapy ( EAP) is therapy for horses.  And they often think that I am some kind of horse whisperer.& nbsp; Actually just the opposite is true; the horse would be the one to do  any “whispering” that may be needed to help heal humans.  The “whispering” in this case is the horse giving authentic feedback to the human through all the non-verbal ways that horses communicate.& nbsp; Further, as a psychotherapist, my horses become my co-therapists.& nbsp;& nbsp; EAP is an emerging field of therapy for humans in which horses are in a sense  co-therapists with the goal of creating emotional growth and learning for the humans.  EAP is a collaborative effort between a licensed psychotherapist and a horse professional, and of course the horse. This team of three works with one or more humans to facilitate growth and learning in many many areas.& nbsp; EAP is known as an experiential type of work because the participants learn about themselves and others by participating in activities with the horses and then processing or discussing feelings, behaviors, and insights that came up as a result of the experience.& nbsp; For example, in the first session of EAP, we often have the client lead a horse or in later sessions, they may be asked to get the horse to go over a low jump (say only 6 to 12 inches off the ground without using a halter or lead rope).& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; In both of these examples, the end result will be that the humans learned more about themselves and how to apply the following in their everyday lives.  They will be more aware of:& nbsp; Non-verbal communication, assertiveness, creative thinking and problem solving, leadership, team work, taking responsibility which can lead to more confidence and how they show up in relationships.& nbsp; Finally, this kind of therapy can help people deal with many issues, such as a variety of mental health and human development needs. It is also a wonderful way of team building, leadership training and EAP is  also a great way to help families, couples and adults and children move forward on issues that keep them stuck in their own growth and development  because it is so experiential.& nbsp; Horses are very much like humans in so many ways.  They have defined roles within their herds.  They would rather be with their peers. They have distinct personalities, attitudes and moods. An approach that seems to work with one horse, does not necessarily work with another. AT times, they seem stubborn and defiant.& nbsp; Most importantly, horses have the ability to mirror exactly what human body language is telling them.  Many people will often say in the first or second session:  “The horse does not like me, or the horse is stubborn.”   However, the lesson to be learned is that if they change themselves, the horses respond differently.  Horses are always honest.  The ability to need to tell the Truth  makes them very  powerful messengers. We humans have learned to not always tell the Truth to ourselves and to others.  Horses mirror back to the human what they see, feel, hear and sense in such an authentic way that the sessions can seem almost “ mystical” or even “magical”. So, we invite you to come try a session of EAP. You will learn a lot and experience what it is like to be with a completely honest and authentic being.  It may take your breath away; for sure it will help you discard defenses that no longer work for you.& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; 125 2013-03-29 20:55:48 2013-03-29 20:55:48 open open equine-assisted-psychotherapy-horses-as-healers publish 0 0 post 0 Equine Therapy _edit_last 3 You and Your Teen: Friend, Foe or Parent https://unitywholenesscenter.com/family-therapy/you-and-your-teen-friend-foe-or-parent/ Fri, 29 Mar 2013 21:01:46 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=128 <strong>You and Your Teen: Friend, Foe or Parent</strong> By Suzanne Carter, M.A., L.P.C. Ideally, always the parent. Parents should have their own friends. Foe——–we are not meant to be a foe, but when we are punishing, judging, being adversarial or managing, we are more like a foe than a loving parent Parents: consultant. Providing an atmosphere for them to be aware o the One they are and always will be (defn of function in family) needs are important, Are you feeling confused these days about what role you should play in helping your teenager grow up so that they can become all that they are meant to be? If so, you are not alone. Truly our teens are facing a vastly different world than the one we faced when we were young. For example, most teens I meet including my son and his friends are quite clear about what political party they most fit into and are very aware of all the challenges that our planet is facing on a global level. Think back to when you were a teen: Did you know whether you were a Republican or a Democrat. Were you aware of problems in our environment, our world economy, our heath care crisis? We were not aware of them because it was not necessary back when we were teens to be so aware of these global problems. Today, it is imperative that our teens are aware of at least some of these issues because these problems, if they are to be solved, must have deeply aware and sensitive leadership at the helm. This kind of leadership is developed over a period of time and for many teens, the ones who will become our nations’ leaders; the development of this leadership begins now. So, how on earth do we parent our teens? First of all, we need to know that the most important thing we must do is be there for them as their parent. The idea that our teens need us to be their friend is very selfish as far as the parent goes and it inhibits the growth of our teens. Our teens need us to be their parents, now and forever more. The notion that we can be friends with them now or when they get older is out-dated and is NOT what they need now OR in the future. However, the kind of parent they need us to be is much different than the kind of parent we were to them before they entered the world of Teenager. As Michael Riera, PhD., tells us in his book, Staying Connected to Your Teen, we need to let go of the managerial role and become a consultant. What does this mean? As a consultant, we are not managing every detail in their lives anymore, but we are always there to guide them through all the challenges they are facing. When they have problems, they are far more likely to come to us or at least be willing to share some of their process, if they know that we will simply reflectively listen to them and help them find their own answers. If we don’t do this now for them, and continue to micro-manage their life, they will not be prepared to go out in to the world and be successful. They will have to continue going through a period of adolescence into their twenties and learn by trial and error without a loving, consulting parent there with them, holding a safety net that will enable them to safely fall but be able to stand back up and learn from their mistakes while still in the nest. Further, the idea that they need us to be their friend is simply propelled by the adult who has not developed the skills necessary to find their own friends. I know this sounds harsh, but it is the truth. When a parent has their own support system with friends, this is wonderful modeling for the teen. Plus, the teen learns that it is not their job to “be there” for their parent. Their job is to grow up with the awareness that their needs are important, and they are good person and deserve to have their need met. If we do our jobs right, we will have taught them 3 very important things: 1. what their needs are. 2. How to meet their needs 3. The courage to take the action necessary so that their needs can be met. This can only be accomplished if we are there as their parent and not as a person who needs them to be there for us. Finally with regard to being parent or friend; in life we will always face challenges. This fact will never change and wouldn’t it be wonderful to always have that loving, consulting parent available to us no matter what happens. I believe this can only come about if we are willing to have our own friends and our own support system, and thereby teach our teens that being connected to others is an essential part of living a successful life. Now I would like to discuss why I put “Foe” in the title of this article. Though it is true that 80 to 95% of all parents would not want to be considered a foe to their teens; if the parent is not careful they can be “experienced” as a foe. Webster’s defines foe as: as enemy, rival, antagonist or opponent. When we are not willing to negotiate with our teen we are often seen as the enemy. WE need to say YES as much as possible, or at least be willing to compromise and negotiate. When we continually say NO, we are teaching them that the “big gun” wins. This only breeds anger and contempt and certainly does not help our teens grow up to be all that they are capable of becoming. My definition of a “functional” family, as opposed to a dysfunctional family has several parts. First the parents are able to provide an environment where the child is able to experience himself as a wonderful human being, with unique gifts and talents. Ideally, each child is “seen” as the ONE that they are and never in the world will there be another like them. Second, the child is able to grow up with the awareness that his or needs are important and be taught how to meet these needs. Two and a half: The child also realizes that others needs are just as important, and when conflict arises between the needs of one and another, compromise needs to happen. Third, the child’s environment at home is fair. That is, when the child does something wrong or makes mistakes that he experiences natural consequences. (More on these later). Further, when the child uses his or her growing skills and talents, and is successful, he or she needs to receive positive feedback about their success. Finally, a functinal family knows that problems are meant to be solved and not endured. The most dysfunctional aspect of a dysfunctional family is that they do not know how to solve problems. (In a later article, I will discuss the most important ingredient that is necessary in order to really solve problems so that they become a new foundation for the one to stand on once they sole the challenge.) The good news about consequences theses days is that most parents are familiar with this type of discipline. That is, most parents have moved away from the notion that when a teen makes a mistake, that they must be punished. The notion that positive discipline is the way to go is the way most parents want to discipline. Discipline means “giving life to learning”. In a sense, the child or teen is a “disciple” of the parent whose only goal is to facilitate the awareness that all problems are created so that we can solve them and become better people as a result of having the willingness and the courage to solve the problem rather than to ignore it, endure it or blame others for it’s presence. This is where natural consequences are so important. A natural consequence is what naturally follows when we make a mistake. The concept is as simple as this: When you cut your hand, you bleed. When you touch a hot stove, you experience pain. Sometimes, they are hard to figure out. But in most cases, if we as parents deal with our own anger about the mistake the teen made first and then fairly discuss the problem with our teen, all members of the family will see clearly what the consequence is. For example, if a teen steals something from another person, they need to return the item and deal with the sense of betrayal the other person experienced. If our teens don’t do their homework and get lower grades, then the grades must take priority over other activities until the grades come back up. However, some parents become too legalistic about this and actually call a punishment a “natural consequence”. For example, if a teen is about to go to the state finals in any given sport and their grades go down, to take away going to the state finals would not be a natural consequence, it would be a punishment. The key is to see if the consequence is giving life to their learning or is it causing harm to their self –esteem. In summary, a good question to ask yourself when you are parenting your teen is this: “Would the discipline I am using give my teen more awareness or less awareness that the world is a fair place?” The world is a fair place, where we should be able to connect with the best place within ourselves and then live from that center. We can help our teens do this by being the parent they need and deserve, not their friend or foe. Suzanne Carter has been a child, family and adult psychotherapist for over 25 years. She is in the process of getting her book; All Children are Gifted; Raising Spiritually Aware Kids, published. You may reach her at The Unity Center for Spiritual Wholeness at 720-540<span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>-6738</span>& nbsp; 128 2013-03-29 21:01:46 2013-03-29 21:01:46 open open you-and-your-teen-friend-foe-or-parent publish 0 0 post 0 Family Therapy _edit_last 3 Equine Assisted Psychotherapy https://unitywholenesscenter.com/equine-therapy/equine-assisted-psychotherapy/ Fri, 29 Mar 2013 21:04:59 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=131 <strong>What is EAP and EAL?</strong> Equine Assisted Psychotherapy (EAP) incorporates horses experientially for emotional growth and learning.  it is a collaborative effort between a licensed therapist and a horse professional working with the clients and horses to address treatment goals.  Because of its intensity and effectiveness, it is considered a short-term, or “brief” approach. EAP is experiential in nature.  This means that participants learn about themselves and others by participating in activities with the horses, and then processing (or discussing) feelings, behaviors, and patterns.  This approach has been compared to the ropes courses used by therapists, treatment facilities, and human development courses around the world.  But EAP has the added advantage of utilizing horses, dynamic and powerful living beings. Not all programs or individuals who use horses practice Equine Assisted Psychotherapy.  For one, licensed (in the U.S.) and properly qualified (outside the U.S.) mental health professionals need to be involved.  The focus of EAP is not riding or horsemanship.  The focus of EAP involves setting up ground activities involving the horses which will require the client or group to apply certain skills.  Non-verbal communication, asse rtiveness, creative thinking and problem-solving, leadership, work, taking responsibility, teamwork and relationships, confidence, and attitude are several examples of the tools utilized and developed by EAP. EAP is a powerful and effective therapeutic approach that has an incredible impact on individuals, youth, famlies, and groups.  EAP addresses a variety of mental health and human development needs including behavioral issues, attention deficit disorder, PTSD, substance abuse, eating disorders, depression, anxiety, relationship problems and communication needs. Equine Assisted Learning (EAL) is similar to EAP but where the focus is on learning or educational goals.  EAL still involves the team of mental health professional and horse professional working with the clients and horses.  The focus however is on education and learning specific skills as defined by the individual or group, such as improved product sales for a company, leadership skills for a school group, or resiliency training for our military warriors. The potential applications for both EAP and EAL are limitless!  For more information on the possibilities, contact us at EAGALA Call Suzanne Carter, 720-540-6738 to set up your appointment& nbsp; 131 2013-03-29 21:04:59 2013-03-29 21:04:59 open open equine-assisted-psychotherapy publish 0 0 post 0 Equine Therapy _edit_last 3 What do you do when 20 horses are galloping toward you: FACE THE HERD https://unitywholenesscenter.com/equine-therapy/what-do-you-do-when-20-horses-are-galloping-toward-you-face-the-herd/ Fri, 29 Mar 2013 21:08:31 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=134  One day while at the ranch where my therapy horse, Harmony, lives, my husband and I were taking a walk with her and our 2- year old Golden Retriever, Jessie.  We walked from Harmony’s pasture to the other herd’s pasture. Normally, the other herd just ignores us when we cross through their pasture to access other trails on the ranch. This time though, a young and new horse to the ranch spotted Harmony and within 60 seconds, he was at a full gallop running toward us.  Then, his entire herd joined him. The four of us had a herd of 20 horses running full speed toward us.& nbsp; Well, my husband and I became a little anxious.  My fear was about keeping Jessie and Harmony safe.  As if I could keep my 2 4-legged children safe from a galloping herd. (It’s interesting to note what our thoughts are when we encounter a perceived threat).  As they drew closer, I asked Nat to please get Jessie away from me and Harmony. Then the herd was upon us; a few came close to Harmony, she turned and faced them. They were sniffing her and she was snorting at them. (It is a funny thing when horses do this; I like to think of it as imitating a fire-breathing dragon). Then, quite soon as they came upon us, they were gone; some trotting, some running and some stopping but they seemed to recognize that we were not a threat and just left.  This thought that they believed we were not a threat is my projection.  That is, I have no idea what they were really thinking. And this is the essence of Equine Assisted Therapy.  Horses do things in relationship to the humans and the humans speak about what or why the horses are doing what they are doing in response to the human’s actions. What the human thinks the horse is doing reflects something inside of the human’s mind that can help the human find areas in their life where they are stuck. For me, I was dealing with a very stressful situation with a group of humans. We were to have a mediated meeting and I was quite anxious about this. I saw this group of people as a perceived threat to my well-being.  Thus, when the horses left me and I was un-harmed, I was able to connect to a place within myself that helped me realize I could deal with this upcoming meeting no matter what happened.& nbsp; After this experience, I realized 2 very important things that have to do with my own inner world. This experience with horses helped me access this awareness. The two things I learned:< ol> <li>If I stay centered when afraid, often the thing that seems so frightening will not harm me.  I was centered enough to ask my husband to walk away with Jessie and I was centered enough to not try and control what Harmony wanted to do:   FACE THE HERD (the oncoming and possible threat).  We humans have learned to often not face the threat. We do this in various ways. We may look the other way psychologically, emotionally or even physically.  Horses always face the threat head on to see if they need to run, or stay put. They remain connected to their sense of survival and they pay attention to see what their next step is in staying safe and alive.                                                         </li> <li>In stressful situations, I am not alone or I don’t need to be alone. All I need to do is ask for help. Initially, my first concern was making sure Jessie and Harmony were safe. I stayed connected to myself enough to ask Nat to remove Jessie from the perceived threat. Later, after the galloping horses experience was over and we were all four walking together, I had a great experience with Harmony. As I was leading her, she put her head very low to the ground; I asked her what she was doing. (We humans like to use vocal words). I immediately “heard” the following in my mind:   “ I WAS PROTECTING YOU”.  I do think that Harmony was in fact trying to protect me.  I asked a local animal communicator about this and she said that horses, all animals, have ways to communicate with us if we just open our minds to listening.  Now there is no way of knowing if Harmony really communicated that message to me.  However, there was a place in my mind that was willing to accept this: I am not alone and I can be safe.  Harmony’s behavior helped me access this and I have been a much better human as a result.</li>< /ol>& nbsp; In conclusion, I learned a lot about what I needed to take the next step in my life. Someone else would have learned something else perhaps depending on what they needed to know in order to take their next steps. This is why we often call horses a  “1000 pound mirror”; they reveal to the person with them what they need to see in that moment.& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; 134 2013-03-29 21:08:31 2013-03-29 21:08:31 open open what-do-you-do-when-20-horses-are-galloping-toward-you-face-the-herd publish 0 0 post 0 Equine Therapy _edit_last 3 Heal your Life by dealing with your losses! https://unitywholenesscenter.com/grief-therapy/heal-your-life-by-dealing-with-your-losses/ Fri, 29 Mar 2013 21:10:51 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=138 <p align=”center”><strong><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>Heal your Life by dealing with your losses!</span></strong></p>            < p align=”center”>There is a way to deal with loss,</p>< p align=”center”>heal and move forward.</p>& nbsp;< strong>                     </strong><strong> What does <span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>not</span> work?</strong>< p align=”center”><strong> </strong></p>< em>                         </em><em>“Give it time”</em>< p align=”center”>Time does not heal any wound of the heart. It is what we do in time that heals.</p>< em>                          </em><em>“Keep busy”  </em>                    Distractions can make you think you feel better.           Avoidance and this kind of thinking can lead to addictions.< em>                  “Don’t feel bad”  </em>                       “Feeling bad” is a natural reaction to loss.< p align=”center”>When we learn to “be present” to emotions and face the loss, healing begins.</p>& nbsp;< p align=”center”><strong>This  2 hour seminar  does work.</strong><strong></strong></p>< p align=”center”>It will give you tools you can use immediately</p>< p align=”center”>to begin to re-connect with yourself and heal your life.</p>< p align=”center”> </p>< p align=”center”>Call now for the date of the  next seminar</p>< p align=”center”><strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>.</span></em></strong></p>< p align=”center”><strong>Presented by</strong> <strong>Suzanne Carter</strong>,</p> a licensed psychotherapist with 35 years of experience and specialties in children, families, grief, loss, and trauma.. She is certified by the Grief Recovery Institute to present a program that helps individuals heal from loss so that they can move forward in life. When one finds the courage to deal with a loss rather than stuff it, they are stronger and empowered to step into life in ways they may not have thought possible before the loss.& nbsp;< p align=”center”><strong>720-540-6738   www.unitywholenesscenter.com</strong></p>& nbsp;& nbsp; 138 2013-03-29 21:10:51 2013-03-29 21:10:51 open open heal-your-life-by-dealing-with-your-losses publish 0 0 post 0 Grief Therapy _edit_last 3 Partner exercise to see the TRUE SELF in your Partner and vice versa https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/partner-exercise-to-see-the-true-self-in-your-partner-and-vice-versa/ Fri, 29 Mar 2013 21:17:00 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=142 QUALITIES FOR CLOSENESS< ol> <li>Think of when you really feel or felt love for this person. What quality is apparent?</li>< /ol>& nbsp;& nbsp;< ol> <li>What is the best that flows thru them? What do they do easily and effectively?</li>< /ol>& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;< ol> <li>What made you really love or care for them when you met them?</li>< /ol>& nbsp;& nbsp;< ol> <li>What have others said they admire in this person?</li>< /ol>& nbsp;& nbsp;< ol> <li>What have been the best times and how have they been at that time?</li>< /ol>& nbsp;& nbsp;< ol> <li>When you think about them, what makes you smile?</li>< /ol>& nbsp;& nbsp;< ol> <li>What about them touches your heart?</li>< /ol>& nbsp;& nbsp;< ol> <li> What makes you feel lucky or blessed?</li>< /ol>& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;< ol> <li>Think of examples in which this person did something for you and what quality were they demonstrating</li>< /ol>& nbsp;< ol> <li>Think of examples of things that your partner is better at than you are.</li>< /ol>& nbsp;& nbsp;< ol> <li>On another card, one side titled    ________IS:     and the other side titled ________  SEES ME AS:  write you closeness qualities for you partner on both sides. Hold this up between you when you are speaking in a “negotiation”.</li>< /ol>& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; 142 2013-03-29 21:17:00 2013-03-29 21:17:00 open open partner-exercise-to-see-the-true-self-in-your-partner-and-vice-versa publish 0 0 post 0 Couples Therapy _edit_last 3 Inside an Equine Assisted Therapy session: what can happen with horse as lead https://unitywholenesscenter.com/equine-therapy/inside-an-equine-assisted-therapy-session-what-can-happen-with-horse-as-lead/ Fri, 29 Mar 2013 21:22:35 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=145 Inside  EAP sessions. ( the following names and certain facts have been changed to protect confidentiality)& nbsp; Sharon was referred to Suzanne for an eating disorder.  After 2 sessions, she was able to get a handle on her disorder by learning how to lead the horse with confidence.  She experienced that the horse would only follow her lead when she was connected to herself. She realized that she had been living her life from the “outside-in” in a very co-dependent manner.  She had learned to dis-connect from her own feelings, thoughts, dreams and needs and pay attention to everyone around her but herself.  This made sense in the abusive home she had grown up in but now this “hyper vigilance” and extreme codependence  was killing her and she medicated her inner turmoil with a serious eating disorder.  By learning that she had to connect to her own inner strength and power, she then became a safe person for the horse to follow.  She resumed her acting career within 6 weeks of doing EAP.& nbsp; Henry, a retired executive had recently lost his wife of 40 years to cancer.  He felt his life was over, however his children begged him to try just 3 sessions of EAP.  The horses initially did not want to have anything to do with him.  He received feedback from the horse professional (the 2^nd human in the 3 part EAP team), that the horses seemed afraid of him.  Though, he initially got defensive about this and called  the horses “stupid farm animals”, he came back to session two with some curiosity about how they would “ know about his anger”.  Of course, the therapist and horse professional did not know what  “anger “he was referring to but rather than talk it to death, they asked him to breathe into and own it rather than project it “out there”.  As he did this, one horse came up to him and began nudging him.  Henry started to cry. The session with the horses took on a life of its own.  The humans merely needed to be there to reflect and ask the right questions.  At the end of the session during the “circle up” time to talk about what he learned, Henry talked about how his anger at the world was really a cover up for the deep sense of loss and grief he was experiencing not only stemming from the death of his beloved wife, but also the loss of his career and several other losses he had not dealt with. In session three, Henry chose to three horses to work with that would represent for him, three things he was going to commit to doing to move forward in his life.  One year later, Henry had re-married, he was present at the birth of his first grand-child and he was getting ready to begin a new business with his wife. Henry said the horses “saved his life”. His children agreed.& nbsp; In only one session of EAP, Shannon was able to heal from the loss of her unborn child.  She “magically” picked a horse to work with who also had lost a baby at birth. ( In EAP, we could never set this seeming “magic” choices up even if we tried). When she learned that this horse also had lost her baby, Shannon began crying and could not stop for 15 minutes.  Shannon and Filly, the horse she picked,  just stood together during this time and it was as if, they were doing shared grieving.  Though Shannon has been to talking grief groups, she had never experienced the depth of her pain until she and Filly came together and became “one” for one magic session. 145 2013-03-29 21:22:35 2013-03-29 21:22:35 open open inside-an-equine-assisted-therapy-session-what-can-happen-with-horse-as-lead publish 0 0 post 0 Equine Therapy _edit_last 3 The Break of a Lifetime: What to do when you break your leg(or arm or foot, etc) https://unitywholenesscenter.com/family-therapy/the-break-of-a-lifetime-what-to-do-when-you-break-your-legor-arm-or-foot-etc/ Fri, 29 Mar 2013 21:26:20 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=148 <strong>The Break of a Lifetime</strong> By Suzanne Carter, M.A., L.P.C.< em>Well I guess I needed a Break: Looking for the real meaning behind why you broke your bone, and how to allow the healing time to transform your life.</em> n the first of January, New Year’s Day, 2004, my family and I set out to do one of our most favorite family activities: Hiking in the mountains and taking a picnic along when we found our destination. This was made even more special by the following reasons: We believed that we had finally made it to a stable place in our lives. Instability had been the rule rather than the exception in our lives for the last 7 years. We had successfully navigated our way through many challenges that included job changes, 2 major moves and thus 2 school changes for our son, having to leave 2 private practices because of the moves, the death of my sister and my husband’s sister, several illnesses that go along with stress and all of the other stress factors that occur with so much going on. Our lives appeared to have stabilized because we had just moved to Denver only 3 weeks earlier (Yes, during the Christmas season) and had taken new jobs. My husband had moved to Denver 10 months earlier however and my son and I had stayed in Seattle to sell our wonderful home there. We were finally all together and though we were 65 % unpacked, we felt we were really getting though this stress-filled move. Thus, the fact that we were all together on New Year’s Day made this time extraordinarily special. We had even met about 20 families the night before at a neighborhood New Year’s Eve party and had made plans to go horse-back riding on the following Sunday with some neighbors who were delighted to let us ride their horses. We found the perfect place to picnic and were heading back to our car feeling quite satisfied when a new direction to our journey occurred. My son was running ahead with our Golden retriever. I was following close behind when I noticed the trail had some snow left on it from the storm three days ago. I thought about how cold the temperatures must be here compared to Seattle for snow to still be on the ground three days after a storm. In Seattle, even if the temperatures did get cold enough for the rain to turn to snow, the warmer, rainier conditions returned rapidly and the snow was almost always gone within a day or 2 at the most. As I was thinking about the different climate conditions, I nearly slipped and fell but my wonderful Merrell Hiking shoes saved the day. My son and dog were now far ahead, and I called out to them: “Christopher, Jeremiah, plea ………………………Ahhhh, Oh no, Nat, (my husband), hellllllllllllllllllppppppppppppppppppp mmmmeeeeeeeeee, oh no, what happened………….” My husband came and sat beside me on the I-C-E, I was now laying on. I thought he picked up my ankle, and I said “please don’t hold my leg like that, it hurtssssssssssssssssss”. I noticed he was not touching me. The sensations I felt were the misplaced broken bones in my tibia and also due to the dis-location of my ankle. I was in emotional shock. I could not believe this had happened. After all that we had just been through and had made it. I am a very, very active person who LOVES to exercise and now I have a broken ankle. Again, I could not believe it. Reality began settling in though as I was transported down the hiking trail I had so enthusiastically climbed up just 90 minutes before, on an ATV(all terrain vehicle). Christopher had ran as fast as he could to get help, and several people came to my aid, including an avid hiker who loaned me a coat, a blanket, and some candy, 2 other families, a park ranger, and 4 volunteer fire and rescue people. As I was transported down the trail on the ATV, the sun was shining, the sky was that azure blue that only Colorado can boast of, and I could not walk. Though I tried to remain “cheerful and helpful” to my wonderful family and rescue people, I was devastated and wanted to bury my head and cry. The next 2 days were filled with all kinds of new pains, lots of people checking my blood pressure and doing other vital signs, surgery, and learning to walk on crutches. I had been admitted to the hospital after being in the ER for 6 ½ hours, and was preparing for surgery the very next day. The night I was admitted, I was still in disbelief about how on earth I was going to handle not being able to walk for who knows how long when a miracle occurred. The surgeon, Dr. Stuart Weinerman, (who just happened to be on call that day) who was to perform the surgery came in and spoke in such a confident manner about what was to happen that I literally began my transformation in that moment. I am so grateful that Dr. Weinerman was the doctor on call. I was so vulnerable at this point that it was a miraculous blessing that such a gifted Doctor was going to be my surgeon. He told me I could be walking with one of those “Moon-boots” in about 4 weeks and he believed my ankle would be returned to at least 98% well. He said all he needed from me was my “patience”. In that moment, I saw another miracle occurring. I had been working on being more relaxed, and patient with myself my whole life. This could be, in a sense, an answer to prayer. I could choose to continue to not believe this had happened or I could begin my transformation. The rest of this pamphlet will give a detailed account of how my total healing occurred. If you follow these ideas and then let them stimulate your own ideas, the healing of your broken bone can be a metaphor for total healing or at least the beginning of that process. There are 5 areas for you to work in and you will decide which area comes first for you. This order worked for me but we are all different. ENVIRONMENTAL Set your environment up so everything is convenient for you. This may seem obvious but I did not do a lot of things initially that would have really helped me early on. Bathroom—-I was told at the hospital to put 3 trash bags on my leg and in the shower, find a chair to sit on and to also buy one of those hand-held sprayers. This seemed so complicated and I was also told by many people that no matter how many trash bags I put on my leg, my ankle would still get wet. My husband solved the problem by putting a shelf he had in the garage across the tub. It needs to be big enough to fit across and to overlap the edge but this worked. I was then able to rest my leg on the shelf, and I put a towel on it for extra support. The first time I got in the bathtub, I cried with gratitude for my husband’s creative ideas. After being in the hospital for 2 days and not being able to really even wash my hands or face; this felt like utopia. It is important to have someone help with this bathing ritual, at least initially, but then one can get very creative in making this work for them. My husband put all my shampoos, soaps, etc, where I could reach them. One should also find a place where they will do their daily grooming ritual and put everything they will need in one area. My husband put a chair in front of the bathroom mirror and we used one of those “unpacked boxes” to store my hair-dryer, makeup, dental floss, and any other grooming or toiletries that one uses. We also put a chair by the couch where I would watch television and this always had things I would need that I would normally jump up and get. Some of the things that should be put on this chair are chap-stick, hand lotion, water bottle, phone, TV – Guide and TV – Control. These things should remain there the entire time of healing. Plus, one should arrange an area in the kitchen with chap Stick, lotion, and other things that make it easy to stay in one place to make toast or tea, etc. It is also very important to find the most convenient place for ones purse and appointment book, etc, and to make it o.k. to leave those things there while healing. I left my purse and appointment book by the front door on the floor. I am normally a clutter freak and I want things in their place. This is one area that clutter freaks either learn to let go of or go insane. I learned to let this go, and I was pleasantly surprised to learn that an earthquake would not happen if everything was not in its place.(We had to leave our Christmas tree up until the end of February; this was quite a test to how successful I would be in letting things go). However, I did have to make it clear to my family that it was important for them to help out by putting their own things away. This latter plea was complied with rarely and I did have a few blow-ups over this. PHYSICAL During the first week or two, your body will be getting used to not being able to do what it normally likes to do; for example, exercising, stretching, sleeping in the positions it likes, and so on. During the first couple of weeks, it essential to learn to relax and not try doing things that would impede the healing of the broken bone. The body is amazing in that it can heal, and the main thing that would stand in its way would be the human tendency to not listen to the body and do what the mind thinks it should do. I listened to my Doctor in every way. I asked him questions about what I could or could not do and I followed his directions perfectly. I cannot tell you how many people told me how great a job I was doing in following my Doctor’s advice. I was thoroughly surprised at this. To me, to not follow one’s Doctor’s words is really stupid. Also, during the first few weeks, it is important to do what makes you the most comfortable within the guidelines of the Doctor’s orders. That is, if you feel best on the couch, stay on the couch. If being in bed or sitting on your favorite chair works best, then do that. The more comfortable we can be, the more relaxed we will be, and the more able the body is to be able to heal itself. My Doctor told me I could ride an exercise bike just 2 weeks after the surgery as long as I had my “Moon-Boot” on. I was quite hesitant to do this, almost fearful, but when I did do it, it made me feel wonderful. When one’s life is turned upside down, doing anything that is safe that makes one feel in control is a wonderful thing to do. Plus, the exercise really did make me feel good with all those endorphins being released. Finally, it is very important to eat a healthy diet during the healing phase. For one thing, the body needs good nutrition to continue healing. Check with your Doctor to see if he or she recommends extra calcium or other supplements. I took calcium along with all of the other supplements I take, and I felt as if I were helping my bone heal by taking in the calcium. EMOTIONAL This is a very big area that is often ignored. When I first broke my ankle, I was so upset and I found that I had very few people to share the emotional pain with. That is, most humans think it is necessary to give positive platitudes to someone in pain rather than to just listen and be present to the feelings. When someone is in pain on an emotional level, all they need is for someone to just listen to them first. Usually, when one is listened to, they can come up with their own ideas of how to solve the problem. We humans erroneously believe that we need to solve the problem for those in pain, however, and we usually make the problem worse. My best advice here is to find a caring friend to listen to your feelings as soon as possible. If you can, finding a therapist is a great exercise during the healing phase. During any crisis, one’s feelings tend to be right on the surface and thus, finding a good therapist can be the best way to deal with those feelings. Journaling is also a very important thing to do. When I journaled, I was able to really get in touch with the emotional pain and I was able to be present to my own feelings. In this process, I discovered that I was very mad at myself for falling. That may not make sense but that was what was “UP’ for me on a feeling level. I knew I needed to forgive myself for falling, and in that process, I was able to stop resisting and really relax and cooperate with my body rather than hindering the process. One friend did tell that she was surprised I had not hurt myself sooner because of the fast pace I was living at before the move. Those were truly words of wisdom, and they also helped me forgive myself. Finally, it is o.k. to feel sad. In fact, if one is not feeling sadness, they are probably out of touch with their feelings. When one breaks a bone, sadness, fear and anger are all part of the grief process. And, this is a Grief process. Whenever one has any kind of loss, the natural response is Grief. I would highly recommend the book, The Grief Recovery Handbook by John James and Russell Friedman. Doing the exercises in this book while healing is a fantastic way to capitalize on the extra time one has during this healing crisis, and by using the time wisely for total healing, the crisis becomes an opportunity………………. SOCIAL Now is the time to “cash” in on the times you have helped others out. That is, when someone asks you, “how can I help”, tell them. People want to be helpful, and one of the hardest things for humans to do is ask for help or accept it when it is offered. Further, when someone offers to bring a meal, say something like: “Oh, that would be wonderful!!!”, and leave your response to that. Also, find a friend or 2 who is willing to come over and just be with you. When they come, and they want to bring lunch, you know what to say. (If you forgot -, re-read the above paragraphJ). It is also alright for you to lie on the couch while they sit and just chat. There are some things that you normally would not do that you should do now, like relaxing and just chatting with a friend. If you want coffee or tea, tell your friend how to make it. Intellectual It is important to find things that will stimulate you intellectually during this healing process as well. When able, go to the book store or library (or ask friends to go for you&gt;&gt;&gt;see above paragraphs), and get caught up on reading those books you have always wanted to read. It is very tempting to just watch television during the healing process and this is o.k. some of the time; but also take time to read. This healing time will be a time that you will always remember, and though you want it to go by fast, you will be amazed at how fast it really does go by after you are well. If you found ways to stimulate your mind, you will remember this time as a time that you used to meet all of your needs rather than the need to just distract. Spiritual Finally, this area has to do with connecting with your truest or highest self. Some people will want to meditate daily or do daily prayers but however you do this, it is important to do. This is not about religion. Again, it is about connecting with who you truly are. It can be a time to reflect on your life and where you are and make some decisions about taking steps to make your greatest dreams come true. This can also be a time do self-nurturing and as you connect with your own sense of worth, you can realize how important it is do self-care all of the time and not just when your bone is healing.& nbsp; In conclusion, some say there are no real accidents. I am not going to judge whether this is true or false but I can absolutely say that this time of healing for my ankle also became a time for a deeper emotional healing. This time will be what you make of it. My best advise to you is to “Be present” to yourself in all ways, and miracles will occur as a result of this healing time. If you have any questions or would like to set up a consultation with me, you can reach me 24 hours a day at my voice mail: 720-540-6738. Blessings to you and may you allow this to be a BREAK of a lifetime.< p align=”right”>©2008 Unity Center for Spiritual wholeness</p>& nbsp; 148 2013-03-29 21:26:20 2013-03-29 21:26:20 open open the-break-of-a-lifetime-what-to-do-when-you-break-your-legor-arm-or-foot-etc publish 0 0 post 0 Family Therapy _edit_last 3 Equine Assisted Psychotherapy and your coupleship https://unitywholenesscenter.com/equine-therapy/equine-assisted-psychotherapy-and-your-coupleship/ Sat, 06 Apr 2013 02:13:46 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=150 Suzanne an EAP therapist received a referral from a couple who lived 300 miles away. They had heard that EAP often had miraculous results for couples. The couple had been to so many therapists that they were embarrassed to say how many. The wife said she could not count all of them on her 10 fingers. They drove the 300 miles as a last ditch effort to save their marriage. The wife, Shellie, had been doing some “inner child work” which is a way of getting in touch with emotional issues that begin in childhood. She had been talking to her husband, Chuck, about her “inner child work”, and he thought it was a unique way to be in touch with his feelings. He had grown up in a home where all feelings were taboo. So, Suzanne began the session asking the couple to each pick a horse to represent their inner child and a horse to represent their relationship. They were eager to move through the herd and find these horses. Shellie picked a large Palomino mare and Chuck picked an older gray horse that he said had a “wise look but was actually very sensitive”. Suzanne asked the couple to pick a horse to represent their relationship. They both agreed on an older white mare. (The couple did not know that this horse had been ill with a cough but was healing nicely and had not coughed for over a week). They were asked to take the three horses for a walk. They started out by putting the “relationship horse” in the middle of the other 2 horses. The relationship horse immediately began to cough; Shellie’s horse began to kick out at her and the husband’s horse turned his rump toward Shellie’s horse and was showing signs that he would kick her horse at any second. The Equine Specialist called a time out and asked the couple what they thought was going on. After discussing what they believed was happening, the therapist asked them to consider another way of walking the horses all together and to experiment if necessary. Shellie suggested that they put their individual horses on the outside of them and allow the relationship horse to walk between them. They decided to implement this idea and the couple was amazed at how “ all of a sudden”, they were able to walk around the arena all together. Each adult was tending to their own horse with the relationship horse between them. After they walked around the arena for several times; Suzanne asked them to stop and talk about what was different. This time Chuck spoke up and said he finally understood what this “inner child work was about”. He said “the individual horses as our inner children needed to be taken care of by ourselves; and when we do this, the relationship gets the attention it deserves from the adults”. Long story short, this couple went home the next day and they were able in this brief EAP intervention to understand what each adult needed to do in order to save their marriage: TAKE CARE OF THEIR OWN INNER CHILD OR FEELING NATURE AND LEARN TO BE AN ADULT IN THE MARRIAGE. 150 2013-04-06 02:13:46 2013-04-06 02:13:46 open open equine-assisted-psychotherapy-and-your-coupleship publish 0 0 post 0 Equine Therapy _edit_last 3 Gratitude that you can embody…………….. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/equine-therapy/gratitude-that-you-can-embody/ Thu, 09 May 2013 15:23:50 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=188 It has been a long hard winter; not only for my horse, Harmony, but for me as well.  Harmony lives on a 1000 acre ranch and pastures on 300 acres.  Last Fall, she had been in a herd of 18 horses and it was time for her to move to a different herd because there would be better pasture to forage on in the Fall and early Winter months. Actually, what happened was that her original herd of 18 was cut in 1/2  and the half she was in was to merge with a larger herd.   It was truly amazing to see how these 2 separate groups of horses learned how to live together and become one big herd. ( that will be the topic of the next  blog). However, Harmony was not making friends with the new herd. She had left her best friend behind in  the other herd because her best friend, also a Thoroughbred, needed to stay closer to the barn for extra feedings. So, every time I saw Harmony over the last 3 months, she was always alone.  It is not natural for horses to be alone or to isolate anymore than is it natural for humans to isolate or be alone.  Though humans seem to do this un-natural behvior in such a way that it has become more a way of life for many. But, being alone is not a good thing.  So, last Monday, when I got to the ranch, I not iced that Harmony’s herd was way out; about as far away from the barn as they could be.  I noticed several groupings of horses and I was afraid that I would see Harmony standing all alone. As I walked, I breathed in the nice, cool, clean air.  It had just rained and the scene I was walking in seemed like a live Post Card. I took a  few more deep breaths and was marveling at the lovely purple flowers that were blooming everywhere I walked. I noticed a large group of horses with several bays in it( Bay is the color Harmony is: brownish body with dark mane and tale). I hoped that perhaps Harmony was in the group. To my delight, she looked up at me and started walking toward me.  Beside her was another bay horse.They both came toward me.  Both of them came up to me and to my 2nd delight, Harmony did not put her ears back when her friend also came to me. Often, Harmony does not let any other horse come near me.  My perception is that she does not want to share her human mommy with any other horse. I spent 15 minutes with these 2 bay mares.  When I left, I looked over my shoulder and the two of them walked away together. Gratitude filled my entire being. It was as if I could breathe in and breathe out this feeling. It blessed my entire day. Even after the long hard Winter, Spring is bringing new growth, new hopes, new surprises. And no matter what hardships we may endure, the willingness to walk through t hem will always bring new blessings. Spring will always follow Winter. And, with Spring, comes new growth, new friendships, new blessings. One key is to not isolate; however, Spring will always come and we need only be willing to have the eyes to see the new good and the willingess to accept that we deserve the blessings that are manifesting. This is my experience and this is Harmony’s! 188 2013-05-09 15:23:50 2013-05-09 15:23:50 open open gratitude-that-you-can-embody publish 0 0 post 0 Equine Therapy _edit_last 3 What you can do now about the Oklahoma disaster https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/what-you-can-do-now-about-the-oklahoma-disaster/ Thu, 23 May 2013 14:30:22 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=206 What can you do in the aftermath of the Oklahoma tornado or even after the devastating hurricanes like Sandy or Katrina, or the horrendous fall out from the recent fires from the fertilizer blast in Waco, Texas? There are three things that you can do immediately right now following the tornado or at anytime in the future when there are other nature related or man-made disasters. First and foremost, you can be willing to feel your own feelings about the losses that the survivors face. Often, these types of disasters can help us be in touch with losses that we may have faced but never dealt with. If we are willing to look courageously at what the survivors face, it will often, if not always, bring us to a place of deep empathy because we can somehow relate because the distater reminds us of some loss. Second, find at least one like minded person with whom you can converse with about how you are feeling. Make it a two-sided conversation in which you each take a turn speaking while the other listens. When you are the listener, all you need do is Listen with you heart wide open and your mouth completely closed in love. That is, when you are listener, you do not need to fix, recommend, advise or try to tell the other why they should not be feeling the way they do. Third, take some tiny action to let those around you know that you love them. Make calls! Send Thank you notes! Begin to make amends with someone you are estranged from. Every relational healing begin with one person being willing to be vuleranble and take that first step toward reconciliation. And now for 2 advanced steps: 1. If you have gotten in touch with some unhealed memories from a painful loss, take some action to begin the healing process. See a counselor, minister, trusted friend, etc. 2. The best book out there on healing the past is THE GRIEF RECOVERY HANDBOOK BY John James and Russell Friendman. If you really like their book, call me for 50% off a grief counseling session. and finally, if you are guided to do so, take some direct action to help the survivors of the current loss as well. We can live our lives as if there is no end or we end our lives every day by living as if we are too afraid to be vulnerable. Suzanne Carter, M.A., L.P.C., Unity Minister Licensed Professional Counselor Equine Assisted Psychotherapist Certified Spiritual Intelligence Coach Grief Specialist the best of all: Mother to Christopher, Sunny, Jessie and Harmony 720-540-6738 www.UnityWholenessCenter.com Be the One you have come here to be and you help heal the world by being yourself: It is YOUR only way! 206 2013-05-23 14:30:22 2013-05-23 14:30:22 open open what-you-can-do-now-about-the-oklahoma-disaster publish 0 0 post 0 Uncategorized _edit_last 3 Through the Language of LOVE, healing occurs https://unitywholenesscenter.com/grief-therapy/through-the-language-of-love-healing-occurs/ Sat, 25 May 2013 14:17:13 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=208 As we watch the videos and pictures of the survivors in Moore, OK, it is impossible to not feel deep sadness and for most, deep compassion. On this Memorial Day Weekend, as we give thanks for those who have gone before us to make sure our country is safe, let us also take a moment to send a blessing of love, hope and healing to those in Moore. The Language of LOVE has no boundaries. When we center in our heart center and feel the love that is always there, we can send it forth to our loved ones that have passed and to those in Moore or to anyone else who is dealing with pain that results from disasters. In this very moment, let us gather in love and first connect with an image of one we love deeply right now. Feel the depth of compassion that you have for this dear one. Know the reality of this love is transformative. And, now bring the survivors in Moore to mind. Send them this love from your heart. As we do this, we are helping them to heal. We are helping them to know the reality of love’s abiding presence even through this. In this truth, we are all one and in this oneness, healing and recovery occurs. 208 2013-05-25 14:17:13 2013-05-25 14:17:13 open open through-the-language-of-love-healing-occurs publish 0 0 post 0 Grief Therapy _edit_last 3 Leaders who want their organizations to not only survive but THRIVE! https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/leaders-who-want-their-organizations-to-not-only-survive-but-thrive/ Sun, 26 May 2013 14:19:00 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=213 <div>< strong>Leaders who want their organizations to not only survive </strong>< strong>but thrive in the fast-changing world of business today </strong>< strong>need to develop the wisdom of Deep Intelligence . . .</strong>< strong> </strong>< div>< em><strong>Deep Intelligence                        </strong></em>< /div>< em><strong>The Critical Intelligences for Leadership Success in the 21st Century</strong></em>< em><strong>By Cindy Wigglesworth</strong></em>< em><strong> </strong></em>< /div>< b> </b> The idea that there is more to effective leadership than high IQ is now well accepted. In the past two decades, Daniel Goleman’s groundbreaking research on Emotional Intelligence (EQ) has been widely embraced by the business community. It is no longer uncommon to find leaders being assessed on self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills, as well as more traditional qualities such as technical depth, determination, and vision. As leaders confront today’s increasingly challenging business environment, however, even EQ is not enough to help them survive and thrive. Author and organizational consultant Cindy Wigglesworth, founder of Deep Change, believes that there are four critical intelligences that today’s leaders need to develop. In addition to strong IQ and EQ, she argues, a strong foundation in Physical Intelligence (PQ) and a willingness to dev-elop Spiritual Intelligence (SQ) are needed. When these four come together, she writes, the result is the Deep Intelligence™ that is necessary to lead a transformative org-anization in a fast-changing and unpre-dictable world. In this article, she discusses the unique challenges facing leaders today, offers some background on the idea of multiple intelligences, describes each of the four critical Intelligences (with a particular focus on the less familiar concept of SQ) and discusses the benefits and challenges of developing and measuring these intelligences in a business environment. INTRODUCTION: CHANGE HAS CHANGED At the 2009 World Business Forum in New York City, Gary Hamel, dubbed “the world’s most influential business thinker,” by the <i>Wall Street Journal, </i>told the gathered delegates: “The signature characteristic of our time is the pace of change. After 13.5 billion years of evolution, change went hypercritical in our lifetime. The world is changing faster than companies can become resilient.”<a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_edn1″>[i]</a> For today’s organizations, change is no longer a luxury or something you discuss at an annual strategic planning retreat. It has become a daily challenge. As a recent article in <i>BusinessWeek</i> put it, “There is no more normal. . . . Smart leaders recognize that they can use this crisis as a catalyst to spark new ways of thinking and doing business.”<a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_edn2″>[ii]</a> Cisco CEO John Chambers, one of today’s most innovative and unconventional leaders, told <i>McKinsey Quarterly</i> that, “Where the industry’s going, in every industry, will be about how do you change? How do you get outside your comfort zone? If you don’t move, you will get left behind.”<a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_edn3″>[iii]</a> Change that is to be sustainable cannot be merely surface rearrangements. For most organizations, deep change is required, but as Hamel observes, “deep change is nearly always crisis-led.”<a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_edn4″>[iv]</a> People are “pushed into the icy waters of change by circumstances beyond their control.”<a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_edn5″>[v]</a> It seems to be human nature to resist change as long as possible, and as Chambers points out, it is often the leaders who are the most resistant.<a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_edn6″>[vi]</a> What if we could change that? What if a new breed of leader began to show by example that it’s not necessary for life to push us to the brink of disaster before we are willing to let go of our old ways of doing things and create new ones? And what if the new ways are changes that so clearly serve the stakeholders of the organization that “uptake” is relatively easy and sustainable? I firmly believe that the leaders of the future will be those who develop this capacity. And I have found that the key to leading deep change resides in a set of skills that can be measured and developed: a skill set I call Deep Intelligence. Deep Intelligence brings together some of the more familiar notions of Cognitive Intelligence (IQ) and Emotional Intelligence (EQ) with the often-taken-for-granted but foundational idea of Physical Intelligence (PQ) and the newly emerging field of Spiritual Intelligence (SQ).  Leading Change While the attributes of great leaders have been scrutinized in numerous books, surveys, and articles, what it takes to <i>become</i> a great leader remains something of a mystery to many. In his bestselling book <i>Good to Great, </i>Jim Collins identified what he called “Level 5 Leadership” as a key to greatness,<a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_edn7″>[vii]</a> and described such leaders as surprisingly self-effacing, humble, and able to “channel their ego needs away from themselves and into the larger goal.”<a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_edn8″>[viii]</a> But Collins confesses: “I would love to be able to give you a list of steps for becoming Level 5, but we have no solid research data that would support a credible list. Our research exposed Level 5 as a key component inside the black box of what it takes to shift a <i>company</i> from good to great. Yet inside that black box is yet another black box—namely, the inner development of a person to Level 5. We could speculate on what might be inside that black box, but it would mostly be just that—speculation.”<a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_edn9″>[ix]</a> Duke University’s 2009 Executive Leadership Survey<a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_edn10″>[x]</a> revealed Leadership Development to be the number two challenge facing organizations—exceeded only by the issues of innovation and growth. What is interesting about Collins’ observation is that the qualities he identifies as defining Level 5 are all qualities commonly associated with spiritual attainment. And he is not alone in these observations. So-called “soft skills”—from collaboration to empathy to inclusiveness to inspiration—are scoring high on leadership surveys. This does not mean that aspiring leaders should abandon their MBAs and head for the monastery. Hard business skills and a high IQ are still essential. But it highlights the fact that notions once confined to personal faith and self-improvement are now showing up in the boardroom. And they are here to stay. Bestselling business gurus like Stephen Covey and Peter Senge use the term “spiritual” freely, and there is growing agreement that the inner dimensions of life play a key role in effective leadership and sustainable success. In fact, trend-tracker Patricia Aburdene claimed in her 2005 book <i>Megatrends 2010</i> that “spirituality in business, having quietly blossomed for decades, is an established trend that is about to morph into a megatrend.”<a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_edn11″>[xi]</a> I believe that what all of this tells us is that not only Emotional Intelligence (EQ) but also Spiritual Intelligence (SQ) are becoming increasingly important components of leadership development, together with the other critical intelligences we may be more familiar with. The notion of spiritual intelligence has proven to be an attractive premise for open-minded companies and consultants, including Nokia, Unilever, McKinsey, Shell, Coca-Cola, Hewlett Packard, Merck Pharmaceuticals, Starbucks and the Co-operative Bank. <a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_edn12″>[xii]</a>< table width=”100%” cellspacing=”0″ cellpadding=”0″>< tbody>< tr>< td>< div>< div>< b> </b>< /div>< div>< b> </b> ABOUT THE AUTHOR& nbsp; Cindy Wigglesworth has 31 years of experience in Human Resources and Leadership Development.  She is the founder and President of Deep Change, Inc. and is the creator of the only skills-based business-tested assessment of Spiritual Intelligence. She is a published author, successful public speaker, and a sought after coach and consultant.< /div>< /div></td>< /tr>< /tbody>< /table> The challenge, however, as Collins indicates, is the lack of solid research data and effective measurement tools to shine light inside that “black box,” especially when it comes to SQ. While EQ is now a well-established field with proven methods and assessments, there is very little concrete advice to be found about how to use SQ as an effective tool, and how to measure and develop it. However, as we shall discuss in this article, it is possible to quantify even such seemingly intangible “skills” as those Jim Collins and others have identified, skills that I would categorize as SQ skills. And for leaders of deep change, it is essential. To be effective and inspirational, the great leaders of today and tomorrow will need to focus on developing multiple intelligences simultaneously, and be able to measure and track their progress. Multiple Intelligences: A Brief History The notion of multiple intelligences was first introduced by psychologist Howard Gardner in his 1983 book <i>Frames of Mind. </i>“As human beings, we have many different ways of representing meaning, many kinds of intelligence,”<a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_edn13″>[xiii]</a> writes Gardner<i>.</i> Based on his empirical work with both normal and gifted children and also with brain-damaged patients, he initially identified seven distinct intelligences: linguistic, logical-mathematical, musical, spatial, bodily-kinesthetic, interpersonal, and intrapersonal. In more recent years, he added an eighth, naturalist intelligence, and continues to speculate about a possible ninth, existential intelligence. Much of the ongoing development and debate around Gardner’s theory is centered on education, but the basic idea that we have more than one kind of intelligence has become widely popular—so much so that a flood of recent books have picked up on the notion, from “financial intelligence” to “social intelligence” to “practical intelligence.” The most highly developed area of this field, however, has been Emotional Intelligence. Psychologist Daniel Goleman brought the idea of EQ to a wide audience in his 1995 book of that name, and specifically to the world of business in his 1998 <i>Harvard Business Review </i>article. While dismissed by some in the research community as “pop science,” the model of EQ created by Daniel Goleman and Richard Boyatzis has become the most widely used approach to EQ in the business world. Backing up his ideas (which were unconventional in business at the time) with solid research at nearly 200 global companies, Goleman was able to tell “a persuasive story about the link between a company’s success and the emotional intelligence of its leaders,” and demonstrate that “people can, if they take the right approach, develop their emotional intelligence.”<a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_edn14″>[xiv]</a> Goleman identifies four main Emotional Intelligence constructs: Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Social Awareness, and Relationship Management. The notion of Spiritual Intelligence is less accepted and even harder to pin down than EQ, but it is slowly becoming more mainstream in scientific inquiry and philosophical/psychological discussion. Models for developing and measuring SQ are also increasingly used in corporate settings. It has been identified as a key component of leadership by bestselling business author Stephen Covey. Many people attribute the term to Danah Zohar, who introduced the idea in her book <i>ReWiring the Corporate Brain</i> in 1997, and developed it, together with Ian Marshall, in subsequent books, including <i>SQ: The Ultimate intelligence</i>. Howard Gardner, originator of the theory of <a href=”http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Multiple_intelligences”>multiple intelligences</a>, chose not to include SQ amongst his intelligences due to the challenge of codifying quantifiable scientific <a href=”http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Criteria”>criteria</a>.<a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_edn15″>[xv]</a> Instead, Gardner suggested an “existential intelligence” as viable,<a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_edn16″>[xvi]</a> which subsequent researchers have attempted to connect with spirituality. There is a great deal of disagreement over the measurement of spiritual intelligence. Many suggest that this ability set cannot be measured by traditional means, while others maintain that, like most psychological constructs, some degree of measurement is possible. I believe it is not only possible, but essential, to measure SQ, and most effective to do so as part of an integrated assessment that looks at four key intelligences: Cognitive Intelligence (IQ), Emotional Intelligence (EQ) Spir telligence (PQ). While these four are by no means the only intelligences, they are the ones I have found to be most critical for leaders. Leaders need all four of the primary intelligences, and they need to understand what their interrelationships are. Most importantly, they need to understand the special role of SQ as an <i>integrating intelligence</i><i>—</i>a “capstone” that links and amplifies our rational and emotional capacities. I would concur with author Stephen Covey that “Spiritual intelligence is the central and most fundamental of all the intelligences, because it becomes the source of guidance for the other[s]…”<a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_edn17″>[xvii]</a>& nbsp; The Four Critical Intelligences for Deep Leadership& nbsp; 1. Physical Intelligence While many people take it for granted, Physical Intelligence (PQ) is foundational. I define PQ simply as: “Body awareness and skillful use.” It begins in childhood with mastering simple skills like rolling over, crawling, walking, throwing, and catching a ball. It continues through our lives in terms of how we observe and manage our energy, stamina, sleep patterns, and our overall health as a “corporate athlete.”<a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_edn18″>[xviii]</a> If PQ is not in place, attempts to develop all the other intelligences will be stunted. As Abraham Maslow demonstrated in his Hierarchy of Needs, the lower level (deficiency) needs must be fulfilled before the individual even becomes aware of some of the higher level (being) needs. “A hungry man may willingly surrender his need for self-respect in order to stay alive; but once he
 can feed, shelter, and clothe himself, he becomes likely to seek higher needs.” If a leader is sleep-deprived, he will not have the focus or energy to develop or use cognitive, emotional, or spiritual skills. When we are exhausted, our hormones out of balance, or our blood sugar levels too low, even high IQ, EQ, and SQ people can make mistakes in logic, become inconsiderate, and see things from a narrow self-interested point of view. Corporate athletes need to take excellent care of their bodies. Like the Hierarchy of Needs, the four intelligences can be represented as a pyramid (see diagram below). The base of the pyramid—our PQ—needs to be strong in order to support the “weight” of levels above. When we don’t take care of our bodies, everything else suffers.& nbsp; 2. Cognitive Intelligence IQ, or cognitive intelligence, is the kind of intelligence we are most familiar with, and its development is supported by our education systems. Initially we focus on mathematical and linguistic intelligences, and basic technical skills. For leaders today, I believe the most important aspect of this intelligence is the attainment of a high level of cognitive complexity. This is most easily explained as the ability to consider many perspectives simultaneously, including all stakeholders and the “perspectives” of the group, and the cultural, economic, and other systems in which you and your business are embedded. In psychology this is sometimes referred to as the ability to think “systemically” and “metasystemically.” The ability to perceive the flux and flow of subtle changes in groups and systems is the point at which IQ, EQ, and SQ become interconnected. These intelligences become increasingly interdependent (in other words, you need each of them to develop the others) the more developed and effective you wish to become as a leader.& nbsp; 3. Emotional Intelligence EQ has been defined in numerous ways. Because Deep Intelligence is much more about the practice and application than it is about the theory, I adopt the most well-used and field-tested definition of EQ as developed by Daniel Goleman and Richard Boyatzis. Essentially, EQ relates to our interpersonal skills, founded on emotional self-awareness and empathy and emotional self-management. The 18 skills of EQ are divided into four quadrants. We can summarize these four quadrants as creating the ability to: recognize my own feelings; perceive and even anticipate the feelings of other people; manage my own behaviors and emotions; and manage my relationships well. In every job ever tested, EQ enhanced performance. In one of the more surprising studies, the top 10% of programmers produced 320% more effective code than the average programmers. And the top 1% of programmers produced a boggling 1272% more than average programmers. The difference was assessed as EQ skills related to teamwork: “They don’t compete—they collaborate.”<a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_edn19″>[xix]</a> The difference is stunning in a field where it is generally assumed that interpersonal skills are not needed. I have verified this difference with a software client. Their “best programmer” also had the highest EQ. Apparently writing <i>effective</i> code is very different from just writing code. Effective code works well with other programmers’ code, and it delivers what the customers want. All of this means some EQ skills like empathy, listening well, cooperating with teammates, and maintaining a high customer service orientation are required.& nbsp; 4. Spiritual Intelligence Spiritual intelligence, or SQ, the last, and most challenging of the four intelligences, is my field of specialization. Although I was naturally blessed with a talent for and interest in academic work, EQ came a little more slowly for me. I received the gift of appropriate feedback (yes, that means supervisors had to tell me to work on this) and trained myself in EQ fairly early in the course of my corporate career. At that time, we didn’t have the language of “EQ,” but I knew that my interpersonal skills had to be improved. As I became more graceful interpersonally, I began to discover another skill-set that was impacting my effectiveness as a leader. This additional skill-set seemed even more powerful than the EQ work. I traced the development of these skills back to my own spiritual work—specifically around reducing my attachment to my own egoic needs and focusing more on the greater good of the team, the customers, the company, etcetera. As I shifted my focus, I found that I could see solutions and work with people in creative ways that were not options for me before. Finding the corporate world unreceptive to such notions, I began the process of translating the intangible ideas of spirituality into terms that businesspeople could relate to, and set out to create a rigorously tested, faith-neutral, professional quality instrument for measuring this elusive skill-set. Spiritual intelligence is distinct from spirituality or religion. Spirituality, as I define it, is the innate human need to be connected to something larger than ourselves, something bigger than one’s little ego, one’s little needs. And that innate need exists in all of us. Religion is a set of beliefs and practices, usually based on a sacred text, and a community of practice to support people in their spiritual growth. And all of those things can be <i>reinforcing</i> of spiritual intelligence development, but spiritual intelligence can be developed independent of belief or tradition. Spiritual intelligence is a set of skills we must develop over time, with practice. We are all born as inherently spiritual beings, but we are not born spiritually intelligent. In the same way, we are born with emotions, but we have to develop the skills of emotional intelligence. Created with much consideration, my definition of spiritual intelligence is: “the ability to behave with wisdom and compassion while maintaining inner and outer peace regardless of the situation.” The word “behave” is critical in this definition. If we do not prove it with our behaviors—if SQ doesn’t show up in some exterior way—we are not yet really developed in this arena. Why does this ability to be compassionate, wise, and peaceful matter to a leader? How do the 21 skills of SQ affect the business? I would offer these answers from my own experience:< ul> <li>The reduction in egoic or “small self” perspectives creates a huge increase in innovation for you and your team—and new ideas flourish.</li> <li>The reduced need to defend the old way of doing things makes change much easier.</li> <li>The magnetic attraction of visions generated from this higher perspective of SQ mobilizes people into action. It is energizing and taps into people’s desire for meaning and purpose in their work lives.</li> <li>The vantage point of the higher self provides a less “noisy,” less fearful, less drama-prone way of working. This amplifies your IQ.</li> <li>The calm of a high SQ perspective on problems gives you the energy you need to work on complex problems your business may face. You are not wasting adrenaline on the situation—you focus your energy appropriately and can therefore accomplish more.</li>< /ul> The Challenge of Measurement There is a great deal of disagreement over the measurement of all intelligences, which grows more heated as we go up the pyramid. Most people can agree on basic concepts of PQ, such as a good diet and good sleep patterns—although even that can be debated. IQ measurements tend to be controversial. Yet we depend on some form of testing, however imperfect (such as SAT or ACT college entrance exams) to sort people for minimal qualification. We also look to academic achievement or assessments of technical skills as a way to gauge “sufficient IQ” for a job. There is a much newer extension of IQ, called “cognitive complexity,” which I find most intriguing. This is tricky to measure but can be done via written test and/or interviews to see how someone solves a problem or considers a situation. What does a person consider? What do they fail to consider? The importance of this for leadership is considerable. When it comes to EQ, there are a number of different models, and different measurement instruments to go with them. The most widely used in business are the tools derived from Daniel Goleman’s model. In the newly emerging field of SQ, the territory of measurement is most challenging. Many believe this ability set cannot be measured by traditional means, while others maintain that, like most psychological constructs, some degree of measurement is possible. Due to its varying definitions and models, a number of indicators and measures of spiritual intelligence have been proposed. I have developed the first competency-based Spiritual Intelligence Assessment Instrument, the SQi, which measures 21 skills through a carefully created and tested questionnaire. This self-assessment has undergone statistical analysis of results to determine statistical significance and reliability, a construct validity analysis, and a correlation analysis with another highly respected, validated assessment of adult development. I believe it is a uniquely rigorous assessment of SQ that focuses on behaviors that impact leadership.& nbsp; Bringing Value to Business with a Deep Intelligence DiagnosticÔ At Deep Change, a consultancy dedicated to the development of Deep Intelligence, we believe in customizing what we do for each client. To assist a leader in her development, we would begin with an interview. Based on the person, the role, and the larger context of the business, we would consider which intelligences were most in need of assessment and which could possibly wait. We then select, using our diagnostic process, those assessments most relevant for the client. Typically, there will be at least two online assessments and a questionnaire to complete. Once the data are received, we partner with the client to interpret the results. We bring our depth of expertise and experience, but the client brings her own self-knowledge. Only she can tell us “Why do you see things this way?” or “What did this question mean to you?” After we debrief with the client, we work together to create a list of next steps. The focus is always: “How may we serve you as a leader? What is the business challenge you most need to address? What distinctive results do you hope to achieve?” It is my firm belief that the Deep Intelligence approach fills in the “black box” that Jim Collins described—the missing steps to creating Level 5 Leaders—leaders who can take their business from “good” to “great.”  g< div>& nbsp; Further information:< /div> For more information about Deep Intelligence, please visit the Deep Change website at <a href=”http://www.deepchange.com/”>www.deepchange.com</a> or contact the author at <a href=”mailto:cindy@deepchange.com”>cindy@deepchange.com</a> Notes& nbsp;< div><br clear=”all” />< hr align=”left” size=”1″ width=”33%” />< div>< a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_ednref1″>[i]</a> Gary Hamel quoted in “Time for Management 2.0” by Seth Kahan, <i>Fast Company, </i>Oct. 6, 2009:<i> </i><a href=”http://www.fastcompany.com/blog/seth-kahan/leading-change/hamel-hypercritical-change-points-radical-changes-required-management”>http://www.fastcompany.com/blog/seth-kahan/leading-change/hamel-hypercritical-change-points-radical-changes-required-management</a>< /div>< div>< a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_ednref2″>[ii]</a> Jena McGregor, “Smart Management for Tough Times,” <i>BusinessWeek,</i> March 23, 2009:<a href=”http://www.businessweek.com/magazine/content/09_12/b4124030837359.htm”>http://www.businessweek.com/magazine/content/09_12/b4124030837359.htm</a>< /div>< div>< a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_ednref3″>[iii]</a>  “McKinsey Conversations with Global Leaders: John Chambers of Cisco,” McKinsey Quarterly, July 2009: <a href=”https://www.mckinseyquarterly.com/McKinsey_conversations_with_global_leaders_John_Chambers_of_Cisco_2400″>https://www.mckinseyquarterly.com/McKinsey_conversations_with_global_leaders_John_Chambers_of_Cisco_2400</a>< /div>< div>< a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_ednref4″>[iv]</a> Gary Hamel, <i>The Future of Management </i>(Harvard Business Press, 2007) p.43< /div>< div>< a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_ednref5″>[v]</a> Gary Hamel, “Outrunning Change: The Cliffnotes Version, Part II” on his WSJ blog: <a href=”http://blogs.wsj.com/management/2009/11/13/outrunning-change-the-cliffsnotes-version-part-ii/”>http://blogs.wsj.com/management/2009/11/13/outrunning-change-the-cliffsnotes-version-part-ii/</a>< /div>< div>< a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_ednref6″>[vi]</a> “McKinsey Conversations with Global Leaders: John Chambers of Cisco,” McKinsey Quarterly, July 2009: <a href=”https://www.mckinseyquarterly.com/McKinsey_conversations_with_global_leaders_John_Chambers_of_Cisco_2400″>https://www.mckinseyquarterly.com/McKinsey_conversations_with_global_leaders_John_Chambers_of_Cisco_2400</a>< /div>< div>< a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_ednref7″>[vii]</a> Jim Collins, <i>Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap and Others Don’t</i> (HarperCollins 2004)< /div>< div>< a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_ednref8″>[viii]</a> <i>ibid</i>, p.21< /div>< div>< a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_ednref9″>[ix]</a> <i>ibid</i>, p.37< /div>< div>< a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_ednref10″>[x]</a> The sample consisted of 205 executives from public and private companies drawn from the <i>BusinessWeek</i> C-Level Executives email list. The survey was launched Sept 25, 2008 and closed Oct 19, 2008. The survey was administered online through Qualtrics. <a href=”http://cole.fuqua.duke.edu/Executive%20Leadership%20Survey%20Report.pdf”>http://cole.fuqua.duke.edu/Executive%20Leadership%20Survey%20Report.pdf</a>< /div>< div>< a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_ednref11″>[xi]</a> Aburdene, Patricia, <i>Megatrends 2010, </i>(Hampton Roads, 2005) p. 127< /div>< div>< a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_ednref12″>[xii]</a> Ian Wylie, “Hopelessly Devoted,” The Guardian, Saturday 10 December 2005< /div>< div>< a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_ednref13″>[xiii]</a> <i>The Development and Education of the Mind: the Selected Works of Howard Gardner</i> (Taylor &amp; Francis, 2006) p.227< /div>< div>< a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_ednref14″>[xiv]</a> Goleman, Daniel, “What Makes a Leader?” <i>Harvard Business Review,</i> 1998, reprinted in Best of HBR, 2004.< /div>< div>< a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_ednref15″>[xv]</a> Gardner, Howard, “A Case Against Spiritual Intelligence,” <a href=”http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_International_Journal_for_the_Psychology_of_Religion”>The International Journal for the Psychology of Religion</a>, Volume 10, Issue 1 January 2000, pp. 27-34< /div>< div>< a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_ednref16″>[xvi]</a> Gardner, Howard, <i>Intelligence Reframed: Multiple Intelligences for the 21st Century </i>(Basic Books, 1999) p.53< /div>< div>< a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_ednref17″>[xvii]</a> Covey, Stephen, <i>The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness </i>(Simon and Schuster, 2004, p.53)< /div>< div>< a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_ednref18″>[xviii]</a> Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz, “The Making of a Corporate Athlete,” Harvard Business Review, Jan 2001 <a href=”http://www.peak4.nl/the_making.pdf”>http://www.peak4.nl/the_making.pdf</a>< /div>< div>< a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_ednref19″>[xix]</a> Goleman, Daniel, <i>Working With Emotional Intelligence</i> (Bantam, 1998) p.37.< div>& nbsp;< /div>& nbsp;& nbsp;< /div>< /div> 213 2013-05-26 14:19:00 2013-05-26 14:19:00 open open leaders-who-want-their-organizations-to-not-only-survive-but-thrive publish 0 0 post 0 Couples Therapy Family Therapy _edit_last 3 FREEDOM ISN’T FREE: A POEM FOR THE 4TH OF JULY https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=288 Mon, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=288 <table width=”100%” border=”0″ cellspacing=”5″ cellpadding=”0″ bgcolor=”#ffffff”>< tbody>< tr>< td align=”left” valign=”top” width=”100%”>< table id=”content_LETTER.BLOCK4″ width=”100%” border=”0″ cellspacing=”0″ cellpadding=”5″>< tbody>< tr>< td align=”left”>< div>< p align=”center”><b>No, Freedom Isn’t Free</b></p>< p align=”center”>by CDR Kelly Strong, USCG (Ret). I watched the flag pass by one day. It fluttered in the breeze. A young Marine saluted it, And then he stood at ease. I looked at him in uniform So young, so tall, so proud, With hair cut square and eyes alert He’d stand out in any crowd. I thought how many men like him Had fallen through the years. How many died on foreign soil? How many mothers’ tears? How many pilots’ planes shot down? How many died at sea? How many foxholes were soldiers’ graves? No, freedom isn’t free. I heard the sound of taps one night, When everything was still I listened to the bugler play And felt a sudden chill. I wondered just how many times That taps had meant “Amen,” When a flag had draped a coffin Of a brother or a friend. I thought of all the children, Of the mothers and the wives, Of fathers, sons and husbands With interrupted lives. I thought about a graveyard At the bottom of the sea Of unmarked graves in Arlington. No, freedom isn’t free.</p>< p align=”center”> </p>< p align=”center”> </p>< /div>< div>  </div></td>< /tr>< /tbody>< /table>< /td>< /tr>< tr>< td align=”left” bgcolor=”#f7f7f7″ width=”100%”> </td>< /tr>< /tbody>< /table> 288 2013-07-03 20:20:29 0000-00-00 00:00:00 open open freedom-isnt-free-a-poem-for-the-4th-of-july draft 0 0 post 0 Uncategorized _edit_last 3 https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=357 Mon, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=357 <h1>The Whole Picture, by Harmony, an 1100 pound writer……….</h1>< div>MARCH 29, 2013 BY <a title=”Suzanne” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/author/suzanne/” rel=”author”>SUZANNE</a> <a href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/the-whole-picture-by-harmony-an-1100-pound-writer/#respond”>LEAVE A COMMENT</a> <a href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=121&amp;action=edit”>(EDIT)</a></div>< div>< div>< div>Be Sociable, Share!</div>< /div>< div>< ul> <li id=”Twitter_Counter”><iframe id=”twitter-widget-0″ title=”Twitter Tweet Button” src=”http://platform.twitter.com/widgets/tweet_button.1387492107.html#_=1388255526291&amp;count=horizontal&amp;id=twitter-widget-0&amp;lang=en&amp;original_referer=http%3A%2F%2Funitywholenesscenter.com%2Funcategorized%2Fthe-whole-picture-by-harmony-an-1100-pound-writer%2F&amp;size=m&amp;text=The%20Whole%20Picture%2C%20by%20Harmony%2C%20an%201100%20pound%20writer……….%20-%20http%3A%2F%2Funitywholenesscenter.com%2Funcategorized%2Fthe-whole-picture-by-harmony-an-1100-pound-writer%2F&amp;url=http%3A%2F%2Funitywholenesscenter.com%2Funcategorized%2Fthe-whole-picture-by-harmony-an-1100-pound-writer%2F” height=”240″ width=”320″ frameborder=”0″ scrolling=”no” data-twttr-rendered=”true”></iframe></li> <li id=”Facebook_Counter”><iframe src=”http://www.facebook.com/plugins/like.php?href=https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/the-whole-picture-by-harmony-an-1100-pound-writer/&amp;send=false&amp;layout=button_count&amp;show_faces=false&amp;action=like&amp;colorscheme=light&amp;font” height=”240″ width=”320″ frameborder=”0″ scrolling=”no”></iframe></li> <li id=”Google_p”>< div id=”___plusone_0″><iframe id=”I0_1388255526307″ tabindex=”0″ title=”+1″ name=”I0_1388255526307″ src=”https://apis.google.com/u/0/_/+1/fastbutton?usegapi=1&amp;bsv=o&amp;annotation=bubble&amp;size=medium&amp;hl=en-US&amp;origin=http%3A%2F%2Funitywholenesscenter.com&amp;url=http%3A%2F%2Funitywholenesscenter.com%2Funcategorized%2Fthe-whole-picture-by-harmony-an-1100-pound-writer%2F&amp;gsrc=3p&amp;jsh=m%3B%2F_%2Fscs%2Fapps-static%2F_%2Fjs%2Fk%3Doz.gapi.en.mOLnkRqL9CQ.O%2Fm%3D__features__%2Fam%3DYQ%2Frt%3Dj%2Fd%3D1%2Frs%3DAItRSTNizMrIh2UNxY4aMMpsfjqBeU3fIQ#_methods=onPlusOne%2C_ready%2C_close%2C_open%2C_resizeMe%2C_renderstart%2Concircled%2Cdrefresh%2Cerefresh&amp;id=I0_1388255526307&amp;parent=http%3A%2F%2Funitywholenesscenter.com&amp;pfname=&amp;rpctoken=28488692″ height=”240″ width=”100%” frameborder=”0″ marginwidth=”0″ marginheight=”0″ scrolling=”no” data-gapiattached=”true”></iframe></div></li> <li id=”LinkedIn_Counter”><a id=”li_ui_li_gen_1388255526622_0-link”></a>inShare1</li>< /ul>< /div>< p align=”center”>The Whole Picture</p>< p align=”center”></p>& nbsp;< /div> 357 2013-12-28 18:36:41 0000-00-00 00:00:00 open open draft 0 0 post 0 Uncategorized _edit_last 3 Couples Advanced Skills Workshop https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/couples-advanced-skills-workshop/ Mon, 27 May 2013 23:14:38 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=216 <p align=”center”>RESTORE THE ROMANCE</p>& nbsp;  *Enhance your emotional, physical and spiritual intimacy*   < p align=”center”>*Learn advanced communication and conflict resolution skills that will enable you to talk about anything with your partner, parents, children or anyone in the world*</p>< p align=”center”>*See your partner freshly again. Honor their quirks, gifts and dreams with grace, gratitude and humor*</p>& nbsp;< p align=”center”>This workshop is led by Suzanne Carter, M.A., L.P.C.  Suzanne is a psychotherapist and Unity Minister. She has been studying with world-class relationship experts for  30 plus years . She offers expert skills, caring support and a place to practice these advanced relationship skills.</p>< p align=”center”>She has been called the communication and relationship expert.</p>< p align=”center”> </p>< p align=”center”> Sunday June 16^th</p>< p align=”center”>10:00 a.m. to 5:30 p.m.</p>< p align=”center”>Unity Wholeness Center, 3021 S. University Blvd., 80210</p>< p align=”center”> </p>< p align=”center”>Cost: $150 per couple</p>< p align=”center”>Bring a couple that has not seen this flyer and you both come for $250</p>< p align=”center”>Call for more information or  to register: 720-540-6738</p>< p align=”center”>Limited to 7 couples.</p>< p align=”center”> </p>< p align=”center”>*This workshop is offered  with the belief that every happy, fulfilling relationship is a vehicle of love’s activity and makes a profound difference in the world</p>< p align=”center”>When you learn these advanced communication techniques and can practice them with all of the humans that you know, you become a peace maker.</p>& nbsp;& nbsp;< p align=”center”> </p>< p align=”center”> </p>& nbsp;& nbsp; 216 2013-05-27 23:14:38 2013-05-27 23:14:38 open open couples-advanced-skills-workshop publish 0 0 post 0 Couples Therapy _edit_last 3 SPIRITUAL INTELLIGENCE AND WHY IT MATTERS BY CINDY WIGGLESWORTH OF DEEP CHANGE, INC. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/family-therapy/spiritual-intelligence-and-why-it-matters-by-cindy-wigglesworth-of-deep-change-inc/ Tue, 28 May 2013 21:58:08 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=221 &nbsp;< p align=”center”><b><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”> </span></b></p>< p align=”center”><b><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”> </span></b></p>< p align=”center”><b><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>Spiritual Intelligence and Why It Matters</span></b></p>& nbsp;< p align=”center”><b>by</b></p>< p align=”center”><b>Cindy Wigglesworth</b></p>< p align=”center”><b>President</b></p>< p align=”center”><b>Deep Change, Inc.</b></p>& nbsp;& nbsp;< b>The Field of “Intelligence”</b> In 1905 Alfred Binet and Theodore Simon developed the first modern intelligence test.  Since that time we have been debating what “intelligence” is, where it comes from, and how to develop it.& nbsp; Our “Intelligence Quotient” or “IQ” is generally thought of as our analytical or mathematical intelligence and our linguistic intelligence (think of college entrance exams – verbal and math components).  Initially it was expected that IQ would be a strong predictor of success in careers.  In fact it has turned out to be a weak predictor of success.  IQ appears to be related to <i>minimum standards</i> to enter a given a profession.  Once you have chosen your career, what actually leads to success is far more complicated.& nbsp; Howard Gardner opened the door to discussion of “multiple intelligences” with his book <i>Frames of Mind</i> in 1983.  He listed seven different types of intelligences in that book:< ol> <li>Linguistic</li> <li>Logical-mathematical</li> <li>Musical</li> <li>Bodily-kinesthetic</li> <li>Spatial</li> <li>Interpersonal</li> <li>Intrapersonal</li>< /ol>& nbsp; Gardner’s 6^th and 7^th intelligences would later be combined into the study of “emotional intelligence.”  In his book <i>Intelligence Reframed, </i>1999, Gardner offers that one might add a “philosophical intelligence” which would combine spiritual, moral, emotional, transcendental, cosmic and religious intelligences.< b> </b>< b>A Simple Model of Four Intelligences</b> The simplest model I use describes only four intelligences.  I show them as a pyramid to demonstrate the simplest sequence of development.  I always acknowledge that this is too simple a model.  Yet it is a helpful visual aide.< table width=”100%” cellspacing=”0″ cellpadding=”0″>< tbody>< tr>< td>< div> SQ< /div></td>< /tr>< /tbody>< /table>< table width=”100%” cellspacing=”0″ cellpadding=”0″>< tbody>< tr>< td>< div> EQ< /div></td>< /tr>< /tbody>< /table>< table width=”100%” cellspacing=”0″ cellpadding=”0″>< tbody>< tr>< td>< div> IQ< /div></td>< /tr>< /tbody>< /table>< table width=”100%” cellspacing=”0″ cellpadding=”0″>< tbody>< tr>< td>< div> Physical Intelligence< /div></td>< /tr>< /tbody>< /table>& nbsp; The idea of this model is that as babies we first focus on controlling our bodies.  Then our linguistic and conceptual skills develop (“IQ”)…and are a key focus of our school work.  We do some early development of relationship skills, but for many of us “EQ” or emotional intelligence becomes a focus area only later when we realize we need to improve – usually based on feedback in romantic and work relationships.  “SQ” or spiritual intelligence typically becomes a focus later – as we begin to search for meaning and ask “is this all there is?” < b> </b> SQ and EQ are related to each other.  I believe we need some basics of EQ to even successfully start our spiritual growth.  Some degree of emotional self-awareness and empathy is an important foundation.  Then, as our spiritual growth unfolds, there would be a strengthening of EQ skills – which would further reinforce and assist the growth of SQ skills.& nbsp;< b>Emotional Intelligence</b> Daniel Goleman popularized the phrase “Emotional Intelligence” with the publication of his book by the same title in 1995.  In his book, Goleman cites research at Bell Labs that examined star performers, and tried to determine what distinguished them from more average performers.  It appeared that star performers had significantly stronger relationship skills and personal networks than average performers.  Harvard Business Review published the results of the Bell Labs study in 1993.   Business interest in the study of “Emotional Intelligence” or “EQ” began in earnest.& nbsp; EQ is actually a large collection of skills.  Goleman and Richard Boyatzis have recently grouped these skills into 4 quadrants as shown below<a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_ftn1″>[1]</a>.& nbsp;< p align=”center”> </p>< table border=”1″ cellspacing=”0″ cellpadding=”0″>< tbody>< tr>< td valign=”top” width=”295″>< p align=”center”><b>SELF AWARENESS</b></p>< ul> <li>Emotional self-awareness</li> <li>Accurate self-assessment</li> <li>Self-confidence</li>< /ul>< /td>< td valign=”top” width=”295″>< p align=”center”><b>OTHER AWARENESS</b></p>< ul> <li>Empathy</li> <li>Organizational Awareness</li> <li>Service Orientation</li>< /ul>< /td>< /tr>< tr>< td valign=”top” width=”295″>< p align=”center”><b>SELF MANAGEMENT</b></p>< ul> <li>Emotional Self-Control</li> <li>Transparency  (honest/trustworthy)</li> <li>Adaptability</li> <li>Achievement Orientation</li> <li>Initiative</li> <li>Optimism</li>< /ul>< /td>< td valign=”top” width=”295″>< p align=”center”><b>RELATIONSHIP SKILLS</b></p>< ul> <li>Developing Others</li> <li>Inspirational Leadership</li> <li>Influence</li> <li>Change Catalyst</li> <li>Conflict Management</li> <li>Teamwork &amp; Collaboration</li>< /ul>< /td>< /tr>< /tbody>< /table>& nbsp; The research done by Goleman and Boyatzis shows that Self-Awareness skills must be developed before the others can develop.  This makes sense if you consider Emotional Self-Awareness.  If I don’t know when I am angry how can I have Emotional Self Control?  How can I have Empathy for your anger?  How can I handle conflict appropriately?& nbsp; The research on EQ has left no doubt that these skills are vital for personal and business success.& nbsp;< b>Defining Spirituality and Spiritual Intelligence</b> What is Spirituality?  My definition is that “Spirituality is the innate human need to connect with something larger than ourselves.” & nbsp; But what is this “something larger than ourselves?”  It is something beyond our ego-self or constricted sense of self.  It may be defined as being connected to two components: the vertical and the horizontal.<a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_ftn2″>[2]</a>& nbsp;< ul> <li>Vertical component:  something sacred, divine, or timeless. You may think of this as a Higher Power, Source, Ultimate Consciousness – or any other language the person prefers.  Desiring to be connected to and guided by this Source.</li> <li>Horizontal component:  being of service to our fellow humans and to the planet at large.</li>< /ul>& nbsp; How can we be “Spiritually Intelligent?”   What would a “spiritually intelligent” person look like?< b> </b>< b>Who is a “Spiritual Leader”?</b> I begin many of my workshops by asking people – typically working in teams – two simple questions. & nbsp; 1.  Write down the spiritual leaders/teachers you have admired in your life 2.  List the character traits that caused you to admire these people& nbsp; I have done this now with thousands of people.  What I find both reassuring and fascinating is that the lists look so similar from group to group.  The list typically includes major religious figures from many traditions, global peace activists, local religious leaders, teachers, guidance counselors, family members and spiritual writers.& nbsp; The traits that caused these people to be considered “spiritual leaders” typically includes descriptors such as:  loving, kind, forgiving, peaceful, courageous, honest, generous, persistent, faithful, wise, and inspiring. & nbsp; What the consistency of the responses tells me is that we already have a general perception of what makes someone “spiritually intelligent.”  What we do not yet have is a way of describing Spiritual Intelligence that is faith-neutral and specifically focused on the skills and abilities we are trying to attain when we seek spiritual growth. & nbsp;< b>Defining Spiritual Intelligence:</b> I define Spiritual Intelligence as “the ability to behave with Compassion and Wisdom while maintaining inner and outer peace (equanimity) regardless of the circumstances.”  Compassion and Wisdom together form the manifestation of Love.  “Behave” is important because it focuses on how well we maintain our center, stay calm, and actually treat others with compassion and wisdom.  The statement of “regardless of the circumstances” shows that we can maintain our peaceful center and loving behaviors even under great stress.  This is what we admire in our spiritual leaders.& nbsp; Based on this definition I have created a list of skills that I believe represent the skills of Spiritual Intelligence.  They are:& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;< p align=”center”><b>Spiritual Intelligence (SQ) Skills</b></p>< table border=”1″ cellspacing=”0″ cellpadding=”0″>< tbody>< tr>< td valign=”top” width=”277″>< p align=”center”><b> </b></p>< p align=”center”><b>Higher Self/Ego self Awareness</b></p>< ol> <li>Awareness of own worldview</li> <li>Awareness of life purpose (mission)</li> <li>Awareness of values hierarchy</li> <li>Complexity of inner thought</li> <li>Awareness of Ego self / Higher Self </li>< /ol>< /td>< td valign=”top” width=”313″>< p align=”center”>  <b>Universal Awareness</b></p>< ol> <li>Awareness of interconnectedness of all life</li> <li>Awareness of worldviews of others</li> <li>Breadth of time perception</li> <li>Awareness of limitations/power of human perception</li> <li>Awareness of Spiritual laws</li> <li> Experience of transcendent oneness</li>< /ol>< /td>< /tr>< tr>< td valign=”top” width=”277″>< p align=”center”> <b>Higher Self/Ego self Mastery</b></p>< ol> <li>Commitment to spiritual growth</li> <li>Keeping Higher Self in charge</li> <li>Living your purpose and values</li> <li>Sustaining your faith</li> <li>Seeking guidance from Higher Power or Higher Self</li>< /ol>< /td>< td valign=”top” width=”313″>< p align=”center”><b>Social Mastery / Spiritual Presence</b></p>< ol> <li>A wise and effective spiritual teacher/mentor</li> <li>A wise and effective change agent</li> <li>Makes compassionate and wise decisions</li> <li>A calming, healing presence</li> <li>Being aligned with the ebb and flow of life</li>< /ol>< /td>< /tr>< /tbody>< /table>& nbsp;& nbsp; Each of these skills has been described in my Spiritual Intelligence assessment (the SQi) in five levels of skill proficiency.  Level 0 is implied, and means that the person has not begun to develop that skill.  Level 5 is the highest level we measure with our online self-assessment.  No skill or level is considered “required.”  And even at Level 5 a person is not considered “finished” as there is always room to grow.& nbsp;  Skill 5:  Awareness of Higher Self/ Ego self< table border=”1″ cellspacing=”0″ cellpadding=”0″>< tbody>< tr>< td valign=”top” width=”115″>< p align=”center”>Level 1</p>< /td>< td valign=”top” width=”475″>Can communicate understanding of the nature of Ego self- including its origin and the purpose it serves in spiritual development</td>< /tr>< tr>< td valign=”top” width=”115″>< p align=”center”>2</p>< /td>< td valign=”top” width=”475″>Demonstrates ability to observe personal Ego in operation and comment on what seems to trigger Ego eruptions</td>< /tr>< tr>< td valign=”top” width=”115″>< p align=”center”>3</p>< /td>< td valign=”top” width=”475″>Demonstrates awareness of and ability to periodically “listen to” Higher Self as a separate voice from Ego self</td>< /tr>< tr>< td valign=”top” width=”115″>< p align=”center”>4</p>< /td>< td valign=”top” width=”475″>Hears the voice of Higher Self clearly and understands the “multiple voices” that Ego self can have.  Gives authority to voice of Higher Self in important decisions.</td>< /tr>< tr>< td valign=”top” width=”115″>< p align=”center”>Highest Level 5</p>< /td>< td valign=”top” width=”475″>Higher Self voice is clear and consistent.  Ego self is present and is a joyful advisor to Higher Self.  There is no longer a struggle between the two voices. Rather there is a sense of only “one voice” …the Higher Self (Authentic Self, Spirit) voice</td>< /tr>< /tbody>< /table>& nbsp;& nbsp;< b>What good is the study of SQ?</b> Religious beliefs have often divided our planet and caused war.  My first goal is to create a language that enables us to discuss these concepts without being limited to the language of any one faith tradition.  I hope to create an SQ language – with clear definitions (showing synonyms from many belief systems) -that helps to create understanding among the peoples of our planet.  Based on feedback from about 2000 people who have taken the SQi this language, these skills, synonyms and approach appear to be compatible with all the major belief systems.& nbsp; My second goal is to create a competency-based language that helps people assess where they are and where they want to go in their own spiritual development.  Based on our beta pilot of 549 people it seems clear the SQi assessment instrument does in fact accomplish this second goal.& nbsp; Finally, the development of SQ will not only benefit individuals, it will also benefit their families, communities, and the companies they work for.  My third goal is that the faith-neutral language of competencies will make SQ acceptable for discussion in the workplace…the place where most of us spend most of our time.  This will hopefully lead to support for individual and group SQ growth – creating more meaningful work, improved products and services, and ensuring responsible corporate behavior.  For my clients who have engaged with SQ development, the relevance has been clear.& nbsp; In the end we are alike in our suffering, our hopes and our joys.  We are all striving to reach the same goals:  peace and love.  Perhaps with a more neutral language for SQ we can see our commonality and work together towards getting there. —————————- For further information on the SQi Assessment please go to the Deep Change website at <a href=”http://www.deepchange.com/”>www.deepchange.com</a> or email Cindy at <a href=”mailto:cindy@deepchange.com”>cindy@deepchange.com</a>& nbsp;< div><br clear=”all” />< hr align=”left” size=”1″ width=”33%” />< div>< a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_ftnref1″>[1]</a> Daniel Goleman and Richard Boyatzis, with Hay-McBrer, 2002< /div>< div>< a title=”” href=”https://unitywholenesscenter.com/wp-admin/post-new.php#_ftnref2″>[2]</a> My thanks to the 2003 International Spirit at Work Award Selection Committee for this distinction.< /div>< /div> 221 2013-05-28 21:58:08 2013-05-28 21:58:08 open open spiritual-intelligence-and-why-it-matters-by-cindy-wigglesworth-of-deep-change-inc publish 0 0 post 0 Family Therapy _edit_last 3 RESTORE THE ROMANCE: A WORKSHOP FOR YOUR COUPLESHIP https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/restore-the-romance-a-workshop-for-your-coupleship/ Tue, 28 May 2013 22:01:28 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=224 <p align=”center”>RESTORE THE ROMANCE</p>& nbsp;  *Enhance your emotional, physical and spiritual intimacy*   < p align=”center”>*Learn advanced communication and conflict resolution skills that will enable you to talk about anything with your partner, parents, children or anyone in the world*</p>< p align=”center”>*See your partner freshly again. Honor their quirks, gifts and dreams with grace, gratitude and humor*</p>& nbsp;< p align=”center”>This workshop is led by Suzanne Carter, M.A., L.P.C.  Suzanne is a psychotherapist and Unity Minister. She has been studying with world-class relationship experts for  30 plus years . She offers expert skills, caring support and a place to practice these advanced relationship skills.</p>< p align=”center”>She has been called the communication and relationship expert.</p>< p align=”center”> </p>< p align=”center”> Sunday June 16^th</p>< p align=”center”>10:00 a.m. to 5:30 p.m.</p>< p align=”center”>Unity Wholeness Center, 3021 S. University Blvd., 80210</p>< p align=”center”> </p>< p align=”center”>Cost: $150 per couple</p>< p align=”center”>Bring a couple that has not seen this flyer and you both come for $250</p>< p align=”center”>Call for more information or  to register: 720-540-6738</p>< p align=”center”>Limited to 7 couples.</p>< p align=”center”> </p>< p align=”center”>*This workshop is offered  with the belief that every happy, fulfilling relationship is a vehicle of love’s activity and makes a profound difference in the world</p>< p align=”center”>When you learn these advanced communication techniques and can practice them with all of the humans that you know, you become a peace maker.</p>& nbsp;& nbsp;< p align=”center”> </p>< p align=”center”> </p>& nbsp;& nbsp; 224 2013-05-28 22:01:28 2013-05-28 22:01:28 open open restore-the-romance-a-workshop-for-your-coupleship publish 0 0 post 0 Couples Therapy _edit_last 3 Dr. Dan Siegel on the importance of Relationships https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/dr-dan-siegel-on-the-importance-of-relationships/ Tue, 11 Jun 2013 13:49:18 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=228 The power of presence to create well-being in our relationships, our minds, and our bodies is revealed by science and has important applications in our personal and professional lives. May these coming months be filled with presence within you and between you and others on our precious planet.< div>~ Dan</div> 228 2013-06-11 13:49:18 2013-06-11 13:49:18 open open dr-dan-siegel-on-the-importance-of-relationships publish 0 0 post 0 Couples Therapy _edit_last 3 Terry Real, internationally famous Relationship Theorist on the Power of Relationships https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/terry-real-internationally-famous-relationship-theorist-on-the-power-of-relationships/ Tue, 11 Jun 2013 13:56:06 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=231 Terry Real, author of  THE NEW RULES OF MARRIAGE,  tells us that  relationships** are  the Pearl of Great Price and they have the ability to cure what ails us. I agree with him. He implies that it is not any relationship t hough, the relationship that can heal and restore and bring new levels of peace and JOY to the human race are relationships in which each partner is able to connect to an inner circle of health and learn to communicate from this inner circle of health. See my next blog on how to communicate from this level:  the blog is titled;   THUMPER’S MAMA WAS ONLY PARTIALLY CORRECT! 231 2013-06-11 13:56:06 2013-06-11 13:56:06 open open terry-real-internationally-famous-relationship-theorist-on-the-power-of-relationships publish 0 0 post 0 Couples Therapy _edit_last 3 Thumper’s Mama was only partially correct: YOU CAN SAY ANYTHING AS LONG AS YOU DO IT RELATIONALLY https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/thumpers-mama-was-only-partially-correct-you-can-say-anything-as-long-as-you-do-it-relationally/ Tue, 11 Jun 2013 14:18:05 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=233 Thumper’s Mother, from the Disney movie, Bambi is internationally known for saying:   IF YOU CANT’ SAY ANYTHING NICE, DONT SAY ANYTHING AT ALL.  Though this precious mommy rabbit really was trying to help her son and his friend Bambi, this sentiment alone, has caused problems in every relationship, has led to breakdowns in communication at an international level and has caused world wars. The truth is, if we don’t learn to communicate and start saying the hard stuff, albeit in a relational way, nothing( and I do mean nothing) will get better. Not speaking our truth and saying how we feel and what we pereive is often the beginning of the breakdown in  a relationship.& nbsp; I have had countless clients come into my office and complain about some injustice that someone has done to them and after  I  listen and empathize and they feel heard, I then ask them if they are willing  to speak to the offender about the injustice. In nearly 80% of the cases, the “offendee” is unwilling to speak to the “offender”.  And, often the “offender” does not even know what he or she did that caused so much emotional pain.& nbsp; Scott Peck, author of  A WORLD WAITING TO BE BORN,  talked about creating a new civility in our world.  Basically, this new civility was becoming willing to speak our truth, our perceptions, our feelings, our pain and our gratitude even if the other did not change one iota. The reason we speak is to offer clarity to those around us about who we are and where we stand on any issue. And, we speak with a willingness to also listen. Just this act of civil communication can indeed change our world and it begins with YOU.& nbsp; I have two advanced communication techniques that I teach people that can produce miracles. In my next blog, I will discuss these briefly. 233 2013-06-11 14:18:05 2013-06-11 14:18:05 open open thumpers-mama-was-only-partially-correct-you-can-say-anything-as-long-as-you-do-it-relationally publish 0 0 post 0 Couples Therapy _edit_last 3 I DREAMED OF RAIN BY JAN GARRETT AND J.D.MARTIN https://unitywholenesscenter.com/family-therapy/i-dreamed-of-rain-by-jan-garrett-and-j-d-martin/ Wed, 12 Jun 2013 16:45:15 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=239 PLEASE JOIN ME IN KNOWING THE BEAUTIFUL TRUTHS EXPRESSED IN THIS SONG BY THESE 2 AMAZING ARTISTS.  lET US KNOW IN OUR HEARTS, MINDS AND BEINGS THAT THE ROCKS, THE TREES, THE FLOWERS AND THE TREES AND ALL  CREATURES, WHETHER OF FUR, FIN, FEATHER OR SKIN ARE SURROUNDED AND PROTECTED BY PERFECT LOVE.& nbsp; AND NOW FOR THE SONG: I dreamed of rain and the rains came Soft and easy, sweet and clear I dreamed of rain and the rains came And peace spread over the land ( repeat)& nbsp;& nbsp; I dreamed of summer and the winds changed And the green was easy and the rivers ran clear I dreamed of summer and the winds changed And peace spread over the land& nbsp; And the flowers bloom in the desert and the air is fresh and clear I dreamed of rain and the rains came and peace spread over the land& nbsp; I dreamed of freedom and the moon rose and the way was easy and the path was clear I dreamed of freedom and the moon rose and peace spread over the land& nbsp; And the guardian stars are shining And the night is bright and clear I dreamed of freedom and the moon rose and peace spread over the land& nbsp; I dreamed of Heaven and the earth sang, And the sound was easy and the song was clear I dreamed of Heaven and the earth sang And peace spread over the land& nbsp; And the ancient pain is forgotten and the father’s debts are clear I dreamed of heaven and the earth sang and peace spread over the land& nbsp;  I dreamed of rain and the rains came, soft and easy, sweet and clear& nbsp; I dreamed of rain and the rains came and peace spread over the land& nbsp;& nbsp; I dreamed of rain and the rains came Soft and easy, sweet and clear I dreamed of rain and the rains came And peace spread over the land ( repeat)& nbsp;& nbsp; I dreamed of summer and the winds changed And the green was easy and the rivers ran clear I dreamed of summer and the winds changed And peace spread over the land& nbsp; And the flowers bloom in the desert and the air is fresh and clear I dreamed of rain and the rains came and peace spread over the land& nbsp; I dreamed of freedom and the moon rose and the way was easy and the path was clear I dreamed of freedom and the moon rose and peace spread over the land& nbsp; And the guardian stars are shining And the night is bright and clear I dreamed of freedom and the moon rose and peace spread over the land& nbsp; I dreamed of Heaven and the earth sang, And the sound was easy and the song was clear I dreamed of Heaven and the earth sang And peace spread over the land& nbsp; And the ancient pain is forgotten and the father’s debts are clear I dreamed of heaven and the earth sang and peace spread over the land& nbsp;  I dreamed of rain and the rains came, soft and easy, sweet and clear& nbsp; I dreamed of rain and the rains came and peace spread over the land& nbsp; And the flowers bloom in the desert and the air is fresh and clear I dreamed of rain and the rains came and peace spread over the land& nbsp; I dreamed of rain and the rains came…….and peace spread over the land. I dreamed of rain and the rains came………………..& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; And the flowers bloom in the desert and the air is fresh and clear I dreamed of rain and the rains came and peace spread over the land& nbsp; I dreamed of rain and the rains came…….and peace spread over the land. I dreamed of rain and the rains came………………..& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; 239 2013-06-12 16:45:15 2013-06-12 16:45:15 open open i-dreamed-of-rain-by-jan-garrett-and-j-d-martin publish 0 0 post 0 Family Therapy _edit_last 3 Couple’s Issues in Counseling: Stuckness https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/couples-issues-in-counseling-stuckness/ Thu, 13 Jun 2013 22:54:52 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=245 Lately I have been seeing a lot of couples with the issue of stuckness.  In fact some of them feel so stuck that theyare ready to throw the towel in thinking that their stuckness must be about their partner and all that they need to do is trade the current one in for a new one and  VOILA, they will magically become unstuck. This is dangerous thinking, very dangerous thinking to say the least. The stuckness has to do with both partners and the interactions of their projections onto each other. The projection seem to take on a life of their own and soon the couple is sure that the cause of their misery is because their partner wont do what they want them to or be who they want them to be.  They begin to blame their partner for their feelings of pain, sadness or anger. It is impossible for someone else to “cause” our feelings …………………….Many relationship theorists have discussed this and this is hard to understand.  However, the easiest way to understand this is through this examaple.  If I do something in the park and 10 people are watching me, those 10 people will all have different feelings about it.  If my behavior <span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>caused</span> them to feel this way, they would have similar feelings.  EAch of the 10 people will have a different reaction because each of these 10 people has had a different life coming from different families, played different roles in these families, have had different work experiences, different relationship experiences, etc. etc.& nbsp; So, back to our stuckness in relationships. The only way to get unstuck is to be willing to connect to your deepest truth within you which means connecting to your own feelings, your own history, your own thougths and your own experiences. That is, this process of connecting to your own truth helps you take responsibilty for your perceptions and your feelings and your reactions in the relationship. Then, after this self-examination, one uses advanced communication techniques  to speak their truth in Love to their partner and then be willing to listen to their partner speak back to them in the same way.& nbsp; Finally, It takes courage to do this deep inner processing.  However, when you do, it is amazing how free you feel when you can take 100% responsibilty for  your life…………………that is, you are choosing to no longer be attached to someone else. You are choosing to life your life from the indside out as opposed to being co-dependantly jerked around. When 2 people choose to live like this, the relationship becomes a great harbor in the storm of life, a place of safety, JOY and deep intimacy on all levels. The relationhip becomes a place where each is safe to be in touch with their greatest dreams and the support that comes from this type of connection is like no other on earth.  This is where  “happily ever after” becomes a reality.& nbsp; Please call for a session to learn these advanced communication techniques. I have a Summer special : 50% off your first session and then five more sessions for the price of four. 245 2013-06-13 22:54:52 2013-06-13 22:54:52 open open couples-issues-in-counseling-stuckness publish 0 0 post 0 Couples Therapy _edit_last 3 Grief Therapy: You can move beyond your loss and NOW is the only time to do it https://unitywholenesscenter.com/grief-therapy/grief-therapy-you-can-move-beyond-your-loss-and-now-is-the-only-time-to-do-it/ Mon, 17 Jun 2013 20:28:27 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=272 The first anniversary of 9/11 was close to the death of my beautiful and aptly named sister, Linda. At that time, I got “The Call,” the call we always fear will come and as it came, I realized that at some level, 1 knew it would always come way too early for my sister. “The Call” came as I was doing finishing touches on a 9/11 memorial service I was coordinating at the church where I was a co-minister with my husband. The call informed me that Linda, who had been in the hospital for eight days, had taken a turn for the worse, and it was not known how long she would live. Linda had entered the hospital on 9/3/02, and on that day she began her recovery from alcoholism. I had called her that morning and she told me she was in severe pain because her husband   had left her. In the depth of pain, pain which she told me was so bad, she never knew one could hurt this bad, she turned to alcohol. Alcohol had been her best friend for many years. As do most alcoholics, she learned to deal with the bumps, bruises and tragedies of life by numbing the pain. While in the hospital, she suffered tremendously. I believe that she did work through much of the pain she had experienced in this life so her soul could leave free so she could begin a new adventure in living. While in the hospital, the withdrawal period for her was as bad as any experience of withdrawal, I have ever heard of. It was, of course, so painful to see my own baby sister in this distress. Plus, because of her strength, and her need for independence, she had to have her hands tied down the entire three weeks she was in the hospital, or she would try to leave. A year after her death, I still found myself, at times, not believing she was really gone forever as my sister. I still found myself calling to her as I did at the moment of her death: “Please don’t leave, please come back, please don’t leave, please come back, I need you, I want you, and I want you to know how wonderful you are, you never knew this because of the alcohol”. This phrase had been a mantra for me. But I was able to move through this crisis in such a way, that I am truly more whole and well than before. I still have much pain about her death but I am able to talk about the pain over losing her so early in life (she was only 45); I am able to talk about my sister freely and I know how to deal with this pain when it bubbles up. It comes sometimes in a large way, and sometimes small, much as the waves in the ocean break in small and large patterns. Plus, I have found a way to help others move through times of grief as well. Following my sister’s death, with the exception of two close women friends, I was unable to find anyone to really say anything to me that helped the deep and yet invisible wound Linda’s premature death had left in my being. The problem was that because I had no visible tears or rips in my flesh, no one knew of the pain and deep wounding that I was experiencing in my whole being. I finally called a former therapist in the state of Michigan. (I had moved from Michigan four years before). I thought my extremely gifted therapist would help me process these seeming unbearable feelings. This expectation was wondrously wrong. Paul told me that I needed to secure a copy of the Grief Recovery Handbook, revised edition, by John W. James and Russell Friedman. He advised me to work through the book and as soon as possible to take the Grief Recovery certification training the Grief Recovery Institute offers and begin to help people the world over deal with grief. I did get the book, I worked through it with my husband and two friends, and then I did the training. I have led grief recovery groups and have counseled many people on grief issues. The beauty of this program for me is that I have always said my goal as a therapist is for my clients to heal the blocks that would keep them from making their dreams come true. I have discovered that the blocks for probably 95 percent of all people have to do with grief and recovery issues that were never dealt with. I knew Linda had a lot of grief issues to deal with but, try as I may, I was never able to help her get into recovery. Her desire to stop drinking was there 100 percent but her ability to know how to deal with insurmountable grief, the grief that was underneath and driving her need to drink, was absent. I’m doing all I can to prevent another premature death of a sister, a daughter, a friend, a cousin, a wife, to the grips of addiction. I hope to remove the stigma of addiction, and help the world to know that we all use addictions to medicate the pain we do not know how to deal with that stems from grief and loss. I dedicate my grief work to my sister, Linda, my precious sister whose radiant light went out way too soon. I vow to not let her death be in vain. 272 2013-06-17 20:28:27 2013-06-17 20:28:27 open open grief-therapy-you-can-move-beyond-your-loss-and-now-is-the-only-time-to-do-it publish 0 0 post 0 Grief Therapy _edit_last 3 Why do Grief counseling:”GRIEF IS LOVE”, Albus Dumbledore https://unitywholenesscenter.com/grief-therapy/why-do-grief-counselinggrief-is-love-albus-dumbledore/ Tue, 18 Jun 2013 16:48:50 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=274 There is a very large problem in our society. This problem could be at the root of all other problems.  This problem is that humans have come to the erroneous belief that we dont have the capacity to heal from loss. The problem begins in childhood when we are told by our very caring caregivers when our heart is breaking because our best friend(our dog) passed away  “DONT FEEL BAD, WE WILL GET A NEW DOG TOMORROW”.   This does not make us feel better. It simply tells us that we should not feel our feelings and somehow when your heart is breaking because you lost someone very important that you can simply replace the loss. Since we will die without our caretakers, we know we need to accept this sentiment. Then the next time, we face the loss of our best human friend, we are told by another caring person: “DONT WORRY ABOUT THAT, THERE ARE PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA”.  Once again, we are told to not feel our feelings and to simply replace the loss. This erroneous belief that the way to get beyond a loss is to ignore our feelings and to go out and look for replacements stays with us our entire life unless we realize that this simply does not heal our heart from the loss; it simply pushes the pain deep within our being. The pain stays there and it becomes a magnet to draw to it every feeling that stems from loss. And, the very nature of human experience is Loss.  Nothing is  permanent.  So, if we are living with the belief that we cannot heal from loss; that we can simply push it away( which means within ourselves), each human is carrying around a lot of loss and with the losses, a lot of feelings that have been shoved into the shadow of our being. The losses and the feelings that are part and parcel of the loss enshroud our heart.  With each loss that we dont deal with, our essential vitality diminishes, our light becomes dimmer and soon we are living our lives as if we are already dead.  At least our dreams are dead. Our dreams spring within our heart and if our hearts are enshrouded with pain, we try to avoid the heart because we have developed the erroneous belief that one cannot heal from big loss; that one can only learn to bear it. BUT WAIT, THERE IS ANOTHER WAY! Albus Dumbledore, the headmaster of Hog Warts, the mythical school for young wizards, in the Harry Potter books tells us this:  GRIEF IS LOVE.  So, the more grief, the more love.  Yes, Grief is Love and therefore, grief is of the heart.  So, with great courage, which means Heart Strength, we need to go into the heart  and  unfreeze the grief feelings around our heart. In this process, the feelings are felt, the loss is grieved and we can move forward with a living relationship of the one we lost. When we choose to ignite our courage and deal with the losses, we become stronger and able to discover our dreams that are waiting for us to fulfill.  Now, this may seem like an impossible task. And, in a way it was pretty difficult until John James and Russell Friedman wrote a book called,  THE GRIEF RECOVERY HANDBOOK.  The book outlines how we can identify and heal from all loss. Yes, I said all loss. They also started  The Grief Recovery Insitute in California. I am certified with them as a Grief Recovery Handbook. Please call me and I will help you identify your next steps in unfreezing your heart. What you will discover will be wonderful. What you will discover is YOURSELF. And, having had the courage to take this journey into our hearts and heal, we have even more love to give to the world and to ourselves. I guarantee this.< div> For more information on this type of therapy, please see my blog dated June 17, 2013. The title, Grief  Therapy, You can move beyond your loss.</div>< div> </div>< div> </div> 274 2013-06-18 16:48:50 2013-06-18 16:48:50 open open why-do-grief-counselinggrief-is-love-albus-dumbledore publish 0 0 post 0 Grief Therapy _edit_last 3 The Real You shines through! https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/the-real-you-shines-through/ Wed, 19 Jun 2013 19:09:58 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=279 <div>The other day I received some feedback that perhaps I should change the photo on my webite banner because the picture  of the horse is pretty large and the feedback was :  “What do horses have to do with people coming to see you as a therapist?”.  I gave my web-designer this information.</div>< div> </div>< div>He said:  “IF PEOPLE DON’T LIKE HORSES, THEY WONT LIKE YOU SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL STICK WITH WHAT IS TRUE(YOUR INNER TRUTH).</div>< div> </div>< div> I really like this response.  It rang true for me on all levels. My love of the horse and all 4-leggeds does reflect a lot about me.</div>< div> </div>< div>However,  one of the main reasons I use Equine Assisted Psychotherapy(EAP) as a methodology for helping my clients is that Horses never lie.  So,  working with a horse helps a person uncover what may be standing in the way of the expression of their true self.</div>< div> </div>< div>It is truly amazing how this works and yet it makes perfect sense when you understand the nature of Equine  Assisted Psychotherapy( see my blog , EQUINE ASSISTED THERAPY MAKES MY SOUL SING DATED 3/29/13   to read more about EAP).</div>< div> </div>< div>I would also like to give a shout out to my web designer.  It is a blessing to be working with someone who indeed seeks to know my true self.  This is the best way my web-site could reflect who I am.</div>< div> </div>< div>In closing, in all the work I do with clients, my main goal is to help my client get in touch with their truest and most authentic self. When one does this, they are able to connect with their own gifts, their own insights and understand what their true path is, not what someone else may be telling them is their path.</div>< div> </div>< div>At this time of year, we celebrate graduations. One of the best gifts a parent could give their child is to support the child’s desires about where they go to college or what major they want to pursue.  So many parents think they know best about their child’s future and they highjack their childs future by telling the child that since they are paying for college, they get to choose or at least heavily influence what direction the child should go in.</div>< div>If parents could see that this does nothing but cause chaos and confusion, I think they might stop doing this. It is one thing to offer advise to the child but to seek to  control their future only gives the child the message that they are not capable of making decisions about THEIR life. This is NOT the message that we want to give to our children, not now, not ever!</div>< div> </div>< div> </div>< div>< a><img alt=”” src=”http://presence.mail.aol.com/mailsig/?sn=equinelites” align=”absMiddle” border=”0″ /></a> </div>< div>< div id=”AOLMsgPart_1_94e63126-8381-472f-8842-e0568fc84edb”>< div>< blockquote>< div>< div> </div>< /div></blockquote>< /div>< /div>< /div> 279 2013-06-19 19:09:58 2013-06-19 19:09:58 open open the-real-you-shines-through publish 0 0 post 0 Childrens Therapy Equine Therapy Family Therapy Uncategorized _edit_last 3 ALLOWING YOUR LIFE TO CONTAIN YOUR PAIN: the essence of Grief Therapy. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/allowing-your-life-to-contain-your-pain-the-essence-of-grief-therapy/ Fri, 21 Jun 2013 14:33:24 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=283  On this first day of Summer I want to draw your attention to a book by Mark Nepo. The book,  THE BOOK OF AWAKENING, is my favorite book. If I could only have one book, this book would be enough. It is a book of daily readings that combine Spirituality and Psychology in such a way that Nepo’s work can actually help you move through challenges in such a way that you will be more whole and healed just by reading his daily readings. In his reading from yesterday, he spoke about how we can allow our pain, emotional or physical to consume us if we are not conscious.  He finishes the reading by saying:  ” ………..for the first time, I felt in my soul that I was larger than my pain. this empowered me………………..so many times in our despair, we see our pain as something that will never end. In fact, this often  defines our moments of despair:  when we believe that our pain contains the rest of us. In contrast, there is this sense of peace to work toward: the belief that our life contains our pain”. Dear friends, his words say it all. I invite you to think on this today, and then I invite you to schedule an appt by phone or in person so that I can help you begin to release your pain into the fullness of who you are. Tomorrow:  more words from Nepo about how the unseen but very tangible presence of the Divine is with us always and when we are willing to let go into this unseen presence, we are able to SEE and be SEEN. 283 2013-06-21 14:33:24 2013-06-21 14:33:24 open open allowing-your-life-to-contain-your-pain-the-essence-of-grief-therapy publish 0 0 post 0 Couples Therapy Grief Therapy _edit_last 3 Spiritual intelligence: Your new leadership tool as written by Amy Levin-Epstein https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/spiritual-intelligence-your-new-leadership-tool-as-written-by-amy-levin-epstein/ Tue, 25 Jun 2013 01:45:30 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=285 By : Amy Levin-Epstein / MoneyWatch/ June 11, 2013, 11:52 AM< b>Spiritual intelligence: Your new leadership tool</b> (MoneyWatch) If you’re a follower of leadership trends, you’ve probably heard of the term “emotional intelligence,” but it’s less likely your familiar with “spiritual intelligence” or “spiritual IQ” (SQ)? This is the focus of a new book, “<a href=”http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/1590792351″>SQ 21: The Twenty-One Skills of Spiritual Intelligence</a>,” authored by Cindy Wigglesworth, a corporate consultant who worked for almost two decades at ExxonMobil before forming her own company in 2000. During her early years at Exxon, she was given feedback on improving her interpersonal skills. After that, through training, reading and even therapy, she realized the value in what she now sees as SQ, and in putting it to use, she became more adept at handling tough projects as she climbed the company’s human resources ladder. “I was aware of being more of a midwife of a process that had its own intelligence than a composer or conductor at the front of the room ‘making people play their parts,’ ” recalls Wigglesworth. Recently, I spoke to her about how we can all improve our own SQ, and become better leaders as a result.< b>CBS MoneyWatch: What exactly is spiritual intelligence?</b>< b>Cindy Wigglesworth:</b> Leaders need four intelligences to optimize their personal and organizational performance: IQ, emotional intelligence (good interpersonal skills), physical intelligence (taking care of the body so it can support all the other intelligences) and spiritual intelligence. Spiritual intelligence is the ability to behave with wisdom and compassion while maintaining inner and outer peace, regardless of the situation. In simple terms it is the ability to shift from the perspective of our ego-activated self and see and act from our higher self, our higher or nobler nature.< b>MW:</b> How does improving SQ make us better leaders?< b>CW:</b> We can take the perspective of the various peoples and groups we are interacting with. By seeing their perspective from the inside out, we make wiser and more compassionate decisions. The benefit is that we are more likely to find solutions that work in the longer term. Ego, on the other hand, tends to be defensive and self-focused. It creates more tension and suboptimizes solutions.< b>MW: </b>Why is SQ so important right now?< b>CW: </b>With each decade of the last 100-plus years, the world has become more complex and more interdependent. Making decisions that consider just my own financial compensation (e.g., getting the biggest bonus we can) or just the shareholders’ (maximizing profit) gets you suboptimal results in the long term. Some CEOs and executives may get short-term gains and then hit the road, taking their large bonuses with them. But as companies get more sophisticated boards and shareholders, the focus will have to shift to holding a longer-term view that preserves the equity value of the company, the long-term earning potential of the company and — crucially — does not destroy relationships with other stakeholders.< b>MW: </b>How can we all work on SQ in our everyday work lives?< b>CW: </b>I ask people to identify the spiritual leaders they admire (to define what they mean by “spiritual leader”). Then I ask that they list the characteristics they admire. I explain that the reason they admire these people and their traits is that it is an aspect of themselves, their higher self or nobler self, calling them forward to live into those traits. You may not want to be Nelson Mandela or Gandhi — but perhaps you can be more like them? Insert a mental pause into your reactions and take a slow belly breath (or several). Then consider what would my higher self do now?< b>MW:</b> If you’re interviewing someone for a job, how can you tell if they have strong SQ?< b>CW: </b>I would ask them to share a difficult situation they dealt with or a story about a difficult person. You would have to ask both for what they did and why they did it. SQ includes complexity of thought (multiple perspectives held simultaneously), a mature calmness and an ability to see from another person’s point of view. I would ask them to tell me why the other person was so hard to deal with — what do you think was going on from their point of view? If they show they cannot role-reverse with another’s point of view, it might show a lack of maturity in EQ and SQ. 285 2013-06-25 01:45:30 2013-06-25 01:45:30 open open spiritual-intelligence-your-new-leadership-tool-as-written-by-amy-levin-epstein publish 0 0 post 0 Couples Therapy Family Therapy _edit_last 3 Pop Psychology, Spiritual Asphalt or ONENESS in this NOW MOMENT https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/pop-psychology-spiritual-asphalt-or-oneness-in-this-now-moment/ Thu, 04 Jul 2013 16:28:54 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=292 Lately, I have heard many people who just dabble in Spirituality or who read articles about Psychology speak as if they are suddenly an expert on personal Growth.  Unfortunately for them and everyone around them, this is a dangerous practice. One example of this practice is the way these types of  individuals talk about being here and now in this moment. The dabblers speak as if nothing in the past matters and they dismiss people who have feelings about something in the past.  They put down people whom they have done dismissive or unconscious acts around as if the one who was in the line of fire of their unconscious acts is less “spiritually aware”, or they would let it go and be here in this moment.  They like to freely spout affirmations that sound good but they have no idea what they really mean because they have not done the inner work to truly apply them to themselves. They simply like applying them to others so they can asphalt their own feelings along with the feelings of  the one whom they are spraying the asphalt on.   And, I have seen many true seekers do their own “forgivenenss work” and then continue in a relationship with the unconscious dabbler and this gives the dabbler positive reinforcement that their unconscious act really did not matter. That is, they unsconsciously tell themselves that what they did was alright because, “Hey, all that matters is this moment”. They love handing out the latest “affirmation du jour”, to the one that was “harmed” by their unconsciouness.  They also cover any feelings of guilt they may have with another affirmation for themselves. For example, they may tell themselves:  “well I was doing the best I can, I did not intend to harm that person and after all, EVERYONE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THEMSELVES; IF THEY HAVE PAIN OVER WHAT I DID, THAT IS THEIR PROBLEM………………. I call this technique putting an asphalt of affirmations over something that needs to be looked at, dealt with and healed. If we can summon our courage, we can look at or own behavior and see how we are unconsciously hurting others. And, on the other side of the coin, if we are continually experiencing pain around others, it is our responsibility to tell this person and if they dont stop, we need to look at why we are in relationship with someone who does not really care how their actions are affecting us here and now and in this now moment. If we choose to be present to this NOW MOMENT,  we are then capable of being fully present to ourselves which means we have access to all of our feelings, all of our thoughts, perceptions, history( from which we learn) and much, much more. Some great spiritual warriors call the awareness of this NOW MOMENT  as the ETERNAL NOW.  The reason it is called  the ETERNAL NOW is that  all of the past is fully present and all of the possibilites of the future are as well. In contrast  the <strong><em>”asphalted now”</em></strong> closes our awareness to past and future, leaving us in a small pot-hole on our own spiritual road. When we choose to be in the ETERNAL NOW, we  have access to the pain that our unconscious acts may have stimulated in another. We have access to our own conscience and we are able to make a true apology and ask the other’s forgiveness. And, we have the courage to end relationships with people whom appear to not care about how their actions affect us. So, on this day in which we celebrate Freedom, I invite you to truly free yourself from your own unconsciousness. I invite you to be willing to identify how you may be harming others with unconscious acts and then just “asphalting the pain with affirmation”; or are you in relationship with someone(s) who continually stimulates pain and are you apsphalting your pain so you can say you are in this(or these) relationships; even when these relationship(s) bear no fruit, only waste. Because I feel strongly about this, I am offering an advanced communication workshop on a donation basis. See July 5th for the information.& nbsp; 292 2013-07-04 16:28:54 2013-07-04 16:28:54 open open pop-psychology-spiritual-asphalt-or-oneness-in-this-now-moment publish 0 0 post 0 Couples Therapy Family Therapy Grief Therapy _edit_last 3 Communication within the Community https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/communication-within-the-community/ Wed, 17 Jul 2013 15:14:37 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=295 There is a reason that the words COMMUNITY and COMMUNICATION look so familiar.  The words reflect a desire for humans to come home to themselves and re-unite and commune with one another..& nbsp; Two events that are in the news this week are calling us to do this: Come Home to our true nature and re-connect with those around us.& nbsp; The first event that is upper most in our minds is the first anniversary of the Aurora Shootings in Denver, Colorado.  Everyone who remembers that we are nearing the first anniversary of this tragic event often stops to think where they were when they heard this tragic news.  For some reason, I was awake and turned on the news and there were the first murmurings of it; I was lying on the couch and was in shock.& nbsp; The Second event is of course the reporting that George Zimmerman was found ”not guilty” of any charges in the slaying of Trayvon Martin.  This blog today is not to discuss the rightness or wrongness of either of these events.& nbsp; The purpose of today’s blog is to suggest what we can all do in response to this and to so many other tragedies; tragedies that have the power to knock us down and separate us from one another to an even greater degree than we already are.  Or, these tragedies can, in fact, bring us closer together and perhaps someday if we choose to re-unite with one another, we can stop these types of tragedies from occurring.& nbsp;  To begin, I want to paraphrase what one journalist found on social media right after the George Zimmerman decision was announced. This journalist noticed that many, many young individuals were saying the following in response to the “not guilty” verdict.  < p align=”center”> </p>< p align=”center”>I am not valued.</p>< p align=”center”>I don’t matter</p>< p align=”center”>I am not as important as others in this country</p>< p align=”center”> </p>< p align=”center”> </p> The journalist wisely suggested that the Zimmerman verdict   did not create these feelings of unworthiness or feeling unimportant, however, the case exposed them and these wise individuals on social media have had the courage to express the despair they feel most of the time in their lives. I believe that we must pay attention to these sentiments that young people are expressing. Now is the time to deal with these issues.& nbsp; Further, I wonder if the shooter in the Aurora shootings had been more connected to at least some people in the community; perhaps, at least someone may have been able to let the authorities know about his mental status. Or, perhaps, if he had been more connected to others, perhaps he might have felt safer to seek help.& nbsp; So, what should we do about this state of affairs?  What should we do to remedy this so other tragic shootings do not happen anymore?& nbsp; I believe President Obama may have suggested what we should do and I am rising up to offer some help.& nbsp; President Obama said in a statement on Sunday 7/14/13& nbsp;& nbsp;< p align=”center”>ASK YOURSELF THIS:  ARE WE DOING ALL THAT WE CAN</p>< p align=”center”>TO WIDEN</p>< p align=”center”>THE CIRCLE OF COMPASSION AND UNDERSTANDING</p>< p align=”center”>IN OUR COMMUNITIES?</p>< p align=”center”> </p>& nbsp;& nbsp; As we recall what community and communication mean, we have the next step in what we can and must do if we are ever to stop these senseless tragedies.& nbsp; Communication is defined as:< i>“A process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behaviors……….personal rapport ….a technique for expressing ideas effectively………..”</i>< i> </i> Community is defined as:< i>“A unified body of individuals……a body of persons or nations having a common history, or common social, economic and political interests……..”</i><i></i>& nbsp;& nbsp; In order for a community to exist, we must learn to communicate with one another. In order for communication to happen, we need to be in community with one another.& nbsp; I am leading a free communication workshop on Wednesday September 11^th, 2013. at Unity  of Denver 3021 S. University, Denver 80210& nbsp; In this workshop, you will learn to connect with the Truth of who you are and learn how to speak and listen from this part of you. There will be a free concert at the end of workshop by Lunar Light Parade. They will play songs from their album, RECONNECTION.& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; 295 2013-07-17 15:14:37 2013-07-17 15:14:37 open open communication-within-the-community publish 0 0 post 0 Couples Therapy Family Therapy Grief Therapy _edit_last 3 Babies in the News: Born to Rule, Be Cool or? https://unitywholenesscenter.com/childrens-therapy/babies-in-the-news-born-to-rule-be-cool-or/ Thu, 18 Jul 2013 02:33:50 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=298 BABIES IN THE NEWS: BORN TO RULE, BE COOL OR ??& nbsp; This week there have been stories about three babies in the news. The first baby is the one that will soon be born to the Royals, William and Kate. Princess Kate’s mother said this baby will be born under the astrological sign of Leo and will be born to rule!. When the baby is born, there will be a quick call to the Queen and then a sign will be placed outside the hospital telling the world what the sex of this most important baby is. Then the sign will be paraded all the way to the Palace so all of the “Royal Watchers” will know the sex.& nbsp; The next baby in the news is a young toddler who is the legal son of Danielle Schreiber and Jason Patric. The problem here is that Jason Patric donated his sperm so Danielle could get pregnant and now the 2 adults are in a legal battle over whether Jason should have any rights as a parent. The problem is that Jason wants to be a Dad to young Gus but Danielle is upset that Jason does not want to be her partner so she is doing all that she can to keep Jason from his son. She is drawing upon some earlier conversations in which Jason said he was not ready to be a Dad; this despite the fact that little Gus does in fact call Jason “Da Da”. It seems that Danielle has some legal rights here that are being made more important than the rights of little Gus to have 2 parents that love him. How important are the rights of Children?& nbsp; The third baby in the news is a young baby under the age of 2 known as Duke. He is the son of a couple that is well known to Television audiences. The parent’s names are Bill and Giuliana. This baby was conceived while the mother also had the diagnosis of breast cancer and the mom and baby were in the news a lot about how discovering she was pregnant also brought the breast cancer illness to light.& nbsp; This baby is very much wanted by his parents; however, they have decided to create a television show about them and their baby so the world can get to know little Gus. There was a story in the news about Bill actually towing his baby behind his boat ( he said he made sure he was safe) because he does not want to raise a wimp. He thinks that children are coddled and cared for too much in this day and age and he wants his baby to experience all of life at an early age. Now, I could comment on each story individually but you are invited to google many stories on each baby should you desire.& nbsp; Here is my take on these stories. First, what I take from the Royal Baby’s story is this: All babies deserve to have this much fanfare about their birth. All babies are born to rule: rule themselves and if parenting is done correctly, a baby will grow into an adult who is connected to his or her own truth, knows her needs are important and knows how to meet them. Now certainly I am not suggesting that all babies will have it’s sex paraded around town but I am suggesting that the deep love that would prompt such a display of the birth should be expressed. A baby begins to know it has value and worth by the way the mother and father are able to be fully PRESENT to the baby. A baby knows it’s worth when the parents make their baby’s needs important. As parents do this one thing well, even a new born begins to understand on some level that he or she is important because when he or she is uncomfortable (due to hunger, pain, loneliness, etc) the parent swoops in and meets their needs as well as possible.& nbsp; The second story on Gus, the son of Jason and Danielle reflects the dilemma that so many parents have these days, and again, it about the needs of the baby vs the needs of the parent. Danielle has a need to keep Gus away from Jason because he was not sure about being a parent before Gus was born. First of all, is there any parent that is truly 100% ready to be a parent? Second, the fact that Jason wants to be a father to this child is a true blessing for this baby. I would suggest that what we can understand from this story is this: Parents who have issues that could get in the way of a child’s needs being met must be willing to deal with these issues. The fact that Danielle wants to keep Jason from Gus could cause irreparable harm to this child. I sense that Danielle is feeling rejected by Jason. I would suggest that she get some counseling around this so that her son has the opportunity to be fully loved by the child’s dad. We parents must be willing to make the sacrifices we can so that our children grow up to be healthy and well adjusted on all levels. The benefit of having 2 parents that love a child cannot be minimized.& nbsp; The last story got my attention because of what Bill, the dad said about justifying “HIS NEED” to place his baby in terrifying experiences. This will not keep little Duke from being a so-called Wimp. This type of scenario could create conditions that will lead to Duke developing an anxiety disorder. A baby would not enjoy being towed behind a boat. Perhaps, this child may not have been harmed by this because the child clearly would not know what is happening. However, if the father would continue to place the baby in situations that would create fear in a child and then tell the child to not have fear because “only wimps are scared”, will definitely create some type of fear issues in the child. In this day and age, we need to be willing to be in touch with our fear because there are dangerous things in the world.& nbsp; If we as parents can teach our children to be mindful of the fear; then we can also teach our child what to do when scared. Typically, if a child or adult is willing to notice their fear and still remain calm, they can access a deeper wisdom that can tell them what to do in the face of danger or perceived danger. Teaching a child to ignore their fear is a great way to create a full blown anxiety disorder. In sum, my blog today is to suggest that as we choose to parent our children in such a way that we are fully present to the individual needs of our children, we will be parenting our children to grow up to be healthy adults that are aware of their needs, how to meet them and how they can take action to meet these needs. 298 2013-07-18 02:33:50 2013-07-18 02:33:50 open open babies-in-the-news-born-to-rule-be-cool-or publish 0 0 post 0 Childrens Therapy Couples Therapy Family Therapy _edit_last 3 Anger Management by Russell Friedman, Grief Recovery Institute https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/anger-management-by-russell-friedman/ Tue, 23 Jul 2013 16:27:08 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=303 &nbsp;& nbsp; Anger Management by Russell Friedman of the Grief Recvoery Institute ← Previous Post Next Post → Anger Management and Unresolved Grief: The Connection1June 26th, 2013, by Russell Friedman+ 12Why would we want to manage anger? Managing anger, rather than completing the source or cause of the anger, implies that we would keep our anger stored up and tucked away for use at a later date. When we hold onto anger that way, it turns into resentment. One of the consequences of taking actions based on accumulated resentments is to create even larger problems than we had before we took those misguided actions. And the ultimate result of acting on accumulated resentments is to destroy relationships, whether romantic, familial, or social. Anger Has A Purpose, But Anger Management Can Be Self-Defeating We know it’s unrealistic to think that we should never get angry. Anger has a purpose, even though we don’t always recognize what that purpose might be when we’re riled up. But accumulating anger has no benefits, and when we act on the resentments we carry around, bad things can and do happen. We have no doubt that a primary cause of the build-up of anger is our failure to complete what has happened, and that is usually in great part because of our inability to forgive people who we perceive to have harmed us. Unresolved Grief And Anger Management—The Connection Unresolved grief leaves anger incomplete, which in-turn becomes frozen as a resentment. The primary goal of effective grief recovery is to help people discover and complete what was left emotionally unfinished for them in their relationships with people who have died, or people from whom they’re divorced or estranged. In taking the actions of grief recovery, it’s not uncommon to uncover [and then complete] a well-spring of things within our relationships that made us angry, and which we may have bottled up and turned into permanent resentments. We believe it’s much more effective to become emotionally complete with what has caused us to be angry and generate ongoing resentments, than to constantly re-cycle the anger and suffer the consequences, which manifest in damage to all our relationships 303 2013-07-23 16:27:08 2013-07-23 16:27:08 open open anger-management-by-russell-friedman publish 0 0 post 0 Uncategorized _edit_last 3 Healthy Relationships: THE PEARL OF GREAT PRICE https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/healthy-relationships-the-pearl-of-great-price/ Mon, 12 Aug 2013 17:33:53 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=307 Relationships Terry Real, Internationally famous Relationship theorist and author of THE NEW RULES OF MARRIAGE, tells us that relationships are the “Pearl of Great Price”.  Further, most of the songs that are written are about relationships.  However, many of the songs are about relationships that have gone bad. The bible speaks about the importance of relationships when we are told to “love our neighbor as ourselves.” So, if they are so important, why have we humans with the highest level of consciousness on earth not figured out how to do them well? The answer may lie in projection; that age old term that tells us that we often project painful or unidentified issues within ourselves onto others, thereby, not having to own that the issue or pain is about ourselves. When we project our issues onto others, we then begin to see that person with these issues, and then we see the other AS these issues. For example, if I am out of touch with my own anger, I will project this on to others and then see them as an angry person; and then I will begin to change my behavior around them. They will experience my adapted behavior and then will change their behavior as well. Soon, we are caught in a web of illusion where no one is really being their true self and no one is speaking their own Truth. Wars are fought because of this illusion. Children are abused because of this illusion. We miss the opportunity to experience, as Terry Real claims, that “relationships are the Pearl of Great Price”, because of this illusion. The solution to all of this is simple; it may not be easy to implement but is, nevertheless, simple. The solution is the willingness to connect to oneself, to connect with our entire being, including the pain and the JOY. The truth is if we are willing to identify and heal our own issues, we then can connect with our truest and most authentic self and in this inner connection, we can stop the Projecting of our issues onto others. We can identify and deal with them which is the only place they can be dealt with anyway.  We then are ready and able to be a clear channel in the world, speaking and acting from our authentic self and having good relationships with everyone who is willing to do the same. And, if we are trying to connect with someone who is at that time, unwilling or unable to connect from their truest self, we can accept this and not project anything onto them. We become willing to “love them from a distance”, and still speak our truth and be that clear channel of truth no matter what is happening outside of us. Mark Nepo, in his book, THE BOOK OF AWAKENING( page187, the June 5^th reading), gives us three steps to begin to experience the PEARL OF GREAT PRICE. These steps loosely paraphrased and used with a significant other:< ol> <li>Appreciate one another’s willingness to be open and vulnerable.</li> <li>Be willing to keep the channel of vulnerability wide open.</li> <li>Making a promise to the other that if misunderstanding or conflicts arise( which they always will) that they are shared with the other directly with the commitment to not let these misunderstandings or conflicts build.</li>< /ol> I do my best to follow these steps as often as I am aware of the. A beautiful example of the fruit from this commitment happened to me the other day with my horse. (Yes, we can experience this depth of connection or the Pearl of Great Price with all of creation). I was working with my horse in a round pen near the 300 acre pasture she is spending the summer in with 20 other horses. I released her to go re-connect with her herd. She looked around and then walked off fast. I heard her “neighing” and figured she would sense where her herd was and take off at a run. I was walking back to my car and suddenly, I heard her doing more neighing and I turned around and she was standing at the fence with a “panicked look” in her eyes. I realized that she could not find her herd. So, I slipped under the fence and without haltering her at all, she and I walked together, up and over a ridge, down a hill and we found her herd at a little creek. The walk to find her herd took about 15 minutes and as I said, she walked with me unhaltered to find her group. As soon as she saw her family group, she walked slowly to re-connect. The beautiful part of this story for me is that she came back to me when she was in distress. My perception is that she trusts me and she knew I would help her. Then, she walked with me quite close, until we found her equine family. I think I am experiencing the Pearl of Great price with her and if we can experience this with a 1000 pound animal that does not speak in words; can you imagine what we can experience with humans? There is no limit.& nbsp;& nbsp; 307 2013-08-12 17:33:53 2013-08-12 17:33:53 open open healthy-relationships-the-pearl-of-great-price publish 0 0 post 0 Couples Therapy Equine Therapy Family Therapy _edit_last 3 Empathy or Compassion, Cindy Wigglesworth Deep Change,Inc.cindy@deepchange.com https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/empathy-vs-compassion/ Mon, 19 Aug 2013 01:22:42 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=310 When is Empathy too much of a good thing? When is it a spiritual seduction? Why is Compassion different? Spiritual Intelligence (SQ), is about behaving with wisdom and compassion, while maintaining inner and outer peace (equanimity). There is, fortunately, a lot of recent study of empathy in the world of psychology and social sciences. This is fantastic – as empathy seems to be a requirement for moral behavior*. Yet little of the research talks about the distinction between empathy and compassion. I find this distinction embodies the difference between good EQ (which requires both forms of Empathy described below) and SQ (which goes up one level from Empathy to Compassion). As background, researchers agree that empathy is made up of at least 2 parts: emotional and cognitive empathy. • Emotional empathy means I “feel with you” – as in your sadness makes me sad. • Cognitive empathy means I can put myself in your shoes and take your perspective Compassion = I feel what you feel, see what you see AND it doesn’t overwhelm my circuits. In a sense, compassion calls upon wisdom to balance empathy and keep perspective and act appropriately. When empathy overwhelms people it is usually the emotional or “feeling with” part that is overwhelming. People who are highly empathic might feel like they can never relax as they are always picking up on someone’s sadness or anxiety. They might not be able to watch the news on TV or the internet or even read the paper. They might lose track of where they are when feeling sad vs. someone else in the room is feeling sad (“Whose feeling is this anyway?!”). They might be easily manipulated by the emotions of others. They might become co-dependent, seeking always to make others happy at great cost to themselves and doing harm (unintentionally) to those they try to help. For all these reasons moving from empathy to the more sophisticated capacity for compassion can be really important. There is another possible issue with too much empathy. Empathy can become a fancier form of ego. In other words, it can become ego masquerading as being “spiritual”. As we mature our circle of concern expands to include people very different to us, people far away whose lives we glimpse on TV or the internet, and to different species. This is a really important step and I don’t want to minimize it. Many people become vegetarian or animal rights activists, social activists or political activists during this time. In a sense our self-preoccupation is easing. Yet in another sense it can become a new form of spiritual self-righteousness. We can feel superior to others who don’t empathize so strongly or suffer like we do over the injustices in the world. We can also do harm. When we can confuse our “self” with these others we try to fix them so that WE can quit suffering. Our focus pretends to be on them but it’s really on us. In our rush to fix can we make things worse in the long run. In such a way we can lose our wisdom. It is interesting as well how we look at what we SHOULD empathize with. Why is feeling empathy for suffering “spiritual” but we don’t take on people’s joy? Is this an elaborate ruse of the ego to act like it cares for others when it’s an expanded form of self-care, an acquisition of superior spiritual status or some form of self-abuse? “If I am miserable all the time, then I must be really spiritual.” I find my ego’s need for specialness fascinating to watch. We can be seduced by the need to be happy all the time (or pretend we are). We can also be seduced by the need to “suffer” as a our badge of being serious spiritual seekers. As you know if you read my book, I don’t demonize the ego. We need it. AND we need it to grow up. And we need our Higher Selves to drive the car of our lives. Higher self can “sniff out” the spiritual games and defense mechanisms of the ego, and help us move past them. So excessive or inappropriate empathy has become one more thing I watch for. I think very good altruistic work can come from emotional empathy. And for me there is a reason why emotional empathy is not the end goal. We need wisdom. And we need equanimity. And added with cognitive and emotional empathy – eventually we might find compassion. When we get to compassion we can: • see people’s joy AND their pain • set good boundaries. We let people own their own problems and grow from that accountability • offer help in ways that are much less likely to do harm • sustain our own energy better From that mixture can come genuinely loving behaviors. What do you think? Your thoughts are welcome! Blessings to all of you… Fondly, Cindy Wigglesworth Deep Change, Inc. cindy@deepchange.com 310 2013-08-19 01:22:42 2013-08-19 01:22:42 open open empathy-vs-compassion publish 0 0 post 0 Couples Therapy Family Therapy Grief Therapy _edit_last 3 “The ONE you are seeking is YOU”. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/one-seeking/ Sat, 21 Sep 2013 12:51:18 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=319 Dear Friends, as we bid good bye to Summer and welcome Fall, I invite you to take 10 minutes today to identify three “gifts” that you  received this Summer. The gifts to which  I am referring may  have been  physical or tangible gifts or maybe they were more  gifts of the heart, mind or spirit. These gifts may have been in one of these forms: Verbal: Did someone say something to you this Summer that blessed you in such a way that you had a brief moment of seeing yourself in a new and positive light. Non-verbal:  Did someone look at you in such a way that you immediately had a heart felt connection and in this connection felt a sense of oneness.& nbsp; Physical Gift: Did someone give you an actual gift that was exactly what you wanted and in being given this gift, you felt more positive about yourself. Physical touch: Did someone give you a dear hug that helped you through a rough day.& nbsp; The gifts may have been in another form as well. Whatever comes to mind will be the right answer in this exercise. Do not over think this. The point is this: I am asking you to begin to understand that the ONE  you are seeking is YOU.  We humans have erroneously been led to believe that the  “longing” we have for the right companion or friend or partner is simply the longing or our truest or highest self longing for us. This is a hard concept to understand. This little exercise is   a way for you to begin to connect with the part of you that is seeking you. The gifts you received touched you right where it most counts:  Within YOU. As we do connect first with this part of ourselves, we are then to connect with all others around us in a new way. The new way does not involve “needing” the other to complete us. This new way involves connecting with another from Wholeness.  In this way, the sum of the 2 individuals is indeed greater than two.& nbsp; Let us welcome Fall today from a place of inner wholeness, in this way, we are adding peace and JOY to our world rather than confusion.& nbsp;& nbsp; 319 2013-09-21 12:51:18 2013-09-21 12:51:18 open open one-seeking publish 0 0 post 0 Couples Therapy Family Therapy _edit_last 3 CHASING YOUR DREAM vs EMBODYING YOUR DREAM https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/chasing-dream-vs-embodying-dream/ Mon, 23 Sep 2013 12:46:15 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=328 CHASING YOUR DREAM vs EMOBODYING YOUR DREAM& nbsp;& nbsp; Recently Diana Nyad swam for over 54 hours swimming from Cuba to Florida through shark and jelly fish infested waters and she walked out of the water victorious! She fulfilled a dream that she said she has been chasing for 35 years. The world is looking at her with awe and wonder. How could a woman whom some said would never complete this at her age be able to finish this and fulfill this lifelong dream? These are some of the things she said about the difficulties: “I did not know truly realize how hard it would be or how much suffering there would be in this”. “The Prosthetics mask did keep the   jellyfish away but it also caused me to   ingest too much salt water”. “The salt water made me vomit nearly the entire swim so I could not eat or drink.” “I was dealing with a crisis continually.” &nbsp; These are some of the positive things she said that kept her going: “I had raw determination.” “I focused on one thing: taking Stroke after stoke and one stroke at a time.” “My motto was: Never ever give up”. “I love the journey.” “My Spirit was soaring and I know you can be vital and are in your prime whenever you say you are.” “My team and my crew enabled me to survive.” “In the past I just had HOPE. I hoped   that the jelly fish would not hurt me even though they are the most deadly creature in the ocean.” “This time I took action and I got a jelly fish expert to help and the expert was with me while swimming. She was diving beside me, protecting me and keeping my spirit up.” “I also had a new protective suit, a specially designed mask and a sting stopper cream.” “My emotions lifted me up above the physical pain.” “I had a new resolve: since I was swimming through the fish’s world, I needed to take better precautions.” “The Gulf Stream was going right through where I was and this was a big plus.” “My attitude was and is: Never give up, we are never too old to fulfill our dream.” “The fulfillment of this dream is always about the team and not about the individual. I could not have done this without my team.” &nbsp; Diana obviously had many more positive statements than negative ones. The positive statements reflect her truest attitudes and this is what I am focusing on in this blog. Diana took on a new attitude which enabled her to fulfill her dream this time despite the odds being against her. By embodying her dream, she became aware of the entire picture. More than just hoping the Jelly fish would not attack her, she found a “Jelly Fish expert.”.  More than just hoping the fish and sharks would not attack, her new attitude was that she was a foreigner in “their” world. Can you imagine how this attitude affected her swim? Rather than just seeing herself as prey for the predators, with an attitude that she was entering their world, one might imagine that she reflecting respect. I could analyze each of her positive statement but for now, I ask you what dream do you have?  How might you embody it today? By embodying the dream today, you might find one step you can take in its fulfillment that you had not thought about before.  Even if the dream is to visit another country and yet you have no idea how this would happen. Rather than just “hoping” you will just wind up there someday, “see” yourself taking the steps necessary to allow it to happen. For example, with travel, get brochures of the country you want to visit. Take 2 minutes every day visualizing yourself traveling there. Soon, you will be there and you will know it happened because you did not just wish or hope but you took actions everyday that enabled you be there.& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; 328 2013-09-23 12:46:15 2013-09-23 12:46:15 open open chasing-dream-vs-embodying-dream publish 0 0 post 0 Couples Therapy _edit_last 3 WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND OR WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU SEE SOMEONE DRIVING ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD AND THEY ARE HEADING YOUR WAY https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/will-never-understand-see-someone-driving-wrong-side-road-heading-way/ Mon, 07 Oct 2013 02:23:52 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=331 BLOG: YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND& nbsp; Recently, a loved one did something that was actually quite hurtful.  What they did caused quite a bit of pain, shock, frustration and wounding. This person has done this before and yet I was still shocked and therefore experienced this as a small trauma. I found myself saying over and over again:  I DON’T UNDERSTAND.  I try to be mindful about my internal reaction to outer things. I am  good at having good enough boundaries so that I don’t “react” to outer experiences before I am able to see how these outer experiences affect me and I ask  “what would be the right  “response” rather a knee jerk reaction”.& nbsp; Though, I did succeed in not reacting, I am still considering what the best response is. In considering this, I have realized that the statement, “I don’t understand”, has not really served me well.  I often try to understand why someone did something so I can just ignore it, condone it or even act as if it is o.k. that they did this. This does not serve me or them.  The correct way to respond to someone, when they do something that has a negative effect is to own our own experience first.  That is, to notice the feelings that are coming up in response to what they did. In this case, I first noticed in my body that I felt as if I had been gut-punched. This was my bodily sensation. I noticed that I was immediately trying to go into my head about this experience and try to understand how on earth they could do this AGAIN! This was my way of trying to not feel the feelings around this experience. When I was willing to notice m feelings, I noticed anger first. This is often what people notice and then they react from this anger. I did not want to react from anger. So, I noticed underneath the anger was deep sadness. The sadness came from being hurt once again by this person and truly wondering how they could do this yet again. I noticed that I kept trying to go to understanding, which as I said, is not the way to go. The way to go is to understand this:  When someone does something that causes pain, at least 80 to 95% of the time, they are not necessarily trying to cause pain, they are acting unconsciously or in a very self centered manner, and they have no clue what effects their behaviors are going to be on those around them If we are willing to UNDERSTAND this, then we will immediately experience some relief from the pain from what they did. The next step after we decide to not take what they did personally is to take care of ourselves. This can be done in a number of ways but the first thing to do is to probably find a trusted friend, or therapist or some other person who will listen from their heart to what happened. Then, you can decide what to do as far as the response. If the person who did the wounding has done this before, you need t o consider whether this is a safe person to be in relationship with.  That is, if this is a never ending pattern, then one may need to decide whether to stay in the relationship. If there is a pattern in which this person continually makes their needs more important than your needs, the relationship is definitely out of balance, and it may be time to end the relationship (gracefully). Or, if this is not possible, it is important to find someone to talk to about setting healthy boundaries with this person so you do not continually get hurt in circumstances like this. Ideally, you would talk to a professional about this because setting boundaries in a healthy way is tricky. Finally, I thought of a great metaphor for dealing with this type of person. In general, when we drive, most people drive on the correct side of the street. In the U.S, that is of course on the right side. If we saw someone clearly driving on the incorrect side of the street, we would immediately get away from this driver. We would get away first and check out WHY they are on the wrong side second. Thus, with dealing with people who are self centered and care more about themselves than others; it is important to first move yourself away from them and then figure out what is going on second after you have had a chance to cool down and talk with a trusted friend. Please call me to set up an appointment if you would like to talk with me about these types of communication issues and how to set boundaries.& nbsp;& nbsp; 331 2013-10-07 02:23:52 2013-10-07 02:23:52 open open will-never-understand-see-someone-driving-wrong-side-road-heading-way publish 0 0 post 0 Couples Therapy Family Therapy _edit_last 3 Horses and PTSD https://unitywholenesscenter.com/childrens-therapy/horses-ptsd/ Mon, 28 Oct 2013 23:36:30 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=339 Mary, a 55 year old woman came to me to see if Equine Assisted Psychotherapy might be able to help her with the debilitating effects of PTSD ( Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). She was dealing with PTSD as a result of having lived through a childhood filled with abuse and neglect. Mary survived her childhood by becoming an over-achiever, always seeking new ways to heal the “hole in her soul” ( her words), that the abuse created. These outer achievements, though they made her look good from the outside, did nothing to heal the real issues that had plagued her for as long as she could remember. Mary used a strategy that many individuals use to survive abusive environments: she “made up” in her young mind that the abuse occurred because there was something wrong with her. As a child, she learned to disconnect from her own thoughts and feelings. She excelled in school. Later in life, she continued to use this strategy of over-achieving and believed that if she could just get the right degree or certification or find the right person to marry, then she would be o.k. After three abusive marriages and a job loss, she had fallen into a place of hopelessness that she did not believe she would ever overcome. This choice to perceive that the abuse occurs because there is something wrong with the child makes sense. It gives the child an illusory sense of control. The thinking goes like this: “IF THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME, THEN I HAVE CONTROL OVER ME. I CAN FIX ME AND THE ABUSE WILL STOP”. Of course, this thinking is false, but it enables the child to at least “survive” their childhood. Mary had been to many therapists, mostly the “talking kind”. As a result, she had great insight into her abusive childhood. However, the talking therapies often cannot take one deep enough into their experience to truly heal. Mary tried EAP. What made EAP so special for Mary is the horse’s sensitivity and willingness to interact with humans. If horses are not in their herd, they are instinctively motivated to pay attention to what the humans are doing in their presence. In EAP, the client and the therapists (human and horse) work with the emotional response evoked by the animal-human interaction. In the first session, Mary was feeling terrified of being so close to 1000 pound animals even though the horses were about 50 feet away from her happily munching their grass. Thus, the entire first session was about helping Mary breathe into her fear, be mindful of it and not to simply run away because she was feeling afraid. The strategy of fleeing when afraid, though it had worked, had kept Mary from being successful, both professionally, personally and relationally. At the end of the first session, Mary was able to approach a 4 year old horse that had been the outcast in the herd. When Mary heard this story, she became compassionate toward this horse. She had felt like an outcast and the compassion she felt actually enabled her to pet this horse on it’s side. The end result was she experienced her courage and she learned a way to also show compassion towards herself when afraid. This is one of the major benefits of EAP: experiencing feelings like fear and then actually doing different behaviors enabling one to translate these skills to real life. EAP helps one experiment with fear in new ways other than to just run away. For example, fear, an appropriate response to a 1000 pound animal, presents an experiential opportunity to learn effective ways to maintain safety, set personal boundaries and be assertive while being mindful of the internal response of fear. During the 2nd session, Mary was able to re-connect with the outcast horse for about 5 minutes. Then another horse came up to her. She immediately began to panic; the horse backed away. I asked her to breathe into her fear. As she did this, she asked me what she should do to keep this horse from hurting her. I explored different ideas with her. She asked me what this horse’s name was and who she was. This question also reflected that she was out of the “lizard”-brain (which tells us to flee, freeze or fight) and into the thinking part of her brain, the neo-cortex or “Wizard”-brain (which gives us options based on whether the threat is perceived or real). I explained that this horse was 30 years old and was a “grand-mother”-type horse that most of the horses loved and protected. This interaction made her cry because it reminded her of her own grandmother who had been the only adult who showed her love and compassion. She immediately went to pet “Maggie”, the older horse. So, again, Mary was able to deal with another experience of fear in a different way. Mary came to 8 more sessions. The last session had her leading a horse that reminded her of herself through a herd of 20 other horses. She came away from this last session knowing that as long as she remains connected to her entire being: her thoughts, feelings, awarenesses and perceptions, she will know what to do in any given moment and therefore keep herself safe. Mary was able to learn that the fear that came up every time she was around other humans was a triggered response that came from her “projecting” her woundedness outside of herself. She learned to do this as a child because a child’s young psyche cannot deal with the mass of human emotions that come up when a child is abused. She had to project these feelings out there just to stay sane. Through, EAP, she was first able to embrace her own fear, anger and sadness and then learn ways to be present to it and find ways to deal with it. As she did, she was creating new behavioral responses when these feelings came up. After 3 months of doing EAP every other week, she felt “new hope”, simply because she learned to be present to herself and then learned new ways of dealing with herself. Heretofore, she had been a hostage to her own psychology because she has projected her worst fears, her debilitating anger and sadness outside of herself which indeed made her a slave to her past. Because of the horses and their emotional honesty, Mary was able to be emotionally honest as well. In conclusion, under the guidance of the EAP therapist, the client experiments with ways to deal with their issues. The way the horse responds directly and clearly to the client’s actions provides instant feedback about what works and what doesn’t’t. What results is a therapy in which the client can immediately experience the benefits of making changes. The insights gained through this work translate into practical life skills. Clients may gain greater self-confidence, improve their creative thinking and problem solving skills, enhance their understanding of personal responsibility and increase self-awareness. 95% of EAP takes place on the ground and should the client get on the horse, it is for a slow, guided walk in one of the last sessions. 339 2013-10-28 23:36:30 2013-10-28 23:36:30 open open horses-ptsd publish 0 0 post 0 Childrens Therapy Couples Therapy Equine Therapy Family Therapy Grief Therapy _edit_last 3 LOAVES AND FISHES, GREENS AND GRAINS OR GRATITUDE https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/loaves-fishes-greens-grains-gratitude/ Wed, 04 Dec 2013 14:18:32 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=346 It was a lovely morning, the day before Thanksgiving, 2013. I had prepared a large container of soaked timothy hay( greens) along with a large amount of  grains for  Harmony, my 14 year old thoroughbred mare. Though the temperature was just in the mid 30s, it did not feel cold at all because of the sun. The horses were pretty far out into their pasture( at least a 1/2 mile) and so my 2 Golden retrievers and I were enjoying our romp through the pasture to retrieve Harmony. The walk was heavenly.  I had started a gratitude practice early that morning and it was certainly not hard to feel deep gratitude for everything in my midst:  the lovely pasture that my wonderful mare gets to live in, our two amazing, darling and well behaved dogs, the perfect behavior of my dogs because of my son’s training, my ability to walk through the pasture quickly and without any hindrances and so much more. Everything came together in such a way that I felt like I was in a live 3 D post card. When Harmony saw me, she looked up and started walking toward me. I was delighted. However, her best friend, a 30 year old thoroughbred mare started following Harmony and this sight started to de-rail my mood of deep gratitude. Harmony and Dodie are truly the best of friends and so of course, Dodie would come along.  I have always been extra loving to Dodie too because she is such a majestic mare who actually used to race.& nbsp; But I noticed that I began having “worried thoughts”:  Thoughts like, “well, I hope Dodie does not come all the way, I don’t want to have to push her away, I don’t know if Dodie should eat what Harmony is eating, I don’t know if there is enough………….”. These thoughts persisted all the way back to my car where the food was. So, I was caught in a dilemma. At first, I did not know what to do. I wondered if I should walk both mares into the corral and then take Harmony’s food to her there. That would be a huge hassle. While I was in my “worried thinking”, I looked at Jessie, one of my guldens. He had a look on his face of pure love. Suddenly, I remembered my mood of gratitude. From this place of gratitude, I noticed in my car that I had a 2nd bowl. I took the 2nd bowl, and scooped some of Harmony’s food into the bowl and set it down in front of Dodie. The two mares were standing beside each other and were eating their food, licking their bowls and looking beautiful. The scene was so inspiring that I had tears of JOY streaming down my face. I was taken back to gratitude and in this awareness, I thought of the parable of the loaves and fishes. The parable in which Jesus blessed the small amount of food he had and was able to feed far more people than the disciples thought he had enough for. That is, when I got out of my worried thinking and back to gratitude, I knew what to do.& nbsp; This scene also reminded me of Thanksgiving and the true meaning of the 4th Thursday of every November.  It seems that most people talk about the meal as if that is the purpose of the day. When people think of Thanksgiving, I hear them talking about how much they will eat. Rarely, do I hear people talking about why we have this day. I know that everyone knows the meaning but it seems that it is not expressed. For this Thanksgiving, I invite us all to do a gratitude exercise with everyone who gathers. A simple exercise is to have everyone write down 3 things ( or 100 things) that they are grateful for  and express these to one another before the big feast.  Or, an even more intimate one, is to have each person write down one thing they are most grateful for about each person gathering. No matter what form the expression of gratitude takes, I imagine if we take a moment and bring gratitude to the forefront, the entire day will turn out differently. Gratitude is a shape shifter. It has the ability to transform any challenging situation into one in which we can see the blessing. It never fails.& nbsp; 346 2013-12-04 14:18:32 2013-12-04 14:18:32 open open loaves-fishes-greens-grains-gratitude publish 0 0 post 0 Couples Therapy Equine Therapy Family Therapy _edit_last 3 What the World needs now: LOVE in measurable compassion https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/world-needs-now-love-measurable-compassion/ Wed, 18 Dec 2013 01:50:53 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=349 &nbsp; “PHYSICAL WOUNDS ARE HARD TO MISS, BUT EMOTIONAL WOUNDS ARE SELDOM VISIB LE. THIS IS WHY THEY MUST BE LOOKED AT AND ACKNOWLEDGED IF WE ARE EVER TO HEAL.”; Mark Nepo, Book of Awakening, 12/17. Mark Nepo gives us a key to the healing of humanity in these 2 sentences. Yes, emotional wounds may seem invisible, yet when a person is willing to look with love and compassion at another when they are sharing their emotional wounding, this very act of compassion is the beginning of the healing of the emotional wound. However, if one is to look with love and compassion at the emotional wounding of another, they must be willing to be vulnerable.  For in looking at another’s emotional wounds, we are also willing to look at our own emotional wounds and this requires great courage.  Great Courage is required because we must open the door to our own unhealed emotional wounds. The opening of this door means we have ignited our courage and are willing to heal so that we can be truly who we are. In this very act of courageous willingness, we are healing one another. We are healing one another as we look with love at another from a place of deep knowing and a willingness to  simply “be present” to their pain. Often all one needs in order to heal these emotional wounds is another willing to open their eyes, heart and soul to the pain of someone in their midst; in this shared bond, the greatest love is created and in this love, we are healed. So, the next time someone courageously shares some pain from a wound, DO NOT GIVE THEM YOUR WISDOM. Do not tell them what they need to do or why they should not feel that way. Instead give them your love in the form of a willingness to be present. In this willingness, you do not need to know what to say. In fact, if you are not sure what to say, simply say: “ I am here with you, and I don’t know what to say but I want to understand your pain, please tell me more.” &nbsp; Yes, Dionne Warwick( singer) and Hal David( lyricist) and Burt Bacharach( composer),  you were right when you created this song from the 60’s, the world does need Love and the world needs it in the form of compassion expressed from the heart and the eyes and not as wisdom from the mouth. We have enough wisdom, we now need the love that is fueled by wisdom but expressed with very little words except:  I am here.& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; 349 2013-12-18 01:50:53 2013-12-18 01:50:53 open open world-needs-now-love-measurable-compassion publish 0 0 post 0 Uncategorized _edit_last 3 If you Believe and have just one more person believing in you, there is nothing that you cannot do: BELIEVE IT! https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/believe-just-one-person-believing-nothing-believe/ Sat, 28 Dec 2013 18:22:35 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=353 <pre><tt><a href=”http://youtu.be/pNeajtcNwJ0″ target=”_blank”>http://youtu.be/pNeajtcNwJ0</a>< /tt></pre>& nbsp;< pre><tt><a href=”http://youtu.be/V18ui3Rtjz4″ target=”_blank”>http://youtu.be/V18ui3Rtjz4</a></tt> As we prepare to leave 2013, I have a question for you? What dream is still on the back burner? What dream have you had for so long that it seems as if it is a cloud, that is simply going to blow on past you? Here is a prescription for you to do before 2013 ends? First, write down one or two dreams that you know must happen. That is, you know this in your heart and mind and soul, despite any and all appearances otherwise. Do all that you can to believe it is possible to make your dream come true.** Then watch the movie, Secretariat. There are two links at the beginning of this article that are clips of Secretariat’s miraculous race to entice you to see the movie. Whether you rent it, buy it or watch it in another way, do this before 2013 ends. Then, go out and find someone whom you know cares about you and tell them this: 1. I have a dream I want to come true in 2013 2. I ask you for your support in this manner: “Do not tell me how to make my dream come true do not tell me it can’t be done, simply BELIEVE IN ME. That is all I ask you to do” 3. Ask this same person if they also have a dream that they want the same support from. Each week, follow your highest guidance every day; taking action on hunches that come to mind. Ideas come to us all of the time. We simply choose to ignore them. Think of ideas that come to you as Divine nudgings that you must take seriously. Your dream will come true in 2014 if you do these things. **If you cannot believe in your dreams, then please plan to come to a Loss workshop I am facilitating in January or February. Your inability to believe in your dream simply reflects some work you must do to clear out this lack of believe in YOUR dream. If YOU cannot believe in your dream, how will it be able to come true?</pre> 353 2013-12-28 18:22:35 2013-12-28 18:22:35 open open believe-just-one-person-believing-nothing-believe publish 0 0 post 0 Childrens Therapy Couples Therapy Equine Therapy Family Therapy Grief Therapy Uncategorized _edit_last 3 THE WHOLE PICTURE: HARMONY https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/whole-picture-harmony/ Sat, 28 Dec 2013 18:37:46 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=358 <p align=”center”>The Whole Picture</p> Hello, my name is Harmony Carter and I am the Equine daughter of Suzanne Carter.  I am an 1100 pound Thoroughbred, grand-daughter of the famous, Secretariat.  Yes!  That is true.  However, I never raced.  Though I was born into a bloodline that created magnificent race horses, my soul mission included something more important than being a horse that humans could watch run.  My human owners wanted me to race but I wound up with a knee injury during my training and so I was to be a brood mare.  However, after breeding 2 champions, I lost a baby at birth and my human owner at the time could not deal with the grief so decided I should move to the Thoroughbred Retirement Foundation.  This was very upsetting to me.  Not only did I lose my 3^rd baby but I felt I was just “discarded” because my owner could not handle the loss and I was moved to another place to live.& nbsp; I am calling this gift, the Whole Picture because the humans in my life failed to look at the whole picture of who I am.  My original owners were sorely disappointed when I could not be a racer and gave me away.  My next owners decided I could only be a brood mare but when a problem occurred, they also gave me away.& nbsp; At the Thoroughbred Retirement Foundation, (known as TRF), they did not know what to do with me and thought, well she is a horse with a famous pedigree; maybe she can become a jumper.  My knee issue came up again, and finally, they began looking at the bigger picture, that is there was something far greater I could do and be rather than just a horse who runs, jumps and makes champions. The whole picture about horses is our amazing ability to understand humans and to almost “psychically” perceive their feelings even when they are out of touch with them.   Horses are here on earth for many more reasons than just to race or be ridden. We are actually very good “therapists”, and finally there is a field emerging that lets us be co-therapists with a human therapist. This field is called, “Equine Assisted Psychotherapy”. (Ask Suzanne for more information about this).& nbsp; At TRF, they decided to let me finally begin fulfilling my true soul passion, that is to help humans become more aware of their feelings and intuition, and I was to become a Therapy horse.& nbsp; This is how Suzanne and I finally got united (or actually, re-united, but that is another story).& nbsp; However, it took the humans at TRF a couple of years to figure this out, and in the mean time I was in deep grief about the loss of my baby and even more about the loss of my human caretaker.& nbsp; The humans did not get the whole picture about horses having grief, however, and they mostly just figured I needed to spend time in a stall.  This was ghastly for me.  I was all alone and left in a tiny room with 4 walls.  I have heard that this is how many humans deal with their own grief and this nearly killed me. However, in my determination to not die of grief, I found a way to help distract me from my pain.  I developed an addiction much like a human will develop an addiction rather than deal with their own painful feelings after a loss. My addiction is called “cribbing” in the horse world. I anchor my teeth on a fence, and then breathe in deeply.  Because of my huge race horse lungs, I get a rush as big as a race horse.  This deep inhalation stimulates endorphins and wham I have a natural high. However, it is a serious addiction.& nbsp; The tragic thing about this addiction, however, is that most humans who see me doing my addiction fail to see the whole picture. They see me cribbing and just tell Suzanne to just give up on helping me heal this serious problem.  However, my human mommy does see the whole picture: She sees me as the ONE I have come her to be and she and I are working together to help me heal this addiction.  One way we heal this is to see humans with problems and as I help them, it enables me to move past this addiction.& nbsp; In closing, perhaps you can see why my gift is called, THE WHOLE PICTURE.   It seems that humans have failed to see all aspects of themselves and all other creatures.  It seems that when someone has a problem, that person is seen as the problem rather than a person with a problem.  So I invite you to be willing to start seeing the Whole Picture.  It begins with a willingness to see with your heart and your mind. One reason I am so good at this is because my Grandpa Secretariat had a HUGE heart. (When he died, they looked at his physical heart and it was one of the biggest horse hearts ever!)  Of course his heart helped him win races, but his “heart-genes” have been passed down to me to use this heart capacity spiritually.  I invite you to start seeing the whole picture today by using your heart to see the truth.& nbsp; 358 2013-12-28 18:37:46 2013-12-28 18:37:46 open open whole-picture-harmony publish 0 0 post 0 Equine Therapy Grief Therapy Uncategorized _edit_last 3 How Grief causes one to not see clearly. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/grief-causes-one-see-clearly/ Tue, 07 Jan 2014 00:52:31 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=369 Complex Grief It is truly tragic what is happening for the young teen that went into the hospital for a tonsillectomy and then due to a heart attack, was later pronounced “brain dead”. Her family has refused to accept this and recently took her out of the hospital, after the family had to fill out an application for a death certificate. At the time of this writing, it is unknown where the young girl will be taken but the point of this article is to address the grief. Grief is the huge mass of emotion emotions that result from any kind of loss. The bigger the loss, the bigger this mass of emotions will be. The loss of a child is, obviously, one of the biggest losses that we humans will experience. In the case of this young teen, other factors that increase the intensity of this loss and therefore the size of this mass of emotions are huge.  For example, the child’s age, the tragedy of the circumstances that caused her death, the fact that it was played out in the media and so much more increase the depth of pain that this family is feeling. Grief is the most mis-understood issue that we humans will ever deal with. People are more likely to talk about death than grief. And, when a huge tragedy causes the acute grief, all other unhealed or undealt with losses will also cause the tragedy to feel even larger than it is. Our society does not know how to deal with loss. Our society teaches us to  put loss, both big and small,  in to the “shadow” of our consciousness. The Shadow is like an inner closet where we put issues, losses, trauma, and woundedness that we don’t know how to deal with because our society teaches us that issues and trauma that bring up a lot of feelings are impossible to deal with. There is a way, however, to deal with these issues. First, if I had a Magic wand, I would buy the book, THE GRIEF RECEOVERY HANDBOOK by John James and Russell Friedman. These 2 authors have written a book that enables people to heal the loss and grief.  When someone is willing to deal with their losses, trauma, woundedness, etc,  they become stronger and are able to reach out into their lives in ways that they would never have done before. Plus, they get in touch with dreams that were put on the “back burner”, because the massive grief covered over the belief that these dreams were possible. The next thing I would do, if I had a magic wand would be to invite all courageous souls who are willing to look at and heal their losses, to my weekend workshop that teaches people how to use the tools from the Grief Recovery Program. I have a weekend program coming up in February and the dates are listed on my website under programs. Web site it< a href=”https://www.unitywholenesscenter.com/”>www.UnityWholenessCenter.com</a> I do hope everyone who reads this will buy The Grief Recovery Handbook and will also buy 1 to 10 copies for family and friends who are also stuck in grief.& nbsp; 369 2014-01-07 00:52:31 2014-01-07 00:52:31 open open grief-causes-one-see-clearly publish 0 0 post 0 Couples Therapy Family Therapy Grief Therapy Uncategorized _edit_last 3 Your Values will determine your experience of Life. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/childrens-therapy/values-will-determine-experience-life/ Tue, 07 Jan 2014 18:34:33 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=371 <div dir=”ltr”></div>< div dir=”ltr”>< div dir=”ltr”><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>By Christopher Brazy,  a father, a husband and  a specialist in  online marketing and communications. </span></div>< div dir=”ltr”></div>< /div>< div dir=”ltr”>A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door. SON: ‘Daddy, may I ask you a question?’ DAD: ‘Yeah sure, what it is?’ replied the man. SON: ‘Daddy, how much do you make an hour?’ DAD: ‘That’s none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?’ the man said angrily. SON: ‘I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?’ DAD: ‘If you must know, I make $50 an hour.’ SON: ‘Oh,’ the little boy replied, with his head down. SON: ‘May I please borrow $25?’ The father was furious, ‘If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I don’t work hard everyday for such childish frivolities.’ The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy’s questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money? After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down and started to think: Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $25.00 and he really didn’t ask for money very often The man went to the door of the little boy’s room and opened the door. ‘Are you asleep, son?’ He asked. ‘No daddy, I’m awake,’ replied the boy. ‘I’ve been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier’ said the man. ‘It’s been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here’s the $25 you asked for.’ The little boy sat straight up, smiling. ‘Oh, thank you daddy!’ he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills. The man saw that the boy already had money and started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father. ‘Why do you want more money if you already have some?’ the father grumbled. ‘Because I didn’t have enough, but now I do,’ the little boy replied. ‘Daddy, I have $50 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.’ The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness. It’s just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $50 worth of your time with someone you love. If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of hours… But the family &amp; friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.</div>< div dir=”ltr”>By Christopher Brazy,  a father, a husband and  a specialist in  online marketing and communications.</div>< div dir=”ltr”></div>< div dir=”ltr”></div>< div dir=”ltr”><a href=”http://www.christopherbrazy.com/” target=”_blank”>www.christopherbrazy.com</a>< div></div>< /div>< div>< div>< blockquote><span style=”color: #6a5acd; font-family: Verdana;”> </span></blockquote>< /div>< /div> 371 2014-01-07 18:34:33 2014-01-07 18:34:33 open open values-will-determine-experience-life publish 0 0 post 0 Childrens Therapy Couples Therapy Family Therapy Grief Therapy _edit_last 3 THERE IS NEVER A TIME WHEN GOD IS NOT WORKING IN YOUR LIFE. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/never-time-god-working-life/ Mon, 13 Jan 2014 16:28:57 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=373 This morning I woke up with this question  in my mind. The question was being asked of me: “WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN GOD IS NOT WORKING IN YOUR LIFE”. And, I answered the question:& nbsp; “There is never a time when God is not working in my life because God is: PURE INTELLIGENCE, PURE LOVE, PURE LIGHT, PURE LIFE AND THIS PRESENCE OF GOD IS WITHIN ME, WITHIN ALL OF CREATION. Well, I must say that the question posed and my answer woke me up with a sense of Gratitude. I have been on a life long journey to find and seek Wholeness within me. I have been seeking to re-connect with my truest self and then to learn how to live from this authentic self. I learned so much in my adventures in Psychology. I have always believed that we must actualize our truest self and my travels through Psychology enabled me to truly see that this is possible. Yet there was always something missing and what was the “how to”. I wondered as I tried and failed to live from my authentic self,  ” How can I truly connect with and then live from my authentic self”? Then, when I found Unity, that is when everything made sense. Unity teaches that the very presence of the Divine is within. Unity’s main teachings tell us that God,  or LIFE or LIGHT or LOVE( it does not matter what you call God or the Divine) is within us.  This presence enables us to connect to and live from our essence. Thus, my early morning experience upon waking let me know that I do understand these truths right now and it is time to live authentically NOW. One definition I have used for God for the last 12 years is this: GOD IS EVERYONE OF US TOGETHER, THE ROCKS, THE SEAS, THE FLOWERS AND THE TREES AND ALL CREATURES WHETHER OF FUR, FIN, FEATHER, SCALES OR SKIN. Because of this, Divine Light guides us, Divine Love transforms us and Divine Life heals and re-vitalizes. All I can say right now is : Thank you God. and I am at peace. I am here to help you truly understand these truths. These teachings are age old teachings that go beyond any particular faith or theology. And, if you are having trouble believing these truths at any level, please call. One of the best ways to understand why we are having trouble with believing these truths is because we have frozen emotions that are keeping us stuck in the past. The best way to defrost these frozen emotions is to look at them and the Grief Recovery Method is the best way, in my opinion. I am facilitating  a workshop that will enable you to master these skills on Feb 15th and 16th. Please look at the next blog for more details.& nbsp; For now, do know this:  THERE IS NEVER A TIME WHEN GOD IS NOT WORKING IN YOUR LIFE. 373 2014-01-13 16:28:57 2014-01-13 16:28:57 open open never-time-god-working-life publish 0 0 post 0 Grief Therapy SPIRITUALITY Uncategorized _edit_last 3 YOUR LIFE IS WAITING AND ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS UNFREEZE THE FROZEN EMOTIONS THAT KEEP YOU STUCK IN THE PAST https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/life-waiting-need-unfreeze-frozen-emotions-keep-stuck-past/ Mon, 13 Jan 2014 16:35:25 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=377 <p align=”center”><b> </b></p>< p align=”center”><b>STUCK?</b></p>< p align=”center”><b> </b></p>< p align=”center”><b>FRUSTRATED THAT  YOU ARE NOT MOVING FORWARD?</b></p>< p align=”center”><b><i><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>Depressed and not sure why??</span></i></b></p>< p align=”center”><b><i><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”> </span></i></b></p>< p align=”center”><b>Have you put a dream on the back burner that is cooking away before you even get to believe in it?</b></p>& nbsp;< p align=”center”><b><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>THE LOOSE ENDS OF FROZEN EMOTIONS MAY BE HOLDING YOU HOSTAGE TO THE PAST!</span></b></p>& nbsp; Part of our human experience is dealing with challenges, disappointment, loss, grief and the emotional energy they generate.< p align=”center”> We have the ability to not only to deal with challenge and loss but to become stronger as a result. We want to be free and just may not know how to deal with this energy. Until, we “make sense of our loss, we cannot grieve the loss” (Dr. Dan Siegle). This workshop</p>< p align=”center”>ENABLES YOU TO MAKE SENSE OF THE LOSS.</p>< p align=”center”>It  empowers you to deal with a life time of losses and then move forward to fulfill your dreams.</p>< ul> <li><b>Thaw the frozen emotions that may be holding you back.</b></li> <li><b>Discover that your dreams can come true.</b></li> <li><b>Recover the ability to feel good and handle feelings and emotional energy.</b></li> <li><b>Be free from losses that you may have been carrying for a very long time.</b></li>< /ul>< p align=”center”><b> </b></p>< p align=”center”>Register now for the</p>< p align=”center”><b><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>GRIEF RECOVERY WORKSHOP  2/15-2/16. </span></b></p>< p align=”center”><b><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”> </span></b></p>< p align=”center”> Suzanne Carter, L.P.C. has been conducting this workshop for 12 years.  A great many people have gone through this process and experienced release, empowerment and a true sense of well-being. This could be 2 of the most important days of  2014.</p>< b> </b>< p align=”center”><b>Saturday the 15th —9 a.m. to 6 p.m.</b></p>< p align=”center”><b>Sunday the 16th—9 p.m. to 5 p.m.</b></p>< p align=”center”>(Do not schedule anything else for weekend)</p>< p align=”center”>Cost $250**</p>< p align=”center”>**Bring someone who has not seen this flyer  and you can both come for $400.</p>< p align=”center”>Register with a $50 deposit for each person attending. 720-540-6738 equinelites@aol.com</p> 377 2014-01-13 16:35:25 2014-01-13 16:35:25 open open life-waiting-need-unfreeze-frozen-emotions-keep-stuck-past publish 0 0 post 0 Uncategorized _edit_last 3 I am who I am…….I can’t be anyone else……Richard Sherman of the Seattle Seahawks https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/cant-anyone-else-richard-sherman-seattle-seahawks/ Sat, 25 Jan 2014 04:19:19 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=382 <div><span style=”font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: medium;”> </span></div>< div>& nbsp; “I am who I am…….I can’t be anyone else. I wasn’t raised to be anyone else.  You have to be who you are.” Richard Sherman, corner- back for the Seattle Sea hawks.& nbsp; I am truly blessed to have been watching CNN tonight and to have caught this piece on Richard Sherman.& nbsp; A wonderful CNN journalist was interviewing him because #1 he is a key player  for one of the teams in the upcoming Super Bowl 2014 and #2 The CNN Journalist  wanted to have him tell his side of the story about the remarks he made at the end of the last game he played. He spoke so eloquently in this interview with CNN. He has made some hard decisions in his life and he could have chosen to join a gang( he said that at times, there were temptations to do this). But he chose going to college at Stanford so he could make his money this way and be a role model for others who may also be tempted to join a gang. He said he was surprised at how quickly the racial slurs were tweeted and spun on social media after his “rant” after the game. From deep awareness, he said that the way he has to be while playing football is different from the way he is in normal life. He spells it out so clearly. Football is a violent sport** and when someone sticks a microphone in front of a football player right after they have been on the field, things will not come out as eloquently as he would like. He showed his true colors tonight from his true self. Though, I am not a football fan and never will be, I am blessed to know Richard Sherman. I am blessed to hear him say that he cannot be anyone else but himself. I am sorry Richard for the violence you experienced from people who do not possess the higher consciousness that you do. No one could sling the violence on social media that was slung unless they are dealing with an inner violence that you have moved beyond. I thank your mother for raising you to be yourself. You are blessing the world Richard and you are doing it by being yourself.& nbsp; I will look forward to watching you on Super bowl Sunday Richard.  And of course, mainly, I will be watching to see the commercials ( as a non football fan) but I will say a little prayer of thanksgiving when I see you on the field.& nbsp; ** I recently wrote a blog that I did not post about the violence in football. I feel validated a bit by what you said about football. The title of my blog:   FOOTBALL, YOU GOTTA HATE TO LOVE IT, does speak of the violence. I hope you do not get hurt.< span style=”font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: medium;”><span style=”line-height: 1.5em;”>< /span></span>< /div> 382 2014-01-25 04:19:19 2014-01-25 04:19:19 open open cant-anyone-else-richard-sherman-seattle-seahawks publish 0 0 post 0 Grief Therapy SPIRITUALITY Uncategorized _edit_last 3 A letter to sent to Standley Lake High School https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/letter-sent-standley-lake-high-school/ Tue, 28 Jan 2014 20:44:38 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=386 <p align=”center”>DEDICATED TO YOUR HAPPINESS, SUZANNE CARTER, L.P.C.</p> From:  Suzanne Carter, M.A., Grief and Loss expert 1890 Gaylord , Denver 80206 720-480-6521      720-540-6738& nbsp; To:  Standley Lake High School                              January 27 2014& nbsp; I want to express my condolences for the tragic incident your school experienced on January 27, 2014. I know that many of your staff and students are in shock.& nbsp; I am a psychotherapist with specialties in helping children, families, couples and adults. One of my certifications is how to help humans learn how to deal with grief and loss. I have been working in this field for 35 years and have become an expert in helping people deal with the initial shock that results from a tragic event. Then, I am highly qualified to enable individuals or large groups of people heal from the loss.  Our society has incorrectly taught us that there are certain losses that we can never heal from. This is inaccurate.  The problem is most people do not know how to deal with the loss and therefore think they will never get over it.& nbsp; I am certified by the Grief Recovery Institute in California and I am licensed as professional counselor in 3 states.  Through the Grief Recovery program that they have created, I am helping individuals heal from loss and grief so that they can move forward to a new life.  The willingness to deal with the loss actually helps them become stronger so they reach out in ways that they may not have done before the loss.& nbsp; There are a few myths about how to deal with grief and loss that I always debunk with people who are courageous enough to deal with and heal their losses. Here are a few of these myths that the Grief Recovery Institute has identified:& nbsp;< b><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>Time heals all wounds</span></b><i>:</i>  Time does not heal any wound of the heart….It is what we do in time that heals the wounds.& nbsp;< b><i><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>Keeping busy helps one heal their heart</span></i></b><i>:</i>  Keeping busy may make one think they are feeling better but it is simply a distraction that can lead to an addictive activity level if one is not cautious.& nbsp;< b><i><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>Don’t feel bad</span></i></b><i>:</i>  Actually I heard this stated in a different way right after the tragic incident at your school by a licensed Psychologist. This person said:  “Don’t let your kids be immersed in their emotions….”  I almost fell off my chair when I heard this. This statement is what prompted me to contact you.  The truth is that when we go through a tragedy, we are immersed in our emotions and it feels bad.  It would be like telling our children to not get wet when they go swimming.  Being immersed in our emotions and feeling bad are natural reactions to loss………  And, our society needs to be educated on how to “be present” to emotions.  When one is present to another’s grief, the healing begins.& nbsp; I would like to offer my skills and expertise in the following ways: Please keep my name and number on file in the future so we can begin to get the correct information out on how to correctly deal with grief. I would be delighted to do a 2 hour seminar at no charge for your community so your community can begin to correctly deal with this tragic incident.& nbsp;& nbsp; Finally, I would love to facilitate a community forum on how we can get beyond these types of losses in general.  I am aware of several teens   who have slipped over the edge following other tragic school incidents.  Often their families and the schools do not know what to do other than to give them platitudes, medicate them, minimize their feelings or ignore them.& nbsp; I would be happy to facilitate this forum at no charge if you were to host it.& nbsp; Please let me know how I can be of service to help your community learn how to deal with grief and loss. Truly, almost every challenge one faces will have at its beginning, a loss of some type.  The experience of loss and the resulting grief following any type of loss is universal; it is the human condition.  However, humans have not learned how to deal with loss and thus the woundedness from loss goes unhealed and people “act out” their pain.& nbsp; Then, we have either a situation that you are dealing with where someone harms themselves at school or  unhealthy individuals go into our schools and harm our children. It does not need to happen this way.  I believe that if the individuals who either cause harm to themselves or others had been able to deal with their own losses, then they would not have had to act out this wounding on themselves or those around them.& nbsp; Sincerely, and gratefully to have the chance to help,& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; Suzanne Carter, L.P.C. 1890 Gaylord Denver 80206 VM:  720-540-6738   Cell :720-480-6521 386 2014-01-28 20:44:38 2014-01-28 20:44:38 open open letter-sent-standley-lake-high-school publish 0 0 post 0 Childrens Therapy Family Therapy Grief Therapy Uncategorized _edit_last 3 RSVP: THE KEY TO HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/rsvp-key-healthy-relationships/ Sat, 01 Feb 2014 01:25:39 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=388 <p align=”center”><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>RSVP: THE KEY TO HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS.</span></p>< p align=”center”></p>< p align=”center”>There may be nothing as satisfying as being in a conversation with another human who is willing to be totally open, present and vulnerable. In fact neuroscience research shows that we humans are wired to respond to one another on many levels.</p>< p align=”center”>William Condon did research in the 1960s on what he called “CULTURAL MICRORHYTHMS”. He discovered that:</p>< p align=”center”>“When two people talk, their volume and pitch fall into balance. What linguists call speech rate — the number of speech sounds per second — equalizes. So does what is known as latency, the period of time that lapses between the moment one speaker Stops talking and the moment the other speaker begins. Two people may arrive at a conversation with very different conversational patterns. But almost instantly they reach a common ground. We all do it, all the time. Babies as young as one or two days old synchronize their head, elbow, shoulder, hip, and foot movements with the speech patterns of adults. Synchrony has even been found in the interactions of humans and apes. It’s part of the way we are hardwired.” (From Malcolm Gladwell on Condon’s research).</p>< p align=”center”></p>< p align=”center”>Though this blog is not an academic paper on human interaction or the “cultural micro-rhythms”, the purpose is to highlight the importance of responding.</p>< p align=”center”>When we don’t respond to the “bids for attention” (John Gottman’s term for the ways we humans initiate interaction), we are literally inhibiting the flow of life that is seeking to express as a way of connecting with another.</p>< p align=”center”>All creatures seek this connection. When a horse is lost in a pasture, it will neigh over and over again and very loudly until it hears its herd calling back to let the lost horse know where they are. Birds call to one another to connect and share information. Dogs always respond on many levels to one another. They sniff, they look at each other’s body, they may verbalize all in a way to connect and see if the other is safe to let one’s guard down and begin “dog games”.</p>< p align=”center”>In fact, I don’t think I have ever seen a non-human not react to the “bids for attention” from another creature be it a creature of the identical species or a different species.</p>< p align=”center”>We are on this earth to connect one to the other and when we respond to this innate call of nature, we are blessed in ways that nothing else can.</p>< p align=”center”>Yet humans seem to have become masters at ignoring the other’s “bids for connection/attention”.</p>< p align=”center”></p> What I mean by this is the following:  Every day I reach out to people via phone, e-mail, text and in person and I would say that at least 50% of the time (or more), I am ignored. That is, the person I am reaching out to simply does not respond. And, I hear every day from clients, friends and family members that they reached out to someone via one medium or another and they never got a response back. The problem is rampant. It seems that the lack of response is becoming more the norm than the exception.< p align=”center”></p> The question then is “Why do humans ignore this basic need; this basic drive that brings about deep intimacy on every level”?& nbsp; I have a hunch that it comes from a sense of shame, about feeling “less than”, feeling that there is something wrong at the core. This feeling develops when we are very young either because there was direct abuse from our early caretakers OR the caretakers were not able to be present and reflect to the child the “wonder of who they are”. No parents are able to do this perfectly. So, I think that all of us have to deal with the feeling of “less than” in one way or another.& nbsp; This sense of shame does not feel good at all. Often someone will become an over-achiever to prove that there is nothing wrong with them.  However, if one is achieving to overcome this deep sense of shame, there is no amount of achievements that will heal this internal wound. Others may resort to under–achieving; they live from the sense of shame as if it is true. Some others become grandiose in big and little ways. The sense of being “better than” feels good and can effectively cover up the inner “less than”. .And finally, some not only under achieve but they resort to crime and violence and they may not even be consciously aware of why they are doing this. But no matter what direction one’s life takes; over achieve, under achieve, grandiosity and entitlement or resorting to crime, there is something else that nearly all humans do in reaction to this deep sense of shame: They try to feel better in the moment when the sense of shame is felt; even if on a very unconscious level. So, getting back to not responding to emails and messages; I think people get a “hit” (almost like an instant or momentary high) when they say “no” to someone’s requests or “bids for attention”. Thus they ride an imaginary and internal elevator from feeling a deep sense of shame to the upper levels of grandiosity. This is my theory. I believe that people don’t respond because they get this instant high, albeit fleeting. Now, some people do this more than others but to try to deal with the sense of shame by inflating oneself at the expense of another does nothing, zip, nada to heal the shame. It only creates confusion, sadness, disappointment and bewilderment.& nbsp; My remedy is 2 fold 1. We all need to deal with our “sense of shame”; because it is just that, a sense of it. And, it is a false sense. This requires therapy or counseling or finding friends who also want to deal with this toxic sense that there is something wrong with them and doing group work. And the purpose of this article is not to help people deal with this false sense of who they are. 2. The purpose of this article is to tell humans what they should do when a “bid for attention” is made via direct speech, e-mail, voice mail, or other forms of communication. What they should do is    RSVP. This means in French:  Respond Please.& nbsp; That is it. Simply be willing to respond. Even if you don’t agree, respond. Even if you don’t have time to do what is requested:  Respond. Even if you don’t know the answer the bid for attention may be seeking: RESPOND.& nbsp;& nbsp;< p align=”center”></p> 388 2014-02-01 01:25:39 2014-02-01 01:25:39 open open rsvp-key-healthy-relationships publish 0 0 post 0 Uncategorized _edit_last 3 Addiction and what we can really do about it. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/childrens-therapy/addiction-can-really/ Wed, 05 Feb 2014 16:21:56 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=393 <p align=”center”><b>Addiction and what we can really do about it.</b></p>< p align=”center”></p>< p align=”center”>My sister died at the age of 45 with the primary cause of death listed as listed alcoholism.</p>< p align=”center”>She, like so many addicts, had gone to rehab.</p>< p align=”center”>She like so many addicts expressed a desire to quit but she did not know how.</p>< p align=”center”>Because of the depth of grief I experienced following her death, I vowed to figure out why rehab did not work</p>< p align=”center”>Long story, short, the reason is NOT, and I MEAN NOT, because she or the millions of other addicts don’t want to quit. They do. Our society has not figured out how to help them.</p>< p align=”center”>First, there is something we can all do and I will mention this at the end of this blog**.</p>< p align=”center”>The reason that rehab does not work is that most rehab centers do not get at the deeper reasons why a person uses substances that will eventually lead to their death.</p>< p align=”center”>The deeper reasons are this: the very nature of human experience is loss. There are over 40 different types of loss that we humans experience. Loss of a loved one, a loved pet, loss of friends, loss of one’s innocence and trust when abuse and trauma happens, loss of the “life the child knew”, when a move happens, and so on and so forth.</p>< p align=”center”>However, though loss is part and parcel of one’s human experience, dealing with and then healing from the effects of loss is not part of our human experience. Humans learn to deal with loss by not dealing with it. We humans deal with loss by stuffing the pain of the loss into our shadow( that part of our consciousness that contains disowned parts of ourselves and all of the feelings that go with loss, trauma, abuse and other difficult experiences that humans go through as they grow.</p>< p align=”center”>However, just because we have pushed the pain out of our conscious mind, does not mean that we are not affected by the loss. We are affected by it in big and small ways and so we medicate the pain in over a 100 ways. Humans can make anything, anybody, any behavior a “medicator” to ease the pain. That is, we all have ways to deal with the pain of issues that we have stuffed into the shadow of  our unconsciousness.</p>< p align=”center”>Addicts who  use drugs and alcohol have found these substances work the best to ease their pain. Other people may use cigarettes, or shopping or sex, or fantasy, or intellectualization or rage or being nice to deal with their pain.</p>< p align=”center”>The issue here is that the addicts who have died did not know what else to do other than medicate the pain. They tried to talk about it to friends, family, ministers and therapists but most people if they have not dealt with and healed the issues in their own shadow cannot be present to the pain and issues in another. So, these people to whom the addict has tried to express their pain to are shut down. These “listeners” often intellectualize the pain and  then give intellectual advise, like:  Well it is time you got beyond that, isn’t it? Or, Just be present in this moment, or, …………………..You can fill in your own answer that you have received when trying to express a hurt, pain or sadness to someone.</p>< p align=”center”>However,</p>< p align=”center”>There is something that we can all do:</p>< p align=”center”>We can be willing to deal with the pain from loss that exists in all of us. As each of us becomes conscious of and deals with the pain of loss that we did not know how to deal with the original incident occurred, we can then begin to help the addicts in our lives as well.</p>< p align=”center”>If I had known this, my sister might still be alive. If our society is willing to deal with this, then perhaps no more amazing actors will have to die.</p> 393 2014-02-05 16:21:56 2014-02-05 16:21:56 open open addiction-can-really publish 0 0 post 0 Childrens Therapy Couples Therapy Equine Therapy Family Therapy Grief Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 Grandiosity vs. the Truth https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/grandiosity-vs-truth/ Mon, 10 Feb 2014 02:46:23 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=395 <strong>Grandiosity vs. the Truth</strong>& nbsp; In organizations, families, churches and other groups of people across the country, there are three kinds of people:< ol> <li>Grandiose/Arrogant people who believe that their vision is THE correct vision and their actions flow from this arrogance.  These people are known as “one- up”.  They carry a false sense that they are “better- than” those people around them.</li>< /ol> Their actions can be seen as “bull-dozing”, completely ignoring those around them.  Hitler is a prime example of these kinds of people& nbsp;< ol> <li>Shame based people carry a false sense of unworthiness and they incorrectly believe they are “less –than” those around them. Shame based people, because of their false sense that they are truly powerless or unworthy often rally around the grandiose people. This rallying behind the grandiose people reinforces the “one –Up” people and gives the grandiose people a false sense of empowerment; they come to believe that what they are doing is the right thing.</li> <li>The third kind of people are people who have worked through any arrogance or “one-up-ness” or shame or “one-down-ness”.</li>< /ol> These kind of people are the ones who are able to stand in their truth no matter what the one-up or one-down people are doing. They stand in their truth and quietly speak their truth even when they are being told to “shut up”. Their actions flow from the sense that they are not better than or less than. They know how to speak their truth and they are willing to listen to the truth of others. They know that when two people are willing to speak and listen to the truth of one another a new world order of Harmony is created. These people are often mocked and the other two types of people try to get try to get rid of them. Jesus, Ghandi, Martin Luther King, Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela are examples of these types of people.& nbsp; As you see, these types of people, known as “equal to” (as opposed to one up or one down), do change the world. My question to you is this: Which one are you? 395 2014-02-10 02:46:23 2014-02-10 02:46:23 open open grandiosity-vs-truth publish 0 0 post 0 Couples Therapy Family Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 A letter of “Au Revoir” ( in the re-seeing) to Dodie from Harmony and I https://unitywholenesscenter.com/grief-therapy/letter-au-revoir-re-seeing-dodie-harmony/ Mon, 10 Mar 2014 02:32:39 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=399 Dear and most precious Dodie,    March 9, 2014& nbsp; Dodie, you are such a beautiful angel. Your eyes truly tell the truth of who you are.  Your big beautiful brown eyes reveal the princess that you are now, always will be and always have been.  Your beautiful body was so perfect in this lifetime to carry humans and to carry the love that you brought to earth to give away. I want to thank you Dodie for teaching me so much about trust and love. I first met you when my very first horse came to me at Broce Ranch. Dodie you took Harmony and me too, under your wings……(yes, you did have wings on earth and I know they are serving you now.) The way you protected Harmony when she first came to Broce and the loving presence you always were to me Dodie.  You epitomized the true meaning of loving friendship. You blessed Harmony and I and all of the horses at Broce and you did this by being your magnificent self.& nbsp; Comanche and Avalanche, those beautiful geldings also protected you from new horses on the ranch because they knew who you were: a regal and royal princess of love. You gave love so purely and you also received it. Dodie, Harmony and I will miss you so very much and I am so sad that your presence will not be here on earth with us.  Thank you for being here during this lifetime.  You have blessed so many souls including me and my family and all the friends whom I brought to the ranch. The moment I saw you lay your body down, I had a sense that a horse angel named Filly(whom was my horse companion in Washington), was taking up the glad shout of “here she comes” as we had to say “Adios” to your beautiful earthly body.  I am so grateful to know that your soul goes on and thus WHO you truly are goes on forever.& nbsp; So my precious angel, I join with your Mommy and sisters and pray for your soul on-going now.& nbsp; In love I pray:  knowing and giving thanks that God is love and in love your soul is released to the very presence of the Divine which casts out all fear. We know you are being set free to begin another grand adventure in living in whatever way your soul guides you. So, Dodie, our true prayer for you is this: THE LIGHT OF GOD SURROUNDS YOU& nbsp; THE LOVE OF GOD ENFOLDS YOU& nbsp; THE POWER OF GOD PROTECTS YOU& nbsp; THE PRESNCE OF GOD WATCHES OVER YOU,& nbsp; WHEREVER YOU ARE, GOD IS…… &nbsp; And know my lovely equine sister that I hold these prayers for your family as well……I know your loving heart and soul found it so hard to say good bye and so know that I hold them in prayer for their guidance and comfort during this time of grief.  I also hold them in prayer knowing the love you shared will bless them in this time of loss and recovery.& nbsp; Harmony and I join with your family members and all those whom you touched at Broce and through the language of love, we feel your presence within our hearts and there you will reside. And now a note from Harmony to you Dodie& nbsp; Dear Dodie, I acknowledge you as one of those advanced souls that came to earth to teach and bless.  I so enjoyed our time with each other. I needed you and you were always there. Your very presence helped me adjust when I moved clear across the country. It is nice to be with one’s own kind when we have reached such a level of awareness…………….You are indeed a princess of JOY, LOVE LAUGHTER, BEAUTY AND FUN.  Dodie as we horses know, I am still with you but I miss you so much already.& nbsp; I love you always and forever Dodie…………….& nbsp;& nbsp; Love, love, love, and equine kisses, Harmony and Suzanne& nbsp; Dodie is a 32 year old Thorughbred Mare who was a race horse and then for the last 20 years she was a wonderful horse who carried her owners in love and strength. Dodie, we will miss you so much.& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; 399 2014-03-10 02:32:39 2014-03-10 02:32:39 open open letter-au-revoir-re-seeing-dodie-harmony publish 0 0 post 0 Equine Therapy Grief Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 Grief and the Missing Plane https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/grief-missing-plane/ Tue, 25 Mar 2014 18:09:50 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=403 There is most likely no adult in the world who has not heard about the missing plane and has not shared some thoughts about this. I, personally, have been watching as much coverage as possible on CNN. They seem to have the latest coverage and the most accurate coverage as well. The blog today is not to entertain theories about what caused the plane to go missing. There is enough of that on all news stations. My purpose today is to address the grief that not only the victim’s families are dealing with  but also the the grief that the entire world is feeling. Let us begin with a definition of grief taken from the Grief Recovery Institute in Ca:   “Grief is the normal and natural emotional reaction to loss or change of any kind. Of itself, grief is neither a pathological condition nor a personality disorder.” Again, Grief is the normal and natural reaction to any kind of loss.  This reaction is different for everyone and the reaction is within everyone. That is, we cannot deal with and heal our grief by focusing outside of ourselves.  Grief is about painful feelings that spring from within after a loss has occurred. However, we humans have chosen to deal with grief by focusing on changing the outer. When we feel mad, we want to blame someone or some incident for how we feel. When we are sad, we choose t o once again focus on the outer loss rather than turn within. When we are afraid, we often  try to ignore our fear rather than first seek to see if what we fear is an actual threat or if not a threat to calm ourselves emotionally. Thus, we see a common occurrence with what the victim’s families are doing with the governments involved with the missing flight. They are first  and foremost finding a way to blame the government for the problem.  Now the governments involved may have been remiss. Again, that is not the purpose of this blog. The purpose  is to point out that even if the governments were remiss, blaming the government  will not help their grieving process. To heal our losses and thereby deal with our grief, we must be willing to focus within. We must be willing to identify and deal with all of our feelings that arise as a result of the loss. There is a wonderful process that the Grief Recovery Institute has created that will enable a person to successfully identify, deal with and heal from the loss. It is a simple process.  It does not feel easy because this turning within is so unfamiliar. We humans have learned to suppress and repress all feelings that we don’t like. We are taught by our caretakers to do this and we teach our children to do this. Then when we are faced with a large loss that  seems to impossible to deal with, we do what we have always done and blame something in the outer. However, when the large losses come upon us, we find that trying to deal with something that has taken place within( a reaction to a loss) cannot be dealt with by trying to  fix it in the outer. It can only be fixed by turning within.  And, there is help! We can heal from all loss and it is time to stand up and be willing to truly deal with our own feelings, our own losses and we can do this if we are wiling to find our courage to  look within. The Grief Recovery Handbook will tell you how to do this.& nbsp; 403 2014-03-25 18:09:50 2014-03-25 18:09:50 open open grief-missing-plane publish 0 0 post 0 Uncategorized _edit_last 3 From Mark Nepo’s, THE BOOK OF AWAKENING, March 30…… https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/mark-nepos-book-awakening-march-30/ Sun, 30 Mar 2014 15:37:18 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=406 The following is a snippet of the reading from today, March 30. Mark Nepo is the spiritual leader that we have been waiting for. He walks the walk and talks the talk. He is the real deal.  Nearly every reading this month has knocked my socks off.  Socks are the covering of our feet. Our feet represent our “understanding” of who we are. When someone knocks our socks off: they are helping us take off the inauthentic covering we use to not be who we are. Thank you Mark Nepo for being the teacher I have been seeking.  Your words and your words alone have carried me through a challenging 2 years and I truly am becoming the one I have been seeking…….bless you in all your wisdom.  Because YOU ARE ,  you help me BECOME ME. “…………Carl Jung suggests that being who we are always releases an extraordinary power that, without intent or design, affects the people who come in contact with such realness.  The beautiful and simple truth of this can be seen in looking at the sun.  The sun, without intent or will or plan or sense of principle, just shines, thoroughly and constantly. By being itself, the sun warms with its light, never withholding or warming only certain things of the Earth. Rather, the sun emanates in all directions all the time, and things grow. In the same way, when we are authentic, expressing our warmth and light in all directions, we cause things around us to grow. When our souls like little suns express the light of who we are, we emanate what Jesus called love and what Buddha called compassion, and the roots of community lengthen. In this way, without any intent to shape others, we simply have to be authentic, and a sense of mana, of spiritual light and warmth, will emanate from our very souls, causing others to grow–not towards us, but toward the light that moves through us. In this way, by being who we are, we not only experience life in all its vitality, but quite innocently and without design, we help others be more thoroughly themselves. In being real, in staying devoted to this energy of realness, we help each other grow toward the one vital light”. 406 2014-03-30 15:37:18 2014-03-30 15:37:18 open open mark-nepos-book-awakening-march-30 publish 0 0 post 0 Uncategorized _edit_last 3 FEELINGS AND THE AMAZING GIFTS THEY BRING. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/feelings-amazing-gifts-bring/ Wed, 09 Apr 2014 18:40:23 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=416 &nbsp;& nbsp; Brilliant Spiritual Leader and author, Mark Nepo, speaks on feelings from his  master-piece work, THE BOOK OF AWAKENING from the reading on April 8^th. He says…………………”This is at once the clearest of spiritual intents and yet the hardest to stay true to:  how to stay open to what others feel and not to what they think.  We cannot live without being affected by others, but we are only real when we let truth and love shape us from within. Our want to be liked, our want to avoid conflicts, our want to be understood—all these traits tease us away from taking the voice within seriously.” &nbsp; I expand this by focusing on the feeling idea today. For some reason, I have always been aware of my feelings. When I was learning Play Therapy, my teacher and mentor demonstrated how the essence of Play Therapy was to be present to the child’s feelings. I was able to do this clearly and easily. By being open to the feelings of one another, we get to the heart of the matter. We connect with one another as if by “invisible strings” that enable us to feel <b>one</b> with each other without even trying.& nbsp; However, in this world made of concrete and asphalt, we humans have learned to ignore feelings and to intellectualize everything. The Mighty intellect has taken over and so when someone expresses feelings of  sad, mad, glad or fearful, the humans around them  often reply with some intellectual response that actually dissolves connection and makes one perceive that they are invisible.& nbsp; For example, when one is sad over the loss of a loved one, they hear from 90% of those around them things  like:  “Well your loved one is in a better place”,  “They are no longer suffering”,  “They lived a good life”, “There are many other fish in the sea”,  “God must have needed her in heaven”. While some of these sentiments may be true, they in fact,  do nothing, nada, zip, NOTHING  to help the broken heart of the one who lost their loved one. The “joining response” would be something like: “ I can only imagine how you feel but I want you to know I love you and am right here with you and will hold your hand and let you cry as long as you need to”. Now that is a joining response that truly does help the griever heal. The other intellectual responses simply tell the griever they are all alone and there is no help available from the one who is “honking” the intellectual statements.& nbsp; We humans are wired at a neuro-biological level to actually be able to understand the feelings of others in an internal way. Though, we may not know why someone is sad, when we see someone crying, our brains actually create a mirror representation in our bodies so we can at least understand that the person crying is feeling sad. So, the point of this blog today is this:  DO YOU WANT TO JOIN WITH OTHERS or DO YOU WANT TO PUSH THEM AWAY?.  If you choose joining, then you must be willing to join with your own feelings first and listen very carefully to that inner voice within. You will know what to say when another is emoting. That is, you may only be able to say:  I can sense you are  “mad, or sad, or scared”; and though I can’t know exactly how you are feeling, I am going to be right with you as you go through this.& nbsp; If we choose the intellectual response, we are first of all ignoring our own neuro-biology and second, we are pushing the other way by using words that sever the connection that being aware of feelings  could have created. The choice is YOURS.  Please call for coaching if you need help in this area. 416 2014-04-09 18:40:23 2014-04-09 18:40:23 open open feelings-amazing-gifts-bring publish 0 0 post 0 Couples Therapy Grief Therapy _edit_last 3 _yoast_wpseo_focuskw Feelings and Grief and Connection _yoast_wpseo_metadesc Emotional Intelligence: the ability to be aware of feelings and the feelings of others and manage the expression of feelings is a KEY ingredient to succes _yoast_wpseo_linkdex 63 EASTER SUNDAY BLESSING……….WE ARE ONE. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/spirituality/easter-sunday-blessing-one/ Sun, 20 Apr 2014 13:13:12 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=419 <b>Easter Sunday Blessing:   April 20, 2014</b>< b> </b>< b>Jesus:   “Where 2 or more are gathered, there am I in the midst of them”</b>< b> </b>< b>Mark Nepo:    on the true meaning of acceptance:   “ By …….inhabiting our capacity to see and affirm the common pulse of life we find in others, no matter how different they may seem from us”…this leads to the awareness that giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin.</b>< b> </b>< b>Suzanne Carter:  “God is everyone of us together:  The rocks, the seas, the flowers and the trees, and all creatures whether of fur, fin, feather or skin.”</b>< b> </b>< b>On this Easter Sunday, I proclaim that one of the main teachings that Jesus came to earth to teach was oneness. </b>< b>In the scripture quote above, we know that as we gather together in that Christ consciousness (which means authentic consciousness that is our common link to one another), that our consciousness united is exalted and there is nothing that we cannot do together.</b>< b>Mark Nepo speaks to this in another way telling us to gaze upon one another, to be present to one another from the “common pulse” within. From this place of awareness and attention, we realize we are one.</b>< b>And, I quoted myself here as well, believing that one definintion of God, (knowing that God cannot be defined but only described), is that the Divine is really all of us together.</b>< b> </b>< b>Today’s blog is simple: To survive, we must choose to know we are all one, that there is a common pulse that unites us that cannot be severed. And, when we are willing to return to this awareness, all things are possible.</b>< b>And, though this is simple, to get there is simply the purpose of one’s life journey. This journey takes 100% commitment to become one’s authentic self and to be willing to heal anything that stands in the way of the expression of the authentic self. </b>< b>And, there is, thankfully, no other way and this way is the path of soul peace and soul JOY!</b>< b> </b>< b>Happy and Joyous EASTER celebrations.</b> 419 2014-04-20 13:13:12 2014-04-20 13:13:12 open open easter-sunday-blessing-one publish 0 0 post 0 SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _yoast_wpseo_focuskw easter sunday blessings _yoast_wpseo_metadesc The authentic self must be expressed and in this, we realize our oneness with all of life _yoast_wpseo_linkdex 61 GRANDIOSITY vs SHAME: BOTH LOSING PERSPECTIVES https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/grandiosity-vs-shame-losing-perspectives/ Mon, 05 May 2014 19:27:45 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=422 Grandiosity vs. Shame& nbsp; There is a lot of reporting these days about how arrogant Donald Sterling, soon to be former owner of the L A. Clippers was in his comments that sounded so racist. I personally agree with the disciplinary actions that were taken against him However, the purpose of this blog is not to have a discussion about the rightness or wrongness of what he did or the rightness or wrongness of the disciplinary actions that have been taken against him.& nbsp; The purpose today is look at what in the world could cause this man to speak the way he did about the players of the team he owned. That is, I am going to examine what causes someone to make these types of remarks. Plain and simple Donald Sterling was being arrogant and grandiose or going “1-up”. People use this little trick of going “1-up” because they are feeling   “1-down”.  Whereas “1-up” has to do with arrogance and grandiosity, “1-down” has to do with feeling less than others or in other words, feeling a sense of shame or that there is something wrong with them. Feeling shame or having a belief that there is something wrong with oneself does not feel good. It feels horrible. So, humans have learned that a quick antidote to this is to find a way to feel “better than”.  This is a quick and temporary fix and it does nothing to solve the problems that create these negative beliefs about oneself and others.   Children learn these impotent techniques from their parents, their caretakers, aunts, uncles, teachers and virtually most of the adults that they must hang out with. In essence, they are not taught to feel “equal to” all others. They are taught in big and small ways that “the big gun wins”. They are taught that the goal in life is to continually find others to make yourself feel “better than” rather than to discover your own self worth and to live life from this place of being one’s authentic self. When one does choose to live their life from their authenticity, it is really quite easy to also accept that others have the right to do this as well. And, or however, when someone is behaving  “1-up” or “1-down”, they are being inauthentic and this does not mean  that we need to go “1-up” into judgment or “1-down” in to shame.& nbsp; We can stay in the awareness that we are all “equal” and this actually does wonders for any one person or group going into grandiosity or shame.& nbsp; Again, the truth is this :  NO MATTER WHAT STATION IN LIFE ANYONE OCCUPIES, NO MATTER WHAT RACE OR GENDER THEY ARE, NO MATTER WHAT SOCIO-ECONOMIC STATUS ONE IS AT:  <b>WE ARE ALL EQUAL.</b>& nbsp; If we would be willing teach our children this right now, our world’s problems could be solved in 5 years. If we choose to believe this right now, our world views will change to believing that the challenges we face are problems that everyone must work together to solve. And, if someone has more resources, or more awareness or more intelligence, then they will use their awareness and resources to take more responsibility to solve the problems. This may sound like “radical thinking” to some. It is not. It simply reflects the truth that the air I breathe, and the water I drink comes from the same place that the air you breathe and the water you drink and we must work together to make sure the supply for both of us stays healthy.& nbsp;< b>Suzanne Carter, M.A., L.P.C.,</b>& nbsp; *Licensed Professional Counselor in CO, WA and MI *Equine Assisted Psychotherapist *Certified Spiritual Intelligence Coach *Certified  with The Grief Recovery Institute *Specialties in Marriage, Family, Adults and Children.& nbsp; 720-540-6738< a href=”https://www.unitywholenesscenter.com/” target=”_blank”>www.UnityWholenessCenter.com</a>& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; 422 2014-05-05 19:27:45 2014-05-05 19:27:45 open open grandiosity-vs-shame-losing-perspectives publish 0 0 post 0 Couples Therapy _edit_last 3 _yoast_wpseo_focuskw GRANDIOSITY AND SHAME _yoast_wpseo_metadesc we HUMANS RIDE AN INVISIBLE ELEVATOR FROM FEELING LESS THAN TO FEELING BETTER THAN. ALL WE NEED TO DO IS BE OURSELVES WHICH IS EQUAL TO ALL OTHERS……. _yoast_wpseo_linkdex 65 RETRIEVING YOUR WINGS: THE JOURNEY OF MALEFICENT https://unitywholenesscenter.com/childrens-therapy/retrieving-wings-journey-maleficent/ Fri, 20 Jun 2014 22:40:51 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=428 <div></div>< div>< div id=”AOLMsgPart_2_ae4e3fcf-42ed-49c9-a08d-0d26e3017321″>< div></div>< div>< div id=”AOLMsgPart_2_c7d2b759-f363-4ab9-ae2a-5babbeddab61″>< div>< div>< div>< div></div>< /div>< /div>< /div>< div></div>< div></div>< div>< p align=”center”><b>RETRIEVING YOUR WINGS    </b></p>< p align=”center”><b>(spoiler alert: do not read if you plan to see the movie, Maleficent)</b></p>< b> </b>< b>In the movie, Maleficent, starring Angelina Jolie, a beautiful fairy loses her wings.</b>< b>The purpose of this blog is not to tell the story of the movie but if you have not seen the movie, and do not want this blog to be a spoiler, stop reading now, go see the movie and return to the blog after you have done this.</b>< b>So WARNING: this will be an ending spoiler if you read any further.</b>< b> </b>< b>Maleficent loses her wings by the actions of the “unhealed woundedness” in a close friend. That is, a very close friend, perhaps one who was a true love, cut off her wings so he could get some outer achievement. (The evil king told this young man that whoever brought a sign that Maleficent was dead would be the successor to his throne; the King was threatened by Maleficent because he could not destroy her kingdom because of the massive love and support she had built in her kingdom through love and compassion).</b>< b>Maleficent’s wings enabled her to become a wondrous leader in her own land of Harmony and peace. However, there was one thing that Maleficent did not do that led to her wings being cut off. She did not set outer boundaries; she trusted too easily and this complete trust without some connection to her own safety and inner knowing led to her wings being cut off by  this unconscious man who did love her but his need for outer achievement displaced his love for her.</b>< b> He mistakenly believed that this outer achievement would heal his own woundedness. His woundedness, like most humans, was a belief that he was “less than” and if he just achieved some outer power or success that he would magically be whole, well and free.</b>< b>The destructive act he took actually led to his death in the end.</b>< b>The point of this blog is to teach that most of us have lost our wings. Our wings represent some essential gift that we have that will take us far and wide; a gift that will enable us to fulfill our own life’s purpose. And, we are most vulnerable to those seeking outer power when we are using our gift. We need to use it and we need to set boundaries around ourselves and our gifts. </b>< b>However, the really wonderful part about our journey to retrieve our wings is this:  Our wings, our true gifts are not the essential part of who we are: they are simply gifts.   As we seek to retrieve them, we can begin to embody the essence of who we are and we realize that we are more than our wings, more than our gifts.</b>< b>Maleficent’s journey, after she lost her wings, took a terrible turn for a while. She became enraged and in her rage, she did terrible things. She cast a horrible spell on the daughter of the man who took her wings. Thus, Maleficent was trying to harm the vulnerability in a precious child just as she was harmed by being vulnerable. However, because her heart was still slightly open, she was able to see herself in this young princess and thereby she did all she could to revoke the curse. She was not completely successful. However, in the process of being present to the child’s vulnerability and preciousness, she learned to love this child completely. It was this process of returning to love and then being open to loving this child that the curse was finally undone and the child is what helped her re-gain her wings.</b>< b>What does this mean for all of us in our  journey back to Wholeness.</b>< b>First, Maleficent allowed her heart to open to the child despite her own grief over losing her gift. Our journey in life contains many bumps, bruises, losses and tragedies. If we completely close our heart as the King did, we will die without fulfilling our own purpose:  TO USE OUR WINGS( OUR GIFTS) TO AID US IN BRINGING GOOD TO THE WORLD AS ONLY EACH ONE OF CAN: UNIQUELY.</b>< b>So, despite the pain we carry, if we open our heart, we once again will retrieve the gifts we lost. When re-united with these gifts, we will be able to fulfill our Divine Purpose as only each one can. The significance of the child opening Maleficent’s heart is this:  we must open to our own preciousness, our own vulnerability and in this very opening, we become whole, well and free as the Divine ordained that we be.</b>< /div>< /div>< /div>< /div>< /div> 428 2014-06-20 22:40:51 2014-06-20 22:40:51 open open retrieving-wings-journey-maleficent publish 0 0 post 0 Childrens Therapy Family Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 PARENTING FROM THE INSIDE OUT https://unitywholenesscenter.com/childrens-therapy/parenting-inside/ Tue, 24 Jun 2014 19:51:41 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=431 <p align=”center”>PARENTING FROM THE INSIDE OUT</p>< p align=”center”></p> At this time of the year, many parents of High School Seniors are getting their High School graduates ready to go to college. And, they are having the “Talk”, with their graduating seniors.  No, it is not the talk about the birds and the bees; it is the talk in which they ask the child what they are going to study in college. Sadly, I have heard the following conversation way too many times in various formats: Graduate: “Mom, Dad, Grandma, Aunt, …………I really want to go into (here is where the student says what they would really like to study  at college) “ Law enforcement, veterinary  medicine, languages, music, etc, etc”. And, time and time again, (more often than not), unless the student wants to study something that has the prospect of bringing in” big bucks”, the child’s desire is completely ignored. And, the parents, neighbors, ministers, extended family “work” the student until they agree to study say Business, or Medicine or Computer Science,  or some field that promises to bring in a large future income. The challenge here is twofold. First of all, the student is given the message loud and clear that they should ignore their own dreams and desires. They are told that they should just focus on making money. And, following from  the first part of the challenge is this: If the student is so manipulated into studying something other than what their heart desires, the likelihood of them staying in that field are pretty slim or if they  do, they may make  “big bucks”, but they will be very unhappy and will most likely turn to medicators, such as alcohol, food, compulsive exercise, compulsive work, compulsive sex or any of the other things that humans use to mask the pain of being dis-connected to their own sense of self. This disconnection to one’s self, and therefore to one’s own feelings, thoughts, perceptions, values, dreams and desires actually fuels most of our problems in the world. Now, the purpose of my blog today is not to teach how to re-connect or how to teach a child to stay connected to their own authentic self which means knowing how they feel, think, believe and what they want; the purpose today  is to suggest that the greatest gift a parent  could give their child before he or she goes to college is the gift of supporting their dreams, goals and visions. This would, hands down, be the best support a parent could give to their child. A tragic example of not supporting the child’s true dreams (which are often built on the child’s true strengths) is the story found in the movie, THE DEAD POET’S SOCIETY. This is a very old movie but a very good one. One of the main characters wants to be in theater. His father, a retired man from the military will not support his son in following his dream; forces him to follow another more lucrative career and in the end, the son kills himself while still in college. He is so unhappy not being able to follow a path in which he is truly gifted and he is so distraught that his father cannot truly see the “one” that he is, that he takes his life in his father’s home. Now, this outcome, though rare(hopefully) points out how though the child may not die as a result of the parents  not supporting their dreams and true talents, I believe we are committing “soul murder” if we can’t support the child in being him or herself. So, my hope for any parent reading this is to know how important it is to truly support your child’s dreams, visions, hopes and true gifts. In doing this, you are giving your child the awareness that you approve of them, that you see them and that you want them to become the best “one” they can be. As Author, Ernie Carwile, puts it: You might as well be yourself; everyone else is taken. 431 2014-06-24 19:51:41 2014-06-24 19:51:41 open open parenting-inside publish 0 0 post 0 Childrens Therapy Family Therapy _edit_last 3 O P E N! Be open to the Miracles all around you. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/spirituality/o-p-e-n-open-miracles-around/ Tue, 24 Jun 2014 21:13:20 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=433 <span style=”color: #ff0000;”><strong>Open:</strong></span> Be open on all levels: perceptions, intuitions, feelings and thoughts< span style=”color: #800080;”><strong>Pretty:</strong> </span>Be in touch with your own loveliness. Accept that you are beautiful in so many ways; in all the ways that nature is. Just as the moss-covered tree branch could feel so “ugly” compared to the columbine, they exist together and together in their acceptance, their beauty is magnified< span style=”color: #ffff00;”><strong>Expectation</strong></span>: Be completely expectant to find the miracle you need today and right now. It may simply be a lovely wild flower that you were not looking for but all of a sudden, in it’s complete and unashamed beauty, you see it blooming just for you. This is a sign that all will work out for you: YOU just need to expect the miracle………and all that a miracle simply is:  Being at the right place, at the right time with your eyes open so you don’t miss it.< span style=”color: #3366ff;”><strong>Now, new, novel</strong></span>: You have never been in this moment now and there will never be a better time to OPEN to the miracle that you are. You have all that you need to take your next step and all that we ever need do is take our next step.& nbsp; June 23, 2014 While walking in the woods today where my horse lives, I discovered so many miracles and it was because I was OPEN! 433 2014-06-24 21:13:20 2014-06-24 21:13:20 open open o-p-e-n-open-miracles-around publish 0 0 post 0 SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 What YOU can do about the Ebola Virus: Yes, there is something we can all do now. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/can-ebola-virus-yes-something-can-now/ Sat, 04 Oct 2014 15:03:00 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=442 <p align=”center”>What YOU can do about the Ebola Virus:</p>< p align=”center”>YES! There is something we all can do now.</p>< p align=”center”>Most people are highly aware of the Ebola virus and many people are feeling fear about this virus.</p>< p align=”center”></p>< p align=”center”>I ask you to suspend your judgment about what I am going to say for only five minutes.</p>< p align=”center”>The answer about what we can do is a willingness to get to the heart of the matter.</p>< p align=”center”>Mark Nepo gives us part of the answer in the following passage from his book, THE BOOK OF AWAKENING, (passage from October 4, page 27).</p>< p align=”center”><b>“Imagine that beneath all of our distrust there is a stream of ongoing Oneness, and the only way to enter it is to take off our distrust and bad experience like clothes. Imagine that in entering the stream naked we reach, for the moment, with every hand that every reached.”</b></p>< p align=”center”></p>< p align=”center”>Can you imagine what it is like for the people in Liberia : They cannot touch one another not even in a simple hand shake. They must take care around every person they meet. Loved ones are not allowed to be around the body of someone that they loved if that person died of the Ebola virus. People from the U.S. who are going there to report or help must be in quarantine for 21 days when they return.</p>< p align=”center”>This tragedy is happening to people just like you and me right now. However, the tragedy has not hit us directly yet. Who knows if it will?</p>< p align=”center”>My charge to all of us is this:</p>< p align=”center”>Let us be present to one another now before it happens. Let us reach out to one another NOW.</p>< p align=”center”>Let us stop looking down our nose at those less fortunate than us who ask for hand outs at the highway exits.</p>< p align=”center”>Let us do our part in healing any and all relationships that we may be estranged from.</p>< p align=”center”>The way to do our part will create Global Harmony right here in our own country NOW before any or all viruses come to our shores.</p>< p align=”center”>Let us move from fear to  action.</p>< p align=”center”>My ministry is called Global Harmony and here are the four steps:</p>< ol> <li>Connect with your true and authentic self</li> <li> Learn advanced communication methods such as “Non-violent communication” developed by Marshall Rosenberg and commit to speaking your Truth using these methods</li> <li>Discover your Divine Purpose and make it’s expression the most important thing you do on earth beginning now</li> <li>Heal anything that stands in the way of the expression of your authentic self and your divine purpose.</li>< /ol> 442 2014-10-04 15:03:00 2014-10-04 15:03:00 open open can-ebola-virus-yes-something-can-now publish 0 0 post 0 Couples Therapy Grief Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 STOP LOOKING ON THE BRIGHT SIDE https://unitywholenesscenter.com/childrens-therapy/stop-looking-bright-side/ Thu, 16 Oct 2014 18:02:07 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=446 <p align=”center”><b>STOP LOOKING ON THE BRIGHT SIDE</b></p>< p align=”center”><b> </b></p> Yes, that is what I said.  I am asking you to start looking at the whole picture and not just the proverbial “bright side”. We humans, especially in the U.S. have been taught that we can’t really deal with negative emotions or for that matter, negative or challenging events.  This puts us in dire straits, however, because the very nature of life is about change and loss. Change and loss are now seen as “negative events” that we have been taught to <b>not </b>deal with and change and loss create the so-called “negative emotions”.  Fear, sadness and anger are not “negative emotions”.  They are simply internal messages that result when we are faced with events that stimulate these emotions. For example, the natural response to loss is sadness. The natural response to big changes is fear. The natural response to our boundaries being invaded is anger. However, we have learned to not acknowledge these feelings and so we stuff them into the shadow of our consciousness. The feelings would actually help us work through the loss by enabling us to know what our response is to any change or loss. By being aware of the feeling, we can look clearly at the loss or change and know how to proceed. For example, if someone loses their job, they would naturally have feelings of fear, sadness and anger. Lets look at the feeling of fear and how by looking at it, they can process the loss and thereby move forward to an even better job. The feeling of fear is natural. When we  are faced with a big loss, like the loss of a job, fear will come up. The fear may tell us that we will never find another job. This loss may remind us of another time we lost a job.  If we look at the fear and then thought that it is connected to: “ I may never find another job”, we can look back and see that though we were afraid in the past, we did in fact find that better job.  If we choose to ignore the fear, the thought, “I will never find another job”, will be lurking in our subconscious and it will, in fact, be harder to find another job. By looking at the fear that then lets us see the thought it is connected to, we can begin to ease the fear by looking at the facts that though we were afraid in the past, we did in fact find the job that may have been even better. If a person chooses to ignore the fear and just “ look on the bright side”, which really means ignore all “negative feelings”, they are closing the door to really dealing with the loss in such a way that they will become stronger as a result of finding the courage to deal with the loss. Another challenge with the tendency to not look at any “negative feelings”, but only the Happy ones is this:  we all have anger. If we become willing to process our anger rather than stuff it, we can, once again, examine any negative thoughts about ourselves or others that are triggered when the feeling of anger comes up. It can be this easy to deal with “anger issues”. However, what often happens is people are sent to “anger management”-classes that teach all sorts of strategies to manage the anger. My suggestion is to look at what is underneath the anger, heal any trauma or abuse-experiences we had around anger and then when anger is triggered in the present day, we are able to deal with this in the present rather than have the past issues magnify the current issue that is triggering anger. Though this is a very brief article on anger, and I would love to invite you to my EQ (emotional intelligence) weekend, this article should stimulate your willingness to start looking at the whole picture rather than just the  “Bright Side”.  Otherwise, if we don’t learn to look at the whole picture, we may wind up like the actor in the movie, MONTY PYTHON, in which the actor keeps singing the song, ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE, as each of his 4 limbs are cut off one by one. He is left with just his head and torso and keeps singing…………………..and I say, There is another way.  It takes a lot of courage to look at the whole picture and to feel our feelings but the results are immensely more rewarding for you in every area of your life. Plus, your friends, family, co-workers and even strangers will be drawn to you because you have decided to simply listen to their challenges rather than to admonish them for not looking on the bright side. I better stop writing for now……………J& nbsp; 446 2014-10-16 18:02:07 2014-10-16 18:02:07 open open stop-looking-bright-side publish 0 0 post 0 Childrens Therapy Couples Therapy Grief Therapy _edit_last 3 6361 marriageCounselingalt marriageCounselingalt@gmail.com http://www.marriagecounselingalt.com/ 182.178.3.95 2014-11-13 07:46:50 2014-11-13 07:46:50 Nice to read it! 1 0 0 akismet_result false akismet_history a:4:{s:4:”time”;d:1415864810.0818789005279541015625;s:7:”message”;s:28:”Akismet cleared this comment”;s:5:”event”;s:9:”check-ham”;s:4:”user”;s:0:””;} akismet_history a:4:{s:4:”time”;d:1429804673.32237911224365234375;s:7:”message”;s:46:”Suzanne changed the comment status to approved”;s:5:”event”;s:15:”status-approved”;s:4:”user”;s:7:”Suzanne”;} A REQUEST https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/request/ Sun, 30 Nov 2014 14:39:02 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=450 ~A REQUEST~ Two requests were made of me. My first thought to each request was that I did not have time to fulfill either of these. After all, I have been so very busy and to fulfill either of the requests would mean that I would have to change my plans.  My Plans are the key words here. We live in a world in which if we don’t work together.  Our planet, our world, our communities will not last as we know them. We live in a world where creatures of fur, fin, and feather know we must work together. Working together and creating communities together is wired into our brains. We are supposed to create harmony together. Most 4 legged creatures and those of fur and fin still know this. Somehow, humans have forgotten this. We have created our own personal agendas, our own plans and God forbid we ever alter our own agendas or plans to accommodate someone else’s needs. So, it was in this context, that I first thought that I could not possibly find the time to fulfill either of the 2 requests that were made of me. However, I have been on a major path of growth over the last 2 years.  The truth is, I have always been on a path of growth in this lifetime. It is WHO I am and this desire for growth, understanding and truth has served me well. But, the last 2 years have been especially difficult and challenging and they have brought new good to me in ways that I could not have imagined had I chosen to just allow the challenges to knock me down and not be willing to get up. So, it was from this new consciousness that I stopped my “<strong>NO</strong>-thinking” about the requests. I put on my <strong>“ WILLINGNESS-ATTITUDE”, </strong> to look at them. And, I found ways that I could fulfill the requests. John Gottman, internationally famous relationship theorist tells us that when someone asks for something, they are actually making a “bid for attention”. These “bids for attention” are very important. First, when someone typically makes a request, they must become vulnerable.  We become vulnerable when making a request because we are setting ourselves up for the possibility of the other saying “no”. It has been said that the hardest thing for a human to do is to ask for help. Thus making a request is one way of asking for help and when we ask for help, we often have a need that we would like to have fulfilled. Needs are very important! The way our parents showed they loved us was by knowing what our needs are and meeting them.** So, back to the requests, when someone makes a request, they are, in a sense, showing their “under-belly” and asking to be shown they are important. ( now, of course, this is not the case all of the time, but the point of this blog is to talk about the times when the requests are authentic and are reflecting an authentic need that if fulfilled will show the other they are important). When I put on my <strong>“Willingness- attitude”, </strong>I saw ways that I could offer to fulfill the request that would in fact work with my schedule, my plans and I could do this without much pain. I woke up the next day receiving “thank-yous” from the people who made the request. I was blessed by their comments, but more than this, I was blessed by my willingness to say “YES”, in my own way. So, as we prepare for a wonderful holiday of sharing and connecting and hugging and holding, I invite all of us to find ways of saying “YES”, as often as we can. The action will, of course, bless the other who made the request but more than this, the action of saying YES is a way of saying  Yes to the world, and saying YES to the world is a way of restoring our world and all of her creatures to Harmony, peace, JOY and goodness. And, is this not the true meaning of Christmas? One of  Jesus’ main messages was of willingness. ARE YOU WILLING?& nbsp; 450 2014-11-30 14:39:02 2014-11-30 14:39:02 open open request publish 0 0 post 0 Couples Therapy Family Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 CHRISTMAS SHOES AND WHAT THEY MEAN TO YOU. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/christmas-shoes-mean/ Mon, 15 Dec 2014 15:40:07 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=453 Every year I look forward to switching the radio station I listen to in the car from NPR to KOSI-101.1 in Denver and I listen to the Christmas music.  It is delightful. And, I was quite surprised to hear that the song, Christmas shoes by Newsong, is the station’s most requested song. I wondered why this was and suddenly got a lot of insight. It can bring tears to my eyes many times and a KOSI DJ said it always makes her cry. I thought about this on my long drive home from work and realized that the characters in this story, like the Christmas story, are all about us and our journey to wholeness. First, here are the words and then my thoughts about it are after the lyrics.& nbsp; ~CHRISTMAS SHOES~ By Newsong< strong>”Christmas Shoes”</strong> It was almost Christmas time And there I stood in another line Trying to buy that last gift or two Not really in the Christmas mood And standin right in front of me was a Little boy waiting anxiously Pacin around like little boys do And in his hands he held A pair of shoes And His clothes were worn and old He was dirty from head to toe And when it came his time to pay I couldn’t beleive what I heard him say Sir I wanna buy these shoes For my mama. please It’s Christmas eve and these shoes are just her size Could you hurry sir Daddy says there’s not much time You see, She’s been sick for quite a while And I know these shoes will make her smile And I Want her to look beautiful If mama meets Jesus tonight They counted penny’s for what seemed like years then the Cashier said, “Son, there’s not enough here.” He searched his pockets frantically Then he turned and he looked at me and he said “Mama made Christmas good at our house though Most years she just did without, Tell me sir, What am I gonna do? Some how I gotta buy her these Christmas shoes.” So I laid the money down I just had to help him out And I’ll never forget the look on his face when he said, “Mama’s gonna look so great.” Sir I wanna buy these shoes For my mama. please It’s Christmas eve and these shoes are just her size Could you hurry sir Daddy says there’s not much time You see, She’s been sick for quite a while And I know these shoes will make her smile And I Want her to look beautiful If mama meets Jesus tonight I knew I’d caught a glimpse of heaven’s love as he thanked me and ran out I knew that God had sent me that little boy to remind me what Christmas is all about Sir I wanna buy these shoes For my mama. please It’s Christmas eve and these shoes are just her size Could you hurry sir Daddy says there’s not much time You see, She’s been sick for quite a while And I know these shoes will make her smile And I Want her to look beautiful If mama meets Jesus tonight I Want her to look beautiful If mama meets Jesus tonight& nbsp; Top of Form A Metaphysical interpretation(that is, what it means inside of YOU!)  Let us look at these elements from the song: The busy shopper He said he had forgotten the meaning of Christmas and that he was not in a Christmas mood. The busy shopper represents our busy mind that continually keeps us from the true meaning of Christmas. At the end of song, he realized the truth: the little boy had given him a glimpse of Heaven’s love. That is a glimpse of why we are here:  To bring love to earth as only each one of can. The little Boy The little boy is seeking to get his mama something to prepare her to “meet Jesus tonight”. It is Christmas eve, in a sense, those of us who celebrate Christmas are all preparing to meet Jesus or partake of his teachings every Christmas eve. The song tells us that she has been sick; in a sense, when are not connected to the Truth of who we are, we are not well. The truest meaning comes as we look at the meaning of the mother. The Mama There is within all of us the mother of the Christ child. This part of us, our feminine nature, also represents our heart. When not blocked by the busy mind, our heart is always open to the Christ child bringing a new understanding of our worth; and thus the shoes will make her “look beautiful”.  The little boy wants to buy her shoes. Metaphysically, our feet mean understanding and the little boy as the Christ Child is seeking to bring his mother a symbol of love by bringing a new covering for her feet. That is to bring her a new understanding of who she truly is. In summary, the busy male shopper represents our active mind, our thinking nature. Always active, seeking to move us through life, but too busy to stop and really see what the purpose of life is. The Mama, who has not been well, represents our heart that has not been opened lately because the busy mind takes over and keeps us from connecting with our heart. The little boy can be seen as the Christ Child or our inner child that represents our preciousness and innocence. This part of us is always seeking to connect our mind and our heart with new understanding; it seeks to bring “new shoes”, to our heart, again represented by the mother. In this gift of new understanding, our mind and heart are re-connected and we are then able to receive the true gift of what Jesus taught: the gift of love on earth.& nbsp;& nbsp; 453 2014-12-15 15:40:07 2014-12-15 15:40:07 open open christmas-shoes-mean publish 0 0 post 0 Couples Therapy Family Therapy Grief Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 JE SUIS CHARLIE https://unitywholenesscenter.com/grief-therapy/je-suis-charlie/ Fri, 09 Jan 2015 17:07:44 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=456 JE SUIS CHARLIE MAIS OUT ET JE SUIS VOUS ET VOUS ETES MOI. ( please excuse any typos in my French) This is true and this sentiment has been expressed all over the world. It warmed my heart that the world responded to the senseless killing of these 12 precious souls in Paris by exclaiming that they were also Charlie. What does this truly mean? I believe it expresses the truth that we are all one even when we don’t act like it most of the time. I think it expresses the fact that the loss of even one precious soul affects each and every one of us at the core. There was a beautiful expression like this on 9/11/01. The world mourned with the United States as we mourned the loss of our innocents. Yet, the sentiment of our oneness was quickly forgotten. Mark Nepo from his book,   THE BOOK OF AWAKENING, and from the reading on 12/31 tells us this:< strong><em>“…………..much of our modern therapeutic journey is……….to have who we are and where we’ve been be seen. For with this simple and direct affirmation, it is possible to claim our own presence, to say, “I Am Here.”. Those people in our lives who have validated our personhood by seeing us and exclaiming so are the foundations of our self-worth. “</em></strong>< strong><em> </em></strong> So perhaps, during tragic times like the one in Paris, we are truly seeing. We are seeing what happened yet we are <strong><em>truly seeing and feeling  </em></strong>the Truth: we have lost part of ourselves. From this understanding we can then say from our hearts:  Je suis Charlie. My hope from this tragedy is that we can little by little, begin to understand what Jesus meant when he said:  “in as much as you have done this to the least of these my brethren, you have done it unto me.” This senseless act is our loss and so what are we going to do about it? I know that I hope I will see and understand that how I treat others is simply a way that I am treating myself. So, if I am rude to others,  I am being rude to myself and if I am loving to others, I am being loving to myself.& nbsp; I invite all of us to consider this Truth:  Je suis Le Monde! And then let us act like it.& nbsp; 456 2015-01-09 17:07:44 2015-01-09 17:07:44 open open je-suis-charlie publish 0 0 post 0 Grief Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 OUT OF THE FOG: FROZEN DELIGHT~ https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/fog-frozen-delight/ Thu, 15 Jan 2015 02:24:19 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=458 Out of the  fog: FROZEN DELIGHT& nbsp; Today as I was preparing my horse, Harmony’s winter food, I saw that the fog was so thick that I knew, based on experience from the past that it would be hard to find Harmony’s herd. A thought came to mind that maybe I should just skip today because Harmony would be “fine”. The food I take her is considered extra as she has plenty of hay just like her 24 herd-mates. Although, she loses more weight in the winter than most of her herd mates and so I only skip a day when it is absolutely necessary to minimize her weight loss. I considered not going but then I knew the “right thing” was to take her the food. So, I loaded her food and my 2 Golden Retrievers into my car and away we drove very carefully in the fog and on icy roads. As I had feared, the fog was so thick; there was not a horse in sight. And, her herd is on 300 acres and the terrain is hilly and sometimes the herd can’t even be seen on a sunny Summer day because they are behind a ridge or in a valley in their large pastures. So, I figured I would just head to the middle of the pasture and call her name. Within five minutes, she appeared out of the fog and when she saw me, she whinnied. Now this was a wondrous gift on all levels. Harmony came to me when she could not see me and just followed my voice and there she was. This got me to thinking a bit about how this little story had some key principles to live by.< strong>1.Always do the right thing</strong>. Usually the right thing is not the easy thing to do. It would have been easier to talk myself into not going and then I would have missed this lovely experience with my horse and dogs too. I believe that if we would all strive to do the “right thing”, we could begin to create peace on earth. Often we talk about doing what is the easiest, those around us, also suggest that the “right thing” is most likely not necessary; at least in this case. I think that in the vast majority of cases, we humans have lapsed into doing “easy thing” and thus it is becomes a pattern to not even think about the “right thing”. However, striving to do the “right thing” at least 80 % of the time will make THE Difference in our world.< strong>2.When you don’t know exactly where to go, take just one step</strong>. When you take that step, you will then be better prepared to take the next step. Truly, all we ever need do is simply take the next step. Sometimes, the next step may involve taking time to think or do more research, but if we listen to our Inner Knowing, we will always know just what the next step is.< b><strong>3.Use your voice in the right and appropriate times and way.</strong></b> When I first got there, I had no idea where the herd was. It would have been a waste of my voice to start calling Harmony right away. I knew that when I got to the center of the pasture, I could call Harmony and she would hear me no matter where she was. And, I used a nice voice tone as well. Terry Real, internationally famous relationship theorist and clinician tells us that in all relationships, “TONE TRUMPS FORM”. That is, how you say something is typically more important than the content. Thus, if I wanted Harmony to come to me, I needed to let her know I was going to be a happy person on the other end of her lead rope.< strong>4.Celebrate the victories!</strong>!This step is just about pausing and appreciating these sweet little moments. It is truly the little things in life that make all the difference. When Harmony whinnied at me, I whinnied back! Literally! I was so happy that she came to me that I stood there and petted her for a long while before we made our way back through the fog and over the rough, snowy and hilly terrain.< b><strong>5.Accept coaching or influence from those around you.</strong></b> This last point has to do with being willing to accept influence from those around us. John Gottman, another internationally famous relationship theorist and clinician suggests that to the degree that we will accept influence from others and therefore be open to compromise and negotiation, to that degree, we will have harmonious relationships<b>.<strong> </strong>    </b> As the four of us, Harmony, me and my wonderful pups were making our way back to the car, the dogs took off in the “wrong direction”. They were going away from the car, so I thought. So, I called them back to me and being the well trained dogs that they are, they came right back. Harmony also tried to steering me in the “wrong direction”, the same “wrong direction”, the dogs had tried to lead me in. Harmony, also being the well trained horse that she is, dutifully followed me. So we are all heading in the “right direction”, and low and behold, guess who had been right about the direction? : Jessie, Sunny and Harmony. The human mother was wrong. If I had taken cues from my three 4-legged “children”, we would have made it to the car 10 minutes sooner. 458 2015-01-15 02:24:19 2015-01-15 02:24:19 open open fog-frozen-delight publish 0 0 post 0 Couples Therapy Family Therapy _edit_last 3 and Pete Carroll is a coach? !! https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/pete-carroll-coach/ Fri, 13 Feb 2015 21:30:32 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=474 RE:  Pete Carroll Hello, I am one of those people that literally only watches one football game a year:  The Super one.  So, this year I was happy to root for the SEAHAWKS since I lived in Seattle twice for a few years. I am writing actually to Pete Carroll today to say  Thank YOU!  wow, as a psychotherapist and a minister, I must say I know how to treat people with love and respect and kindness and I have never known a coach to speak with love and respect and kindness to his team until I met or saw Coach Carroll on t.v. I also must say that I have never heard a coach speak the way Pete Carroll does about his players. When I heard him say:   WE MUST TRUST IN OURSELVES, BELIEVE IN ONE ANOTHER, AND SUPPORT ONE ANOTHER, I was truly enchanted.  The way he handled the loss in the media interviews inspired me even more. It was as if he were taking the play book from me as to how to help people move beyond a loss. I heard him saying that the team could grow from the loss. I heard him saying that his team could feel the way they needed to and he would still be present to them. I heard him speak in a way that I speak to people who have suffered a loss. thank you Pete Carroll. Interstingly enough, last year, I wrote a blog about Richard Sherman. A very good blog.  check it out at www.UnityWholenessCenter.com Maybe I will watch more than one game a year as long as Pete Carroll is the coach. 474 2015-02-13 21:30:32 2015-02-13 21:30:32 open open pete-carroll-coach publish 0 0 post 0 Family Therapy SPIRITUALITY Uncategorized _edit_last 3 WE ALL HAVE A FAIRY GODMOTHER https://unitywholenesscenter.com/childrens-therapy/we-all-have-a-fairy-godmother/ Sun, 29 Mar 2015 00:27:41 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=482 We all have a Fairy God Mother I saw the movie, Cinderella yesterday with a dear friend who has often referred to me as Cinderella because of how Cinderella knew how to make her  deepest dreams come true. just by being herself. I am  in the process of allowing my deepest dreams to be fulfilled as well. I have always believed in the magic of my dreams and I have had so many wonderful dreams come true that would have died in the shadow of my consciousness were it not for this deep knowing I have always had that dreams are meant to come true despite all appearances. The reason I titled this blog, WE all have a fairy godmother, is that there are some deep truths in this magical story that  reveal the way to live consciously and therefore fulfill our purpose in life.  I have deep gratitude to the writers of the screen play for this movie. They were able to reveal these truths in a most beautiful way.& nbsp; Here are some of these truths that I refer to.< strong>Unconditional love by one’s parents.</strong> First, Cinderella was loved fully and unconditionally by her parents.  They showed her in every way that she was good and worthy and that all of her needs were important. The love with which they parented her went deep within her heart, mind, soul and body. When she needed the presence of love, it was always there. I believe that all parents (or at least most) would want to parent their children this way. However, a parent is only able to love this way if either of the following is met. First, if a parent was loved in this same way, then they automatically know how love their own children in this manner. If, they were not loved fully, but if this same parent has healed from any wounding they received from their parents, then they can also love their children unconditionally so that their children will blossom like Cinderella. This blog is not about how to heal from the wounding that is inflicted by unconscious parents. However, it is important to know that you can heal! ~< strong>Self love or what to do if our parents were not able to love us unconditionally.</strong> As one heals from the unconscious actions of those early caregivers whose actions made them feel “less than”, one can learn to love themselves unconditionally. It is the human condition that if one was not loved unconditionally by their parents, then the only person that can ever love them in this way is themselves.< strong> </strong>< strong>What to do when we encounter those who are jealous of our own light because they have not chosen to discover their own light.  </strong> The step-sisters and the step-mother represent those around us who do not want to connect with their own sense of goodness that is within them. When someone refuses to take the inner journey to re-connect with their own sense of goodness, their actions can be seen and experienced as truly evil. Evil actions are taken when one is unwilling to act from a sense of compassion and love that comes from within them. Cinderella survived the horrid abuse by continuing to see goodness around her especially in the form of the mice and the birds. These animals continued to remind her of her own goodness. And of course they played a mighty part in her own journey. This is a journey that we all must take and initially and ideally, we have friends and maybe even enlightened family members that can be our cheer-leaders but we must be willing to take it and we can often feel completely and utterly alone.& nbsp;< strong>Be Kind and have Courage </strong> This is perhaps the most important thing to keep remembering when we have embarked on our journey to re-connect with ourselves. Cinderella received this supreme advice from her mother as her mother was about to die. Being kind enables us to have those good boundaries around our own fear, pain and shame so that we do not project it onto others. The willingness to be kind empowers us to take actions that will bless the world and when we do this, the blessings always come back. The source of the blessings may not be directly from the one we were kind to but they will always return. And, the admonition to have courage lets us keep on keeping on. Courage, often known as “heart-strength” shows us our next step on our own personal journey. All we ever need do is take our next step in our dream fulfillment. Again, and this is so important, “ALL WE EVER NEED DO IS TAKE OUR NEXT STEP”. There is a myth that is called the ROOM OF A 1000 DEMONS.  The myth tells us that there is a room we all must enter to get to where we want to go to. The room will seem like it is filled with our worst fears made manifest. In order to truly be on our authentic path, we do need to enter this “room”. However, there are two things that will enable us to get through the room. First, we need to remember that the fears are not real although they will seem 100% real and second, to get through it, all we need do is keep our feet moving. That is, we need to keep taking our next step and when we take that one; we can take our next and so on and so forth. For me, I believe that this room represents the Shadow in our consciousness. And, we all need do is to enter it and acknowledge what has happened in our lives that made us feel we are less than. The best way to do this is to share our story with someone who will listen, be present and let us know we are not alone.  This person can be a friend who is also on their own journey, a minister or my favorite option is of course a therapist who has moved through the Room of 1000 demons. And, we need to remember to keep moving our feet.& nbsp;& nbsp;< strong>Fairy Godmother. The fairy Godmother may be the most important element that enables   Cinderella’s “fairy tale” to come true. It is the part of us that loves us just the way we need to be loved and she is within us.</strong> Most, if not all people were not loved in exactly the way they needed to be loved. This is pure and simple without accusation for our early caretakers. In most cases they did the best they could based on their current level of awareness. And, there is deep within the heart and soul of every human on earth an awareness of how they need to be loved. The key is to simply connect with this part of us and begin to take the tiniest steps in alignment with how we need to be loved.  Our Fairy Godmother may have some of the characteristics of the ones who did show love to us. Some say, well, no one loved me. It is important to know that if we survived, there was an experience of love somehow or someway.  The love may be experienced in nature or with a quirky neighbor or a teacher or often the love may have been experienced in relationship with an animal. There is a picture of me when I was about 10 months old and our family dog, a black poodle is standing on her hind legs and pushing the carriage that I was in. Is it no wonder then that the way I experience deep love even today is around dogs and horses as well. When I add the Colorado Mountains, I am transported to a sense of perfect well-being.< strong>The Ball</strong> This is such a wonderful party of the story. The Ball represents more than one event; it represents the time in our soul’s journey when we are finally ready to show our gifts to the world. When we are ready to do, there will be opportunities to simply show up and be ourselves. Cinderella, in the movie, showed up in such a way that her every movement was guided from within her. She was showing that she was ready to live her life from “inside out” rather than being jerked around by everyone outside of her.< strong> </strong>< strong>The shoes</strong> A most wonderful part of this story is represented by the shoes, the shoes that only fit Cinderella. Feet often represent our self-understanding. When we are ready to be who we are most authentically, we have finally realized that the only person we can truly be is ourselves.  We have gained new understanding about ourselves and at this moment, the shoes we wear will only fit us. Other people need to come to their own self understanding and then they will find their own shoes. The glass that they are made of simply reveals that Cinderella has nothing to hide. Her own inner light shines clearly through her actions, thoughts, words and deeds.< strong> </strong>< strong> </strong>< strong>The Prince</strong> The prince represents those people who have done their own inner work and will love us as we are. There comes a time in our lives, if we have done our own inner work, that we really only want to spend time with those who love us as we love them.  When someone arrives at this stage in their own journey, they know who loves them and who does not. In the end, she knew who her people were and she was able to completely release the step-family that had always been jealous of her.< strong> </strong>< strong>When all seems lost:  Sing</strong> Singing is a way to release our pain and it also represents the awareness that nothing is ever lost. In the movie, when the slipper was being offered to all the maidens in the land and it looked like Cinderella was not going to have this opportunity because the evil stepmother had imprisoned her, she simply sang. She gave voice to her pain and the deep friends, the rats, opened the window and the prince and his court heard her voice and demanded to see her. Though, she was fearful that perhaps the prince may turn away from her because of the rags she was forced to wear, she said to herself, that if he loved her, then what she was wearing would not matter to him This is the supreme release of all shame. The prince sees her, the slipper fits and she is taken to her true kingdom. I am ending this blog with this last paragraph except to go back to the title of this blog:  WE ALL HAVE A FAIRY GODMOTHER. I invite you to consider this and find way to connect with  part of you that loves you and is guiding  you right now to take the next step to your deepest dream fulfillment.!& nbsp;< strong> </strong>< strong> </strong>< strong> </strong>< strong> </strong>& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; 482 2015-03-29 00:27:41 2015-03-29 00:27:41 open open we-all-have-a-fairy-godmother publish 0 0 post 0 Childrens Therapy Couples Therapy Family Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 YOU ARE THAT WHICH YOU ARE SEEKING https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/you-are-that-which-you-are-seeking/ Wed, 22 Apr 2015 13:58:11 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=530 The world famous Catholic Saint, by the name of St. Francis spoke this eternal truth. Today, I begin a new blog about relationships. Everyday, I will take something from the news and write a short blog( some may be long ;), and every day you will have a bit of wisdom to carry with you all day so that you begin to understand that the truest desire you have for a relationship is valid! YOU deserve to have your deepest desire for a fulfilling relationship come true. And, the first step for this dream to be fulfilled is to develop the best relationship with your self. So, we begin this journey  with an exercise that is in 3 parts. Today, your mission is to do the following exercise: Hero’s Quality worksheet& nbsp; Step One: Make a list of individuals (ideally 10+) —personal heroes or persons you admire. They could be living or dead, historical or fictional. Each must possess qualities that you value or attributes you wish for yourself.& nbsp; Step Two: Beside each person, briefly list the qualities you admire in them. The quality answers why this person is on your list. For example, if one of your heroes is Superman, beside this name you might list strong, courageous, etc. Use one word or two word phrases to identify the attribute or quality, e.g. compassionate, faith filled, trustworthy, etc.& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; Step Three: Circle up to three themes you notice in the Qualities column. For instance: You may have the word compassionate listed several times. Compassionate represents a theme.& nbsp; Look for  tomorrow’s blog to know what to do next!.& nbsp; 530 2015-04-22 13:58:11 2015-04-22 13:58:11 open open you-are-that-which-you-are-seeking publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Couples Therapy Family Therapy Parent SPIRITUALITY _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _edit_last 3 _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light The positive things you see in others reveals something very important about YOU~ https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/the-positive-things-you-see-in-others-reveals-something-very-important-about-you/ Thu, 23 Apr 2015 16:09:26 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=534 ~ Moving forward from yesterday’s blog( 4/22), the Qualities that you see in others reveals a reflection of your Heroic or Authentic self. Often we have heard that if we see something negative in someone else, it simply is about ourselves. This is not always true. What we see in others reveals something about ourselves for sure but sometimes the negative things we see may reveal an underlying need to be like the person we are complaining about. However, today’s  blog is about the positive things we see in others.  Often we are quick to see the negative parts of ourselves and some say we are even more likely to own the negative parts of ourselves rather than the positive aspects. Mary Ann Williams suggests that we are more afraid of our own “light” as opposed to our darkness. So, for today, it really is important to look at yesterdays blog first. So, if you have not done that, please read it and do the exercise before you read on. For those of  you who have done it, please scroll down after the line of purple ************************************s& nbsp;< span style=”color: #cc99ff;”>************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************</span> This line of stars is used here to tell you that you are a star. Yes, there is a part of you that we call your hero-self or your authentic self that is so wonderful and so valuable to the welfare of the planet and all of her creatures that if I had a magic wand, you would excavate this self and do your part to heal our planet. However, for today, please take the qualities that you saw in others from yesterday’s blog work, and write down all of the qualities. Then make 5 copies and paste them all around your home and then make a small copy to keep in your purse or wallet. These qualities reflect part of your true self. They may be somewhat latent or they may be fully realized but they are part of you. Do all that you can to own this today.& nbsp; 534 2015-04-23 16:09:26 2015-04-23 16:09:26 open open the-positive-things-you-see-in-others-reveals-something-very-important-about-you publish 0 0 post 0 Uncategorized _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light WHO YOU TRULY ARE………WHO THE WORLD NEEDS YOU TO BE. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/536/ Fri, 24 Apr 2015 00:10:26 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=536 Today, we will begin with the Solution……………to whatever is ailing you! can you imagine there is such a solution? First, I would grab a pen and paper and literally answer all of the questions in this blog today. The solution begins with : identifying your true self& nbsp; Other names for true self *authentic self, hero within, Magical Child, Inner Child, Divine within, higher self, Christ within, Wise self, Wise elder, What other names do you have for this, your true essence?  List three.& nbsp; Your true self is the place within you  where your soul gifts lie, your dreams, your passions…….Your true self reveals <strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>the One you have come here to be</span></em></strong>< strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”> </span></em></strong>< strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>Clues:</span></em></strong> what have you always been good at your whole life? For example, even as a toddler, I was always very relational and communicative activities, that is getting others to talk.  I did not talk about myself much, I learned adaptively to be present to others………..for a long time, I only focused on others……….then I realized that I also needed to focus on myself.………in the dysfunction of my family, I brought people together And now, many people call me the “ communication and relationship expert”.& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; The true self may or may not have anything to do with your current job or career whatsoever or it may. For some, they often have to express their truest self  in a hobby or in service For example, the nurse who was really a singer and  then wound up singing in a church choir until she retired and then became the choir director …………..and it was then that she met what she called her soul mate. When we connect with our true self; our dreams can then be fulfilled. Think of one thing that you have been good at your whole life.& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; When you connect with your true self, good things happen. You will begin to live your live from the inside out rather than co-dependently. You will learn to say YES and to say NO authentically for yourself and not for others.& nbsp; Other clues:  resonance between what you have worked through and a need in the world. Other clues: Where you live, and with  whom you hang out with. However are you hanging out with people whom you feel in harmony with or are you hanging with them for their own benefit. Your Authentic self will know this answer.& nbsp;& nbsp;< strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>Other clues    </span></em></strong> Think about times when you felt one with your surroundings, one with others, ………having peak experiences.& nbsp; When have you been in the flow?  Have had success?& nbsp; Dreams or passions  that you have always had? Or these dreams and passions may be just lurking below the surface Some of the dreams  might be:  you  wish you lived by water, or in the Mountains, or you  wish you could be a __________in your job& nbsp;< strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>~~Think of  one time or one period of time or one experience  that was completely  successful for you have experienced</span></em></strong> This time would represent a flow of all things working together for good~~& nbsp; Take your time to really write down YOUR truth in these answers. Not in what others would want you to say or what you think you should say but what YOU have always wanted to say. See you in the next blog for your next steps………..& nbsp;& nbsp; 536 2015-04-24 00:10:26 2015-04-24 00:10:26 open open 536 publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Couples Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light Why you do not live from your authentic self https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/why-you-do-not-live-from-your-authentic-self/ Fri, 24 Apr 2015 21:29:44 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=539 <ul> <li></li> <li>Please read the blogs from the previous 2 days about discovering your true self.</li> <li>Now,   think of  a symbol of your True self and write it down in your journal.</li> <li>Now is the time to think about why you have not been able to live your life from the awareness of your authentic self.  AND, is this the case for most people?</li>< /ul>& nbsp; John Bradshaw, author, lecturer and developer of the Inner Child ideas says this:  80 to 95% of all families are dysfunctional and the other 5 to 15% are lieing .So we are all in the same boat.  Things happened in our childhood that made us think we were less than or that something was wrong with us. This creates a deep sense of shame in a person. Today’s blog is not about what happened to you but rather to understand that some negative experiences happened ( negative ranging from minor neglect to abuse to severe abuse to severe neglect to infrequent trauma to constant trauma), and you were led to believe that you are less than whole.  These negative beliefs cause us to separate from our authentic self.& nbsp; One of the easiest ways to look at your own woundedness is how you learned to  deal with feeling This next section is about :  <strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>~How my family of origin dealt with feelings </span></em></strong>& nbsp;< strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>Anger</span></em></strong> is about boundaries being invaded. That is when we have anger it is because our boundaries were invaded on one or more levels: physical, emotional, spiritual, intellectual, social.& nbsp; Sadness is always about loss& nbsp; Joy is experienced when we are able to feel safe first and then there is a sense of oneness with others or with nature. Guilt is about something we did that we believe or were told we should not have done. Shame is first a feeling of being “seen”……..it becomes toxic or painful when our boundaries are violated when we are vulnerable and “seen.< ul> <li>Fear is about being or feeling threatened</li> <li></li>< /ul>& nbsp;& nbsp;< strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>Write down in your journal which feeling was really forbidden?</span></em></strong>< strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”> Which feeling was pushed farthest away from awareness.</span></em></strong>< strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”> Which feeling was most forbidden or least permitted expression</span></em></strong>< ul> <li></li> <li></li> <li></li> <li>And in all most all cases of any type of abuse, the parents is simply projecting the dis-owned parts of themselves onto their children</li> <li>Often people who have a huge amount of toxic shame took on the shame of their parents</li> <li>When parents harm their children, they are acting shamelessly without any boundaries and a child by nature does not have boundaries……children learn boundaries by what they see, by how they are treated and by what they are allowed to do</li> <li></li> <li><strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>*Trauma happens</span></em></strong></li> <li></li> <li>So, things that our parents cant help us deal with are stuffed in to the shadow,.</li> <li>For example, if a child is continually made fun of by the siblings, that child will come to believe that there is something wrong with her. She may adapt by becoming painfully shy in school but then erupt in high school and bring a weapon to school to harm the bullies. This is a true story.</li> <li>Most parents, guardians, care-takers do the best that they can with the awareness that they have. I do believe that in most cases, each generation also gets more conscious. So, there are a lot of unconscious wounds and erroneous beliefs about who we are that are in the shadow that are there because our parents did not know how to deal with these issues. And, most woundedness begins with loss and the resulting mass of human emotions that result from loss that many do not know how to deal with so it is stuffed into the shadow of our being. Again, the shadow is filled with dis-owned parts of our self and painful things that we were not able to deal with:</li> <li></li> <li>Not being able to have your own truth in the smallest of things</li> <li>Not being able to have your feelings</li> <li>The community is dysfunctional</li> <li>The world is unsafe………especially now.</li> <li></li> <li></li> <li>Please take some time to think about this blog and we will continue this journey to your true self on Monday the 27th of April.</li> <li></li> <li></li> <li></li> <li></li>< /ul> 539 2015-04-24 21:29:44 2015-04-24 21:29:44 open open why-you-do-not-live-from-your-authentic-self publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Couples Therapy Family Therapy Grief Therapy _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light Why you do not live from your wholeness. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/541/ Sun, 26 Apr 2015 15:05:08 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=541 &nbsp; Please look at the previous three posts to understand this one Let us  Recall So what do we do about this in childhood?& nbsp; We adapt.  Human’s have a deep need to survive and so we do what is necessary to adapt so that we can get some needs met and also we adapt to survive and keep ourselves intact.  The part of us that adapted is called the Adapted or Adaptive Child. The adapted child has a deep need to continue doing what it did in childhood to survive. Get this: I said survive. The adaptation is about survival or at least this part of thinks we will die if you don’t continue these adaptation.  This is why it is so hard to change parts of our behavior However,  best part of the adaptation is that no matter what happened to us, our true and real self has not been harmed. It has been protected by our adapted child.& nbsp; So, the adapted child part of us is young. It does not need to be kicked out. It needs us to lovingly take it by the hand and tell it” You don’t need to be in charge anymore, I am going to be the functional adult and get support and take care of you.& nbsp; When we could not be our true self, we developed this adapted self.< strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”> </span></em></strong> It is important to realized   we have learned we cant be our true self so the adapted part of us does all it can to meet some needs.& nbsp;& nbsp; The adapted child believes that it is dangerous to re-connect to our true and authentic self so this part gives us a lot of anxiety when we start re-connecting.  This part of us believes that we will be harmed again the way we were way back when if we choose to go within and connect to our Goodness. Let us recall Marianne Williamson’s quote about being more afraid to connect to our light rather than our shadow side. The  Adapted Child is about our shadow side. The light in us is expressed through our true and authentic self. I invite you to  do a time line of when you  have lived from your true self and when you  have lived from your adapted self& nbsp; The adapted child is also influenced by our family of origin. The culture, customs and just the way we lived .  There are of course positive things that the adapted child expresses. So as we heal, we realize that this part of us holds a lot of energy, a lot of survival skills and a huge amount of awareness about what our next steps are.& nbsp; The adapted child is also our inner critic.  Again, this part of us protects us from what it believes caused the pain, trauma and abuse in some cases in our young lives. Your innocence,y our vulnerability and your souls gifts are part of your true self however you may be quite dis-connected this part of you because the Adapted child is afraid to connect to this true part of you. So, the Adapted child/inner critic does all that it can to keep us from ever being vulnerable and open again.& nbsp;& nbsp; Exercise:  <strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>strike a pose that reflects………..your adapted self   What does this part of you look like.    Mine is shame filled and is over-functioniong. However, I have learned to embrace this part of me in a loving and protective circle. I can be in touch with this part and care for it but no longer does it get to navigate the course of my life.</span></em></strong>. There is a  part of you that can accept this young part of and this is your  functional adult The functional adult is the part of you that is reading this blog. This is the part of you that can learn to love yourself completely. Tomorrow, I will give you the way to truly learn to love yourself . Your functional adult is a healthy parent within you. It loves all of you.& nbsp;< strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”> EXERCISE: </span></em></strong>< strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>***do graph/time line on when you have been connected to your true self and when your adapted child was in charge.</span></em></strong>< strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”> </span></em></strong>< strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”> </span></em></strong>< strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”> </span></em></strong>< strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”> </span></em></strong> 541 2015-04-26 15:05:08 2015-04-26 15:05:08 open open 541 publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Couples Therapy Grief Therapy _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light What do you say when you don’t know what to say: the key is to be willing to RSVP https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/what-do-you-say-when-you-dont-know-what-to-say-the-key-is-to-be-willing-to-rsvp/ Tue, 28 Apr 2015 18:20:30 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=546 RSVP: THE KEY TO HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS.& nbsp; There may be nothing as satisfying as being in a conversation with another human who is willing to be totally open, present and vulnerable. In fact neuroscience research shows that we humans are wired to respond to one another on many levels. William Condon did research in the 1960s on what he called “CULTURAL MICRORHYTHMS”. He discovered that: “When two people talk, their volume and pitch fall into balance. What linguists call speech rate — the number of speech sounds per second — equalizes. So does what is known as latency, the period of time that lapses between the moment one speaker Stops talking and the moment the other speaker begins. Two people may arrive at a conversation with very different conversational patterns. But almost instantly they reach a common ground. We all do it, all the time. Babies as young as one or two days old synchronize their head, elbow, shoulder, hip, and foot movements with the speech patterns of adults. Synchrony has even been found in the interactions of humans and apes. It’s part of the way we are hardwired.” (From Malcolm Gladwell on Condon’s research).& nbsp; Though this blog is not an academic paper on human interaction or the “cultural micro-rhythms”, the purpose is to highlight the importance of responding. When we don’t respond to the “bids for attention” (John Gottman’s term for the ways we humans initiate interaction), we are literally inhibiting the flow of life that is seeking to express as a way of connecting with another. All creatures seek this connection. When a horse is lost in a pasture, it will neigh over and over again and very loudly until it hears its herd calling back to let the lost horse know where they are. Birds call to one another to connect and share information. Dogs always respond on many levels to one another. They sniff, they look at each other’s body, they may verbalize all in a way to connect and see if the other is safe to let one’s guard down and begin “dog games”. In fact, I don’t think I have ever seen a non-human not react to the “bids for attention” from another creature be it a creature of the identical species or a different species. We are on this earth to connect one to the other and when we respond to this innate call of nature, we are blessed in ways that nothing else can. Yet humans seem to have become masters at ignoring the other’s “bids for connection/attention”.& nbsp; What I mean by this is the following:  Every day I reach out to people via phone, e-mail, text and in person and I would say that at least 50% of the time (or more), I am ignored. That is, the person I am reaching out to simply does not respond. And, I hear every day from clients, friends and family members that they reached out to someone via one medium or another and they never got a response back. The problem is rampant. It seems that the lack of response is becoming more the norm than the exception.& nbsp; The question then is “Why do humans ignore this basic need; this basic drive that brings about deep intimacy on every level”?& nbsp; I have a hunch that it comes from a sense of shame, about feeling “less than”, feeling that there is something wrong at the core. This feeling develops when we are very young either because there was direct abuse from our early caretakers OR the caretakers were not able to be present and reflect to the child the “wonder of who they are”. No parents are able to do this perfectly. So, I think that all of us have to deal with the feeling of “less than” in one way or another.& nbsp; This sense of shame does not feel good at all. Often someone will become an over-achiever to prove that there is nothing wrong with them.  However, if one is achieving to overcome this deep sense of shame, there is no amount of achievements that will heal this internal wound. Others may resort to under–achieving; they live from the sense of shame as if it is true. Some others become grandiose in big and little ways. The sense of being “better than” feels good and can effectively cover up the inner “less than”. .And finally, some not only under achieve but they resort to crime and violence and they may not even be consciously aware of why they are doing this. But no matter what direction one’s life takes; over achieve, under achieve, grandiosity and entitlement or resorting to crime, there is something else that nearly all humans do in reaction to this deep sense of shame: They try to feel better in the moment when the sense of shame is felt; even if on a very unconscious level. So, getting back to not responding to emails and messages; I think people get a “hit” (almost like an instant or momentary high) when they say “no” to someone’s requests or “bids for attention”. Thus they ride an imaginary and internal elevator from feeling a deep sense of shame to the upper levels of grandiosity. This is my theory. I believe that people don’t respond because they get this instant high, albeit fleeting. Now, some people do this more than others but to try to deal with the sense of shame by inflating oneself at the expense of another does nothing, zip, nada to heal the shame. It only creates confusion, sadness, disappointment and bewilderment.& nbsp; My remedy is 2 fold< ol> <li>We all need to deal with our “sense of shame”; because it is just that, a sense of it. And, it is a false sense. This requires therapy or counseling or finding friends who also want to deal with this toxic sense that there is something wrong with them and doing group work. And the purpose of this article is not to help people deal with this false sense of who they are.</li> <li>The purpose of this article is to tell humans what they should do when a “bid for attention” is made via direct speech, e-mail, voice mail, or other forms of communication. What they should do is    RSVP. This means in French:  Respond Please.</li>< /ol>& nbsp; That is it. Simply be willing to respond. Even if you don’t agree, respond. Even if you don’t have time to do what is requested:  Respond. Even if you don’t know the answer the bid for attention may be seeking: RESPOND.& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; 546 2015-04-28 18:20:30 2015-04-28 18:20:30 open open what-do-you-say-when-you-dont-know-what-to-say-the-key-is-to-be-willing-to-rsvp publish 0 0 post 0 Uncategorized _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light Baltimore Unrest and what YOU can DO https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/baltimore-unrest-and-what-you-can-do/ Thu, 30 Apr 2015 14:23:47 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=548 <h2>“For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.”</h2> —Nelson Mandela (1918-2013) Former President Of South Africa& nbsp; This a.m. on NPR, I heard a story discussing the riots in Balitmore and how the ones who were rioting and destroying some businesses chose to protect shops and businesses that had African American  owners and they were destroying shops with Asian owners. The NPR story shared 2 sides to the story. Very briefly, the shops with Black owners seemed to offer more respect as a rule,  to those living in the area near the shops and the Asian owners seemed to never really offer respect to the Black residents that lived near the shops. The NPR story interviewed an Asian owner as she was cleaning up the destruction of her store and she said something like, ” see what they do, I definitely will never trust them now”. A Black man shared a story of when  he had tried to get a 2 day credit from an Asian store for  a shirt for a job interview and the owner of the Asian store said “no way”.& nbsp; The whole point of this blog is this: Which side is right here?   The answer; both sides. Both sides have their perspectives, their feelings and their own woundedness. And, at this point in the story, both sides think they are right and have taken a stance that is clearly against the other. If they maintain this stance, the anger, rioting and lack of connection and Harmony will only continue. The only way to get past this impasse is to be willing to connect with one’s own truth, speak this truth in love without attack and then be willing to listen the other as they speak their truth and listen in love without attack. This way of speaking is the essence of a system of communication developed by Marshall Rosenberg called  Non-violent Communication( see www.cnvc.org for more information about NVC). Another version that is quite similar to NVC is called the Feedback Wheel.& nbsp; the steps in the feedback wheel are these: 1. share the facts 2. share your perception, your thoughts about what happened 3. share your feelings 4. make a request.& nbsp; I use both NVC and the feedback wheel. The reason I titled this blog about what you can do is because if you commit to speaking in this healthy way, you will change the world in which you live. If you get your family, your place of work, your church or anywhere else where humans communicate to commit to this way of speaking and listening, you will begin to heal the world one word at a time. I would love to coach you on this use. Truly, making a commitment to speak this way all of the time or at least when upset with another will change your life!~ I guarantee this.& nbsp; 548 2015-04-30 14:23:47 2015-04-30 14:23:47 open open baltimore-unrest-and-what-you-can-do publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Couples Therapy Parent _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light Instilling a sense of value in others. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/instilling-a-sense-of-value-in-others/ Fri, 01 May 2015 19:22:04 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=550 Shanna Peoples of Amarillo, TX, is the teacher of the year.  In an interview on NPR, Peoples tells us that she did all she could  to enable her students to feel valued. She had three simple steps that she used.  Everyday and in every way that she could, she would use Kindness, understanding with her students. In this simple way, she fostered a “sense of belonging”. One reason she has been chosen to be the Teacher of the year is that these three values, kindness, understanding and creating a sense of belonging was not easy. Many of her students were refugees. Yet, Shanna Peoples was successful; SHE IS SUCCESSFUL!& nbsp; Can you imagine how you would feel if your loved ones did this for you?  Can you imagine doing this for your loved ones? How about doing it for your “less than loved ones”?  How about making a commitment to doing this on the first day of every month?  That is what I am going to do and on this first day of May, I can honestly tell you that this commitment has brought me such a sense of wellbeing that I may try to do it every Sunday or what if, we try to do it every day? Our world would change  if only 10 of us did this. See you on the street creating a sense of caring, understanding and fostering a sense of belonging. Tomorrow: Can you imagine how this idea would have saved Freddy Gray’s life? Those policemen would not be facing murder charges, they would be up for awards like Shanna Peoples. 550 2015-05-01 19:22:04 2015-05-01 19:22:04 open open instilling-a-sense-of-value-in-others publish 0 0 post 0 Uncategorized _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light Weekend Meditation https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/weekend-meditation/ Sat, 02 May 2015 15:18:30 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=552 I am going to be putting on a meditation on the weekends. This one does talk about God. As a Unity Minister I believe that the presence of the Divine is within all of life; all living creatures. God’s presence is in the rocks, the trees, the flowers and the seas and all creatures, whether of fur, fin, feather or skin.& nbsp;& nbsp; Let us pause in this moment of prayer and begin with 3 deep breaths…….breathing in the very life of the Divine……and then exhaling and releasing anything that would stand in our way of knowing the Truth. Our inhalation bathes and renews every cell in our body so we are in this very moment whole and free as God created us to be.& nbsp; And now let us use our imagination and go into a very sacred place within, moving our consciousness  to the Kingdom of Heaven within……. A place within that is at the core of our being, the home of our soul. And in this level of consciousness. Let us bring to mind an awareness of the very presence of God within and all around us……….. The presence of God, sees us as the ONE we have come here to be…….. The presence of God sees our gifts……our spiritual gifts that make each one of us unique………… The presence of God sees no error, only Truth and beauty. And the presence of God asks you in this moment of prayer Are you willing to see yourself as the radiant child of God that you are now, always have been and always will be.? ( repeat question)& nbsp; If the you are willing, then let allow this willingness to flow over you like a sweet and gentle rain that now eliminates the negative beliefs that you have held…..about yourself. And in the silence of this holy moment, breathe in and breathe out and be the one you have come here to be:  in the silence……. Pause: And let us hear these words as if the presence of the Divine were singing them to us, How could anyone ever tell you, you are anything less beautiful, how could anyone ever tell you, you are less than whole…..how could anyone ever tell you that your loving is a miracle and how deeply your connected to my soul.& nbsp; And truly for anyone who has said anything less than the truth, it is because they did not know of their own beauty. And so let us breathe in the truth of who we are, let us send a loving prayer to anyone who does not know who they are……… And in this moment, we are free. Free and unlimited……..& nbsp; Let us deepen our breathing now and be here in this moment. Touching that place of gratitude within and now joining our hearts, minds and voices and sing Alleluia 552 2015-05-02 15:18:30 2015-05-02 15:18:30 open open weekend-meditation publish 0 0 post 0 Adult SPIRITUALITY Uncategorized _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light Loving yourself is doing good self care: this is a spiritual practice https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/loving-yourself-is-doing-good-self-care-this-is-a-spiritual-practice/ Tue, 05 May 2015 13:58:23 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=554 <table class=”w600″ border=”0″ width=”600″ cellspacing=”0″ cellpadding=”0″ align=”center”>< tbody>< tr>< td class=”w600″ colspan=”4″ align=”center”>< h2>“Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live.”</h2> —Jim Rohn (1930-2009) Entrepreneur, Author, Motivational Speaker</td>< /tr>< tr class=”hide”>< td class=”h40″ colspan=”4″ height=”10″></td>< /tr>< /tbody>< /table> 554 2015-05-05 13:58:23 2015-05-05 13:58:23 open open loving-yourself-is-doing-good-self-care-this-is-a-spiritual-practice publish 0 0 post 0 Uncategorized _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light Why Baltimore is a Spiritual Arena https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/why-baltimore-is-a-spiritual-arena/ Tue, 05 May 2015 14:08:49 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=556 What would you call a group of 40 pastors gathering together to walk into a group of protestors to bring peace and compassion to their hearts and minds? I would call this a spiritual arena. This is exactly what happened and initially the police saw the large group of 40 pastors coming toward them and the police thought they were coming to create violence. When the group of police encountered the pastors, the pastors knelt down. The policeman in charge of his side of the group, seeing who these brave pastors were, said to them:  “Lead and we will follow”.& nbsp; When I heard this story, I needed to pull over in my car to calm the tears of JOY I had streaming down my face. Though, I could word this story to death, I don’t think I need to. I think if you are reading this right now, you know exactly how powerful the lesson is in this story. I will add a metaphysical interpretation to this however. A metaphysical interpretation takes all of the characters in the story and places them into ones own heart and mind and assesses what each group means to them. For me, the story represents this: There is a part of us that knows how to be calm and still and be in touch with love and compassion. When we harness the power from this part of us and let it bring truth to the part of us that needs to know it is being seen and heard; miracles occur. Certainly a social interpretation is easy to see. However, we must first allow the compassionate part of us to bring peace to our entire being. When we do this, we then can unite with other like minded people and bring peace to the world. This is why Baltimore is a spiritual arena……………..and it is showing those who have “eyes to see and ears to hear”  what they must do to be a peace maker.& nbsp; 556 2015-05-05 14:08:49 2015-05-05 14:08:49 open open why-baltimore-is-a-spiritual-arena publish 0 0 post 0 Adult SPIRITUALITY Uncategorized _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light GRATITUDE GETS US IN TOUCH WITH OUR HEART. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/spirituality/gratitude-gets-us-in-touch-with-our-heart/ Fri, 08 May 2015 12:01:03 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=559 &nbsp;& nbsp; Gratitude is a prayer of the heart… GRATITUDE GETS US IN TUCH WITH OUR HEART.& nbsp; There are many ways to use gratitude as a prayer in our lives. When we can say thank you God for something that caused us great pain in the <strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>past</span></em></strong> and  then  led to great growth; this form of gratitude lets us know that no matter what challenges we may be facing, as we connect with the presence of God within, we will always make it through with flying colors. When we can say thank you God for what is in <strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>the present</span></em></strong>, we are automatically connecting to  the Now and that is where the Kingdom of Heaven is:  in this NOW moment. The kingdom of Heaven is the realm of Divine Ideas and ideas are the most powerful thing in all the Universe. .  Prayer is answered through Divine Ideas.  When we say thank you God, we are opening a channel to receive spiritual guidance.& nbsp; When we can say thank you God for what <strong><em>will be, in the future</em></strong><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>,  we create an attitude of</span> expectancy….we are saying, it is already so…..and therefore there is no gap between what we want and what will be. Gratitude is the bridge between our desire and  the manifestation of our desire.& nbsp; And as we give thanks in advance, we are affirming   that our prayers will be answered. A prayer of Gratitude is a shape shifter that can change our hunger for something  to a “<strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>knowing</span></em></strong>” that it will come to pass at the right and perfect time.   This prayer  of  gratitude puts us in touch with guidance so we know what steps to take to bring our desire to fulfillment& nbsp; IN summary, Gratitude is the easiest spiritual practice we can do….Jesus taught this in the Biblical story of the loaves and fishes.  When Jesus took the loaves and fishes that he had at the moment and blessed them with great gratitude and expectancy, the loaves and fishes multiplied to meet everyone’s needs.& nbsp;& nbsp; Meister Eckhart, world famous mystic said:  if the only prayer you ever say is< strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>Thank you God</span></em></strong> , that is enough.& nbsp;& nbsp; 559 2015-05-08 12:01:03 2015-05-08 12:01:03 open open gratitude-gets-us-in-touch-with-our-heart publish 0 0 post 0 Adult SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light The LIGHT of Goodness is within you………. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/grief-therapy/the-light-of-goodness-is-within-you/ Sat, 09 May 2015 22:58:54 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=561 The other day I spoke with someone on the phone who called up very upset.……….He was quite distraught…..about the challenges our world is facing……………..and he began yelling at me abut how if the teachings of Unity are true… that is, that if God is present in all humans then why would humans be destroying the very home it needs to live on………….. Before I go further with this, the presence of God within can be thought of as the nature of pure goodness, or Life, or LOVE or LIGHT. Unity does teach that the presence of God is within all of creation but what we call this Divine Presence is up to each person.& nbsp; Now back to the story with this man I as speaking to on the phone. I asked him what he thought first……..and he seemed to calm down a bit………..he thought I was going to give him some pat answer, throw a prayer at him( his words later) and be done with him…..& nbsp; Long story short…he came to the conclusion that I would have told him but I knew it would be better for him to come to his own conclusion.& nbsp; The conclusion:  to the degree that a human is aware of the presence of God within, to that degree, that human does things that are in accordance with blessing all of life………and the reverse is true. To the degree that a human is unaware of God’s presence within, then that human will most likely be taking action that is not in alignment with the good of all… &nbsp;& nbsp; As I was driving home that day, some words came to me that I had not thought about for a while.  These words however have stayed with me for the last 31 years…………..& nbsp; Before I say the words, I would like to preface them with this:& nbsp; Have you heard some words or a phrase that really resonated with you and you are not sure why……..they just do.& nbsp; When I was a Psychology major at Indianan U. , I took a sensation and Perception class with Dr. B.B. Morris.& nbsp; One day he started talking about Brightness Constancy…………. And being the more  right brained person that I am……….I went on a mental vacation and began saying that phrase over and over and bringing up images that it must be about.& nbsp;& nbsp; Brightness Constancy……..isn’t that a nice sounding phrase and concept.& nbsp; I am sure that some of you may know it’s actual meaning…… &nbsp; The dictionary defines it as< em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>the</span></em><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”> tendency for a visual object to be perceived as having the same brightness under widely different conditions of illumination</span></em>< em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”> </span></em>& nbsp;& nbsp; I think the reason this phrase has stuck with me for so long is that though it is psychologically true, it is also metaphysically true& nbsp; That is that we as creatures that are made in the image and likeness of the Divine…….will always have the same Divine Luminosity, somewhere inside of us no matter what we have been through, no matter what we have achieved, no matter if we are living on this earthly plane or not……………..& nbsp; Sometimes our own brightness may stay hidden our entire life…………however it does not mean that it is not there.& nbsp; And what is our brightness………. I believe that it is the true nature of who we are……….it is our God self our higher self, our true self.& nbsp; And so what are we supposed to do with this truth.& nbsp; Jesus said it like this: Some scripture on Light& nbsp; Or Seek ye first the Kingdom of Heaven& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; Marianne Williamson said that we are more afraid of our light than our darkness or shadow,& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; Silent Unity, Unity’s 24 hour prayer ministry,  has a prayer that says& nbsp;< strong><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>That the light of God within can wipe out all darkness</span></strong>.& nbsp; Not some darkness but all darkness.& nbsp; So the answer to our problems is to find this light first…………… &nbsp; The answer to the problems in the world is for each of us to seek our light……… &nbsp; One way we express our brightness is through the use of our own spiritual gifts.,& nbsp;& nbsp; And the reason I am talking about this  as we get close to Memorial Day Weekend is because the gifts of those that have passed on can still be felt and even expressed through those of us that are still living.& nbsp; Certainly, the gifts of honor, valor and commitment to one’s country that our soldiers gave to us can be experienced every day and so we honor them by expressing our own brightness by the sacrifice they gave to us so we could do this& nbsp;& nbsp; And for our loved ones, it is important to think of what gifts they gave us and how we can express them..& nbsp; Now for some, it is easy to see what gifts we received from those who passed on before us.& nbsp; From my Dad, I received the gift of Health…….he was committed to health which include exercise, easting lots of fruit and vegetable and watching out for too much sun exposure way back in the early 60s& nbsp; From my sister, I learned to bring lightness to everything……she had the gift of humor and gave it to the world…… &nbsp; In other cases, where it is hard to see what gift we literally rec’d …then we might look at the opposite, perhaps a loved one who has passed was not able to let their own light, their own brightness shine…….and it may seem that we did not receive much from them……. In cases like this……..we must seek our own brightness first and then in that illumination, we may see that we are doing things at a higher standard because of what we experienced from them. 561 2015-05-09 22:58:54 2015-05-09 22:58:54 open open the-light-of-goodness-is-within-you publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Grief Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light Why YOU MUST Speak; again, Why YOU MUST Speak………. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/childrens-therapy/why-you-must-speak-again-why-you-must-speak/ Tue, 12 May 2015 00:17:10 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=563 As a psychotherapist and a communication expert, I have many people coming in to my office who are at odds with someone in their life. The person they are at odds with may be their boss, a parent, a partner, a sibling, or in any of the countless roles we human beings can fill. Time and time again, I listen and I understand their “side” of the story. And time and time again, I give them the way that will immediately ease at least most of the tension they are feeling about being at odds with this person. And, time and time again, when I share with them the method of how they can reduce the tension and actually begin to solve the problem, I would say at least 70% of the people leave my office saying the solution I am offering will not work. So, what is this solution?  The solution is to connect with one’s own truth which means connect with ones own thoughts, feelings, perceptions, desires and upsets and then speak from the “I” without attack to the one they are at odds with. They are then coached by me to then ask for what they want from the person. The person in my office to whom I am offering this solution says things like,  “well they would never listen”, ” or it would do no good”, or, “this would make them even more mad”, etc, etc, etc. I then tell them that the main reason they speak this way  is for their own benefit first!  This is  very important. When we learn to find our own voice and then speak from the “I”, using advanced communication techniques like Non-violent Communication( also known as Compassionate Communication), or the Feedback wheel, they are maximizing the likelihood that the other will hear. But again, by speaking their truth, they become willing to be vulnerable by talking about their feelings, thoughts and perceptions and then they ask for what they would like. When someone does speak their truth in this fashion, they are releasing the pent up emotions and energy that surround not talking.  They are doing the highest and best action possible by being willing to share their truth with another. AND, I have seen and experienced miracles happen when a person is willing to speak like this directly to the one they are at odds with rather than bottling up the energy or even worse, they go and talk negatively about the person they are upset with and never give this person the opportunity to know number one how their behavior affected someone and number two, be given an option to make things right in the request. I would love to coach you in this technique; It will change your life. It has mine and it has changed the lives of all my clients who have committed to using it on  a daily basis. And, finally, I believe this is the only way our world can heal.  THIS IS WHY YOU MUST SPEAK~~~& nbsp; 563 2015-05-12 00:17:10 2015-05-12 00:17:10 open open why-you-must-speak-again-why-you-must-speak publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Childrens Therapy Couples Therapy Family Therapy Parent SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light How to LOVE your partner, your child, your neighbor https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/how-to-love-your-partner-your-child-your-neighbor/ Thu, 14 May 2015 18:30:43 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=565 If you are one of the lucky ones, you felt unconditionally loved by your mother or your father. Or, perhaps you felt even conditionally loved by a grandparent, neighbor or even, SURPRISE, SURPRISE,  dog or a horse. My question to you is how did you know someone loved you?  Take a reflective pause, even for 30 to 60 seconds and think right now about how you knew or felt they loved you? PAUSE……………… PAWS……………….. REST……………. RELAX………… Whether you took a moment to think about my question, I bet the answer was in someway the one whom you felt loved by was meeting a need of yours. The needs that we have are numerous and many but our needs often fit into one of the following categories:& nbsp;< blockquote><ins class=”ezoic-before-el ezoic-bla-0-marker”></ins>1. Biological and Physiological needs – air, food, drink, shelter, warmth, sex, sleep, etc. 2. Safety needs – protection from elements, security, order, law, stability, etc. 3. Love and belongingness needs – friendship, intimacy, affection and love, – from work group, family, friends, romantic relationships. 4. Esteem needs – self-esteem, achievement, mastery, independence, status, dominance, prestige, managerial responsibility, etc.< div class=”notice”> 5. Cognitive needs – knowledge, meaning, etc. 6. Aesthetic needs – appreciation and search for beauty, balance, form, etc.< /div> 7. Self-Actualization needs – realizing personal potential, self-fulfillment, seeking personal growth and peak experiences.< div class=”notice”> 8. Transcendence needs – helping others to achieve self actualization.& nbsp; These  8 categories represent an expanded version of Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Take a moment to look at these categories and see what category or categories contained the needs you have identified that were fulfilled by the one who loved you? I teach my clientele that even if they do not feel that they were loved as a child, they can learn to love themselves by following a 3 step forumula: 1. Identify your own needs 2.Know how to meet these needs 3. Take action to meet the need. I do workshops called  “learning to love yourself”, and it is based on this premise. The  topic of today’s blog is about taking this concept of learning to love yourself and applying it to loving your partner or those in your life whom you want to love. Please study this blog and I will expand on this idea tomorrow on 5-15-15.< /div></blockquote> 565 2015-05-14 18:30:43 2015-05-14 18:30:43 open open how-to-love-your-partner-your-child-your-neighbor publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Couples Therapy Parent _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light Loving Your loved ones Part 2( see 5-14-15 for part one) https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/loving-your-loved-ones-part-2-see-5-14-15-for-part-one/ Sat, 16 May 2015 16:17:55 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=569 The way that our parents showed us love was by meeting our needs. Some parents may have been an expert at this and were able to meet many or most of our needs, and thus we felt loved. Today, I am suggesting that the way you can show love to your partner or child or neighbor or anyone is to understand a need that they have and find ways to meet this need or to support them in finding the way to meet this need. John Gottman, internationally famous author, presenter and relationship theorist talked about “turning toward” as a major way to bring fulfillment to our partner. Turning toward is a way of paying attention to our partner. I am expanding this idea to paying attention or turning toward our partner’s needs. Now certainly, there is no way we can meet all of someone’s needs but we can be willing to meet a need that works for us to meet. For example, if my partner had a deep desire to go skydiving but I was afraid of heights, I could help this partner meet this need by supporting his or her desire to sky dive by showing interest in this endeavor rather than trying to talk him or her out of it because I was afraid. I invite you and your partner to do a brain storming session about needs that you have that may be fulfilled by your partner. Then come up with one or two that each of you agree to work on and make a contract to work on fulfilling this need for the next 21 days. Finally, it is the little things that truly make one feel loved. So, if you are someone who simply likes your partner to listen to you when you have a challenge, then make a contract that they will do active listening with you for the next 21 days.  Decide ahead of time whether you want them to give you advice after they have listened. If you want their advice, tell them that you would like it but you may or may not follow it. If you look at John Gottman’s book, <span id=”productTitle” class=”a-size-large”>The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert, you will find the ideas about “Turning Toward”, and he lists many ways you can turn toward which are based on one’s needs ultimately.</span> Or, you can call me and I can coach you and your partner on how to learn to love each other exquisitely. 569 2015-05-16 16:17:55 2015-05-16 16:17:55 open open loving-your-loved-ones-part-2-see-5-14-15-for-part-one publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Childrens Therapy Couples Therapy Parent Uncategorized _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light Communication from the heart without words……….THE BEST! https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/communication-from-the-heart-without-words-the-best/ Mon, 18 May 2015 21:11:36 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=573 I have had my wonderful horse, Harmony for 6 years exactly this weekend. She  is my first and only  horse so far and I say with 100% honesty, I am a different person because of my relationship with Harmony. Horses are amazing creatures. They have learned to live safely in their herds for millions of years and they are a prey animal. That is, they are not  a predator. They do not seek to kill other animals to eat; they are vegetarians. Harmony is a thoroughbred, meaning she is one of the grand race horses. She is the great grand-daughter of Secretariat! and as a descendant of Bold Ruler( Secretariats daddy), she has a marking on her right shoulder  that descendants of bold ruler often have. Today’s blog though is about communication. Every year from early November until about now( between late April to mid May), I take Harmony extra food to eat nearly every day beyond the hay and grasses that she gets at her 1000 acre ranch where I board her. She tends to lose weight in the Winter and the extra food helps plus I have the most amazing experience with her every single time I see her. Today, I went to the ranch to take her the extra food. My therapy dog, Jessie the Golden Retriever, and I decided to take a walk first before we fed Jessie’s 1000 pound sister. We walked North of where the horses were grazing…….and as we were coming back south toward them, there appeared a large herd of elk. Elk as prey animals are afraid of dogs of course. So, as soon as they saw Jessie and me( also a predator in their eyes), they all looked up and began walking and then running toward Harmony and her herd. The elk got out of our  site just as Harmony and her 24 herd mates saw them running. Horses are not afraid of elk but when they saw the elk running, they decided that there may be something dangerous, so they decided to run………..they circled around and soon were running straight at Jessie and I. Jessie and I stepped out of there immediate path and I was able to simply revel in the site of 25 horses all running as fast as they could toward us and then past us. I saw Harmony as she ran past, she looked at me, almost stopped  but then kept her pace in line with her herd. When the horses got to the top of the hill, I saw them all run to where a large grove of Ponderosa Pines are and they stopped. I thought I would go get Harmony and bring her back to her extra food. Jessie and I started walking up the hill where the horses had just been running and I saw the very tips of a horse’s ears on the horizon.  I wondered if it might just be Harmony. My ” heart -thought” was right, it was Harmony, my most beautiful and exquisite equine daughter.   I a quiet greeting  to her, she kept looking at me but just stood there. So, I followed her non-verbal cue and stopped. We looked at each other for a moment and without a word, I communicated to her that I loved her and that it was o.k. to just go be with her herd. Almost immediately, she walked slowly over to one of her best friends, Sunny, who is a magical horse that makes you feel loved whenever he looks at you. I knew in my heart that Harmony is now  ready  for   wonderful Summer activities and that she does not need me to bring her the extra food anymore until the Winter snows come again. I walked away with  a profound peace in my mind and love in my heart. And, we did this all without a spoken word. 573 2015-05-18 21:11:36 2015-05-18 21:11:36 open open communication-from-the-heart-without-words-the-best publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Couples Therapy Equine Therapy Parent Uncategorized _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light Three Keys to YOUR Happiness https://unitywholenesscenter.com/adult/three-keys-to-your-happiness/ Sat, 23 May 2015 13:02:04 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=575 <strong> </strong>< strong> </strong>< strong>THREE KEYS TO</strong>< strong>LIFELONG HAPPINESS</strong>< strong> </strong>< strong> </strong>< strong> </strong>< strong> </strong>< strong>Everyone says they want to be happy; however it is the rarest person who really wants to take the plunge into……………………  Guess where the plunge must be taken in order to be truly happy? Answer:   Into oneself</strong>& nbsp;& nbsp; It is not complicated, and the steps to true and authentic happiness are not what one would normally think to take. Here are the three most important steps you can take to be on your journey of Happiness.& nbsp;< ol> <li>Connect with the Truth within yourself.</li>< /ol>& nbsp;& nbsp; There is no place where there is more truth than anywhere else.  Most people, however, do not take that journey, to look where they have not looked before– Within. There are hundreds of stories about this but most people still do not take that journey because we live in a society that tells us to  seek outside of ourselves for everything.& nbsp; Your truth is about YOUR history, your insights, your values, your passions, your gifts, your skills, your feelings, thoughts, beliefs and perceptions.  In this life you only have one choice. If you make the correct choice, you then have opened yourself up to unlimited choices, unlimited options, and unlimited possibilities. The first and most important choice is to be connected to your own truth, your authentic self. I will send you two different exercises to help you begin to connect to your deepest truth. You may request these exercises one at a time.& nbsp; Hero’s Exercise Values Exercise& nbsp;& nbsp;< ol start=”2″> <li>Deal with the really big losses in your life.</li>< /ol> Most people erroneously believe that if something painful happened in the past, the best thing to do is to leave it in the past.  People mis-use age old wisdom teachings such as “BE IN THE MOMENT NOW”, as a way of deluding themselves that they do not need to re-visit painful losses in the past.  That wisdom adage, BE IN THE MOMENT NOW, means that we are able to fully present to our entire being right now in this moment. When we do this, we are willing to be aware of deep and painful losses with deep and painful feelings that are keeping us literally tied to the past. Another wisdom teaching tells us the only way to deal with some painful issue is by going through it, not over it, not around it or not pretending it did not happen.& nbsp; Carl Jung, the famous Swiss Psychiatrist, talked about the Hero’s Journey in the following way:  the losses we have not dealt with are in our Shadow, a place of disowned parts of ourselves that surround our most authentic self.  Part and parcel of these disowned parts are the feelings which most people call negative, (mad, sad, and scared).  When we embark upon our own Hero’s Journey, we become willing to deal with these feelings and losses.   By being willing to be with our feelings, we discover which painful losses are keeping us stuck. Then, there are ways to heal these losses. In the process of healing them, we become even stronger and able to reach out into life and embrace our life in ways that we would never have thought possible before we went through the process of identifying and healing our losses.& nbsp; If you would like a one page exercise on identifying losses you may not have dealt with, please contact me and I will send this to you.& nbsp;& nbsp;< ol start=”3″> <li>Find your authentic purpose.</li>< /ol> We hear about this nearly every day. Some may call it finding your passion, following your bliss or connecting to a Divine Purpose. Many books have been written about it. Our purpose need not be hard to discover, and our purpose will change periodically throughout our life. One’s true purpose does have an aspect of helping others and it also has to do with a need in our lives that we have learned to meet and thereby can help others meet this need as well.& nbsp; For a one page exercise on discovering your purpose, e-mail me and request the exercise: Clues to discovering your Authentic Purpose& nbsp;& nbsp; Finally, one of the most important things you can do in this life time to find true happiness is to learn to love yourself by meeting your needs.  If your parents were able to teach you to love yourself, they did it by teaching you that your needs are important, and they taught you how to meet your needs. If you would like a needs inventory, which is the best way to know what your needs are, please e-mail me and request the Needs Inventory 101.& nbsp;& nbsp; If you begin to follow these three steps and also become 100 % willing to meet your needs in at least one of five areas, your life will change.  You will have embarked on your authentic journey, the only real way to Happiness; the way to YOUR Happiness.& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; 575 2015-05-23 13:02:04 2015-05-23 13:02:04 open open three-keys-to-your-happiness publish 0 0 post 0 Adult _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light A letter to a MOM whose child is graduating and leaving the next. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/childrens-therapy/a-letter-to-a-mom-whose-child-is-graduating-and-leaving-the-next/ Tue, 26 May 2015 14:38:51 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=578 Dear Soon to be empty-nesting Mother,                 August 31, 2007& nbsp; A note of love and blessings to you as you begin this new chapter in your life:  A chapter without the full presence of your child in your every day life.& nbsp; Please know that I know how much you love your child.  And that is what makes all the difference, not only in their life but in yours as well.  Hopefully as you chart these new waters, the past giving of love, guidance and care to your child will now flow back to you in the form of many miracles.  Miracles of experiencing how one you still are and will always be.  I hold you in my heart and give thanks that you are ever guided by Divine love and this love heals your heart of any sadness and enables you to see your path clearly……… &nbsp; Much love to you and your child; knowing that even as you release the care of the “egg” (from the metaphor in the Penguin movie), to God’s presence within them, you are ever connected to them and in this connection, they will grow, thrive and make their  dreams come true. And in their dreams coming true, they will always know that their happiness and fulfillment is in part “because my mom loved me”. Love to all mothers whose child is leaving the physical next but never the nest in your heart where you hold them always and forever. Suzanne& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; 578 2015-05-26 14:38:51 2015-05-26 14:38:51 open open a-letter-to-a-mom-whose-child-is-graduating-and-leaving-the-next publish 0 0 post 0 Childrens Therapy Parent SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light Your Heart’s Desire https://unitywholenesscenter.com/spirituality/your-hearts-desire/ Wed, 03 Jun 2015 16:50:47 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=583 Is there something that you have always dreamed of; something you have desired, like a good relationship, a perfect job, having a child. Often these types of dreams often reflect a soul desire that is meant to come true. The first thing we need to do is clarify what we are seeking; and if it still seems to be a soul dream, then we need to know that Divine Guidance can help us manifest this. Then the next step is a very hard step to take. We have to be willing to let go of the outcome. This is the surrender step. This step means we will co-create this dream and follow our highest guidance every step of the way. I specialize in helping my clients fulfill their deepest dreams.  I would love to help You! I have had so many dreams come true that I have learned exactly how to support others in this as well. I look forward to hearing from you. Sometimes, or many times, it will only take 4 sessions.  However, in these 4 sessions, you must become completely willing to do the hardest work you have ever done:  believe in yourself and take actions in alignment with WHO you are !& nbsp; You can also learn how to support your children in their dream fulfillment but first you must be willing to support your dream fulfillment first.& nbsp; 583 2015-06-03 16:50:47 2015-06-03 16:50:47 open open your-hearts-desire publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Parent SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light Saying YES to life! https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/saying-yes-to-life/ Wed, 10 Jun 2015 13:28:21 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=585 ~A REQUEST~ Two requests were made of me. My first thought to each request was that I did not have time to fulfill either of these. After all, I have been so very busy and to fulfill either of the requests would mean that I would have to change my plans.  <strong>“My Plans”</strong> are the key words here. We live in a world in which if we don’t work together.  Our planet, our world, our communities will not last as we know them. We live in a world where creatures of fur, fin, and feather know we must work together.  The idea of working together and creating communities that support one another is wired into our brains. We are supposed to create harmony together. Most 4 legged creatures and those of fur and fin still know this. Somehow, humans have forgotten this. We have created our own personal agendas, our own plans and God forbid we ever alter our own agendas or plans to accommodate someone else’s needs. So, it was in this context, that I first thought that I could not possibly find the time to fulfill either of the 2 requests that were made of me. However, I have been on a major path of growth over the last 2 years.  The truth is, I have always been on a path of growth in this lifetime. It is WHO I am and this desire for growth, understanding and truth has served me well. But, the last 2 years have been especially difficult and challenging and they have brought new good to me in ways that I could not have imagined had I chosen to just allow the challenges to knock me down and not be willing to get up. So, it was from this new consciousness that I stopped my “<strong><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>NO”</span></strong>-thinking” about the requests. I  then put on my <strong>“ WILLINGNESS-ATTITUDE”, </strong> to look at the requests, and  I found ways that I could fulfill the requests. John Gottman, internationally famous relationship theorist tells us that when someone asks for something, they are actually making a “bid for attention”. These “bids for attention” are very important. First, when someone typically makes a request, they must become vulnerable.  We become vulnerable when making a request because we are setting ourselves up for the possibility of the other saying “no”. It has been said that the hardest thing for a human to do is to ask for help. Thus making a request is one way of asking for help and when we ask for help, we often have a need that we would like to have fulfilled. Needs are very important! The way our parents showed they loved us was by knowing what our needs are and meeting them. So, back to the requests, when someone makes a request, they are, in a sense, showing their “under-belly” and asking to be shown they are important. ( now, of course, this is not the case all of the time, but the point of this blog is to talk about the times when the requests are authentic and are reflecting an authentic need that if fulfilled will show the other they are important). When I put on my <strong>“Willingness- attitude”, </strong>I saw ways that I could offer to fulfill the request that would in fact work with my schedule, my plans and I could do this without much pain. I woke up the next day receiving “thank-yous” from the people who made the requests. I was blessed by their comments, but more than this, I was blessed by my willingness to say “YES”, in my own way. So, as we prepare for a wonderful holiday of sharing and connecting and hugging and holding, I invite all of us to find ways of saying “YES”, as often as we can. The action will, of course, bless the other who made the request but more than this, the action of saying YES is a way of saying  Yes to the world, and saying YES to the world is a way of restoring our world and all of her creatures to Harmony, peace, JOY and goodness. And, is this not the true meaning of Christmas? One of Jesus’ main messages was of willingness. ARE YOU WILLING?& nbsp; 585 2015-06-10 13:28:21 2015-06-10 13:28:21 open open saying-yes-to-life publish 0 0 post 0 Uncategorized _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light THE KEY to healthy Communication in all Relationships https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/the-key-to-healthy-communication-in-all-relationships/ Wed, 10 Jun 2015 13:29:56 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=587 RSVP: THE KEY TO HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS.& nbsp; There may be nothing as satisfying as being in a conversation with another human who is willing to be totally open, present and vulnerable. In fact neuroscience research shows that we humans are wired to respond to one another on many levels. William Condon did research in the 1960s on what he called “CULTURAL MICRORHYTHMS”. He discovered that: “When two people talk, their volume and pitch fall into balance. What linguists call speech rate — the number of speech sounds per second — equalizes. So does what is known as latency, the period of time that lapses between the moment one speaker Stops talking and the moment the other speaker begins. Two people may arrive at a conversation with very different conversational patterns. But almost instantly they reach a common ground. We all do it, all the time. Babies as young as one or two days old synchronize their head, elbow, shoulder, hip, and foot movements with the speech patterns of adults. Synchrony has even been found in the interactions of humans and apes. It’s part of the way we are hardwired.” (From Malcolm Gladwell on Condon’s research).& nbsp; Though this blog is not an academic paper on human interaction or the “cultural micro-rhythms”, the purpose is to highlight the importance of responding. When we don’t respond to the “bids for attention” (John Gottman’s term for the ways we humans initiate interaction), we are literally inhibiting the flow of life that is seeking to express as a way of connecting with another. All creatures seek this connection. When a horse is lost in a pasture, it will neigh over and over again and very loudly until it hears its herd calling back to let the lost horse know where they are. Birds call to one another to connect and share information. Dogs always respond on many levels to one another. They sniff, they look at each other’s body, they may verbalize all in a way to connect and see if the other is safe to let one’s guard down and begin “dog games”. In fact, I don’t think I have ever seen a non-human not react to the “bids for attention” from another creature be it a creature of the identical species or a different species. We are on this earth to connect one to the other and when we respond to this innate call of nature, we are blessed in ways that nothing else can. Yet humans seem to have become masters at ignoring the other’s “bids for connection/attention”.& nbsp; What I mean by this is the following:  Every day I reach out to people via phone, e-mail, text and in person and I would say that at least 50% of the time (or more), I am ignored. That is, the person I am reaching out to simply does not respond. And, I hear every day from clients, friends and family members that they reached out to someone via one medium or another and they never got a response back. The problem is rampant. It seems that the lack of response is becoming more the norm than the exception.& nbsp; The question then is “Why do humans ignore this basic need; this basic drive that brings about deep intimacy on every level”?& nbsp; I have a hunch that it comes from a sense of shame, about feeling “less than”, feeling that there is something wrong at the core. This feeling develops when we are very young either because there was direct abuse from our early caretakers OR the caretakers were not able to be present and reflect to the child the “wonder of who they are”. No parents are able to do this perfectly. So, I think that all of us have to deal with the feeling of “less than” in one way or another.& nbsp; This sense of shame does not feel good at all. Often someone will become an over-achiever to prove that there is nothing wrong with them.  However, if one is achieving to overcome this deep sense of shame, there is no amount of achievements that will heal this internal wound. Others may resort to under–achieving; they live from the sense of shame as if it is true. Some others become grandiose in big and little ways. The sense of being “better than” feels good and can effectively cover up the inner “less than”. .And finally, some not only under achieve but they resort to crime and violence and they may not even be consciously aware of why they are doing this. But no matter what direction one’s life takes; over achieve, under achieve, grandiosity and entitlement or resorting to crime, there is something else that nearly all humans do in reaction to this deep sense of shame: They try to feel better in the moment when the sense of shame is felt; even if on a very unconscious level. So, getting back to not responding to emails and messages; I think people get a “hit” (almost like an instant or momentary high) when they say “no” to someone’s requests or “bids for attention”. Thus they ride an imaginary and internal elevator from feeling a deep sense of shame to the upper levels of grandiosity. This is my theory. I believe that people don’t respond because they get this instant high, albeit fleeting. Now, some people do this more than others but to try to deal with the sense of shame by inflating oneself at the expense of another does nothing, zip, nada to heal the shame. It only creates confusion, sadness, disappointment and bewilderment.& nbsp; My remedy is 2 fold< ol> <li>We all need to deal with our “sense of shame”; because it is just that, a sense of it. And, it is a false sense. This requires therapy or counseling or finding friends who also want to deal with this toxic sense that there is something wrong with them and doing group work. And the purpose of this article is not to help people deal with this false sense of who they are.</li> <li>The purpose of this article is to tell humans what they should do when a “bid for attention” is made via direct speech, e-mail, voice mail, or other forms of communication. What they should do is    RSVP. This means in French:  Respond Please.</li>< /ol>& nbsp; That is it. Simply be willing to respond. Even if you don’t agree, respond. Even if you don’t have time to do what is requested:  Respond. Even if you don’t know the answer the bid for attention may be seeking: RESPOND.& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; 587 2015-06-10 13:29:56 2015-06-10 13:29:56 open open the-key-to-healthy-communication-in-all-relationships publish 0 0 post 0 Uncategorized _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light Checklist for Hidden Signs of Anger https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/590/ Tue, 16 Jun 2015 13:22:03 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=590 CHECKLIST FOR HIDDEN ANGER& nbsp; If we have a national fault, it <em>is</em> hiding our own anger from ourselves. Here <em>is</em> a check list to help <em>you</em> determine if <em>you</em> are hiding  anger from yourself.      Any of these  <em>is</em> usually a sign of hidden, unexpected anger.& nbsp;< ol> <li>Procrastination <em>in </em>the completion of imposed tasks at work.</li>< /ol>& nbsp;< ol start=”2″> <li>Perpetual or habitual sadness.</li> <li>A liking for sadistic or ironic humor.</li>< /ol> 4..   Sarcasm, cynicism or flippancy in conversation.& nbsp;< ol start=”5”> <li>Over-politeness, constant cheerfulness, attitude of “grin and bear “</li>< /ol>& nbsp;< ol start=”6″> <li>. Frequent outbursts.</li>< /ol>& nbsp;< ol start=”7″> <li>Smiling while saying something negative.</li>< /ol>& nbsp;< ol start=”8″> <li>Frequent disturbing or frightening dreams</li> <li>Over-controlled monotone speaking voice .</li>< /ol>& nbsp;< ol start=”10″> <li>Boredom, apathy, loss of interest in things <em>you </em>are usually enthusiastic about.</li>< /ol>& nbsp;< ol start=”11″> <li>Difficulty in getting to sleep .< ol start=”12″> <li>Slowing down for no reason.</li>< /ol>< /li>< /ol>& nbsp;< ol start=”13″> <li>Getting tired more easily than before.</li> <li>Excessive irritability over small things.</li>< /ol>& nbsp;< ol start=”15″> <li>Getting drowsy at inappropriate times</li> <li>Sleeping more than usual — over 9 hours is a major sign of anger.</li>< /ol>& nbsp;< ol start=”17″> <li>Waking up tired rather than rested</li> <li>Clenched jaws</li>< /ol>& nbsp;< ol start=”19″> <li>Facial tics, spasmodic foot movements, habitual fist clench­ing, and similar repeated acts done unintentionally.</li>< /ol>& nbsp;< ol start=”20″> <li>Grinding of the teeth — especially while sleeping</li> <li>Chronically stiff or sore neck or shoulders</li> <li>Chronic depression — extended periods of feeling down for no</li>< /ol> reason .& nbsp;< ol start=”23”> <li>Stomach issues that never go away.</li>< /ol>& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; 590 2015-06-16 13:22:03 2015-06-16 13:22:03 open open 590 publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Couples Therapy Family Therapy Grief Therapy _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light The Heart of a horse. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/grief-therapy/the-heart-of-a-horse/ Tue, 16 Jun 2015 13:39:53 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=593 The Whole Picture& nbsp; Hello, my name is Harmony Carter and I am an 1100 pound Thoroughbred, great grand-daughter of the famous Secretariat.  However, I never raced.  Although I was born into a bloodline of magnificent race horses, my soul mission is something more important than being a horse that humans could watch run.  My human owners wanted me to race but I wound up with a knee injury during my training and so I became a brood mare.  However, after breeding 2 champions, I lost a baby at birth and my human owner at the time donated me to the Thoroughbred Retirement Foundation.& nbsp; At the Thoroughbred Retirement Foundation, (known as TRF), they did not know what to do with me and thought, well she is a horse with a famous pedigree; maybe she can become a jumper.  My knee issue came up again, and finally, they began looking at the bigger picture, that is there was something far greater I could do and be rather than just a horse that runs, jumps and makes champions. The whole picture about horses is our amazing ability to understand humans and to almost “psychically” perceive their feelings even when they are out of touch with them.   Horses are here on earth for many more reasons than just to race or be ridden. We are actually very good “therapists”, and finally there is a field emerging that lets us be co-therapists with a human therapist. This field is called, “Equine Assisted Psychotherapy”. (Ask Suzanne for more information about this).& nbsp; At TRF, they decided to let me finally begin fulfilling my true soul passion, which is to help humans become more authentic and more relational. I was to become a therapy horse.& nbsp; In the mean time though, I was in deep grief about the loss of my baby and the loss of my human caretaker when I was moved to TRF.& nbsp; The humans did not get the whole picture about horses having grief and they mostly just figured I needed to spend time in a stall.& nbsp; However, in my determination to not die of grief, I found a way to help distract me from my pain.  I developed an addiction much like a human will develop an addiction rather than deal with their own painful feelings after a loss. My addiction is called “wind-sucking” in the horse world. I anchor my teeth on a fence, and then breathe in deeply.  Because of my huge race horse lungs, I get a rush as big as a race horse.  This deep inhalation stimulates endorphins and wham, I have a natural high. However, it is a serious addiction.& nbsp; Perhaps you can see why my gift is called, THE WHOLE PICTURE.   It seems that humans have failed to see all aspects of themselves and all other creatures.  It also seems that when someone has a problem, that person is seen as the problem rather than a person with a problem.  So, I invite you to be willing to start seeing the Whole Picture.  It begins with a willingness to see with your heart and your mind. One reason I am so good at this is because my Great Grandpa Secretariat had a HUGE heart. (When he died, they looked at his physical heart and it was one of the biggest horse hearts ever!)  Of course his heart helped him win races, but his “heart-genes” have been passed down to me to use this heart capacity spiritually.  I invite you to start seeing the whole picture today by using your heart to see the truth.& nbsp; Suzanne Carter, L.P.C. is Harmony’s co-therapist and they do EAP together in Evergreen.& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; 593 2015-06-16 13:39:53 2015-06-16 13:39:53 open open the-heart-of-a-horse publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Equine Therapy Grief Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light “There’s Evil in the World”~ https://unitywholenesscenter.com/childrens-therapy/theres-evil-in-the-world/ Thu, 18 Jun 2015 16:36:01 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=595 ~ As I listen to the news coverage on the shooting of 9 innocent people while in a Bible Study in Charleston, SC, I was struck by what one of the citizens of Charleston told her children as they were heading off to Summer Camp. She said, the only explanation is that “there’s evil in the world”. Tragically, it is easy to say this. And, what this does to children is to make them terribly afraid of this evil in the world that we have no power over. I can only imagine what they children thought as their mom dropped them off. Perhaps they thought, ” well we are not safe anywhere”, or “mommy is dropping us off, maybe she thinks the evil won’t be at the camp”, or maybe even, “WHY is mommy dropping us off at the camp, does she not care?”. Now, I know that a lot of  people write these tragic shooting off as something that we are truly victims of and there is nothing we can do about it. My blog today is to tell you what you can do. First of all, I would direct all people who are willing to do more than just state “There’s evil in the world”, to begin to ask “really where does this evil exist?”. I would then answer that the evil exists within all of humanity. The evil comes about when we choose to not connect with our sense of Goodness within. Evil results when humans choose to do things that go against their own consciousness. Within everyone is a presence and power of Goodness.  Some may call this the Divine Presence within. Some may call it their true nature or higher self. Some may call is the Christ within or one’s sense of right and wrong. As we are willing to connect with our own sense of Goodness and allow our actions to flow from this presence, then evil does not exist. When we disconnect from this, then the human actions can truly be evil or as a result of not choosing to connect with who we are at the core: Good. This is a simple solution but not easy to implement. However, YOU can do this if you resonate with what I am saying. ** One of the reasons, I am a Spiritual Intelligence Coach(see www.deepchange.org), is to help people develop a road map to their own higher self..  The SQ21 does in fact assess a person’s awareness of this Goodness in the world that is within all of creation. This is a very simple statement of what the SQ21 does but  I  would love to discuss this with you if you are one of the people in the world who is willing to ask, “what can I do”, rather than to state, “There’s evil in the world” and this implies that we are victims to it and there is nothing we can do.& nbsp; I would love to lead a group in which 12 people would take the SQ21 and then support one another in finding their own unique path to a higher awareness of this Goodness within. We cannot truly find it in another, until we find it within ourselves. ARE YOU ONE OF THE 12?& nbsp; 595 2015-06-18 16:36:01 2015-06-18 16:36:01 open open theres-evil-in-the-world publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Childrens Therapy Grief Therapy Parent SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light WHO you are https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/who-you-are/ Sat, 20 Jun 2015 12:35:08 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=597 As we wrestle with trying to understand the most recent events in the news: the unbelievable tragedy in Charleston, the issues around identity, whether it is racial, cultural or sexual identity and more, there is a key to processing this that will make all the difference for you. This key is to connect with your authentic self. This term is gaining more and more recognition all the time. But what is the authentic self and how do we find it? The truth is your authentic self is as close to you as your breathing and every time you take a slow mindful breath, you are coming close that part of you. Take a moment right now and breathe in a normal breath. Now, breathe a little slower. And now close your eyes for two breaths. I imagine you feel a tiny bit more relaxed. In this moment of relaxation, imagine breathing to the very center of your being. Where in your body, do you sense this center is? If it had a color, what color would it be? Breathe to this center and pause there and allow a word to come forward in your consciousness that might describe this center. Say this word three times.& nbsp; This little exercise is helping you connect to your authentic self. I invite you to remember to process all things today from this center of your being. If you do this, even with the harder things  that defy understanding, you will know what your next step is in understanding or even taking action that is in alignment with your authentic self. 597 2015-06-20 12:35:08 2015-06-20 12:35:08 open open who-you-are publish 0 0 post 0 Adult SPIRITUALITY Uncategorized _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light Learning to be totally and completely supported by the Universe………… https://unitywholenesscenter.com/grief-therapy/learning-to-be-totally-and-completely-supported-by-the-universe/ Mon, 22 Jun 2015 22:25:08 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=599 Are YOU totally and completely supported by the Universe? There are signs everywhere that say this. Signs on Metaphysical bookstores, signs on church reader boards, book titles reveal this and yet if this is true then why do you not feel supported? The truth may surprise you. The statement in the title is true. Yet the YOU, you are showing up as may not be your true self. The YOU, you are showing up as may have false or erroneous beliefs that indicate that you are not good enough, or that you have something wrong with you, or that you fail at relationships or that you are not attractive enough or do not possess enough education,………the list of these erroneous beliefs that we carry around goes on and on and on.   And, guess what, the Universe is supporting you at the level  of WHO you believe  you are. And, the way to change your beliefs cannot be done with just a simple intellectual statement that is disguising itself as some spiritual truth. The truth of who you are is connected to your core and it is reflective of your own TRUTH which is the highest spiritual statement you can ever make about yourself. Now back to the negative or false beliefs, we carry about ourselves.  We develop these beliefs as children. They are called “adapted beliefs”. That is, we develop them as an adaptation to stress or trauma from our childhoods. When a child is not seen and treated as a precious child that deserves its needs to be met and deserves good parenting skills such as high quality discipline, the child adapts in order to survive and get its needs met at least partially. The facts are that your parents most likely parented you the very best way that they could. In fact, they, most likely parented you better than they were parented.  They did many wonderful things for you. And, they still made mistakes. The mistakes caused you to adapt to the stress and the way to adapt to the stress is to create false beliefs about yourself. The point is, in order to be fully supported by the Universe in a way that makes you feel at peace, is to be willing to deal with these false beliefs, grieve the hundreds of losses they created in your life and then be in touch with who YOU really are. This journey is possible. In fact, it is really the only authentic journey you can be on. When we do the healing work of releasing these beliefs so that we can connect with and live from the truth of who we are, we are then being supported in accordance with who we really are. The healing work must take place. If you take the statement in the title of this article and apply it to your false beliefs, you will be supported by the universe at that level. The healing work is painful. It is difficult. But, the pain is really there only because we have been avoiding the feelings around these beliefs. These beliefs caused us to believe there was something wrong with us at the core. The way to heal the beliefs is to find willingness to feel our feelings.  We need to stop trying to “lay an asphalt” of positivity over our sadness and to feel our sadness. We need to feel our fear and terror rather than becoming “ice cold” and unfeeling. We need to feel our anger rather than living in isolation. We need to stop pretending we are calm when in reality there is a hurricane of anger, sadness, confusion and loneliness under the false veneer of calm. When we are feeling confused it is because we have disconnected from the truth of who we are. Our feelings tell us how we perceive something. And, there is NO ONE but YOU can tell you what you are feeling and how you perceive something. There is a way to healing and therefore connecting with the Truth of who you are. And, it is first being willing to be honest with yourself about what you are feeling. Then as you feel your feelings, you allow them to guide you to your own truth.  As you connect to YOUR TRUTH as opposed to the TRUTH that others are telling you is yours, you will learn to be who you are at the core. As you do this, you will be on your own authentic journey and you will heal the world by being yourself. 599 2015-06-22 22:25:08 2015-06-22 22:25:08 open open learning-to-be-totally-and-completely-supported-by-the-universe publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Grief Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light “JUSTICE GROWS OUT OF OUR RECOGNITION OF OURSELVES IN EACH OTHER”. PRESIDENT OBAMA~~ https://unitywholenesscenter.com/grief-therapy/justice-grows-out-of-our-recognition-of-ourselves-in-each-other-president-obama/ Sat, 27 Jun 2015 02:47:50 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=602 ~~ spoken in the Eulogy for Rev. Clementa Pinckney in Charleston, SC on June 26th, 2015 On this momentous day in which we heard the sounds of freedom in the Joyous  verbal expressions of those who felt they could celebrate their love with their chosen partner, as they celebrated  the Supreme Court’s decision affirming that LOVE wins and all people have the right to marry whomever they please. On this momentous day in which we saw the vision of freedom on the faces of those recognizing one another as equals, maybe for the first time, I ask you, what do you need to be or say or do in order to be more fully yourself?  Are you hiding something about yourself that, heretofore, you were afraid to show? When we hide, we are not free. The time is now for you to gather the courage that is inside of you and let freedom ring loudly in your words and shine brilliantly on your face.& nbsp; President Obama spoke clearly, fiercely and courageously when he told us that Justice will grow as we see ourselves in one another. And, it will not grow until we are willing to do this.  So, I ask you to gather with your closest friends and share who you are. Share your dreams, your passions, your hopes and your fears. We will find, that when we do this, we will see that in fact  that we all have the same needs, the same hopes and the same desires for healing, guidance and prosperity. And the only way to achieve justice is to acknowledge all humans as our brothers and sisters. President Obama told us in this eulogy that we must realize…….”my liberty depends on you being free too”. Let us stop hiding who we are and we will know the truth and the truth will indeed set us free. 602 2015-06-27 02:47:50 2015-06-27 02:47:50 open open justice-grows-out-of-our-recognition-of-ourselves-in-each-other-president-obama publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Grief Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light ~A Simple meditation to know God within you………..and all around you~ https://unitywholenesscenter.com/spirituality/a-simple-meditation-to-know-god-within-you-and-all-around-you/ Sat, 27 Jun 2015 14:55:16 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=604 We have all heard the phrase, “LET GO, LET GOD”. To understand how to do this, allow yourself 2 minutes to do the following prayer and meditation. First, find a quiet and comfortable place to be for 2 minutes. Even if you have to step into a bathroom. Take three deep breaths and with each breath, slow your breathing. Now with another deep breath, imagine directing your breath to the very center of your being. Breathe to this center two times. Now say with the out-breath, I let go. Then say with the in-breath, I let God. do this 2 more times. Then say with the exhalation, I let go of the past and with the inhalation, I let God do this 2 more times. Then as you begin to finish this meditation, realize this gift. GOD IS…………..GOD IS NOT WAS. As we breathe into this very moment with our full consciousness, we are breathing into the very heart of God** in this moment. ** If you don’t like the term  GOD, then think of love within you or light that is within or life. 604 2015-06-27 14:55:16 2015-06-27 14:55:16 open open a-simple-meditation-to-know-god-within-you-and-all-around-you publish 0 0 post 0 SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light ~YOUR TRUE FREEDOM IS SEEKING YOU NOW~ https://unitywholenesscenter.com/spirituality/your-true-freedom-is-seeking-you-now/ Mon, 29 Jun 2015 15:08:46 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=606 As we prepare to celebrate our country’s freedom, it is a great opportunity to check in with our personal freedom as well. I begin this blog by drawing upon the deep wisdom of Mark Nepo, internationally known author, professor and leader of humans seeking to be free. In his book, THE BOOK OF AWAKENING, and from the reading on page 213, he says:  “The many ways we suffer, both inwardly and outwardly, are the chisels of God freeing the thing of beauty that we have carried within since birth”. So, my dear friend, I ask you lovingly, what do know in your heart of hearts is the “thing of beauty that you have carried within you since birth”. I would call this thing of beauty, your essential nature. Other names we can call this is your authentic self, your real or true self, the Divine within you.  Whatever name you choose to call it today, this part of you is what you are seeking. It is who you have come here to be. You have always known this part of you but may have learned early on that you are too vulnerable when expressing this part of you. Or perhaps, you were chastised or even abused when expressing this part of you. I say to you today, that the pain you are suffering may well be the “chisels of God freeing the thing of beauty that you have carried within since birth”. The time has come for you to make the discovering of and the expression of your essential self, the most important thing you do in life. It is the reason you are here on earth. Tomorrow, I will discuss this further. However, if my words and thoughts interest you, please email me and I will send  you two exercises that will enable you to identify this part of you and empower you to live from this place in your thoughts, words, and action. The world is waiting for you to do this now. 606 2015-06-29 15:08:46 2015-06-29 15:08:46 open open your-true-freedom-is-seeking-you-now publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Parent SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light YOUR FREEDOM IS SEEKING YOU NOW(PART 2) https://unitywholenesscenter.com/childrens-therapy/your-freedom-is-seeking-you-nowpart-2/ Tue, 30 Jun 2015 22:01:18 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=609 AS I MENTIONED YESTERDAY, AS YOU SEEK THE TRUE ESSENTIAL SELF THAT HAS BEEN WITH YOU SINCE BIRTH, THE THING OF BEAUTY THAT IS YOU……ALWAYS HAS BEEN YOU AND ALWAYS WILL BE YOU. ~ I draw on another teaching of Mark Nepo’s from his BOOK OF AWAKENING, PAGE 213:   “………….the instant we can accept what is not in our nature, rather than being distracted by all we think we could or should be, than all our inner resources are free to transform us into the particular self we are aching to be.”& nbsp; I know that you can understand this truth. There is a pain within all of us, that is the same in all of us:  the longing of our authentic self to be set free on earth. Today, I am going to give you an exercise to do in July. It may be the hardest thing you have ever, ever done.  The challenge is to tell your truth in this month that we celebrate freedom. If someone asks you what you would like to eat or what movie you would like to see: Tell them! If someone’s actions stimulate pain: tell them. If someone’s actions bring JOY into your heart:  tell them. If someone makes you feel envious: tell them what you like. Tomorrow, I am going to talk about a communication technique that you can use to tell your truth. For now, just imagine how free you will be when you no longer have to hide who you are. This will change your life; this can change the world, one spoke truth at a time. 609 2015-06-30 22:01:18 2015-06-30 22:01:18 open open your-freedom-is-seeking-you-nowpart-2 publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Childrens Therapy Couples Therapy Family Therapy _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light WHERE NOW IS………… https://unitywholenesscenter.com/spirituality/where-now-is/ Sun, 05 Jul 2015 16:45:47 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=612 We have all heard the words,  “BE HERE NOW”, or “BE IN THE NOW”, so many times that many people reveal through their words their spiritual immaturity when they quote these words.  Sorry to say it so directly but I feel compelled to confront this on this day in which we are celebrating freedom.  Most people, I fear do not understand truly what NOW means.  They often will say to someone whom they have  harmed in one way or another to just “let go of the past, be in the now”. They go on to say directly or imply that the one who seems to be holding on to a past harm or hurt that they are “less than enlightened”, for if they were enlightened they would simply “Let it go and be here now”. I hope you understand what I am saying here because I am going to discuss what  NOW truly is and where NOW is. I like talking about NOW by using the phrase, “this NOW moment”.  As a Unity Minister of nearly 30 years, I often refer to this NOW moment as a place of deep awareness within our consciousness. A wise professor, Ed Rabel in 1986 while I was in Unity Ministerial school once said:  The Kingdom of Heaven, within you, is the “realm of  Divine Ideas”, and again, within YOU.  NOW is a place in our consciousness where we connect fully to our own Truth. Our own Truth is the home of our authentic self, our true self, or if you are so inclined our Divine Self. However, you do not have to think of your authentic self as religious. It is simply the TRUTH of who you are. When we connect to this part of ourselves, we have access to our thoughts, our feelings, our history, our perceptions and the awareness of our dreams, our passions, our likes and our dislikes. Our True self is a place of wholeness. We all have one choice at any given moment and if we make the correct choice, 1000s of other choices open up to us. The first choice is to either connect with our Truth or to not. This is our first choice. If we choose to make the only real choice and that is to choose to connect with our True, real, eternal self, then we will know what our path is at that moment. YES, in that now moment. When we connect with who we are and run into someone who has harmed us, we have access to our ability to forgive, we have access to our ability to set healthy boundaries and we have access to our voice which enables us to say  YES and NO.  So, when we face the person who has harmed us, we can know whether this is a safe person. We can know whether the harm they did was unintentional and if they have sorrow about what they did or if what they did is a continuous pattern in which they do not know how to keep from harming us.  We can  know by connecting with our  True self whether this is simply not a safe person for us to be around, or did they simply make an unconscious mistake for which they are sorry for and show they have no intention of harming us again. Our truth will enable us to know what to do in this  NOW moment, that is if we choose to make that correct first choice and connect to our TRUE self. The other choice is one in which we dis-connect with our Truth, our inner voice, our inner knowing. When we make this wrong choice, we are truly at the whim of whomever is trying to take hold of our consciousness and then they are able  direct us the way they want us to go. This is a description of Codependency. I like saying Codependency is not having an identity except in relationship  to everything outside of us. When we choose  to not connect with our own truth, we are in a hell on earth, where we are subjected to whomever we may choose to connect with instead of connecting to our own Truth first. So, on this day in which we celebrate freedom, I invite you to be free from ever making the wrong choice again, I invite you to make connecting with your authentic self the most important choice you will ever make. It is by this decision that you will truly be free. And one more point about this NOW moment. Remember NOW is within you. So, if you have been putting off making a decision thinking that right now is not a good time.  You are not understanding the power of NOW. NOW will always be with you and when we make  decision  to connect to NOW now, we are creating new neural pathways that will make it that much easier to connect to NOW the next time. Happy Celebrations of WHO you are NOW, WHO you have always been, and WHO you will always be. 612 2015-07-05 16:45:47 2015-07-05 16:45:47 open open where-now-is publish 0 0 post 0 Adult SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light A Meditation on the nature of God within you. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/spirituality/614/ Tue, 07 Jul 2015 15:34:21 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=614 As a Unity Minister, we know that the very presence of the Divine is within all of creation. There are different aspects of the Divine which, when understood Sometimes we can think of God as <strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>Light </span></em></strong>within us………..and this light guides us and fills us with knowing……… Sometimes as <strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>Life…and this …Divine Life</span></em></strong> that fills us with health……..& nbsp; And sometimes as <strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>Love…</span></em></strong>…..this kind of Love, Divine Love,  helps us know we are good and helps us love one another.& nbsp; And sometimes we can think of <strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>God as a still small voice within…….this still small voice guides us and</span></em></strong> will always keep us <strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>safe…….and helps us know</span></em></strong> what to do…………that is, if we listen to it and pay attention,……..we will always know what to do& nbsp; The rest of today’s message today will help you to  get in touch with <strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>this voice of God within…..</span></em></strong>& nbsp;& nbsp; Let us begin by closing our eyes and I invite you to slowly, Breathe in and out.  Breathing in ever so slowly and then exhale just as slowly. Breathe like this 2 more times. And now, Imagine you are on a sandy beach……the sand is as soft as you can imagine.  It invites you to nestle in and simply relax……… As you relax, you hear the sounds of the ocean waves gently lapping at the shore. You notice the sounds as they flow to the shore and then gently flow away, a perfect rhythm………in life Your breath has this same rhythm……………….& nbsp; ~ breathe in deeply and notice that your breath is also like the ocean waves, you breathe in and then you breathe out………The waves in the ocean flow forward and then they retreat, a perfect pattern of Divine Order…………… ~ This same order, this  perfect rhythm is  created by simply breathing in and breathing out…… &nbsp; As you breathe in …………imagine connecting to a still small voice within………..the voice of the Divine…….a voice that  loves you so much  that it speaks the truth to you in love Listen carefully and you will hear: You are Goodness made manifest…….& nbsp; You are pure love…….& nbsp; You  have many talents and strengths that make you uniquely who you are and who you have come here to be& nbsp;& nbsp; You are made in the image and likeness of the Divine……………………. You are heir to the kingdom of all good………… &nbsp; As you connect to this voice of God within……..allow to come to mind one strength of yours…one unique gift that has always been with you………..take a moment in the rhythm of the ocean waves that are your breath and allow the awareness of this gift to come to mind This gift is a part of you that will help you fulfill your dreams………..& nbsp; Think of one special thing about you that is very important………..& nbsp; And now thinking of this strength of yours…accepting it as part of you…….. allow the focus of your attention to return  to the sound of the ocean waves. They are soothing and calming ….they flow in and they flow out……they can flow to the very center of your being …and they connect your conscious mind with your  essence………so breathe in………………..breathe out……… breathe in ……….breathe out……..and now begin to deepen your breathing, beginning to pay attention to any outer sounds, any outer sensations, and as you deepen your breathing even more, feel your body, the magnificent body temple that enables you to be the very presence of the Divine on earth. knowing this, allow a sense of gratitude to come upon you, it fills every fiber of your being and enables you to greet the day with an amazing peace, peace which passes all understanding……….. and when you are ready open your eyes……………. But still remember your connection to the voice of God within that reminds you of your essential goodness that blesses the world.& nbsp; 614 2015-07-07 15:34:21 2015-07-07 15:34:21 open open 614 publish 0 0 post 0 SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light Learning to LOVE Yourself……part one of six https://unitywholenesscenter.com/childrens-therapy/learning-to-love-yourself-part-one-of-six/ Thu, 09 Jul 2015 22:03:35 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=617 Lately with all of the major changes, positive changes happening in our world, I have been struck over and over again with a deep sense of love for the people who have been willing to speak their truth. They stand up in front of colleagues, peers, enemies and speak their truth with courage, commitment and deep love for their message.  Sometimes, I am moved to deep tears of JOY and  other times, I marvel at their courage and lately I have been filled with tears of gratitude that I have moved to a place in my consciousness that I also can stand and speak my truth. This has not always been the case; not at all. When I was a very little girl, I was so shy, I could barely talk in early elementary school. Later in Junior High and High School and even undergraduate school, I learned to talk by being fully present to the other. That is, I was not talking about myself, EVER!, but I was able to appear to be communicating by listening, reflecting and responding. This went on, as I said for years, and most people who communicated with me, thought we were best friends. After all, when we got together, they always felt listened to in love and thus felt loved.  I did not know any other way. Then when I went to ministerial school, things began to change. First, there were a couple of people who did not want to talk only about themselves.  They wanted to know about me. This was really frightening at first but these couple of friends stuck with me and I slowly realized that I was being dishonest in not ever sharing of myself. I also had to learn to speak in public. After all, giving Sunday messages are a big part of being a minister. Though this was again, so frightening that I thought of quitting ministerial school many times.  Though this blog is not about getting over this fear, I will say that what did it for me was willing to sound or look stupid and also to do deep level growth and healing.& nbsp; This deep level growth and healing is the topic of this blog and the next five blogs. The best way to truly grow on a deep and interpersonal level is to learn to love ourselves. I believe that the people that I referred to in paragraph one that speak their truth are ones who have learned to love themselves. The problem is that most leaders in the personal growth movement tell us that we just need to Love ourselves.  However, they do not say HOW to do this.  If we did not learn to love ourselves, it is hard to just do it. And I am writing this blog and the next four blogs to teach you how to learn to love yourself. First of all, the way that parents teach their child that they are loved is by meeting their needs.  So, to the degree that your parents were able to meet your needs, to that degree you grew up loving yourself.  Some parents are really good at this and some may be good in meeting some of the child’s needs but not all of them and some parents are so wounded by their own childhood that if they did not do some healing in this area, they will not be able to teach their child that they are lovable. So, here is a simple formula for learning to love yourself: 1. Know what your needs are 2. Know how to meet them 3. Take the action you identified in number two. Tomorrow’s blog will help you identify 5 areas of needs that you can begin to focus in and soon, very soon, you will be on your path of loving yourself. By the way, the sad thing is that if you did not feel unconditionally loved by your parents, you will never, ever feel unconditionally loved by anyone but:        (tune in tomorrow for the answer) 617 2015-07-09 22:03:35 2015-07-09 22:03:35 open open learning-to-love-yourself-part-one-of-six publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Childrens Therapy Parent SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light Learning to LOVE Yourself……part two of six https://unitywholenesscenter.com/grief-therapy/learning-to-love-yourself-part-two-of-six/ Mon, 13 Jul 2015 14:27:38 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=621 Today’s blog follows from the previous blog about learning to love yourself. I suggested that we can learn to love ourselves by choosing to love ourselves by meeting our needs. A 3 step formula for learning to love yourself is: 1. Identify your needs 2. Become aware of how these needs could be met 3. Take the action identified in number one.& nbsp; There are five areas of need that one can look at. These five are Emotional, Intellectual, Physical, Spiritual, and Social. (f you write to me, I will send you a worksheet on this; just email me at equinelites@aol.com) There are other categories that you might think of but these cover most areas. Today I am going to focus on Spiritual. This does not need to be religious. It might be. However, the Spiritual Needs refer to connecting to a higher power, however you would see this higher Power AND, it also refers to connect to your own authentic, true, real self. Some may call this their Divine Self. A question you can ask yourself to connect with your authentic self is this:  “What would I do if nothing were standing in my way?” If you truly listen to the answer to this question, you may be surprised. The first time  I ever heard this question was when Alan Cohen, the internationally famous author and lecturer led a workshop that I was attending. He led us in a meditation as he asked the question. As he asked the question and had us listen for the answer, I went through several possible answers: Get my PhD, move to Colorado, etc, etc, then I heard the following:  “Have your son, Christopher”. Now I knew that if, that is IF, I ever had a child, it would be a boy and I would name him Christopher, AND, I was not going to have children. But, I knew if did have children, it would be my son. So, back to the meditation, Alan, was leading us in. When I heard this answer, I began, sobbing with tears of JOY. I did not care who heard me. I knew that this would be the next step on my spiritual path. Long story short, I listened and my precious and amazing son is 25 and on his way to becoming a world famous musician. For today, take the next 24 hours to consider What you would do if nothing were standing in your way………….It could change your life. 621 2015-07-13 14:27:38 2015-07-13 14:27:38 open open learning-to-love-yourself-part-two-of-six publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Grief Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light Learning to Love Yourself: part three of 6 https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/learning-to-love-yourself-part-three-of-6/ Mon, 13 Jul 2015 20:38:42 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=624 &nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; Learning to love ourselves is an art; and there are behavioral things we can do to truly perfect the art. Please read the previous two blogs to understand where I am going with this. Today I am looking at learning to love yourself by meeting your emotional needs. This can be a difficult area to work in because our society has not placed a high value on this. Instead, our society has taught us to move into our heads and intellectualize our feeling  needs. This can be likened to a heart by-pass and by doing this, we are eliminating a very important way of gaining information through our emotional nature. Carl Jung, the famous Swiss Psychiatrist, taught there are four functions of consciousness or 4 ways of knowing. These four are: Thinking, feeling, intuiting and sensing. These four areas parallel the four categories of needs:  Thinking or meeting needs in the intellectual area; Feeling or meeting needs in the emotional area; Intuiting or meeting needs in the Spiritual Arena; Sensing or meeting needs in the Physical arena. Today we are looking at the emotional arena. Again, I acknowledged that society for the most part has valued the intellectual arena first and foremost and almost always places a higher value on the intellectual arena. However, our feelings are as important as the other areas of knowing. To learn to love yourself by meeting your needs in this area, it is important to know what each feeling indicates. I list the 4 major categories of feelings below:< strong>SADNESS</strong> If you have had a loss of any kind, you will have a feeling of sadness. Period! Though many people will talk you out of this feeling of sadness, my advice to you is to find a safe person who will simply be present to your sadness and let you talk about it.< strong>ANGER</strong> If someone has invaded your boundaries, whether emotionally, physically, intellectually or otherwise, your being will generate a feeling of anger. There is nothing wrong with anger!!!!!!!!  I will say this again, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ANGER!!!!. It is how we express it that causes the problem and normally we have seen anger expressed so violently that most people do all they can to avoid anger, conflict and disagreement. Again, anger is generated when our boundaries are violated. And, the thing to do when we notice anger is to be curious about it first and then to be willing to look at what happened and then to find a way to communicate this to the one that invaded the boundaries. This is a tall order, however and if you are reading this and are willing to learn how to communicate anger correctly, please call me if you have no  idea how to do this I would suggest using  the communication system created by Marshall Rosenberg called  “Non-violent communication”. ( just google this or call for a coaching session with me; this could change your life”.< strong>FEAR</strong> I think everyone knows what fear feels like. However, and once again, our society has taught us to ignore fear and we do this at our peril. Certainly, there is toxic fear that someone has learned to generate as a way of not dealing with life. However, if we could learn to pay attention to the experience of fear and then to look and see if in fact there is something dangerous, we would be able to keep ourselves on our own authentic path in ways that we may have never thought of before. There are a lot of people and things that SHOULD make us afraid. However, when we feel the fear and then pay attention to it and do something about it to make sure we are safe,  we are able to go about taking meaningful steps on our own authentic path.< strong>JOY</strong> Finally, the last major category of feeling is JOY and Happiness. Often, however, if we have shut down to knowing how to feel the other feelings, our capacity for feeling joy is greatly  diminished. Joy is often a natural by-product of being on our authentic path. So, One of the best ways to love yourself in this arena is to accept that your feelings are important and be willing to own them and express them. Two wonderful resources to help in this arena. First, buy the Grief Recovery Handbook and do the work in the book. I cannot express to you how important this book will be  to your personal growth. I am also a certified grief counselor with the Grief Recovery Institute and I would love to help you do this work The other resource is to buy Mark Nepo’s BOOK OF AWAKENING. He is so perfectly aware of the need to feel our feelings that if you would commit to reading his daily reading for one year, you would understand your feelings in a new way at the end of the year. Plus, his book will also be a way of meeting your spiritual needs as well.  So, you would be “launching 2 birds with one hand”.  ( my version of this idea 😉 Tomorrow, we will look at meeting our needs in the Intellectual arena……… 624 2015-07-13 20:38:42 2015-07-13 20:38:42 open open learning-to-love-yourself-part-three-of-6 publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Couples Therapy Family Therapy Grief Therapy Parent SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light Learning to Love Yourself Part four of Six. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/spirituality/learning-to-love-yourself-part-four-of-six/ Wed, 15 Jul 2015 15:29:33 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=626 Please read the previous three blogs to understand the basic ideas presented in this 6 part blog about how we can learn to love ourselves. Today, we are looking at how to love ourselves by meeting our needs in the Intellectual arena. I am talking today about what scholastic dreams you may have. In this arena, we may look at  possible dreams of further education or taking a class or traveling somewhere to learn more about an area that you have always been drawn to. You may have always wanted to learn more about astrology or astronomy or geology. Perhaps you did not finish your college degree and if the longing is big to do this, then it might be time to take the next step in finding out how you could do that. Or perhaps there is a “free University” in your city that offers classes on topics that you might like. Perhaps there is a class you would like to teach at a community college or your church or community center. I invite you to allow yourself to truly assess what desires you have in this arena. If you know right away but then hear the “inner critic”, saying “Yeah, Right, I can do that when pigs fly”, then hold you inner critic in love, say “thank you for sharing”, and then simply take the next step. All we ever need do when trying to make any dream come true is to take the next step. Then when we find the courage to take that step, we will soon enough see the next step after than one and so on and so forth. An example from my life is when I knew I was supposed to apply  to Unity Seminary to become a Unity Minister. Now, when I realized that was what my inner knowing was telling me, I did hear my Inner Critic telling me that there was no way I could do that because I could not even say my name in public without feeling deep fear and embarrassment. However,  my inner knowing was so strong that I took the next step and investigated the application process and after I did that,  I applied. I just kept taking the next step. Even when I was rejected the first time I applied, I did what they suggested I do to be able to be accepted the next time. I was being guided by my Inner knowing and I also found a couple of close friends who were supportive. Most of my friends joined in the chorus of the Inner Critic and told me what stupid idea that was. I chose to not listen to them and I was able to soar through the application process and I have been  a Unity Minister for nearly 30 years. When we listen to what our needs are, look to see how to meet these needs and then take the tiniest next step, we automatically place our feet on our own authentic path. When we do this, NOTHING can stand in our way and I mean NOTHING.& nbsp;& nbsp; 626 2015-07-15 15:29:33 2015-07-15 15:29:33 open open learning-to-love-yourself-part-four-of-six publish 0 0 post 0 Adult SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light Learning to love yourself, part 5 of 6 https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/learning-to-love-yourself-part-5-of-6/ Mon, 20 Jul 2015 19:43:38 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=628 I am continuing this series on Learning to Love yourself by meeting your needs in 5 areas. Please see the previous 4 blogs before you read this one. Today, I am talking about loving yourself by meeting your needs in the Physical arena. For some this may be the hardest arena because it means you have to slow and take time for your body. It means that you learn to feed your body nutritious food, it means that you move your body in ways that keep it active and limber. It means that you don’t over-function and over-give. It means that you look at yourself, your body in love and not allow the inner critic to make you think you are less than. The truth is our bodies are so truly amazing. Some say they are the living temple of our spirit. No matter what you call your physical self, it is truly a work of art. So today, I am simply saying that your body is calling out to you to love it. It listens to every thought you think, every feeling you have as a result of these thoughts and it manifests how you feel about it. I am not going to discuss diets and exercise. You know how you are treating yourself in this area. However, I am going to ask you take the very next step in loving yourself by simply taking a week to ask your body what it needs more of and less of. Keep a journal about what  answers your body is giving you. Then, find support to take a tiny action in each area. When we take one small step, we then will see the next step and so on and so forth. Your body out-pictures how you feel about you. I ask you to begin now to love your body in tiny ways and soon you will be on the road to loving yourself in this arena. It simply begin with willingness to do what is right for your body. I know that you have some idea of what to do. I join with you in a classic Unity prayer about your body; and this affirmation can be used by you right now. The prayer: <strong><em>  I AM A RADIANT CENTER OF DIVINE LOVE, POWER, STRENGTH AND VITALITY. MY HIGHEST GUIDANCE TELLS ME WHAT TO DO EXPERIENCE, HEALTH, WHOLENESS AND PROSPERITY IN EVERY AREA OF MY LIFE.</em></strong> 628 2015-07-20 19:43:38 2015-07-20 19:43:38 open open learning-to-love-yourself-part-5-of-6 publish 0 0 post 0 Adult SPIRITUALITY Uncategorized _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light Learning to Love yourself, part 6 of 6. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/childrens-therapy/learning-to-love-yourself-part-6-of-6/ Wed, 22 Jul 2015 22:50:33 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=631 Please read the previous 5 blogs to truly understand the essence of this blog. As I conclude this series on Learning to love yourself by meeting your needs in one of five arenas, the focus today is loving ourselves in the social arena. Terry Real, Internationally famous Relationship theorist and author of THE NEW RULES OF MARRIAGE, tells us that relationships are the “Pearl of Great Price”. Further, most of the songs that are written are about relationships. However, many of the songs are about relationships that have gone bad. The bible speaks about the importance of relationships when we are told to “love our neighbor as ourselves.” So, if they are so important, why have we humans with the highest level of consciousness on earth not figured out how to do them well? The answer may lie in projection; that age old term that tells us that we often project painful or unidentified issues within ourselves onto others, thereby, not having to own that the issue or pain is about ourselves. When we project our issues onto others, we then begin to see that person with these issues, and then we see the other AS these issues. For example, if I am out of touch with my own anger, I will project this on to others and then see them as an angry person; and then I will begin to change my behavior around them. They will experience my adapted behavior and then will change their behavior as well. Soon, we are caught in a web of illusion where no one is really being their true self and no one is speaking their own Truth. Wars are fought because of this illusion. Children are abused because of this illusion. We miss the opportunity to experience, as Terry Real claims, that “relationships are the Pearl of Great Price”, because of this illusion. The solution to all of this is simple; it may not be easy to implement but is, nevertheless, simple. The solution is the willingness to connect to oneself, to connect with our entire being, including the pain and the JOY. The truth is if we are willing to identify and heal our own issues, we then can connect with our truest and most authentic self and in this inner connection, we can stop the Projecting of our issues onto others. We can identify and deal with them which is the only place they can be dealt with anyway. This is the essence of being willing to love oneself; that is to have a healthy relationship with ourselves. We then are ready and able to be a clear channel in the world, speaking and acting from our authentic self and having good relationships with everyone who is willing to do the same. And, if we are trying to connect with someone who is at that time, unwilling or unable to connect from their truest self, we can accept this and not project anything onto them. We become willing to “love them from a distance”, and still speak our truth and be that clear channel of truth no matter what is happening outside of us. Mark Nepo, in his book, THE BOOK OF AWAKENING( page187, the June 5^th reading), gives us three steps to begin to experience the PEARL OF GREAT PRICE. These steps loosely paraphrased and used with a significant other:< ol> <li>Appreciate one another’s willingness to be open and vulnerable.</li> <li>Be willing to keep the channel of vulnerability wide open.</li> <li>Making a promise to the other that if misunderstanding or conflicts arise( which they always will) that they are shared with the other directly with the commitment to not let these misunderstandings or conflicts build.</li>< /ol> I do my best to follow these steps as often as I am aware of the. A beautiful example of the fruit from this commitment happened to me the other day with my horse. (Yes, we can experience this depth of connection or the Pearl of Great Price with all of creation). I was working with my horse in a round pen near the 300 acre pasture she is spending the summer in with 20 other horses. I released her to go re-connect with her herd. She looked around and then walked off fast. I heard her “neighing” and figured she would sense where her herd was and take off at a run. I was walking back to my car and suddenly, I heard her doing more neighing and I turned around and she was standing at the fence right behind me with a “panicked look” in her eyes. I realized that she could not find her herd. So, I slipped under the fence and without haltering her at all, she and I walked together, up and over a ridge, down a hill and we found her herd at a little creek. The walk to find her herd took about 15 minutes and as I said, she walked with me unhaltered to find her group. As soon as she saw her family group, she walked slowly to re-connect. The beautiful part of this story for me is that she came back to me when she was in distress. My perception is that she trusts me and she knew I would help her. Then, she walked with me quite close, until we found her equine family. I think I am experiencing the Pearl of Great price with her and if we can experience this with a 1000 pound animal that does not speak in words; can you imagine what we can experience with humans? There is no limit. It all begins with your willingness to love yourself so fully that you can easily love others in that same way.& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; 631 2015-07-22 22:50:33 2015-07-22 22:50:33 open open learning-to-love-yourself-part-6-of-6 publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Childrens Therapy Couples Therapy Equine Therapy _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light Taking the “T” out of Trump leaves: “- – – – “………… https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/taking-the-t-out-of-trump-leaves/ Thu, 23 Jul 2015 20:28:25 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=633 …………….which is another word for you know what. Donald Trump is absolutely so unbelievably  Grandiose that he is currently the star of the show on almost every news channel. One may wonder why the media is covering his antics so completely and so vigilantly. I believe the main reason is that what he is doing is shocking, shockingly Grandiose.   A grandiose person acts as if they are “better than” the ones they are around. Often they don’t really think they are “better than”, they often think they are “less than”, but moving into a state of grandiosity feels better than believing one is “less than”. The true healthy stance is to know on every level of our being, that we are all “equal to”. When we are coming from a place of “equal to”, then we connect with our own inner truth, set good boundaries and speak from the “I” rather than beginning every sentence with “you”. When we come from a place of “equal to”, we are willing to  also listen to the other as long as they are also willing to connect to their own “inner truth”, set good boundaries and speak from the “I” within themselves. Trump is doing the opposite of healthy “equal to” communication. He is calling his Republican colleagues disgusting names, he has no boundaries on what he is saying and he seems to be saying whatever will get the most attention at that moment. The things he said about the Latino community when he announced his candidacy for President will never be forgotten. This kind of grandiosity is unsettling. Usually, most people do not call others names on national and international television.  They do not attempt to harm others by attacking the way they look or by giving out their phone number as he did with Senator Lindsay Graham.   There is a set of rules that most people who are in the National spot light try to play by. However, Trump is so grandiose that he thinks that he is above these rules. The challenge is as I said that most people, when in grandiosity, really do not believe they are “better than”; they are simply acting like this because it feels better than sitting in a space of feeling “less than”. My thought on this as a result of watching Trump is that he must feel truly bad about himself. It seems that his standard of goodness is how much money a person has. Trump’s behavior is going to cause him to fall from his false throne of grandiosity into a pit of internal hell within himself that tells him that he is less than. Again, the truth is we are all “equal to”, but because his grandiosity has caused him to burn so many bridges, he is going to have trouble finding anyone to help him out of his internal pit. This will be interesting  to watch when he lands in this internal pit. When we place ourselves on a false throne, we have no where to go but down. And the higher we place ourselves, the further we will fall. I already have a sense of sadness and pity for him but he has done it to himself. 633 2015-07-23 20:28:25 2015-07-23 20:28:25 open open taking-the-t-out-of-trump-leaves publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Couples Therapy SPIRITUALITY _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _edit_last 3 _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light What we can and must do about these senseless shootings……… https://unitywholenesscenter.com/childrens-therapy/what-we-can-and-must-do-about-these-senseless-shootings/ Fri, 24 Jul 2015 15:44:10 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=636 This is a letter I am sending to the Television stations in Denver.  If you know of somewhere I could send this to help people deal with these losses, will you please forward it?& nbsp; From: Suzanne Carter, LPC, Grief and Loss expert 2594 W. Crestline Ave Littleton, CO 80120 720-540-6738< a href=”mailto:equinelites@aol.com”>equinelites@aol.com</a> www.UnityWholenessCenter.com& nbsp; To: Denver Television stations                            July 24, 2015& nbsp; I am a psychotherapist with specialties in helping children, families, couples and adults. One of my certifications is how to help humans learn how to deal with grief and loss. I have been working in this field for 35 years and have become an expert in helping people deal with the initial shock that results from a tragic event. I am highly qualified to enable individuals or large groups of people heal from the loss. Our society has incorrectly taught us that there are certain losses that we can never heal from. This is inaccurate. The problem is most people do not know how to deal with the loss and therefore think they will never get over it.& nbsp; I am certified by the Grief Recovery Institute in California and I am licensed as professional counselor in 3 states. Through the Grief Recovery program I am helping individuals heal from loss and grief so that they can move forward to a new life. The willingness to deal with the loss actually helps them become stronger so they reach out in ways that they may not have done before the loss.& nbsp; There are a few myths about how to deal with grief and loss that I always debunk with people who are courageous enough to deal with and heal their losses. Here are a few of these myths that the Grief Recovery Institute has identified:& nbsp;< strong><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>Time heals all wounds</span></strong><em>:</em> Time does not heal any wound of the heart….It is what we do in time that heals the wounds.& nbsp;< strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>Keeping busy helps one heal their heart</span></em></strong><em>:</em> Keeping busy may make one think they are feeling better but it is simply a distraction that can lead to an addictive activity level if one is not cautious.& nbsp;< strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>Don’t feel bad</span></em></strong><em>:</em> I have heard so called experts make this statement almost every time to victims of loss and grief. One time on a local news channel I heard a licensed Psychologist say: “Don’t let your kids be immersed in their emotions….” The truth is that when we go through a tragedy, we are immersed in our emotions and it feels bad. It would be like telling our children to not get wet when they go swimming. Being immersed in our emotions and feeling bad are natural reactions to loss……… And, our society needs to be educated on how to “be present” to emotions. When one is present to another’s grief, the healing begins.& nbsp; I would like to offer my skills and expertise in the following ways: Please keep my name and number on file in the future so we can begin to get the correct information out on how to correctly deal with grief. BUT NOW, after this theater shooting in Lafayette, LA, I want to do a 2 hour seminar at no charge for greater Metro Denver so we can as a city learn how to correctly deal with not only the Aurora Theater Shooting but now the one in LA. This shooting in Lafayette will re-open the wounds in a way that nothing else will.& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; Please call me to at least discuss this possibility of what I am offering. Truly, almost every challenge one faces will have at its beginning, a loss of some type. The experience of loss and the resulting grief following any type of loss is universal; it is the human condition. However, humans have not learned how to deal with loss and thus the woundedness from loss goes unhealed and people “act out” their pain.& nbsp; It does not need to happen this way. I believe that if the individuals who either cause harm to themselves or others had been able to deal with their own losses, then they would not have had to act out this wounding on themselves or those around them.& nbsp; Sincerely, and gratefully to have the chance to help,& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; Suzanne Carter, L.P.C.& nbsp; 636 2015-07-24 15:44:10 2015-07-24 15:44:10 open open what-we-can-and-must-do-about-these-senseless-shootings publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Childrens Therapy Grief Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light RSVP: THE KEY TO HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS. ( re-posted) https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/rsvp-the-key-to-healthy-relationships-re-posted/ Sat, 25 Jul 2015 17:37:25 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=638 RSVP: THE KEY TO HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS.& nbsp; There may be nothing as satisfying as being in a conversation with another human who is willing to be totally open, present and vulnerable. In fact neuroscience research shows that we humans are wired to respond to one another on many levels. William Condon did research in the 1960s on what he called “CULTURAL MICRORHYTHMS”. He discovered that: “When two people talk, their volume and pitch fall into balance. What linguists call speech rate — the number of speech sounds per second — equalizes. So does what is known as latency, the period of time that lapses between the moment one speaker Stops talking and the moment the other speaker begins. Two people may arrive at a conversation with very different conversational patterns. But almost instantly they reach a common ground. We all do it, all the time. Babies as young as one or two days old synchronize their head, elbow, shoulder, hip, and foot movements with the speech patterns of adults. Synchrony has even been found in the interactions of humans and apes. It’s part of the way we are hardwired.” (From Malcolm Gladwell on Condon’s research).& nbsp; Though this blog is not an academic paper on human interaction or the “cultural micro-rhythms”, the purpose is to highlight the importance of responding. When we don’t respond to the “bids for attention” (John Gottman’s term for the ways we humans initiate interaction), we are literally inhibiting the flow of life that is seeking to express as a way of connecting with another. All creatures seek this connection. When a horse is lost in a pasture, it will neigh over and over again and very loudly until it hears its herd calling back to let the lost horse know where they are. Birds call to one another to connect and share information. Dogs always respond on many levels to one another. They sniff, they look at each other’s body, they may verbalize all in a way to connect and see if the other is safe to let one’s guard down and begin “dog games”. In fact, I don’t think I have ever seen a non-human not react to the “bids for attention” from another creature be it a creature of the identical species or a different species. We are on this earth to connect one to the other and when we respond to this innate call of nature, we are blessed in ways that nothing else can. Yet humans seem to have become masters at ignoring the other’s “bids for connection/attention”.& nbsp; What I mean by this is the following:  Every day I reach out to people via phone, e-mail, text and in person and I would say that at least 50% of the time (or more), I am ignored. That is, the person I am reaching out to simply does not respond. And, I hear every day from clients, friends and family members that they reached out to someone via one medium or another and they never got a response back. The problem is rampant. It seems that the lack of response is becoming more the norm than the exception.& nbsp; The question then is “Why do humans ignore this basic need; this basic drive that brings about deep intimacy on every level”?& nbsp; I have a hunch that it comes from a sense of shame, about feeling “less than”, feeling that there is something wrong at the core. This feeling develops when we are very young either because there was direct abuse from our early caretakers OR the caretakers were not able to be present and reflect to the child the “wonder of who they are”. No parents are able to do this perfectly. So, I think that all of us have to deal with the feeling of “less than” in one way or another.& nbsp; This sense of shame does not feel good at all. Often someone will become an over-achiever to prove that there is nothing wrong with them.  However, if one is achieving to overcome this deep sense of shame, there is no amount of achievements that will heal this internal wound. Others may resort to under–achieving; they live from the sense of shame as if it is true. Some others become grandiose in big and little ways. The sense of being “better than” feels good and can effectively cover up the inner “less than”. .And finally, some not only under achieve but they resort to crime and violence and they may not even be consciously aware of why they are doing this. But no matter what direction one’s life takes; over achieve, under achieve, grandiosity and entitlement or resorting to crime, there is something else that nearly all humans do in reaction to this deep sense of shame: They try to feel better in the moment when the sense of shame is felt; even if on a very unconscious level. So, getting back to not responding to emails and messages; I think people get a “hit” (almost like an instant or momentary high) when they say “no” to someone’s requests or “bids for attention”. Thus they ride an imaginary and internal elevator from feeling a deep sense of shame to the upper levels of grandiosity. This is my theory. I believe that people don’t respond because they get this instant high, albeit fleeting. Now, some people do this more than others but to try to deal with the sense of shame by inflating oneself at the expense of another does nothing, zip, nada to heal the shame. It only creates confusion, sadness, disappointment and bewilderment.& nbsp; My remedy is 2 fold< ol> <li>We all need to deal with our “sense of shame”; because it is just that, a sense of it. And, it is a false sense. This requires therapy or counseling or finding friends who also want to deal with this toxic sense that there is something wrong with them and doing group work. And the purpose of this article is not to help people deal with this false sense of who they are.</li> <li>The purpose of this article is to tell humans what they should do when a “bid for attention” is made via direct speech, e-mail, voice mail, or other forms of communication. What they should do is    RSVP. This means in French:  Respond Please.</li>< /ol>& nbsp; That is it. Simply be willing to respond. Even if you don’t agree, respond. Even if you don’t have time to do what is requested:  Respond. Even if you don’t know the answer the bid for attention may be seeking: RESPOND.& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; 638 2015-07-25 17:37:25 2015-07-25 17:37:25 open open rsvp-the-key-to-healthy-relationships-re-posted publish 0 0 post 0 Couples Therapy Parent Uncategorized _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light ~Understanding the death of Bobbi Kristina Brown~ https://unitywholenesscenter.com/grief-therapy/understanding-the-death-of-bobbi-kristina-brown/ Mon, 27 Jul 2015 13:26:56 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=640 &nbsp;& nbsp; In an AP article posted on AOL written by Jonathon Landrum JR, it was said about Bobbi Kristina Brown that she was :< strong>”Born and raised in the shadow of fame and litigation, shattered by the loss of her mother, Bobbi Kristina was overwhelmed by the achievements and demons of others before she could begin to figure out who she was”.</strong> In a simple way, this is the reason for her tragic and untimely death. Bobbi Kristina was never given the space to discover who she was. In fact, she said after her mother’s death that she and her mother were best friends. Unfortunately, this is NEVER what a child needs, that is to be considered a best friend of their parent. A child needs a parent and the parent ideally will see that being a parent is the best role they could ever play for their child. It is the job of the parent to teach the child how to be friends with their peers and the parent should do what is necessary to have their own friends. I think it is to some degree, emotionally incestuous for a parent to call their child their best friend. So it is in this light that we also see that Bobbi Kristina was not given the space to be who she was if in fact she had to live up to being best friends with her world famous and gifted mother. In Landrum’s article and as stated in the above quote, “Bobbi Kristina was overwhelmed by the achievements and demons of others”. We all have inner demons, which I like to call unhealed  loss, trauma and woundedness. These unhealed issues are shoved into the shadow of our consciousness where they lie in waiting to be triggered and rear their ugly heads. So, Bobbi Kristina saw her mother and father’s fame and at the same time, she was subjected to their inner demons or unhealed issues that they  were not dealing with . It seems that Whitney’s amazing gifts were so vast that she was not able to heal those inner demons and so she handled the disparity of the gifts and the wounds by using medicators such as alcohol and drugs. Again, we all have unhealed issues but perhaps when someone rises to such high levels of fame and fortune as Whitney did, it becomes nearly impossible to deal with these issues because society does not let us. And, again, Bobbi Kristina was not given the space to even discover her own gifts and the woundedness she took on from her mother and father’s issues kept her from ever really having a chance to simply discover her own gifts. A child needs to be protected from their parent’s woundedness and unhealed issues or they are at risk of absorbing them into their own consciousness. I could write several articles about the key points in this article and I may but today I ask two things of everyone who reads this article. First, allow the tragedy of Bobbi Kristina’s death to stimulate your own awareness of what your gifts are and what issues stand in the way of the expression of these gifts.  I lead individual’s and groups in this exploration and I invite you to set up a complimentary call with me to learn more about this process. Second, let us join in a simple prayer for Bobbi Kristina, knowing that “God is love and into love, her soul has been released; let us pray that as we look upon this tragic death, may we learn how to  protect all children from falling prey to the unhealed issues that all humans have unless they have done their own healing”. 640 2015-07-27 13:26:56 2015-07-27 13:26:56 open open understanding-the-death-of-bobbi-kristina-brown publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Grief Therapy Parent SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light IN A SIMPLE WAY I LOVE YOU by Angel Fire https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/in-a-simple-way-i-love-you-by-angel-fire/ Wed, 29 Jul 2015 14:53:37 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=642 <h2>This is a song that has been around for a while. A Dear friend used to sing it at the Unity Church of Kent, our first church that we served. The words keep coming to me for some reason. I offer them today……………..nothing else necessary to say  except that if we all tried to sing this to one another, then perhaps no more Cecils** would be killed for no reason, no more children would be abused, and no more arrogant and despicable comments would come from men seeking the nomination for President, these same men who live in such abundance that they have no idea what it is like to be hungry for even one hour.</h2> ** The Lion King that was recently shot for absolutely no reason in Zimbabwe**< h2></h2>< h2>In a simple way I love you</h2> In a simple way I love you That’s all that I can do I’ll make music while you sing your song I understand what you’re going through In a simple way I love you When you’re reaching out to me I will be there when you need a friend I’ll help you be what you want to be I hear your voice sing out Just let it go I’ll give you room to breathe And room to grow In a simple way I love you I’m here to see you through I’ll make music while you sing your song While you do what you have to do I’ll be beside you rain or shine Love has many faces And one of them is mine& nbsp;< div class=”kskdDiv kskdFixedBannerContainer”></div>& nbsp; 642 2015-07-29 14:53:37 2015-07-29 14:53:37 open open in-a-simple-way-i-love-you-by-angel-fire publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Childrens Therapy Couples Therapy Grief Therapy SPIRITUALITY Uncategorized _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light What is your Fight? ~ Then keep fighting……….It is what you must do NOW~!! https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/what-is-your-fight-then-keep-fighting-it-is-what-you-must-do-now/ Thu, 06 Aug 2015 16:54:37 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=645 <div class=”lfloat _ohe _50f8″></div>< div class=”lfloat _ohe _50f8″>This post in BOLD was taken from a Face Book Post. I am posting it today for 2 reasons. First, Elizabeth Warren has found at least one arena in which she can take her skills, wisdom, talent and expertise and make a difference in the world.  I invite all of us to discover our own arena and keep fighting. The world is depending on this.</div>< div class=”lfloat _ohe _50f8″>I know that you know what is yours to do. It is about finding your purpose and the key to knowing your purpose is this:  Your purpose is the intersection where a need of yours intersects with a need in the world. However, your individual need, must have been dealt with by you to  the point that you understand this need and have figured out how to meet this in your life. This need is often a source of great pain, and b/c of the pain, you have chosen to figure out how to ease this pain. Now, some people have chosen to mask this pain, but  I am venturing to guess, that you have chosen to heal the pain. So, take what you have learned into the world and fulfill your purpose. By doing this, you are healing the world in only the way you can.</div>< div class=”lfloat _ohe _50f8″>271,451 Views</div>< div class=”rfloat _ohf”></div>< div class=”mtm plm _5pcm”>< div class=”mbs fwn fcg” data-ft=”{&quot;tn&quot;:&quot;C&quot;}”>< div class=”_5pcn fwb” data-ft=”{&quot;tn&quot;:&quot;k&quot;}”><a href=”https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10153171525303687&amp;fref=nf”>Elizabeth Warren</a></div>< /div>< div class=”mtm _5pco” data-ft=”{&quot;tn&quot;:&quot;K&quot;}”>< div id=”id_55c38e2660dea0b30227925″ class=”text_exposed_root text_exposed”>< strong>The first time Jon Stewart invited me onto <a class=”profileLink” href=”https://www.facebook.com/thedailyshow” data-hovercard=”/ajax/hovercard/page.php?id=7976226799″>The Daily Show</a> six years ago, I threw up backstage. I had gut-wrenching, stomach-turning stage fright. I was a no-nam<span class=”text_exposed_hide”>…</span><span class=”text_exposed_show”>e college professor there in 2009 to talk about oversight of the Wall Street bailout. It was important – and I didn’t want to mess up and become the joke. The first couple of minutes seemed so terrible, I thought I would have to resign from my new position on the TARP Congressional Oversight Panel. But when we got to the commercial break, Jon could tell that I hadn’t said what I’d come to say. He took my arm, told me to stay in my seat — and then he let me deliver this message. That moment changed my life. </span></strong>< div class=”text_exposed_show”>< strong>I’m grateful for every single time someone has come up to me and asked: “Hey, aren’t you that lady I saw on Jon Stewart?” Because almost every time I’ve told someone, “Yup, that’s me,” they’ve followed it up with: “Keep fighting!” That’s what Jon has done for 16 years: with passion and humor, he skewered the people who needed skewering, called out the big guys who rig the system, and prodded us all to fight back.</strong>< strong>Thanks, Jon!</strong>< /div>< /div>< /div>< /div> 645 2015-08-06 16:54:37 2015-08-06 16:54:37 open open what-is-your-fight-then-keep-fighting-it-is-what-you-must-do-now publish 0 0 post 0 Adult SPIRITUALITY Uncategorized _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light Holding NOTHING back, what are YOU willing to do? https://unitywholenesscenter.com/equine-therapy/holding-nothing-back-what-are-you-willing-to-do/ Mon, 10 Aug 2015 22:49:50 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=648 &nbsp; Mark Nepo, world renowned author and spiritual leader par excellence says this from his book,  THE BOOK OF AWAKENING, PAGE 262.< p style=”text-align: center;”><strong><em>”RANDOM IS THE INSTANT A HORSE AT FULL SPEED HAS ALL FOUR HOOVES OFF THE GROUND”</em></strong></p>< p style=”text-align: center;”><em>”………………………..So, what might we learn from the horse at random? Consider how all of its energy and desire mounts for the brief moment it inhabits itself fully, and in that moment, it flies………………………..”</em></p>< p style=”text-align: center;”></p>< p style=”text-align: center;”>There is a stirring in your heart right now, this very moment. It is calling you to BE WHO YOU ARE in at least one arena, or with one person, or for one song. There is a call deep within your soul that says, This is what you are here for now. Do this NOW!</p>< p style=”text-align: center;”>It may be creating that tiny little garden that you know could change your life</p>< p style=”text-align: center;”>It may be finding the way to begin a conversation with someone you are estranged from</p>< p style=”text-align: center;”>It may be taking your charge card and taking yourself on that weekend trip that you know your heart longs for you to do.</p>< p style=”text-align: center;”>It may be telling you to take the first step necessary to get the education you know you need to make your dream come true.</p>< p style=”text-align: center;”>It may be telling you that NOW is the time to start trying to have the baby who is calling your name as MOMMY!</p>< p style=”text-align: center;”>Begin now! And you begin by:</p>< p style=”text-align: center;”></p>< p style=”text-align: center;”> Saying  YES, YES, YES to YOU. It is making yourself a priority in just one area of YOUR life.</p>< p style=”text-align: center;”>Do you know what you need to do then?</p>< p style=”text-align: center;”><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”><strong>~TAKE YOUR PASSION AND  MAKE IT HAPPEN~</strong></span></p>< p style=”text-align: center;”></p>< em>”First when there’s nothing but a slow glowing dream that your fear seems to hide deep inside your mind All alone, I have cried silent tears full of pride in a world made of steel made of stone”</em>< em> </em> Do you remember these words from “What a Feeling”, a popular song from the 80s sung by Irene Cara in the movie “Flashdance”? Are you there at times? That is, do you feel the whisperings inside you?< span style=”text-decoration: underline;”><strong><em>~TAKE YOUR PASSION AND MAKE IT HAPPEN~</em></strong></span> Do you have moments of knowing that if you don’t make your dream come true that somehow you will not have succeeded in your life? Do you sometimes know that you must stop over-giving and over functioning but you don’t know how to stop? Do you sometimes feel invisible and have a sense that your needs, desires and dreams are unimportant to everyone except your dog?& nbsp;& gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;Listen to more of these words:& nbsp; Well, I hear the music Close my eyes, feel the rhythm Wrap around, take a hold of my heart Well, I hear the music Close my eyes, feel the rhythm Wrap around, take a hold of my heart Can you feel this?< strong><em>Where is your energy and desire directing you so that when  you embody it   fully, you will fly? As Mark Nepo suggests when he speaks of the horse at random???</em></strong>& nbsp; IF there is any resonance at all with what I am saying and what you are feeling then I can help you: I have created a four part Transformational program for you and for people like you. This 4 month program will empower you to:< ol> <li>Connect with your truth, your Authentic Self, the essence of who you are. You will connect with and KNOW your true self in a way that you never have before. The connection will be so clear that you will never be able to ignore this part of you again. You will connect with the still small voice of your authentic self and be given effective techniques to use every day to reinforce the connection</li> <li>Discover your gifts and your divine purpose. There have been many clues about your gifts and your “Raison d’Etre” throughout your life. In this step, you will finally realize that your gifts come from your soul and you have them to aid in the fulfillment of your purpose.</li>< /ol>& nbsp; 3.Heal what stands in the way of expressing the one you have come here to be. I will tailor a plan for you to do some deep level shadow work where the obstacles lie. In an easy way, you will come to understand that what have stood in the way of your soul’s purpose are simply erroneous beliefs. You will identify the true beliefs about yourself; the beliefs that are true now about you, have always been true and always will be true. The erroneous beliefs, when held up to the light of the true beliefs, will disappear or be so small that they will never block your way again 4. Learn what your next steps are in fulfilling your purpose, and then learn how to take simple steps to fulfill your Purpose NOW. This is the action step. I will coach you in taking the action steps dictated by your higher self. You will express and be your truth and speak your truth in love without attack. You will learn advanced communication techniques that will enable you to have complete integrity all of the time. 5.Say yes and no–yes to that which furthers the fulfillment of your purpose and no to that which stands in your way. 6.Model the expression of the Truth of who you are to all of your loved ones Even if others don’t know how to be around the new you, you will bless them. You will help them more than anything else you could do; they can go forth and do likewise. No longer be over-functioning or over-give !   Add years to your life. ( Stress kills!  Heal the planet!. Call me now to discuss this program.& nbsp;& nbsp;< p style=”text-align: center;”></p> 648 2015-08-10 22:49:50 2015-08-10 22:49:50 open open holding-nothing-back-what-are-you-willing-to-do publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Equine Therapy Parent SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light WHAT TO DO; WHAT TO SAY TO SOMEONE WHO IS GOING THROUGH A CHALLENGE OF ANY KIND. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/childrens-therapy/what-to-do-what-to-say-to-someone-who-is-going-through-a-challenge-of-any-kind/ Thu, 20 Aug 2015 17:56:45 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=651 &nbsp;< strong>There is a problem in our world today and the problem is not that the world seems to be having more and more challenges every day in every way. The problem is that these challenges and problems whether they are due to loss of health or life or the loss of a job or massive stress or whatever they may be due to; the problem is that humans do not know how to be present to a loved one, a friend, a co-worker, a family member or even a neighbor. Most humans do one of the following things when another human is going through a challenge, big or small.</strong> 1. Ignore the person because after all the person with the challenge does not want to talk about it 2. Give the person advice about exactly how to solve the problem 3. Become very judgmental and tell the person with the challenge that it is somehow their fault. 4.Talk about the person with the challenge to everyone but the person having the challenge 5.Become quite distraught because they do not know how to fix the problem for the other person. I will address each of these things that people do in a quick and succinct way because I am sure you have most likely experienced these things and most likely you have done them. Then I will tell you the very best thing you can do at anytime and anywhere no matter what your skill level is. 1. Ignoring the person and assuming they don’t want to talk about it is simply wrong. The truth is most people do want to talk about the issue they are going through but they simply cannot find someone who will simply be present to them without judgment and advise. The reason that most people do not talk to  the one going through the challenge( who will be referred to now as the <span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>Challengee </span> is that they simply do not know what to say because the problem’s of the challengee bring up their own unsolved problems. Or worse, the Challengee is having a lot of painful feelings about their situation and the non-challengee  is at risk of also feeling these feelings and because they don’t want to feel these feelings, they just stay away. <strong> TRAGIC, is this not?</strong> 2. Giving the challengee advise is also one of the worst things to do.  When we simply give people advise, we are actually only giving them the message that we believe that they don’t have the common sense or wisdom to know how to solve their own problems. However, in almost all cases, we give others advise so we don’t have to feel our own feelings around our problems OR we don’t want to feel our own helplessness around the challengee’s problems.  There is a time to give advise. The time is when we have asked the challengee if they would like to hear how we dealt with a similar challenge. If we ask and the challengee says YES, then we are free to offer limited advise as long as we do not expect the challengee to take the advise. If the challengee does not want advise, the only thing to do is to say, ” I am here for you no matter what and I know that you can solve this problem. I will be right beside you all the way”. 3.When we become judgmental toward the challengee, again, we are doing this to avoid our own feelings. I had my bike stolen earlier this year, and it has been a challenging year to begin with and when I told a good friend whom I had hoped would just empathize, she began telling me why it was the fault of the person whose garage my bike was stored in. This was ridiculous to say to me AND, it did nothing to help me feel better, it only reinforced the facts that I was mostly alone in dealing with this loss. 4.To gossip about the challengee to everyone but the challengee is  a disgusting thing that we humans love to do. I don’t need to say anything else about this except to say that we all know how it feels to be gossiped about. 5. The idea of taking responsibility for someone else’s problems and then becoming distraught about it is often what parents do around their adult children.  All this does is to alienate the challengee because the challengee needs someone to care and be present and not to take responsibility unless, of course, there is some responsibility to be taken.& nbsp;< strong>~Finally, here is what you should do instead of the above 5. </strong>< strong>All you need to do is be willing to be present in love to the challengee. What this looks like is to open your eyes wide, orient your body toward the person, open your ears wide and close your mouth tight. Then pretend your face is a huge heart that is opening to love in all of it’s beauty and transforming qualities. In this, you are letting the challengee know they are not alone, that you do not judge them or need to fix them and that you see them as capable and filled with wisdom. If you do this, then you become filled with love and compassion and because of the Mirror Neurons in our brains( please google mirror neurons if you are not sure what this is), the challengee will also become filled with love and compassion and miracles will begin to occur for the challengee and this will occur because of your willingnesss to be present in mind, body, heart and spirit.  Then ask the challengee to tell you about the problem, how it happened, how they feel and what they are hoping to do about the problem. When they pause, look at them in love, then you may reflect to them what you heard an then ask them what else they need to say.  This is it. How easy is this?  This reminds me of an earlier blog I wrote when I quoted the words to a song:  In a simple way I love you~</strong>& nbsp;< strong>My next blog will be about how  my horse  is drawn into love others and how you can become a magnet for love if you choose.  You are “gonna love it”!</strong>& nbsp;& nbsp; 651 2015-08-20 17:56:45 2015-08-20 17:56:45 open open what-to-do-what-to-say-to-someone-who-is-going-through-a-challenge-of-any-kind publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Childrens Therapy Couples Therapy Equine Therapy Family Therapy Grief Therapy Parent SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light “YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING TO BE LOVED” https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/you-do-not-have-to-do-anything-to-be-loved/ Tue, 25 Aug 2015 11:07:40 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=653 These words are taken from Mark Nepo’s  THE BOOK OF AWAKENING, page 279. There is little more that is necessary to say about this except to quote Mark’s words from this same page: “………Being who you are does not let others down.”. If we could all understand this and then heal the erroneous beliefs that say we can’t be who we are because others may get mad, then our world would be restored to Harmony. These words form the essence of my therapeutic practice. I learned that I could not be who I was at all; that my only function was to help others and I needed to do this or my world would collapse. The challenge is that though I did try to help others in every way I could, my world collapsed over and over again. My sister died of alcoholism. So many challenges and collapses have occurred. I finally learned that truth that my only function is to be who I am and then to help others as my soul guides me to. This learning has made all the difference in my life and the work I do with my clients helps them learn this as well so that they can go forward and be who they are and thereby bless the world.& nbsp; 653 2015-08-25 11:07:40 2015-08-25 11:07:40 open open you-do-not-have-to-do-anything-to-be-loved publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Couples Therapy Grief Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light https://unitywholenesscenter.com/spirituality/656/ Tue, 08 Sep 2015 16:59:09 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=656 &nbsp;< h3 style=”text-align: center;”>”We have to stand up for what we believe in, even when we might not be popular for it. Honesty starts with being ourselves, authentic and true to who we are and what we believe in, and that may not always be popular, but it will always let you follow your dreams and your heart”.</h3> Tabatha Coffey Australian Hairstylist And Television Personality& nbsp; This quote was displayed on Value.com’s daily inspirational quotes. I would recommend them. I am using this as the essence of my blog today. If all people would learn to adhere to the wisdom in this quote, our world would change. A Wise Psychiatrist that was supervising my internship back in the early 80s said that a “healthy person” is one who can say what they think and feel”. I have also added to this in recent years that this same healthy person also has good boundaries and is willing to be present as others speak what they say and feel. I have created a ministry around some of these thoughts and I call this Global Harmony. The steps to achieving Global Harmony are listed below. Please watch for a notification of an advanced Experiential Group of 12 ADVANCED SEEKERS  who want to work with these steps and do their part in achieving global harmony.< p style=”text-align: center;”>Global harmony</p>< p style=”text-align: center;”>Created by Rev. Suzanne Carter, M.A., L.P.C.</p> Spiritual intelligence Divine purpose Healing blocks to wholeness Speaks ones truth in love and listens in love ( using advanced communication techniques) 656 2015-09-08 16:59:09 2015-09-08 16:59:09 open open 656 publish 0 0 post 0 Adult SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light A VIOLATION OF CHRISTIAN FAITH OR A VIOLATION OF THE GREATEST COMMANDMENT https://unitywholenesscenter.com/spirituality/a-violation-of-christian-faith-or-a-violation-of-the-greatest-commandment/ Tue, 08 Sep 2015 20:04:50 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=658 What I would like to say to Kim Davis, Mike Huckabee and Ted Cruz:< strong>When asked “which is the great commandment in the law?”, the <a href=”https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_New_Testament”>Greek New Testament</a> reports that Jesus answered, “<a href=”https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shema_Yisrael”>Hear, O Israel!</a> The Lord our God, The Lord is One; Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind”, before also referring to a second commandment, “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.” Most Christian denominations consider these two commandments the core of the Christian religion</strong> Kim has stated that Gay marriage is a violation of her Christian faith. But if we look at what Jesus said in the New Testament we must listen clearly and carefully to what this Master of Human Behavior taught. His message in the New Testament was a message of unconditional love and acceptance. Thus Davis’ condemnation of anyone is a violation of the faith of most Christians. Jesus gave these commandments because he knew that people were using the message of the Old Testament to judge and condemn. Jesus knew that in order for humans to live together and take care of one another that we would need to get beyond the judgments of the Old Testament. So, he brought a message of love and acceptance that would enable people to live together in harmony. He also taught that as we treat others, we are treating ourselves that way and ultimately the Christ.When he said “in as much as you have done this to the least of these my brethren, you have done it unto me”, telling us that we must get beyond any judgment to loving the Christ not only in Jesus but in everyone. 658 2015-09-08 20:04:50 2015-09-08 20:04:50 open open a-violation-of-christian-faith-or-a-violation-of-the-greatest-commandment publish 0 0 post 0 Adult SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light ~DEEP WITHIN THE VERY BEING OF HUMANS IS GREAT UGLINESS~ https://unitywholenesscenter.com/grief-therapy/deep-within-the-very-being-of-humans-is-great-ugliness/ Sun, 20 Sep 2015 18:01:02 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=661 ~ Deep within the very being of all humans is great ugliness~……and when we give into this and express this as Trump does, then we are, as we psychotherapists say going ” 1 -up” or being grandiose and arrogant. Now, for some who give into this baseness, they wind up doing great harm to others and ultimately to themselves with words, deeds and deplorable actions. Most who give into this baseness, are closet Grandiositers( sorry but my thought of this fits with this non-word), and when they spy another closet grandiositer, they have a grand connection and then even magnify their grandiosity. They begin talking as if it is ok to slam others for their looks, or their SES or for any reason that comes to mind because they tell themselves that these others could be different if they wanted to. Trump is appealing to this baseness, this ugliness. The closet grandiositers have finally found a leader, one who is unafraid to express this baseness. The people who are following Trump are supporting the thoughts and fears that comes from the Reptilian brain. However, we humans also have an ability to rise above our lizard brain and seek to connect with our Wizard brain………. Is this not a cute depiction of two levels of our brain, and for those of us who choose to seek the way of the Wizard brain, we are healing the world. And because of Mirror Neurons( please just google this if you are not sure of what these are), the ones who seek a higher way will win out. Love has the ability to transform everything unlike itself and for those of us who choose to seek the higher way**, we are seeing love’s activity transforming our world, loving word by loving word, loving action by loving action, and it is happening……….. Do not doubt this. ** And the way to live from our Wizard brain is to seek our higher and most authentic self and to seek to live from this place every moment of every day and when we forget, we simply need to choose again. This is the essence of my work and it is working….. 661 2015-09-20 18:01:02 2015-09-20 18:01:02 open open deep-within-the-very-being-of-humans-is-great-ugliness publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Grief Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light ~Who am I in a relationship with? ~Who am I not in a relationship with? https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/who-am-i-in-a-relationship-with-who-am-i-not-in-a-relationship-with/ Fri, 25 Sep 2015 14:45:33 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=665 &nbsp;& nbsp; Recently, I was told by someone that the reason they have not contacted me or responded to my emails   is  because they are not in “relationship” with me since I  don’t attend the luncheons anymore that a  larger group that we are  a part  hosts once a month. This person and I always had a very nice connection( at least I thought and felt!) but when I was forced out of  a position because my contract was not renewed( read  “fired”), and I chose to focus on my private practice, I  could not attend the luncheons. I received the message that said person was not in relationship with me right before I was beginning a hike  on Kenosha Pass in Colorado. The Aspens were nearing their peak as far as showing the world their enchanting colors. There is something really wonderful about Aspens and this wonderful fact is the following:< strong>”Rarely is their just one Aspen tree. By their nature, Aspens are not a solitary tree. Their roots spread below the earth’s surface and spring to life others to form a group. Aspens grow as a community; they are interconnected by their roots and share nutrients and resources to support each other. – See more at: https://www.thindifference.com/2010/05/aspen-trees-set-a-community-example”</strong> I knew this about Aspens and  I had just been told that I was no longer in a relationship with this friend as I am walking among the aspens. The sentiment expressed in my title came to me as I hiked with my husband and my golden canine prince. So I began looking at the trees and the creek and the little birds and the flowers and the weeds and the dead trees that had fallen over  and other hikers and I silently  asked each one of these creatures if I was in relationship with them. I honestly could not say that I was not in relationship with any of these specimens of nature. My favorite definition of God came to mind as well:< p style=”text-align: center;”><span style=”color: #3366ff;”>God is everyone of us together: the rocks, the seas, the flowers and the seas, and all creatures, whether of fur, fin, feather or skin</span></p>< p style=”text-align: center;”><span style=”color: #000000;”>and I knew that for me, I am still in relationship with my friend and I knew in that moment that it does not matter if he does not see me as worthy of his attention since we are “not in relationship”, I am able to be me and follow my highest ideals no matter what he or anyone thinks.</span></p>< p style=”text-align: center;”>I am able to behold him and all of life as expressions of the Divine( by whatever name we use to call the Divine) and because of this we are one.</p>< p style=”text-align: center;”>Pope Francis in his address to Congress on September 24th said this about neighbors and relationships when he was speaking about immigration:</p>< p style=”text-align: center;”><strong>…………..”When the stranger in our midst appeals to us, we must not repeat the sins and errors of the past. We must resolve now to live as nobly and as justly as possible, as we educate new generations not to turn their back on our ‘neighbors’ and everything around us. Building a nation calls us to recognize that we must constantly relate to others, rejecting a mindset of hostility in order to adopt one of reciprocal solidarity, in a constant effort to do our best.”</strong></p>< p style=”text-align: left;”>For me, and what I learned from really trying to understand what my friend told me, is that we ARE in relationship with everyone and everything  on Earth no matter what our minds may tell us.  And, in order for our planet and all of her creatures  to move forward in health, we must be willing to follow the  ‘greatest commandment”  as spoken by Jesus and that is to love our neighbor as ourselves. And because every creature is our neighbor, because we are ONE, then to treat someone as not worthy of our attention is to simply be living from the “reptilian” part of our brain which must put people in differing groups saying this group is in “my tribe and I will protect it” and “that group is not in my tribe and therefore it is an enemy which I will not protect”.</p>< p style=”text-align: left;”>I thank my friend for telling me that he is not in a relationship with me any longer and therefore he does not need to repond to my little bids for connection, because this has clarified  for me what I choose to do.</p>< p style=”text-align: left;”>I have been following this idea for many years now and it has brought the title of  “relationship  and communication expert” to me. I have learned that even when I don’t agree with what someone has done or said, I still need to communicate with them. I communicate with them because we are part and parcel of one another. As Jesus said: ” in as much as you have done this to the least of these my brethren, you have done it unto me”.  And, we know that this means we have also done it to ourselves.</p>< p style=”text-align: left;”>I ask all of us together today, to celebrate our oneness and to be grateful that we humans have the ability to magnify this oneness or to tear it apart.  If we choose to magnify it, we do it by being ourselves and by being ourselves, the true authentic self we have come here to be, we can live together as the Aspens do, as the dead trees do, as the dolphins do and heal our planet one loving action at a time.</p>< p style=”text-align: left;”></p> 665 2015-09-25 14:45:33 2015-09-25 14:45:33 open open who-am-i-in-a-relationship-with-who-am-i-not-in-a-relationship-with publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Couples Therapy Family Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light “Eternity…………..is the pieces of God unbreaking back together” https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/eternity-is-the-pieces-of-god-unbreaking-back-together/ Wed, 07 Oct 2015 13:37:32 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=668 The above quote is taken from Mark Nepo’s, THE BOOK OF AWAKENING, page 331. Mark Nepo is my main teacher and coach these days although I have had so many. I have been partaking of his words from this book and other books  by Mark Nepo for the last 5 years. His words have changed me in all ways. If I could give the world a gift, I would begin by giving this book to you. For today, I simply invite you to take these words into you heart and mind and let them guide you. Here are a few more words from the reading for October 7th: ” Over time, a picture starts to emerge by which we begin to understand our place in the world…………….We drain ourselves by asking others to map our way……………we each have to venture out and simply see what happens………………For  as the earth was begun like a dish breaking, eternity is that scene slowly reversing, and you and I and the things we’re drawn to are merely the pieces of God unbreaking back together”.& nbsp; 668 2015-10-07 13:37:32 2015-10-07 13:37:32 open open eternity-is-the-pieces-of-god-unbreaking-back-together publish 0 0 post 0 Uncategorized _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light BABY BOOMERS: START YOUR ENGINES FOR 2016 https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/baby-boomers-start-your-engines-for-2016/ Fri, 16 Oct 2015 18:02:55 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=671 &nbsp; Baby Boomers! Women and Men invited< strong>Start your engines for 2016: </strong> You are a person who has done deep work.< strong>Your true self has shown itself </strong> The time is now for you to move beyond what holds you back in your relationships, creativity, work and soul satisfaction in every part of your life. First: attend a one day healing to Wholeness workshop in which you will meet other people who have done work just like yourself. This Day will focus on first identifying the gifts, qualities and values that make you who you are. We will briefly look at what you do that gets in the way of expressing this self all the time We will then learn how to heal what stands in the way. One of you will do some “center stage” healing that will show you can heal. (This will be via Psychodrama and thus everyone heals even if not center stage). You will then have the opportunity to be in a yearlong group (will meet one sat a month) in which you will clearly discover Your Authentic Self( your Divine Self) and heal the blocks to the expression of who you truly are. In other words, learn to fulfill your Soul Purpose. Workshop fee: $140 (early bird discount by 10/31: $120) Facilitated by <strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>Suzanne Carter, L.P.C.(720-540-6748)</span></em></strong> She has learned these healing techniques from: John Gray, John Bradshaw, John Gottman Terry Real, Pia Mellody,Sharon Wegscheider, Ted Klontz,&amp; more. Call now to reserve your spot.( limited to 7and minimum number is 5)< strong>Sunday Nov 8th   9:30 to 5:30 p.m.</strong>< strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>www.unitywholenesscenter.com</span></em></strong> 671 2015-10-16 18:02:55 2015-10-16 18:02:55 open open baby-boomers-start-your-engines-for-2016 publish 0 0 post 0 Uncategorized _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light ~If it were easy, you would already by like Jesus or the Buddha~ https://unitywholenesscenter.com/spirituality/if-it-were-easy-you-would-already-by-like-jesus-or-the-buddha/ Mon, 26 Oct 2015 17:18:03 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=675 <strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>If it were easy, you would already be like Jesus or the Buddha</span></em></strong>< strong>Are you ready for the ADVANCED teachings?</strong>< strong>Are you ready to become more spiritually intelligent?</strong>< strong>Are you ready to take personal responsibility for your life? </strong>< strong>And for the evolution of our planet?</strong>< strong>Are you ready to be supported to be the ONE you came here to be?</strong>& nbsp;< strong>You are invited to be ONE of TWELVE in a</strong>< strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>“3-Jewels”</span></em></strong> <strong>group beginning January 2016. </strong>< strong><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>First jewel:</span></strong><strong>  The Masters who brought the teachings to earth especially Jesus and the Buddha: we have these.</strong>< strong><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>Second Jewel:</span></strong><strong> The teachings</strong>< strong><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>Third Jewel:</span></strong><strong> The practice :&gt;&gt;&gt; taking the teachings and committing to them in your own life, as if the lives of your loved ones and the lives of all creatures around the world depended on it. (All lives do depend on a certain number of people making the difference). The Commitment to and the Practice of the teachings are the “Advanced Teachings”. **</strong>< strong> </strong>< strong>We already have the Masters; we already have the teachings; what we need is 12 people focusing on USING the teachings in their lives.</strong> Will you be one of the people in this group? We will meet twice monthly for a year One Sunday morning group from 9 a.m. to noon and one individual coaching session You will commit to moving forward in your life and saying: “Here I am God, use me to help restore our planet to wholeness.” &nbsp; A big focus in the group will be on the four quadrants of Spiritual Intelligence:< ol> <li><strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>Self Awareness</span></em></strong> (including awareness of our own worldview, our life purpose, our values, and awareness of our Ego self and higher self.</li> <li><strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>Universal Awareness</span></em></strong>(including awareness of the interconnectedness of life, being aware of the worldviews of others, awareness of the limitations and power of human perception and awareness of Spiritual laws and transcendent oneness.</li> <li><strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>Self Mastery</span></em></strong> (including commitment to spiritual growth, keeping your higher self in charge, living your purpose and vales, sustaining faith and seeking guidance from your Higher Self.</li> <li><strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>Social Mastery and Spiritual Presence</span></em></strong>(including becoming a wise and effective teacher, mentor and leader, making compassionate and WISE decisions, being a healing and calming presence and maintaining an alignment with the ebb and flow of life.</li> <li></li>< /ol> You will need to take The Spiritual Intelligence Assessment tool developed by Cindy Wigglesworth of Deep Change. (An additional cost of $120.00) Cost: $150 each month ONE YEAR COMMITMENT REQUIRED IF YOU CHOOSE TO JOIN Facilitator: Rev. Suzanne Carter, M.A., L.P.C Suzanne has been a therapist for 35 years, a Unity minister for almost 30 years and is dedicated to your wholeness. She has certifications and trainings in Grief counseling, Spiritual Intelligence coaching, Experiential therapy, Couples, Child and Family Therapy, Healing from Trauma, Women’s issues, Equine assisted therapy and SHE IS DEDICATED TO YOUR WHOLENESS& nbsp; To apply for one of the 12 spots, you need to schedule a counseling session with Suzanne between now and Christmas. This session will identify if you are ready for this group. You will leave this session with new information and skills even if you do not want to join the group or if you are not ready. The cost of this session will be $75& nbsp; Then the spots will fill on a first come-first serve basis. Call today for your counseling session and to take the SQ 21 assessment Suzanne Carter is waiting to hear from you today 720-540-6738< a href=”mailto:equinelites@aol.com”>equinelites@aol.com</a> www.Unitywholenesscenter.com& nbsp; 675 2015-10-26 17:18:03 2015-10-26 17:18:03 open open if-it-were-easy-you-would-already-by-like-jesus-or-the-buddha publish 0 0 post 0 Adult SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light “ BEING FRIENDLY IS ALL WE HAVE NOW” https://unitywholenesscenter.com/grief-therapy/being-friendly-is-all-we-have-now/ Wed, 18 Nov 2015 02:03:45 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=679 “ BEING FRIENDLY IS ALL WE HAVE NOW” &nbsp; On November 16, I heard a story on NPR that seemed to really provide a next step toward creating global harmony. In this story, a young French woman was describing her experience after a wall of people who were quite frightened on Sunday after hearing a loud noises that sounded like gunfire were running toward her.  The NPR correspondent said there must have been a 1000 people running for their safety. Part of the running crowd saw this young French woman entering a building and she saw what she imagined  to be a least 100 people begging her to let them enter her building.  She did and said 40 of them wound up in her little apartment. The story ended with this statement:   “BEING FRIENDLY IS ALL WE HAVE NOW”. Her English was not perfect and it seemed that she was straining to find just the right word and she finally said the word, Friendly. I think her intuition gave her the perfect word.   The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines friendly in the following way:& nbsp;< strong>1 of or befitting of a friend as :</strong>< strong><em>a</em></strong><strong> :  showing kindly interest and goodwill</strong>< strong><em>b</em></strong><strong> :  not hostile</strong>< strong><em>c</em></strong><strong> :  <a href=”http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cheerful”>cheerful</a>, <a href=”http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/comforting”>comforting</a></strong>< strong>2</strong>< strong>:</strong><strong>  serving a beneficial or helpful purpose</strong>< strong> </strong> I am quoting the dictionary right now because all of these phrases do in fact describe what this young woman did. She was showing goodwill, and not being hostile. She was comforting by offering shelter in her tiny apartment and in opening her door to these strangers, she was in fact serving a beneficial or helpful purpose. Further I heard that many French people are using a phrase that means “open door” to describe how they feel about connecting with their fellow country-men.& nbsp; I have a method I call Global Harmony that fits right in with the way the French are being with one another.& nbsp;& nbsp; The 4 steps of my global harmony ministry are& nbsp;& nbsp;< ol> <li>Connect with your truth (and thereby discover your gifts and divine purpose). <em>This young French woman was in fact connecting with her inner truth, knowing it was the right thing to do and she did it fearlessly.</em></li>< /ol>& nbsp;< ol start=”2″> <li>Heal what stands in the way of expressing <strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>the one</span></em></strong> you have come here to be. <em>Our entire world and every 2 legged creature is in need of healing what stands in the way of EXPRESSING their authentic self. A fruit of connecting with and living from our authentic self is that we automatically and without thought do the right thing as this young woman did. There are ways to heal the issues that stand in the way of expressing our higher self. There are tried and true ways and I use them every day with my clients. The problem here is that perhaps the vast majority of people would rather point the finger at the other and say: <strong>YOU ARE THE PROBLEM AND WE NEED TO GET RID OF YOU, OR YOU NEED TO DO IT MY WAY, ETC. ETC.</strong></em></li>< /ol>< strong> </strong>& nbsp;< ol start=”3″> <li>Speak one’s truth in love without attack using advanced communication techniques and be willing to listen to others as they listen to you.</li>< /ol>& nbsp;& nbsp;< ol start=”3″> <li>Take the tiniest steps to fulfill your Purpose NOW. The time is now. We are not in a dress rehearsal. The world is waiting for each of us to do this and when even one person does this, it affects everyone around them. AND, all we ever need do is be willing to take the next step.</li>< /ol>& nbsp;& nbsp; I am forming a group of advanced students who are willing to begin this four step process now. If you are interested, please contact me. As Scott Peck said in one of his books: there is a “ World waiting to be born”. I invite you to do what only you can to help this birth.& nbsp; Finally, just heard on the nightly news that a little French boy, about 3, who is very afraid said, ” The flowers and candles{in this memorial} are here to protect us”. I am not going to add anything to this…………..& nbsp;< strong> </strong>& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; 679 2015-11-18 02:03:45 2015-11-18 02:03:45 open open being-friendly-is-all-we-have-now publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Grief Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light What you can do about the terror in the world. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/grief-therapy/what-you-can-do-about-the-terror-in-the-world/ Sun, 22 Nov 2015 00:59:55 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=681 <del></del>< div align=”center”><span style=”font-family: impact, sans-serif; font-size: large;”>IN the name of </span></div>< div align=”center”><span style=”font-family: Impact; font-size: large;”>SAFETY,</span></div>< div align=”center”></div>< div align=”left”><span style=”font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;”>Humans do terrible things…………. </span><span style=”font-family: impact, sans-serif;”>Because of fear……………………..</span></div>< div align=”left”></div>< div align=”center”><span style=”font-family: impact, sans-serif;”>IN THE NAME OF LOVE, ESPECIALLY DIVINE LOVE</span></div>< div align=”left”><span style=”font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;”>Humans do terrible things………….</span><span style=”font-family: impact, sans-serif;”>Because they are choosing to let the Lizard brain control them(the lizard brain is the old brain, the part that forces us into fight, flight or freeze)</span></div>< div align=”left”><span style=”font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;”>Humans do terrible things………………………………………………………………………………………….</span></div>< div align=”center”><span style=”font-family: impact, sans-serif;”>IN THE NAME OF LOVE……………………….</span></div>< div align=”left”>Humans can choose to do………<span style=”font-size: x-large;”>THE RIGHT THING……..</span></div>< div align=”left”><span style=”font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;”>Humans can choose to operate from …</span><span style=”font-family: impact, sans-serif;”>THE WIZARD BRAIN…………( our neo-cortex that teaches we are one and truly learning to live from the wizard brain is the only was we will survive)</span></div>< div align=”left”></div>< div align=”center”><span style=”font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;”> I know that Jesus was operating from the Wizard Brain. </span></div>< div align=”center”>In his prayer, THE LORD’S PRAYER, HE SAID:</div>< div align=”center”><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”><span style=”font-family: Courier New, Courier, mono;”><strong><span style=”font-size: x-large;”>OUR</span> FATHER WHO ART IN HEAVEN</strong></span></span></em></div>< div align=”center”></div>< div align=”center”><strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”><span style=”font-family: Courier New;”>Why did he say:  “OUR”</span></span></em></strong></div>< div align=”center”></div>< div align=”center”><span style=”font-family: Courier New;”>Jesus knew of our oneness</span></div>< div align=”center”><span style=”font-family: Courier New;”>Jesus knew that we must come to this awareness if we humans are going to survive.</span></div>< div align=”center”><span style=”font-family: Courier New;”>He taught that Kingdom of Heaven is within and because of this, there is a way**</span></div>< div align=”center”><span style=”font-family: Courier New;”> that is beyond fear, flight and freezing…….</span></div>< div align=”center”><span style=”font-family: Courier New;”>There is a way that will enable all of us to survive.</span></div>< div align=”center”><span style=”font-family: Courier New;”>I was surprised to hear someone that I thought was beyond choosing to live from the Wizard brain tell me that “Donald Trump is right, we should just go bomb the hell out of them; my kids are afraid right now and I hate this”.</span></div>< div align=”center”><span style=”font-family: Courier New;”>To say the least I was shocked to hear this coming out of the mouth of this person.</span></div>< div align=”center”><span style=”font-family: Courier New;”>Donald Trump’s message is appealing to that lizard brain. Sure it may seem easier to “just bomb the hell out of them”.</span></div>< div align=”center”><span style=”font-family: Courier New;”>And surely, we can all see that  “bombing the hell out of them” did not work based on our experience in Afghanistan and Iraq, etc, etc.</span></div>< div align=”center”><span style=”font-family: Courier New;”>The Wizard brain teaches us to go beyond what is easy, teaches us to go beyond what makes us feel better than, teaches us to go beyond saying that ” my tribe is better than your tribe”.</span></div>< div align=”center”></div>< div align=”center”><span style=”font-size: large;”>The way that Jesus taught was expressed beautifully by </span></div>< div align=”center”><span style=”font-size: large;”>a Catholic Priest here in the Denver area.</span></div>< div align=”center”><span style=”font-size: large;”>I was at a memorial service for a dear friend’s father.</span></div>< div align=”center”><span style=”font-size: large;”>I had not been to a Catholic service for many years.</span></div>< div align=”center”><span style=”font-size: large;”>When this priest spoke of Jesus’ words; when he said:</span></div>< div align=”center”><span style=”font-size: large;”>No one comes to the father except through me, I knew these words were what Catholics believe. But then, he began to speak of what he believes about what Jesus meant and he went on to describe how Jesus’ way</span></div>< div align=”center”><span style=”font-size: large;”>was of </span></div>< div align=”center”><span style=”font-size: large;”>LOVE,</span></div>< div align=”center”><span style=”font-size: large;”>Compassion and </span></div>< div align=”center”><span style=”font-size: large;”>Caring</span></div>< div align=”center”><span style=”font-size: large;”>He reminded us of this passage from the bible:</span></div>< div align=”center”><strong>Matthew 25:35-40</strong> <em>For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me,</em><em> I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’</em></div>< div class=”aolReplacedBody” align=”center”><span style=”font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;”>As this priest spoke, As Jesus spoke, so are we to speak.</span></div>< div class=”aolReplacedBody” align=”center”></div>< div class=”aolReplacedBody” align=”center”><span style=”font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, Serif;”>All wise and great spiritual teachers have taught this truth.</span></div>< div class=”aolReplacedBody” align=”center”><span style=”font-family: Georgia;”>And, these wise and great spiritual teachers are calling all of us WHO ARE WILLING TO SEE AND HEAR AND ACT FROM THE WIZARD BRAIN, THEY ARE CALLING US NOW</span></div>< div class=”aolReplacedBody” align=”center”><span style=”font-family: Georgia;”>THIS IS OUR LIFE, IT IS NOT A DRESS REHEARSAL</span></div>< div align=”center”></div>< div align=”center”>The time is now</div>< div align=”center”>Are we going to live from the lizard brain as trump is suggesting</div>< div align=”center”>or are we going to live from the Wizard brain as Jesus taught.</div>< div align=”center”>It is up to each one of us</div>< div align=”center”>It is up to you and the world is calling YOU to do what you can now</div>< div align=”center”>There is something you can do, that you must do</div>< div align=”center”>LISTEN AND YOU WILL KNOW WHAT IS YOURS TO DO</div>< div align=”center”>It may be, being willing to do your part to heal the rift between you and your sibling( even if they are unwilling, only do your part)</div>< div align=”center”>It may be choosing to love yourself fully by doing what makes your soul sing</div>< div align=”center”>Whatever is your next step in living from the Wizard brain, you know what it is</div>< div align=”center”>ARE YOU WILLING TO LIVE FROM LOVE THAT COMES FROM THE HIGHER SELF OR</div>< div align=”center”>TO LIVE FROM FEAR  THAT ONLY DIVIDES.</div>< div align=”center”>YOU HAVE A CHOICE</div>< div align=”center”>PLEASE CHOOSE WISELY< /div>< div class=”aolReplacedBody” align=”center”></div>< div class=”aolReplacedBody”></div>< div class=”aolReplacedBody” align=”center”></div>< div class=”aolReplacedBody”></div>< div class=”aolReplacedBody” align=”center”></div>< div class=”aolReplacedBody”></div>< div class=”aolReplacedBody”></div>< div class=”aolReplacedBody”></div> 681 2015-11-22 00:59:55 2015-11-22 00:59:55 open open what-you-can-do-about-the-terror-in-the-world publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Grief Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light The Shape Shifter that is GRATITUDE https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/shape-shifter-gratitude/ Thu, 26 Nov 2015 14:15:47 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=685 <strong> </strong>< strong>In my early days, when I was below the age of 16, I can say that the main creatures that kept me afloat were my dogs.  I had learned to survive by being present to everyone and everything except myself. As I said, it was a survival tactic that I created by using my own soul gifts of deep feeling awareness ( maybe because of my Pisces moon) and an ability to see the big picture( maybe because of my Sagittarian sun).</strong>< strong>I learned to be hyper-vigilant to what was going on to try to keep order. Of course, these tactics did not work, but I had the illusion that they did. </strong>< strong>Today’s blog is not about healing from co-dependency, it is about gratitude.</strong>< strong>When in survival mode until the age of 16, I did not know about gratitude at all. However, in High School, some of my teachers began talking to me about my own gifts and achievements. They would suggest that I sign up for the advanced courses.  When I first heard things like this, I would think, “me? They must be talking about someone else…………”.  Then when other teachers in other classes also encouraged me, I began slowly to wake up. It was a grand awakening.</strong>< strong>This acknowledgement by teachers continued into under-graduate, graduate and ministerial school. I would not be where I am today were it not for these teachers.</strong>< strong>There acknowledgement of me saved my life. This is what makes gratitude a shape shifter, it transforms everything. The things they said to me and the way they said it was a form of gratitude. In a sense, they were saying thank you for my gifts. </strong>< strong>Mark Nepo, in his Book of Awakening on page 388 (from the reading titled:  “The Kinship of Gratitude”, beginning with the   4^th paragraph), says this about Gratitude:   </strong>< strong>”Sometimes just giving thanks for the mystery of it all brings everything and everyone closer ……………so take a chance and openly give thanks………and feel the plenitude of all that is living brush up against your heart.”</strong>< strong> </strong>< strong>My teachers blessed me with their acknowledgement of who I was. They saved my life. This is why Gratitude is a shape shifter. This simple and profound act brought healing love to me and it changed everything.</strong>< strong>My invitation to you, not only on this day but in all the days to come is this:</strong>< strong>BECOME A SHAPE SHIFTER:  KNOW YOU HAVE THE POWER TO “BRING EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING CLOSER”.</strong>< strong>You may not even know whose life you are saving by simply acknowledging the truth of who they are.</strong>< strong>If you read this on Thanksgiving, and no matter who you are gathering with, even if it is simply yourself, find a way to say thanks for a special gift you see in another or yourself.  Simply doing this, can transform everything.</strong>< strong>Today I especially give thanks to:</strong>< strong>High School: Ms Bleomker, (English) Mr. Hene,(Government) Mrs. Williams, (Journalism)</strong>< strong>Under Graduate School: Professors: B.B. Morris, Ami Sha’ked, and Roger Ware</strong>< strong>Graduate School: Professor Linda McCabe, Graham Sterritt</strong>< strong>Ministerial School: Professors: Marvin Anderson and Janet Manning</strong>< strong>And beyond:  Ted Klontz, PhD, Mike Denhof, PhD, and Mark Nepo, PhD, and to my web-site designer, Christopher Brazy, and to Rev. David Ridge, Unity minister.</strong>< strong>And finally, I give thanks to my 4 children, Christopher, (my 2 legged)</strong>< strong>Jessie and Sunny( the Golden 4 leggeds) and Harmony(my 1000 pound mare).</strong>< strong>And to my husband, Nat Carter, who was shocked to find that I could not see myself the way others saw me. </strong>< strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>~THANK YOU DIVINE LOVE THAT TRANSFORMS AND HOLDS US ALL TOGETHER~</span></em></strong>< strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>~THANK YOU DIVINE LIFE THAT RESTORES~</span></em></strong>< strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>~THANK YOU DIVINE LIGHT THAT GUIDES ALL THINGS BACK TO WHOLENESS~</span></em></strong>< strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”> </span></em></strong> 685 2015-11-26 14:15:47 2015-11-26 14:15:47 open open shape-shifter-gratitude publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Childrens Therapy Couples Therapy SPIRITUALITY Uncategorized _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light WHAT IS THE BEST RESPONSE TO TERRORISM? https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/what-is-the-best-response-to-terrorism/ Sun, 06 Dec 2015 19:45:21 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=688 WHAT IS THE BEST RESPONSE TO TERRORISM? I was out of town when the most recent Terror attacks occurred in CA. I heard on the Television that many people had an immediate response that prayer does not work; that we must do more. Actually, there is truth in this statement. I am a Unity Minister of over 30 years and we teach <strong><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>practical </span></strong>Christianity.  Prayer in practical Christianity teaches that one must do more than just sit silently in prayer; we must put feet on our prayers and take action in accordance with what guidance we have received in prayer. Now sometimes, one’s highest guidance may be to be still and not take immediate action but in many if not most cases, there is something our bodies must do in alignment with the guidance we received in prayer. That is, we can’t just say a prayer and then expect that something magically will change. It is we who are changed in prayer and often the change will lead to action, albeit faith guided action. A response that a young musician in Paris took on November 14^th, the day after the terror attacks in Paris, was to literally bring his upright piano to a place right outside the Bataclan Concert Hall, where the most deaths occurred and to play John Lennon’s famous song, IMAGINE. Many people responded to this as they did to the thought of praying. They said things like this: “HOW HOPELESS IS THIS, THIS IS THE SIGN OF THE DECADENCE OF THE WEST, IS THAT A RESPONSE TO TERRORISM:  MUSIC?” Of course Music is a good response to terrorism. Music enables us to connect with our heart; music also has the ability to connect our minds and our hearts together. Music is another way to inspire correct action; just as prayer can and should lead to correct action. So, the best response to terrorism is first to be willing to connect with God, self and others and in this gathering we become willing to seek the right answer. The right response is always available and it will always have to do with love.  The type of love I am talking about here is the type that truly does lead to healing and compassion and restores oneness.  This type of love helps us go beyond our reptilian brain(the lizard brain) that continually seeks to divide us in to groups and call one group bad and one group good. This type of love flows from our higher brain, the Wizard brain, which enables us to know that in order to survive as a species, we must learn to get along with one another or we will all perish. Jesus taught about seeking the right answer when he said: “Where 2 or more are gathered in my name, there am I in the midst of them”. Jesus knew, as other great spiritual leaders also know and teach that if we seek oneness with one another, love is there, and in this, we will find a new way. Unity teaches that as we gather together in a consciousness of love and truth and compassion, we will always know what to do. We humans have the ability to do the right thing. So, the right response to terrorism is to gather with like minded people who are willing to pray, to connect with heart and mind, and to put feet on our prayers. This is the only response to terrorism that will ever truly stop terrorism. 688 2015-12-06 19:45:21 2015-12-06 19:45:21 open open what-is-the-best-response-to-terrorism publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Couples Therapy Grief Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light YOU HAVE ONE CHOICE…………… https://unitywholenesscenter.com/childrens-therapy/you-have-one-choice/ Wed, 16 Dec 2015 14:48:36 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=691 <strong><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>~YOU HAVE ONE CHOICE~</span></strong>& nbsp; Yes, that is what I said; you have one choice in life in order to not be a victim. The simplest definition of being a victim is to not have a choice. A child that is abused or neglected and is under the age of 18 does not have a choice. I did not make this up, Pia Mellody, world renowned author, workshop presenter, and pioneer in the field of co-dependency, tells us that when a  child is abused and under the age of 18, they are being victimized.  Period. Today’s blog is not about abuse and neglect of children. It is about <strong><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>your </span></strong>one choice in life and if you make it, you will   not  be a victim. Your one choice in life is to choose to be connected to yourself. In connecting to yourself, you choose to honor your thoughts, your feelings, your perceptions, your history, your needs, your desires, dreams and goals. And, we can make this choice everyday and many times a day. If we choose to be connected, we are able to know what our needs are and to take action on them. If we choose to disconnect from ourselves and our needs, thoughts, feelings, perceptions, then we are continually jerked around by everything outside of ourselves, which is the essence of codependency.& nbsp; Mark Nepo, another world renowned author, presenter and leader in the healing of humankind, said this in his, BOOK OF AWAKENING, (page 411): “Somehow our need for love gives tremendous power to the opinions of others, and so, we are required to guard against turning our lives over to the expectations of others” He also said on this same page about this topic: “…………there is a constant elusive heroism in being who we are, especially when we are misunderstood, judged or ignored”. So, my friend, as we prepare to say good bye to 2015 in order to greet 2016, I invite you to be a hero in your own life in 2016. I invite you, me, all of us, to be willing to find that “elusive heroism” that comes when we strive to be ourselves. The easiest way to begin this endeavor is to choose to be connected to your feelings, which then leads to your thoughts; and in this, you will connect to your needs and perceptions. Then, magically, you will begin to discover a dream that was waiting on the back burner of your consciousness. This dream is meant to be fulfilled and the first step in its fulfillment is to choose to re-connect to the fullness, to the wholeness that is you. THE WORLD IS WAITING FOR YOU TO BE WHO YOU ARE…….& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; 691 2015-12-16 14:48:36 2015-12-16 14:48:36 open open you-have-one-choice publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Childrens Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light ~The day my sister died and what I did to make sure her death will not be in vain. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/spirituality/693/ Thu, 17 Dec 2015 13:37:34 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=693 The first anniversary of 9/11 was close to the death of my beautiful and aptly named sister, Linda. At that time, I got “The Call,” the call we always fear will come and as it came, I realized that at some level, 1 knew it would always come way too early for my sister. “The Call” came as I was doing finishing touches on a 9/11 memorial service I was coordinating at the church where I was a co-minister with my husband. The call informed me that Linda, who had been in the hospital for eight days, had taken a turn for the worse, and it was not known how long she would live. Linda had entered the hospital on 9/3/02, and on that day she began her recovery from alcoholism. I had called her that morning and she told me she was in severe pain because her husband had left her. In the depth of pain, pain which she told me was so bad, she never knew one could hurt this bad, she turned to alcohol. Alcohol had been her best friend for many years. As do most alcoholics, she learned to deal with the bumps, bruises and tragedies of life by numbing the pain. While in the hospital, she suffered tremendously. I believe that she did work through much of the pain she had experienced in this life so her soul could leave free so she could begin a new adventure in living. While in the hospital, the withdrawal period for her was as bad as any experience of withdrawal, I have ever heard of. It was, of course, so painful to see my own baby sister in this distress. Plus, because of her strength, and her need for independence, she had to have her hands tied down the entire three weeks she was in the hospital, or she would try to leave. A year after her death, I still found myself, at times, not believing she was really gone forever as my sister. I still found myself calling to her as I did at the moment of her death: “Please don’t leave, please come back, please don’t leave, please come back, I need you, I want you, and I want you to know how wonderful you are, you never knew this because of the alcohol”. This phrase had been a mantra for me. But I was able to move through this crisis in such a way, that I am truly more whole and well than before. I still have much pain about her death but I am able to talk about the pain over losing her so early in life (she was only 45); I am able to talk about my sister freely and I know how to deal with this pain when it bubbles up. It comes sometimes in a large way, and sometimes small, much as the waves in the ocean break in small and large patterns. Plus, I have found a way to help others move through times of grief as well. Following my sister’s death, with the exception of two close women friends, I was unable to find anyone to really say anything to me that helped the deep and yet invisible wound Linda’s premature death had left in my being. The problem was that because I had no visible tears or rips in my flesh, no one knew of the pain and deep wounding that I was experiencing in my whole being. I finally called a former therapist in the state of Michigan. (I had moved from Michigan four years before). I thought my extremely gifted therapist would help me process these seeming unbearable feelings. This expectation was wondrously wrong. Paul told me that I needed to secure a copy of the Grief Recovery Handbook, revised edition, by John W. James and Russell Friedman. He advised me to work through the book and as soon as possible to take the Grief Recovery certification training the Grief Recovery Institute offers and begin to help people the world over deal with grief. I did get the book, I worked through it with my husband and two friends, and then I did the training. I have led grief recovery groups and have counseled many people on grief issues. The beauty of this program for me is that I have always said my goal as a therapist is for my clients to heal the blocks that would keep them from making their dreams come true. I have discovered that the blocks for probably 95 percent of all people have to do with grief and recovery issues that were never dealt with. I knew Linda had a lot of grief issues to deal with but, try as I may, I was never able to help her get into recovery. Her desire to stop drinking was there 100 percent but her ability to know how to deal with insurmountable grief, the grief that was underneath and driving her need to drink, was absent. I’m doing all I can to prevent another premature death of a sister, a daughter, a friend, a cousin, a wife, to the grips of addiction. I hope to remove the stigma of addiction, and help the world to know that we all use addictions to medicate the pain we do not know how to deal with that stems from grief and loss. I dedicate my grief work to my sister, Linda, my precious sister whose radiant light went out way too soon. I vow to not let her death be in vain. Please, call for the next  workshop starting in Feb. It could be the most important call you make 2016. 693 2015-12-17 13:37:34 2015-12-17 13:37:34 open open 693 publish 0 0 post 0 Adult SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light A CALL TO ACTION: If all lives matter, then lets act like it. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/family-therapy/a-call-to-action-if-all-lives-matter-then-lets-act-like-it/ Wed, 30 Dec 2015 16:20:13 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=696 A CALL TO ACTION: IF ALL LIVES MATTER, THEN LETS ACT LIKE IT! I saw a post on Face book yesterday that really affected me. The title of the post was: “all lives matter”. And of course this is true, AND, the ones whose lives do not seem to matter, the ones who have to protest and stand up are and say: “WE ARE HERE!” Need to protest and stand up because the majority of people have said these groups that are protesting “DO NOT MATTER AS MUCH AS THE OTHERS”. It is the age-old battle the lizard brain creates by saying: “These people are in my tribe, those are not”. If the ones who are objecting to the protests, really believe “<strong><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>ALL</span></strong> lives matter”, then I respectfully ask them to speak from their Wizard brain and see that the ones who are protesting, need to be seen as equal to; they need to be seen as mattering too. The Wizard brain is the only part of us that can do this. Maybe this is why Harry Potter was so popular: Because we need to learn to operate from our Wizard brain………….and hold the lizard in safety (because that is all it wants ultimately). If we become willing to allow our action to flow from the words:   ALL LIVES MATTER, we will indeed experience the safety we all need in order to make our deepest dreams come true. As 2015 draws to a close, I can think of no one who expresses these ideas better than Mark Nepo. In his book, THE BOOK OF AWAKENING, he tells us on page 428 in the passage marked for December 30:< strong>“…………rather it feels inevitable and holy that we should become what we seek. We start out wanting to know love and living long enough, we become love. We start out wanting to know God, and suffering long enough, we become God. Over time, the heart expands from within and all our skins thin until we become something elemental rounding to the next grain of wisdom to be found.”</strong>& nbsp; For me, Nepo is telling us that we become what we seek; and thus if we seek love and to be loving, we become love. And, likewise, if we seek division, as the lizard brain does so well, we become divided. I ask all of those who resonate with this blog, to join me in seeking oneness and in this, we shall see that we are all truly one and that there truly is no “other”. The “other” that we see is only an illusion, that if perpetuated will lead to continued crisis and chaos. The Wizard brain, our neo cortex, will lead us into new Harmony that we can experience now.& nbsp; 696 2015-12-30 16:20:13 2015-12-30 16:20:13 open open a-call-to-action-if-all-lives-matter-then-lets-act-like-it publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Family Therapy Grief Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light VULGAR LIZARD https://unitywholenesscenter.com/adult/vulgar-lizard/ Wed, 06 Jan 2016 03:01:40 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=698 &nbsp; CHARACTERISTICS OF ONE WHO LIVES FROM THE LIZARD BRAIN< span style=”text-decoration: underline;”> </span>< strong><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>V</span></strong><strong>-engeful</strong>< strong><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>U</span></strong><strong>-nconscious</strong>< strong><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>L</span></strong><strong> -oquacious about what they think is important</strong>< strong><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>G</span></strong><strong>–randiose</strong>< strong><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>A</span></strong><strong>–attacking</strong>< strong><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>R</span></strong><strong>-abid</strong>< strong> </strong>< strong><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>L</span></strong><strong>-egalistic</strong>< strong><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>I</span></strong><strong>-mpulsive</strong>< strong><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>Z</span></strong><strong>-enophobic(SIC)</strong>< strong><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>A</span></strong><strong> -bsolutist</strong>< strong><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>R</span></strong><strong>- acist</strong>< strong><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>D</span></strong><strong> -enial (of any opposing viewpoints)</strong>< strong> </strong>< strong>TELL ME: DO THESE QUALITIES REMIND YOU OF ANYONE?</strong>< strong> </strong>& nbsp; 698 2016-01-06 03:01:40 2016-01-06 03:01:40 open open vulgar-lizard publish 0 0 post 0 Adult _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light ALL THAT IS ASKED OF YOU: BE WHO YOU ARE……….. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/spirituality/all-that-is-asked-of-you-be-who-you-are/ Sun, 17 Jan 2016 19:04:02 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=702 ALL THAT IS ASKED OF YOU: BE WHO YOU ARE& nbsp; There is an amazing curiosity behind the magnetic appeal that Donald Trump is having upon a large number of people in the Republican party. Some believe it is because he is a Washington outsider. Others believe that he speaks the truth in a way that other politicians do not. Other people are literally entranced by his success in business and they erroneously believe that if he can be so successful in his own business, then “of course”, he would be able to do this for the country. But inside this thought:  “if he could do it for the country……….”, these people secretly believe that he could do it for them. Herein lies the fallacy behind this thought. They are looking for someone to “do it for them”. This is in sharp contrast to what President Obama said in his state of the union message when he said, “I did not say, Yes, I can; I said yes we can”. However this message is not about President Obama or Trump, it is about, the dangerous attraction that people have for someone who claims that they can “do it for them”. Mark Nepo, in his book, The BOOK of AWAKENING, tells us on page 11: “We are born with only one obligation-to be completely who we are.” Then from the top of page 12: “Being human, though, we are often troubled and blocked by insecurity, that windedness of heart that makes us feel unworthy. And when winded and troubled, we sometimes feel compelled to puff ourselves up. For in our pain, it seems to make sense that if we were larger, we would be further from our pain. If we were larger, we would be harder to miss. If we were larger, we’d have a better chance of being loved. Then, not surprisingly, others need to be made smaller so we can maintain our illusion of seeming bigger than our pain.” &nbsp; I believe the mystery behind Trump’s appeal is that those who are attracted to him secretly wish they could be like him. They erroneously believe that he has the answer to their pain, their frustration, their fear and panic. They erroneously believe that the solution to one’s problems is to make oneself “big, or better than the other”. They erroneously believe that if Trump becomes the leader of this country, then he will get rid of all of those people who are “less than, those people who simply do not belong here”. This is dangerous thinking. This type of thinking has led to wars, has led to countless executions and murders. It is uniquely human. This led to the death of Jesus, for the people at the time, thought that Jesus would come in and kill the powers that be and give the kingdom back to them. And, if someone who was as wise and powerful as Jesus knew this would never work, then how can humans still believe that this would work for them. The answer is that humans are afraid to be in touch with and embrace their own vulnerability, their own woundedness. They think that there must be an easier way then to feel vulnerable by feeling their own pain. Then along comes the arrogant person “du jour”, who is Trump at this time, and they consume his words and falsely believe that his way is “ The way”, out of the challenges our country is facing. At some level, though, deep within the heart and soul of all of creation, we know that Trump’s method of making oneself better than others( so we don’t have to feel our pain), will never, ever work. Many great spiritual leaders have told us this. Jesus said it like this: “Seek first the Kingdom of Heaven, and all these things shall be added unto you.” &nbsp; Jesus also said this: “Love God …………..and love your neighbor as yourself”.& nbsp; These 2 teachings of Jesus provide us with the only real and lasting solution to the problems we are facing. First, we must seek the kingdom of Heaven, and he taught the Kingdom is within each one of us. It is the place of wholeness and oneness that is within each one of us. There is this place in the consciousness within every human and the fruit of being connected to this place within is: *Pure guiding light that will enable each of us to know what to do *Perfect love that unites us all *Re-vitalizing life that enables us to be restored to wholeness& nbsp; As we connect with this place of wholeness within, we automatically know how to love God. I don’t need to say how one loves God; this is a personal matter ………as one becomes <strong><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>willing</span></strong> to love God, they know how …………….and then the 2^nd part of Jesus’ precept: to Love our neighbor as ourselves not only becomes do-able, it becomes a way of life. We do know how to love our neighbor as ourselves. It may not seem easy; it may not be the first thought we have about people we disagree with, but we do know how. We humans have advanced enough to know that “loving our neighbor”, is not only right thing to do, but it is the only way we will survive. As I have said, the “lizard brain”, is all about survival (think fear, flight and freeze), but our “wizard brain”–a fun way of talking about our neo-cortex) — tells us we must learn to work together. The Wizard brain tells us that we can solve the problems we are facing IF we come to the table with a willingness to speak our truth in love without attack. I have created a method called, “Global Harmony”, which I will talk about in my blog on Martin Luther King Jr. day.& nbsp;& nbsp; .& nbsp; 702 2016-01-17 19:04:02 2016-01-17 19:04:02 open open all-that-is-asked-of-you-be-who-you-are publish 0 0 post 0 Adult SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light Being who you are, part two( see the article on 1-17-16 for part one) https://unitywholenesscenter.com/spirituality/704/ Mon, 18 Jan 2016 18:58:47 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=704 &nbsp;& nbsp; There is a lot of reporting these days about how arrogant Donald Trump, front-runner in the race for the Republican nomination for President is. However, the purpose of this blog is not to have a discussion about the rightness or wrongness of what he says or does. The purpose today is look at what  causes this man to speak the way he does. Plain and simple Trump, in much of his speaking, is being arrogant and grandiose or going “1-up”. People use this little trick of going “1-up” because they are feeling   “1-down”.  Whereas “1-up” has to do with arrogance and grandiosity, “1-down” has to do with feeling less than others or in other words, feeling a sense of shame or that there is something wrong with them. Feeling shame or having a belief that there is something wrong with oneself does not feel good. It feels horrible. So, humans have learned that a quick antidote to this is to find a way to feel “better than”.  This is a quick and temporary fix and it does nothing to solve the problems that create these negative beliefs about oneself and others.   Children learn these impotent techniques from their parents, their caretakers, aunts, uncles, teachers and virtually most of the adults that they must hang out with. In essence, they are not taught to feel “equal to” all others. They are taught in big and small ways that “the big gun wins”. They are taught that the goal in life is to continually find others to make yourself feel “better than” rather than to discover your own self worth and to live life from this place of being one’s authentic self. When one does choose to live their life from their authenticity, it is really quite easy to also accept that others have the right to do this as well. And, or however, when someone is behaving  “1-up” or “1-down”, they are being inauthentic and this does not mean  that we need to go “1-up” into judgment or “1-down” in to shame.& nbsp; We can stay in the awareness that we are all “equal” and this actually does wonders for any one person or group going into grandiosity or shame.& nbsp; Again, the truth is this :  NO MATTER WHAT STATION IN LIFE ANYONE OCCUPIES, NO MATTER WHAT RACE OR GENDER THEY ARE, NO MATTER WHAT SOCIO-ECONOMIC STATUS ONE IS AT:  <strong>WE ARE ALL EQUAL.</strong>& nbsp; If we would be willing teach our children this right now, our world’s problems could be solved in 5 years. If we choose to believe this right now, our world views will change to believing that the challenges we face are problems that <strong>everyone must work together</strong> to solve. And, if someone has more resources, or more awareness or more intelligence, then they will use their awareness and resources to take more responsibility to solve the problems. This may sound like “radical thinking” to some. It is not. It simply reflects the truth that the air I breathe, and the water I drink comes from the same place that the air you breathe and the water you drink and we must work together to make sure the supply for both of us stays healthy.& nbsp; I have created a ministry called <strong>Global Harmony</strong> that   empowers  peopl to connect to their authentic self, connect with their own gifts and purpose, take action that is in alignment with their purpose and learn to communicate in such a way that they become  a radiant center of love that people automatically resonate with. The  4 steps of my global harmony ministry are: 1.<strong>Connect with your truth</strong> (and thereby discover your gifts and divine purpose) 2. <strong>Heal what stands in the way of expressing <em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>the one</span></em> you have come here to be.</strong> 3.<strong> Take the tiniest steps to fulfill your Purpose NOW</strong>. The time is now. We are not in a dress rehearsal. 4.<strong>Take action</strong>: express, and be your truth: Learn to  speak your  truth in love without attack using advanced communication techniques. Please call me if you are interested in joining a group that will enable you to fulfill your purpose.& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; 704 2016-01-18 18:58:47 2016-01-18 18:58:47 open open 704 publish 0 0 post 0 Adult SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light ***THE ANSWER TO SHAME AND GRANDIOSITY*** https://unitywholenesscenter.com/spirituality/the-answer-to-shame-and-grandiosity/ Thu, 21 Jan 2016 23:09:54 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=706 &nbsp; There is a problem in our world today; humans  may feel shame and believe they are “less than” others  OR, humans feel grandiose and believe they are “better than” others. When one feels shame, they often feel powerless. When one feels grandiose, they often have a false sense of power. When a person feels shame, they often over-function, give themselves away and never feel they can rest and relax. When a person feels grandiose, they often under-function, they are often “takers” in a relationship and feel they deserve more and more and more. The problem is both of these positions are simply reactions to not knowing who they truly are. Childhood wounding leads to a person not knowing of their own inherent worth and so they adapt either by learning to feel shame and go “1-down” or learn to feel grandiose and go “1-up”. When a person does their  inner work and connects to their truest and most authentic self, they automatically know of their inherent worth and they automatically know of the inherent worth of all creation.  Then, a quality of Grace emerges and the person becomes a radiating center of love, compassion, empathy and support. They  know that problems are  meant to be solved, they know that we must work together to solve them and they  know that their life’s purpose is to do all they  can do to solve the problems facing humankind. Each human is uniquely gifted to do their part. One’s Divine purpose is to  find the intersection between their gifts and a challenge in the world and to use their gifts to solve this problem.  Often, one tries to solve the problem in the world before they have healed enough to connect with their authentic self. (sorry but there is always healing to do before one discovers that which they were seeking was their authentic self that was waiting inside all along). The song from the movie, Flashdance, tells us to pay attention to our dreams. They are keys to our gifts and our dreams and therefore our purpose,  Here are some key words from this song:& nbsp;< strong>”First, when there’s nothing but a slow glowing dream That your fear seems to hide deep inside your mind…. All alone I have cried silent tears full of pride in a world made of steel, made of stone</strong>< strong> Well I hear the music, close my eyes, feel the rhythm Wrap around, take a hold of my heart.</strong>< strong> What a feeling,  I can have it all, now I’m dancin’ for my life Take your passion, and make it happen….” </strong>& nbsp; Friends, IF you are willing to discover your dream and the gifts that are waiting for you to use to make your dream come true,  AND if you are willing to give up shame and grandiosity, you will take your place among the great leaders in our world who made a difference. The question is:  ARE YOU WILLING ?& nbsp;& nbsp; 706 2016-01-21 23:09:54 2016-01-21 23:09:54 open open the-answer-to-shame-and-grandiosity publish 0 0 post 0 Adult SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light Donald Trump: There is another way! https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/donald-trump-there-is-another-way/ Thu, 28 Jan 2016 19:36:37 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=709 The other way is what I call the GLOBAL HARMONY WAY. In this method that is a major part of my practice and ministry, I help people in conflict first connect with their own Truth. Which means, connect with their authentic self and from there embrace and honor their own thoughts, feelings, perceptions, hurts, pains joys, etc. Then I have the parties that are in conflict become  willing to speak their truth from the “I”, as opposed to you, you, you……… ……….And to own their truth, feelings, thoughts and perceptions. When one is willing to do this, then I teach them 2 advanced communication techniques: 1.  LISTENING IN LOVE WITHOUT ATTACK 2. SPEAKING IN LOVE WITHOUT ATTACK. I have 2 formats for this listening and speaking and they are quite easy to learn and use. Oh, and before the speaking and listening begins, I teach the parties in conflict what it means to have good boundaries. When one has their boundary up, they are able to listen to the  other and understand that when the other is talking, it is ultimately about the other. It may be about the relationship between the 2, but when we speak, it is always about ourselves, or our perceptions or our feelings, thoughts ,etc.  Another aspect of our boundary is to protect the other from what we may be saying. If we are willing to own our truth and speak from the “I” rather than attacking,  communication happens, clarity results and solutions emerge. For Donald Trump, if he  were willing to own his anger about what Fox reporter, Megan Kelly said to him in that first GOP debate, and to also look under the anger and see that she really was speaking facts about what he did, then perhaps, he could look at his behavior and maybe even apologize to women.  He could at least come to this last GOP debate before the Caucus and have such a good boundary that no matter what Megan Kelly said, he could speak his truth  without attack. No, personally, I am not sure Trump would be willing to do all of this, but this method does outline a way to Global Harmony. I know it will work and I believe that these tried and true steps may be the only way we will achieve peace and harmony in our world. 709 2016-01-28 19:36:37 2016-01-28 19:36:37 open open donald-trump-there-is-another-way publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Couples Therapy Family Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light Reconnecting to your INTUITION………… https://unitywholenesscenter.com/childrens-therapy/reconnecting-to-your-intuition/ Sat, 30 Jan 2016 14:32:58 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=711 <span style=”text-decoration: underline;”></span> “You must meet the outer world With your inner world Or existence will crush you” Mark Nepo: The BOOK OF AWAKENING (Page 32).& nbsp; The best way to meet the outer world with our inner world is by connecting with our deepest Inner Knowing. Our Inner Knowing will always tell us the next step toward safety, connection and manifesting our dreams. ALWAYS!  And, of course the question is how do we do this? I used to call my inner knowing my “inner knowing voice”. However, some may not experience their inner knowing as a voice; they might experience this inner knowing as a sense, or as an intuition or in any way that is true for them. When we are willing to connect with this true and real part of us, there is nothing, no challenge that cannot be solved and no dream that cannot become manifest. Sometimes, we may only get a sense of what our next step is but that is all we ever need know. And, when we find the courage necessary to take this next step, the next one will be revealed. The challenge is that sometime, people are too afraid to take just the next step. When our previous Golden Retriever died, we knew he would come back to us. Period. An animal communicator told us to connect with a particular breeder in MT and that is where he would be. At that time, my son, a junior in college, who was always connected to his Inner Knowing, told me that he KNEW that our Golden would also bring his “soul dog” with him.  Well, I have never doubted my son, when he spoke so clearly and authentically. So, I told him, “alright”. We both talked about  how excited we were when thinking about 2 golden puppies coming. When, the time was drawing near for the pups to be born, we called the breeder whom we had been in contact with for some time. She had told us that we could get 2 companion pups (we did not want a show dog), as long as there were 2. We were first on the list. However, when she called us, she sadly told us that her dog may only have one puppy and thus there would not even be one dog for us to bring home. HOWEVER, she told us that her friend had 2 golden pups, 10 weeks old, that needed to be adopted right away. We called this person, and this woman sent us the pictures of the 2 pups. We knew, (remember the knowing), that beyond a shadow of a doubt that these were our pups. We promptly drove to MT and brought our babies home. So, my friends, yes, it is imperative to connect or re-connect with your Inner Knowing and take action based on what you hear or sense. As you do this, you will be connecting to your vast inner world that you will easily be able to stand in and meet the outer world. In doing this, not only will you not crushed by the outer but the outer will resonate with your inner world in such a way that the outer world will be a canvas in which you fulfill your Divine Purpose.& nbsp;& nbsp; 711 2016-01-30 14:32:58 2016-01-30 14:32:58 open open reconnecting-to-your-intuition publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Childrens Therapy Parent SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light “GRIEF IS LOVE”, as spoken by Albus Dumbledore https://unitywholenesscenter.com/childrens-therapy/grief-is-love-as-spoken-by-albus-dumbledore/ Tue, 02 Feb 2016 13:37:44 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=713 Recently, I saw this as a post on Face Book about grief. “Grief is not something that you complete. But rather you endure. Grief is not a task to finish, and move on, but an element of yourself- An Alteration of your being, a new way of seeing A new definition of self” &nbsp; There was no author but many people (maybe 100) agreed with this post about grief. Seeing this post and then seeing the large number of people that agreed with it and “liked” it, IS WHY I lead grief groups. It is why at least 50% of my work with clients is about helping them move through grief in such a way that it makes them stronger and more resilient and more aware of their dreams than if they had not ignited the courage to go through the grief process rather than simply endure it as this post suggests. My definition of dysfunctional whether it is about a family or a small business or even a large company is that the individuals do not know how to solve problems, that is, they think they must endure……….. I did not end the previous sentence with a period because the endurance can go on and on and on without an ending in sight. Grief can then be like a black shroud that we wear through life and it gets larger and heavier with each loss that we experience but not deal with. I am a Grief specialist and certified with the Grief Recovery Institute, and as this specialist, I help people every single day get beyond this myth that grief is something that must be endured. I found this book, when my sister at the age of 45 died. Her light went out way too soon and yet my clients tell me, “you and your sister are healing the hearts of grievers everyday now and so she lives on in your work”. Grief is the normal and natural response to any type of loss, whether the loss is of a loved one passing, a job loss, relationship break up or any of the 40 or more losses that are discussed in the Grief Recovery Handbook by John James and Russell Friedman. This book is a short and easy to read handbook outlining the steps that one can take to identify their losses and heal from the effects of the loss. If one chooses to do this, they not only deal with the loss but the process helps them get in touch with their Hero’s heart. In many cases, they may not have been in touch with their hero’s heart before they chose to take these steps. When one connects to their hero’s heart, they are connecting to their own authentic self and when one does this, they discover inner strengths, inner dreams and inner gifts that they may not have discovered before they did their grief work. I invite you to get the Grief Recovery Handbook today and not just today, please get it right now! There will never be a better moment than this very moment. Then, if you so desire, please call me and let me be your coach as you work through the steps from this book. What you will discover is that “<strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>Grief is love</span></em></strong>”, ((spoken by Albus Dumbledore in the Harry Potter series), and if you choose to undertake the true journey into and through grief, your life will be touched and therefore transformed by the transforming power of love.  All you need to do right now, is be willing.& nbsp; 713 2016-02-02 13:37:44 2016-02-02 13:37:44 open open grief-is-love-as-spoken-by-albus-dumbledore publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Childrens Therapy Couples Therapy Grief Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light ~A Valentine for you~ https://unitywholenesscenter.com/spirituality/a-valentine-for-you/ Sun, 14 Feb 2016 14:16:02 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=716 <span style=”text-decoration: underline;”></span>< strong>A Valentine for you</strong>& nbsp; On this day that we typically celebrate love relationships, I invite you to pause this very moment and celebrate you……… All healthy relationships begin with a healthy relationship with ourselves. To the degree that we are able to stand in awe at the miracle of our presence here on earth, to that degree, we can then also stand in awe of our loved one’s presence here on earth. Mark Nepo, author, poet, spiritual leader par excellence, tells us this from his book, THE BOOK OF AWAKENING, (PAGE 54):< strong>“It is first sight that opens the freshness of each moment, unencumbered by any of our habits and routines. First sight is the moment of God-sight, heart-sight, soul-sight. It is the seeing of revelation, the feeling of oneness that briefly overcomes us when nothing remains in the way.”</strong> So, my dear friend, I see you with heart-sight in this moment. I see you as the miracle of the Divine that is you. I give thanks that the very presence of God as perfect love is now transforming every little pain you carry. And God’s Divine Light, within you is guiding you to wholeness. Take just a moment now and listen to the presence of God within you, calling your name, embracing the inner critic’s voice with the balm of perfect love and you can stand in the majesty that is you. 716 2016-02-14 14:16:02 2016-02-14 14:16:02 open open a-valentine-for-you publish 0 0 post 0 Adult SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light ~BEING YOU~ https://unitywholenesscenter.com/childrens-therapy/718/ Sun, 21 Feb 2016 16:14:58 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=718 ~BEING YOU~& nbsp; This week, I had three adults tell me that they did not know what I was talking about when I suggested that they needed to really nurture their inner child.   The truth is, if one was not nurtured as a child, then of course they would not know how to nurture some imaginary part of themselves that is called an inner child. John Bradshaw (internationally famous author and workshop presenter) was a major player in the inner child movement in the mid 80s with his PBS series called “On the Family”.  And, Carl Jung referred to our truest authentic self as the “magical inner child”.  So, parenting our inner child is still a necessary part of our own journey and it helps us in “magical ways” to learn to live from our “magical inner child”, which is part and parcel of our most precious and authentic self. And, it is not easy but it is do-able if one is willing. Here are four steps that you can take NOW and you will learn to nurture your inner child. But more than this, you will learn to nurture yourself so that the essence of who you are blesses the world with pure love and guiding light. Here are the steps:< ol>< ol> <li><strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>Be willing (note I am only saying “be willing”), to discover your most precious self that was present when you were very young, usually before the age of three.</span></em></strong> You may have to be willing to be a private eye to discover this part of you and if you are willing, you will connect with your preciousness. (I have a wonderful worksheet that I will send to you via email with some major clues about how to discover the precious child that is still with you if you ask). In this first step, there may be a picture you have of yourself as a baby or toddler that reveals the radiant light that is uniquely you. If you can’t find a picture, then allow your imagination to reveal an image.</li> <li><strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>Be willing to own whatever may have happened to this precious part that caused you to think there was something wrong with you. </span></em></strong>Now, this is NOT about pointing the finger at your caretakers. Really hear me on this; this step is about accountability. This step is as important as step one because the odds that you are continuing to do what was done to you (either overtly or covertly) are very high if you cannot figure out how to nurture yourself. Here are 2 small examples: If you were simply ignored, and perhaps dragged around like a piece of furniture, I bet you do this to yourself in some way that simply reinforces that you do not matter. Another example, If you had a sibling that had <strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>different </span></em></strong>gifts than you (which is always true) and if their gifts were given a higher value than yours, I imagine you either became an over-achiever or an under-achiever to compensate, and I bet you are still operating from the belief that your gifts are somehow “less than” others and therefore you either over-function or under-function.</li> <li><b><i><strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>Be willing to stop doing to you what was done to you.</span></em></strong> </i></b>If you felt invisible and so you learned you had to over-function in order to even get your needs met in some small way and in hopes of being noticed, you must stop this over-functioning! Your needs will never be met and you, who you truly are, will never be noticed IF you are operating out of a false sense of who you are. Those people whom you over-function around will never see you, they will only either accept that you are so strong that you do not have needs or they will not like your over-functioning and will simply leave you. The truth is, people will learn to treat us as we treat ourselves. This may be a hard fact to accept. Let me say this again: “We teach people how to treat us and it resonates with how we treat ourselves”. One example will suffice here: I had a client, many years ago, whose husband had broken over 100, 000 agreements with her. She was bewildered and they had gone to many therapists before she wound up in my office. She began to cry when I gently asked her if she knew how to keep agreements with herself. That was the beginning of her healing: to accept that she did not honor her own agreements. Thus, when others broke agreements with her; this treatment of her by them resonated with a belief that she was not important enough to have others honor agreements they made with her.</li> <li><strong><em><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>Ask your inner child what she needs from you. This step may seem impossible and yet the answer will come to you if you are willing to ask.</span></em></strong> For example, if you know you were treated as if you were invisible and that your needs were unimportant, then you need to find one area in your life that YOU will make your needs important. It is this simple. And, you do not need to do this in every area of your life. I invite you to pick one area in any of these five categories: Emotional, intellectual, social, spiritual or physical- and find one need that would bring a great smile on your face if you met this need. And, make a commitment to meet that need. Because we humans are like holograms, if we focus doing wondrous self care in one area, it will affect the whole system. I have another great work-sheet about learning to meet your needs that I will gladly send to you if you ask. OR, please contact me about doing my “LEARNING TO LOVE YOURSELF” workshop for your women’s group, men’s group, church group or any group you may be part of.      The truth is this dear friend:</li>< /ol>< /ol>< p style=”text-align: center;”>                                                                             BEING YOU is the most important task in your life and the  time is NOW to make a commitment to</p>< p style=”text-align: center;”>BEING YOU.</p> 718 2016-02-21 16:14:58 2016-02-21 16:14:58 open open 718 publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Childrens Therapy Parent SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light Is Donald Trump in touch with the Divine? https://unitywholenesscenter.com/spirituality/is-donald-trump-in-touch-with-the-divine/ Thu, 25 Feb 2016 16:25:08 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=721 “~In as much as you have done this to the least of these my brethren, you have done it unto me~” Spoken by Jesus Christ In the last few weeks, I have been asked by several people how Unity would pray about Donald Trump since so many of his comments seem racist, sexist, grandiose and arrogant. These people are quite frightened about what could happen if Trump were someday elected President of the United States. As a Unity Minister of over 30 years, I certainly wanted to answer this question with a thoughtful and heartfelt response. Here is what I came up with and I have turned this into a prayer that we can all pray at the end of this blog. Unity teaches:   There is only one presence and one power in the Universe and in our lives and this power is God.  And, Unity teaches that this power is GOOD. That is, the very nature of God is GOOD and this GOODNESS lives within every living creature on earth, whether they are of fur, fin, feather or skin. Now, as Unity ministers, we always hear, “well if this is true, how can there be so much “evil” in the world. The answer is clear and simple:  To the degree that a person is in touch with this Divine presence and power within them, to that degree their actions reflect this GOODNESS.  When humans are out of touch or disconnected from the presence and power of God within them, yes they can do great harm that appears evil. And when humans choose to re-connect with this power of absolute GOOD within them, then their actions will reflect this GOODNESS. In order to fully answer this question about Donald Trump, I want to add that there are many qualities of God and Unity often focuses on three for the purposes of prayer. First, one quality or name for God is Love.  We teach that pure and perfect love has the ability to wipe out darkness and to transform everything unlike itself. We often think of God’s love as a presence and power that can transform conflict and bring things into Harmony. But humans must be willing to connect to this aspect of God as love in order to be an agent of it. One must ask themselves, is Donald Trump coming from love when he speaks so despicably of other humans?  Is he coming from love when he says about a protester in a rally:  I would like to punch him in the face! The second aspect of God that we focus on in Unity is Light. When we connect with this aspect of God, we can talk about Divine Wisdom that we can all access. We talk about following our highest guidance and when we connect with the Light of God within, we are connecting to God in such a way that our paths can be guided. So, with regard to Trump, one can ask, “Is Donald Trump in touch with Divine Light when he says that he will ban all Muslims from entering our country? Further,  Trump has stated that if a U.S Citizen that is a Muslim leaves the country for a visit to see loved ones, then this person cannot come back home to their country. In this case, one can ask is “Trump in touch with Divine Light?” &nbsp; Finally, we like to think of God as Divine Life. Donald Trump certainly appears to be full of energy. His vitality and strength are appealing to people who feel weak and afraid. He is setting himself up as the source of strength rather than affirming the presence and power of Divine life, strength, flexibility, balance and endurance in every person. His positions seem to rob people of the vitality of life within themselves to make them dependent on him as a presumed savior.  Unity teaches that we all have the presence of God within and we call it the Christ within. Thus, no one needs another savior; we are all already saved and we need only be willing to connect to this presence and power that is within each one of us in order to experience wholeness in every area of our lives.& nbsp;& nbsp; So, my friends, I invite you to pray this prayer when thinking of whom to vote for. “Father Mother God, I seek to connect with your presence and power in my life. To this end, I now focus my attention on perfect <strong><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>love</span></strong> in my heart that brings me into oneness and harmony with all of life everywhere present; I connect with guiding <strong><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>light</span></strong> in my mind and seek only to walk a path that will bring peace and harmony in my personal life and in the world; I seek conscious connection with re-vitalizing <strong><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>life</span></strong> and ask for my own healing as well as the healing and wholeness of all creatures on earth. I know that in taking action to bring peace and harmony in my life and in the lives of all people everywhere, that world peace can result.” 721 2016-02-25 16:25:08 2016-02-25 16:25:08 open open is-donald-trump-in-touch-with-the-divine publish 0 0 post 0 Adult SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light Saying “Good-Bye” to someone you love is not easy……..is not easy. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/grief-therapy/saying-good-bye-to-someone-you-love-is-not-easy-is-not-easy/ Mon, 14 Mar 2016 16:51:33 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=730 Saying “Good-Bye” to someone you love Is not easy………… The only way: let them go in love but keep for yourself the precious memories of life, the life you shared with your loved one:< strong>A part of eternal life and their living legacy.</strong>< strong> </strong> One of the deepest pains we will ever face is the loss of a loved one. Though it is a fact of life that we will experience a depth of sadness like no other when someone we deeply love makes their transition, most people do not know how to deal with the pain from this inevitable loss. Then, when we do go through this experience, we can be floored by the loss and not know if we can even go on or ever be the same again.& nbsp; Mark Nepo, from, THE BOOK OF AWAKENING,(page 87) speaks to what one must be willing to do when they go through this type of loss:& nbsp;< strong><em>“We often move away from pain, which is helpful only before being hurt. Once in pain, it seems the only way out is through. Like someone falling off a boat, struggling to stay above the water only makes things worse. We must accept we are there and settle enough so we can be carried by the deep. The willingness to do this is the genesis of faith, the giving over to larger currents than us”.</em></strong>< strong><em> </em></strong> When my sister died nearly 14 years ago, I did feel like I had fallen off a boat and all I could do at first was struggle to stay afloat, which as Mark tells us, did make things worse. Following my sister’s death, with the exception of two close women friends, I was unable to find anyone to really say anything to me that helped the deep and yet invisible wound Linda’s premature death had left in my being. The problem was that because I had no visible tears or rips in my flesh, no one knew of the pain and deep wounding that I was experiencing in my whole being. I finally called a former therapist in the state of Michigan. (I had moved from Michigan four years before). I thought my extremely gifted therapist would help me process these seeming unbearable feelings. This expectation was wondrously wrong. Paul told me that I needed to secure a copy of the Grief Recovery Handbook, revised edition, by John W. James and Russell Friedman. He advised me to work through the book and as soon as possible to take the Grief Recovery certification training the Grief Recovery Institute offers and begin to help people the world over deal with grief. I did get the book, I worked through it with my husband and two friends, and then I did the training. I have led grief recovery groups and have counseled many people on grief issues now for 12 years. The beauty of this program for me is that I have always said my goal as a therapist is for my clients to heal the blocks that would keep them from making their dreams come true. I have discovered that these blocks for probably 95 percent of all people have to do with grief and recovery issues that were never dealt with. I knew Linda had a lot of grief issues to deal with but, try as I may; I was never able to help her get into recovery. Her desire to stop drinking was there 100 percent but her ability to know how to deal with the insurmountable grief, the grief that was underneath and driving her need to drink, was absent. I’m doing all I can to prevent another premature death of a sister, a daughter, a friend, a cousin, a wife, to the grips of addiction. I hope to remove the stigma of addiction, and help the world to know that we all use addictions to medicate the pain we do not know how to deal with that stems from grief and loss. I dedicate my grief work to my sister, Linda, my precious sister whose radiant light went out way too soon. I vow to not let her death be in vain.& nbsp; I plan to begin an ongoing Grief and loss group that will be open to anyone who has lost a loved one or whose loved one has a terminal diagnosis. The group will also be open to anyone who knows they have grief issues that are keeping them stuck because everyone and I mean 100% of all people have lost someone they love and this loss has affected their ability to be happy, healthy and in pursuit of their dreams. If you are interested in the group, please call me at 720-540-6738 or email me at <a href=”mailto:equinelites@aol.com”>equinelites@aol.com</a> Rev. Suzanne Carter, LPC www.UnityWholenesscenter.com& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; 730 2016-03-14 16:51:33 2016-03-14 16:51:33 open open saying-good-bye-to-someone-you-love-is-not-easy-is-not-easy publish 0 0 post 0 Grief Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light The BIG problem with saying: “NO Problem”…….. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/adult/the-big-problem-with-saying-no-problem/ Fri, 18 Mar 2016 16:47:42 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=733 Have you noticed lately that when you say:  “Thank You” to someone, for almost anything, that the standard response is : “NO PROBLEM”……. EVERY time this happens, it takes me aback. The only response to  ” Thank you “, is  ” You are welcome”, or  “My pleasure”, etc. etc. When I say “thank you” to someone for anything, it is a tiny little gift of acknowledgment for this person, and if they can’t simply say,  “you are welcome”, I feel dismissed.  Now, I think people say ” no problem” because they feel a rush of feeling and since humanity, at least in the U.S. seems to be operating as if they are big computers where feelings are invalid, a rush of feeling must be cancelled out immediately. The best way to cancel the rush of feelings is to go into one’s head and dismiss the feeling rush with an intellectual response, like  “no problem”. I don’t think I will word this to death today.  I am having a problem today that I am solving and am living in the moment to see the gift in every moment, but I am dealing with a problem.  Briefly, my furnace has been out for four days, I am in the middle of a Spring snow storm in Colorado and I have had to talk to five furnace specialists.  And all of them but one has told me  “no problem” when I said “thank you”,  Or when I said,  “sorry, I did not know my furnace was a boiler type furnace”. Again, not to word this to death but when someone is having a problem, and it is obvious that they are in a challenging situation, don’t say, “No problem”.  Say something compassionate and empathetic to them.  Say something that may seem really difficult to say like:  ” wow, that seems really hard, you are doing a good job, ” and maybe even, “Is there anything I can do, if only to just let you know I see you and see how hard this and see how hard you are working to solve this!”, and then maybe even give them a hug. We humans need to get back to our humanity, our ability to be empathetic and compassionate to one another.  We can begin, one word at a time…….by saying  “You are welcome, it is my pleasure”………. 733 2016-03-18 16:47:42 2016-03-18 16:47:42 open open the-big-problem-with-saying-no-problem publish 0 0 post 0 Adult _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light Two Hearts beating as one…………the beginning of World Peace. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/childrens-therapy/two-hearts-beating-as-one-the-beginning-of-world-peace/ Thu, 31 Mar 2016 21:44:19 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=736 Are you LISTENING? Can you HEAR me? If you can HEAR me when I am speaking and not listening to what you are thinking (therefore judging), about me and my situation, then you are listening and: Our HEARTS are beginning to beat with the same rhythm. There is a difference between hearing with our ears and listening with our heart. I am calling the latter “HEARTFUL listening”. When we choose to listen with our heart without judgment, we do not need to know what to say. In fact, often few words are necessary in order to truly connect. Mark Nepo, World renowned Poet, author, lecturer, college professor, (and the greatest spiritual teacher of this time in my opinion), reports:< strong>Two heart cells from 2 different people when placed in a Petri Dish will begin to beat with the same rhythm. </strong> Is this not a precious miracle? And if 2 “body-less” cells have the ability to connect with one another and beat in Harmony with one another, then surely, 2 humans who are contained in the miraculous vessel that we call the body can also learn to create a space where their heart cells can connect and bear in Harmony. It simply begins with Willingness: ~Willingness to know and to honor that my truths, perceptions, feelings, thoughts and beliefs are part of me and I am entitled to them. ~Willingness also to know and honor that your truths, perceptions, feelings, thoughts and beliefs are part of you and you are also entitled to them ~ When two people find this Willingness to speak and listen to these truths, perceptions, feelings, thoughts and beliefs, they are creating the space for their hearts to begin to beat in Unison.& nbsp; If two people are willing to communicate in this manner, there is a wonderful communication tool that they can use to facilitate perfect harmony. This tool is called the “feedback wheel”, and has been used and taught by very famous relationship theorists such as Pia Melody, John Bradshaw, Terry Real and many more.  This tool is used by most relational therapists who are teaching their clients how to communicate. Here is the tool and a brief description on how to use it.& nbsp;< strong>Feedback Wheel</strong> This tool enables those who use it to take responsibility for his/her actions, thoughts, and emotions and ask for what he/she needs. In all relationships, each person must be willing to know what they want and must be willing to ask for what they want. The feedback wheel has four steps:< ol> <li>What you saw or heard about the event in question. This step can be described as “just the facts”.</li> <li>Your perception about the situation.</li> <li>How you feel about it.</li> <li>What you would like to have happen in the future. What your request is.</li>< /ol>& nbsp; The  <strong>first step</strong> requires that you stick to the FACTS–the observable behaviors of both you and your partner. This step enables a person to be objective and it needs to be done after one has calmed down and can speak rationally. When one is calm it enables them to set a positive or at least a neutral tone for the conversation. When one is calm, they can speak from their perspective using the “I”. This step enables the speaker to be unbiased and non-blaming which helps the listener to be open to what is being said as opposed to feeling the need to be defensive and thus not be able to truly listen in that “heartful manner”. The <strong>second</strong><strong> step</strong> is the speaker’s subjective interpretation of the facts. In this step, one identifies what the other’s behaviors means to them personally. They must be willing to say how they interpreted what they saw the other do and/or say that the behavior triggered pain, anger, sadness, etc within them. In this step, the speaker takes responsibility for how they interpreted the event. In this step, each person is taking ownership of their own thoughts, feelings, perceptions and actions.< strong>Step three has the speaker identify how they felt about the action that is being discussed. To summarize the first three steps:</strong>< ol> <li>there were the facts of the situation {e.g., we went to that party, we were standing talking to our two friends, you said such-and-such, and everyone laughed}.</li> <li>Second, there was your interpretation of the facts {e.g., when you said <em>that</em>, I took it to mean  <em>this</em>}.</li> <li>Third is your acknowledgement of how it made you feel {e.g., because I took it to mean  <em>this</em>, I THEN felt resentful and hurt}. It’s important to stop and differentiate between feelings and beliefs here since we often state beliefs when we say, “I feel.” Example:</li>< /ol> Belief:  <em>It made me feel as though <span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>you</span> thought I was stupid</em>. Feeling:  <em>It made me feel shameful/sad/angry.</em> Beliefs are interpretations–and they can often be construed as blaming. Feelings are the actual emotions you felt in the situation–what came up for you in the moment. The fourth<strong>, and final, step</strong> invites change but it does so clearly–with specific actions. It also requires that you ask for what you need. Your partner may have hurt you but the punishment isn’t that he/she must magically guess what needs to happen in the future. That’s still your job. You got upset, yes. And you’d like your partner to make you feel better, sure. But ultimately we are each responsible for making <em>ourselves</em> feel better.  <em>You</em> are responsible for moving beyond your hurt and asking your significant other what he/she can do to help you in that process.& nbsp; This tool, when mastered is a magical tool. When I use it correctly, I am seen as a person that is clear and concise. I am seen as a person that is helping bring forth Harmony in our world. When I use it, people unconsciously know that I am a safe person. Clarity, self-responsibility, safety all work together to allow 2 different heart cells to beat together.& nbsp;& nbsp;< strong> </strong>& nbsp; 736 2016-03-31 21:44:19 2016-03-31 21:44:19 open open two-hearts-beating-as-one-the-beginning-of-world-peace publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Childrens Therapy Couples Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/740/ Wed, 27 Apr 2016 23:25:52 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=740 &nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;< p style=”text-align: center;”><em><strong> DO YOU REALLY WANT TO DANCE?</strong></em></p>& nbsp; There is something that almost all non-human creatures do and most human creatures do if they want to be in relationship. *Birds do it *Lizards do it *Lions do it Dolphins do it. *Dogs and horses do it very well, and again,   most humans try to do it.& nbsp; What they do, is IF they want to be in relationship they find a pattern where, pre-supposing they want to be in relationship with a certain person, they stay connected to that person, even when in times of need for more space, they still maintain a connection so when they find themselves in need for connection, the person they want to be in relationship is still there. That is, they take actions to make sure that there is still a connection when they come back. If they have taken these actions to make sure the connection is still there, the person is waiting for them. It is a little dance, and, it is something that most creatures do naturally.& nbsp; The humans that don’t do it are in most cases living out of a survival adaptation that they learned in childhood. This Survival adaptation is wired into their brain, their lizard brain that tells them: “I am all alone, no one will ever be there for me so I cannot trust anyone and I must take all I can from my partner because that is the game of life and love”. This person appears to be arrogant and grandiose. This person also has adapted by only ever making their needs important in a relationship. So, when they decide they need closeness, they expect that the other person will be there or they often resort to emotional, physical, spiritual, financial or mental violence toward the other. Their motto in life is: I am all alone, I must take care of myself and it does not matter what the effect is on the other. These types of people never act according to the natural laws of relationship as described in the first paragraph.& nbsp; This person in childhood learned that relationships are just too painful to even invest in. These are the kinds of people who leave their spouse, after many years of marriage because they decided the relationship was no longer worth the effort of pretending they want to be there. This kind of person is the type that will leave their spouse after their spouse supported them while they got an advanced degree. The supporting spouse was under the impression that by supporting their spouse, when said spouse got the degree, that the degree would lead to a better paying job and that this sacrifice of being the main bread-winner would pay off. When the supported spouse decides they can leave, they simply cannot understand the problem. They will say to their partner in that cliché fashion: “It is not about you”. They are right; it is never about the other. It is only ever about themselves and their needs and their desires and their hopes, wishes and dreams. And, in many cases, they see nothing wrong with this. They have such a myopic view that they can ONLY see their needs and desires.& nbsp;& nbsp; If this person wants to heal, they need to first deal with the pain from their childhood. Often the parents and caretakers that created a child that only cares about themselves were extremely controlling. The main kind of attention they gave their child was in a controlling manner. They were also very with-holding of all types of affection and love. The parent of this child is also very self-centered and lets their child know in no uncertain terms, that their needs are not important. The child then learns that love relationships are actually loveless. They learn that there is no fairness and all they can do is try to survive until they can one day be in a relationship and do to another what was done to them. Until they deal with this pain from childhood, they will simply become a perpetrator, inflicting on their partner what was inflicted upon them& nbsp; Pia Melody, internationally famous author, and workshop presenter on relationships suggests that this type of person needs to be willing to stay in the relationship BUT they must know they can set boundaries. That is, instead of always retreating so they can meet their needs, they must be WILLING to stay present and learn to use their words, speaking their needs, listening to the needs of the other and be willing to negotiate. This cannot happen until they deal with the pain they suffered as a child.& nbsp; Lets look another stance that humans can take in this “un-natural” relationship. This person adapted in childhood by never being there for themselves. They adapted by being there for everyone else. Sadly, this is the type of person that often hooks up with the other type of person described in this article. The grandiose person lives life as if they are “better than” everyone else. The other person lives life as if they are “less than” everyone else. This is a sad arrangement because if the two partners do not become conscious of what is really going on, the one that believes they are less than or shame-based, will spend all of their energy trying to meet the grandiose partner’s needs, thinking that someday, this person will turn toward them and also make their needs important. This will NEVER happen as long as these two remain <strong>locked</strong> in this un-natural and unconscious dance. And, things often get worse before they get better.& nbsp; There is a way to heal this. The answer is simple but few choose to heal. The answer is first connect with yourself which means you will have to feel the pain from your childhood that caused you to take on this un-natural adaptation. Then you will have to learn to communicate in a way that is “equal to”. This communication involves “speaking your truth in love without attack and being willing to listen in this manner”. The communication tool called the Feedback Wheel is simple and effective and if you are unfamiliar with this, I will send you a copy if you email me the request at <a href=”mailto:equinelites@aol.com”>equinelites@aol.com</a>< strong><em>For now, I invite you to learn to dance the only real and natural relationship dance that almost all nonhuman creatures do and most human creatures do if they want to be in relationship.</em></strong>< strong><em> </em></strong>< em> </em>< em> </em> 740 2016-04-27 23:25:52 2016-04-27 23:25:52 open open 740 publish 0 0 post 0 Adult SPIRITUALITY Uncategorized _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light WHAT TRUMP APPEALS TO https://unitywholenesscenter.com/spirituality/what-trump-appeals-to/ Fri, 27 May 2016 15:12:28 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=744 <p align=”center”>Note: I put this on a blog many months ago and I am re-posting it now because it is even more relevant now  ;(</p>< p align=”center”></p>< p align=”center”><span style=”color: #333333; font-family: ‘Georgia’,’serif’; font-size: 18pt;”>WHAT TRUMP APPEALS TO</span></p>< span style=”color: #333333; font-family: ‘Georgia’,’serif’; font-size: 9pt;”> </span>< p align=”center”><span style=”color: #333333; font-family: ‘Georgia’,’serif’; font-size: 9pt;”>~ Deep within the very being of all humans is great ugliness~……and when we give into this and express this as Trump does, then we are, as we psychotherapists say going ” 1 -up” or being grandiose and arrogant. Now, for some who give into this baseness, they wind up doing great harm to others and ultimately to themselves with words, deeds and deplorable actions. Most who give into this baseness, are closet Grandiositers( sorry but my thought of this fits with this non-word), and when they spy another closet grandiositer, they have a grand connection and then even magnify their grandiosity. They begin talking as if it is ok to slam others for their looks, or their SES or for any reason that comes to mind because they tell themselves that these others could be different if they wanted to. Trump is appealing to this baseness, this ugliness. The closet grandiositers have finally found a leader, one who is unafraid to express this baseness.</span></p>< span style=”color: #333333; font-family: ‘Georgia’,’serif’; font-size: 9pt;”>The people who are following Trump are supporting the thoughts and fears that come from the Reptilian brain. However, we humans also have an ability to rise above our lizard brain and seek to connect with our Wizard brain………. Is this not a cute depiction of two levels of our brain, and for those of us who choose to seek the way of the Wizard brain, we are healing the world. And because of Mirror Neurons( please just google this if you are not sure of what these are), the ones who seek a higher way will win out. Love has the ability to transform everything unlike itself and for those of us who choose to seek the higher way**, we are seeing love’s activity transforming our world, loving word by loving word, loving action by loving action, and it is happening……….. Do not doubt this. ** And the way to live from our Wizard brain is to seek our higher and most authentic self and to seek to live from this place every moment of every day and when we forget, we simply need to choose again. This is the essence of my work and it is working…..</span>< span style=”color: #000000; font-family: Calibri;”> </span>& nbsp; 744 2016-05-27 15:12:28 2016-05-27 15:12:28 open open what-trump-appeals-to publish 0 0 post 0 Adult SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light Wizard Brain vs Lizard Brain and why this matters in the world of politics. Who will win? https://unitywholenesscenter.com/uncategorized/wizard-brain-vs-lizard-brain-and-why-this-matters-in-the-world-of-politics-who-will-win/ Fri, 27 May 2016 15:32:29 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=746 I saw a post on Face book yesterday that really affected me. The title of the post was: “all lives matter”. And of course this is true, AND, the ones whose lives do not seem to matter, the ones who have to protest and stand up are and say: “WE ARE HERE!” Need to protest and stand up because the majority of people have said these groups that are protesting “DO NOT MATTER AS MUCH AS THE OTHERS”. It is the age-old battle the lizard brain creates by saying: “These people are in my tribe, those are not”. If the ones who are objecting to the protests, really believe “<strong><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>ALL</span></strong> lives matter”, then I respectfully ask them to speak from their Wizard brain and see that the ones who are protesting, need to be seen as equal to; they need to be seen as mattering too. The Wizard brain is the only part of us that can do this. Maybe this is why Harry Potter was so popular: Because we need to learn to operate from our Wizard brain………….and hold the lizard in safety (because that is all it wants ultimately). If we become willing to allow our action to flow from the words:   ALL LIVES MATTER, we will indeed experience the safety we all need in order to make our deepest dreams come true. As 2015 draws to a close, I can think of no one who expresses these ideas better than Mark Nepo. In his book, THE BOOK OF AWAKENING, he tells us on page 428 in the passage marked for December 30:< strong>“…………rather it feels inevitable and holy that we should become what we seek. We start out wanting to know love and living long enough, we become love. We start out wanting to know God, and suffering long enough, we become God. Over time, the heart expands from within and all our skins thin until we become something elemental rounding to the next grain of wisdom to be found.”</strong>& nbsp; For me, Nepo is telling us that we become what we seek; and thus if we seek love and to be loving, we become love. And, likewise, if we seek division, as the lizard brain does so well, we become divided. I ask all of those who resonate with this blog, to join me in seeking oneness and in this, we shall see that we are all truly one and that there truly is no “other”. The “other” that we see is only an illusion, that if perpetuated will lead to continued crisis and chaos. The Wizard brain, our neo cortex, will lead us into new Harmony that we can experience now.& nbsp; 746 2016-05-27 15:32:29 2016-05-27 15:32:29 open open wizard-brain-vs-lizard-brain-and-why-this-matters-in-the-world-of-politics-who-will-win publish 0 0 post 0 Uncategorized _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light ~Remember who you are~ https://unitywholenesscenter.com/childrens-therapy/remember-who-you-are/ Fri, 27 May 2016 18:32:43 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=748 <strong>“You have forgotten who you are, Look inside yourself, you are more that what you have become………..Remember who you are…………”</strong> From the movie, The Lion King, as spoken at an ethereal level by the late king, Mufasa, to his son, Simba, who had left the kingdom where he was supposed to be king.& nbsp;< strong>“Their souls speak to us and ask us to look inward and take stock of who we are and what we might become.”</strong> As spoken by President Barack Obama to the people of Hiroshima on May 27, 2016.& nbsp; If I were to describe my ministry and my counseling and workshop practice in just a short sentence or two, the sentences I have written above would describe my work quite succinctly. It is the journey of the Hero to remember who they are and to return to the circle of life as the one true authentic self that they have come here to be. Mufasa completed his message to Simba by saying just this: “You must take your place in the circle of life, you are my son, and the one true king”. It is significant that Mufasa appeared to Simba in the clouds; I like to imagine that we all have one who loves us, one who knows us and who will also guide us to remember who we are and to take our place in the circle of life. I like to think that this one who loves us lives on inside of us forever and is always speaking to us and telling us: “Remember who you are”. President Obama also had the same message when he said: “look inward and take stock of who we are and what we might become.” &nbsp; Friends as we prepare to celebrate the lives of those who have passed this weekend, I ask the following of you. First, allow to come to mind an awareness of a loving presence. This presence may be attached to someone whom you knew loved you. This presence may be attached to a great spiritual leader or teacher. It may be a 4-legged who was always there for you even when no one else was. This presence may be attached to a teacher or other friend or relative. It may be attached to your higher self, a part of you that perhaps helped you survive trauma as a child This part of you may be attached to a sense of love you only ever experienced in nature as a child.& nbsp; You would not have lived this long in your life if you had not experienced this type of love. As you recall this presence, take a moment and breathe into it Notice where you feel this type of loving presence most in your body Breathe again to this area of your body and now take a few seconds in the stillness of the silence within you and listen very carefully to what this presence is guiding you to do now, tomorrow and for the rest of this year. And most importantly< strong>~ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW MUCH YOU ARE LOVED~</strong>& nbsp; 748 2016-05-27 18:32:43 2016-05-27 18:32:43 open open remember-who-you-are publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Childrens Therapy Couples Therapy Grief Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light Healing is revealing who I am; Healing is receiving who you are; Healing leads to oneness https://unitywholenesscenter.com/equine-therapy/healing-is-revealing-who-i-am-healing-is-receiving-who-you-are-healing-leads-to-oneness/ Tue, 07 Jun 2016 14:52:18 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=751 ~HEALING IS REVEALING WHO I AM~ ~HEALING IS RECEIVING WHO YOU ARE~ ~Healing leads to an awareness that we are one~ Thoughts from another day at the ranch……………. Today as I approached Harmony’s herd, I was amazed to see at least 30 elk mingling within and all around her herd. Some of the elk were grazing right next to horses, some were actually lying down and there were some very young elk that looked like they were napping in a grove of trees quite near the herd. As soon as some of the elk saw me, they took an “alert posture” and then other elk stood and took this same alert posture and some started walking away. I immediately sat down and looked down. This posture I took seemed to “calm” them down. They relaxed their alert pose and went back to grazing. I sat there for several minutes just allowing myself to feel blessed by this scene. My horse has been at this 1000 acre ranch for seven years and though I have seen the herd of elk pass through the herd, stopping for a bit at times, I have never seen them truly be together and appear as one herd. Though I tried not to think about this while I was with them, I did have a flood of thoughts afterward. The first thought was how “un-one”, we humans are. Though we are one species, we act as if we are as opposite as bears and lions. (Note: I am thinking of two predator species.) The current political climate is tearing us apart in every way. Some days, I wonder if we will make it; whether we will survive as a species. I get hopeful though, when I am able to see horses and elk, who supposedly do not have a higher brain, spend time together in perfect harmony. Horses and Elk are 2 types of prey animals. Many say that this means they are afraid. Actually, I have learned as a result of spending so much time with Harmony and her herd, that being a prey animal makes one a relationship master. Prey animals know that there safety lies in being connected to the herd. They instinctually know that if they are separated from their herd, they are at risk of dying. I want to say this again, these prey animals are relationship masters because they know it is their place within the herd that gives them the most safety and protection. They know how to communicate with each other in a split second. Think of what I said when I told you how they took an “alert posture” when they saw me. Within 3 seconds, 10 elk had responded to my presence. Then when I sat down, and no longer looked as if I would harm them, they also relaxed. What if we humans acted like this herd of elk? What if we did remain alert and quiet when a stranger appeared but what if we chose to look, and see if there was true danger before we acted? What if we decided to pause, to be vulnerable and to truly look with our inner knowing before acting? Our inner knowing would tell us that we are actually not a threat to one another. In my neighborhood, we are experiencing some of this oneness. Though there is much diversity on all levels in our neighborhood, there is a commitment to keep the things that separate us out of our communications. And, this is working. We are finding our commonalities. We are living together as one herd and in harmony. We help each other, we look out for one another, and we celebrate in times of Joy and empathize in times of loss. We are being vulnerable with one another at appropriate levels. We are in fact revealing who we are in a safe way. We are accepting one another’s differences and these ways of revealing and accepting, we are in fact living in harmony and this very fact gives me great hope.& nbsp; 751 2016-06-07 14:52:18 2016-06-07 14:52:18 open open healing-is-revealing-who-i-am-healing-is-receiving-who-you-are-healing-leads-to-oneness publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Equine Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light ~Why I do Animal Assisted Therapy~ https://unitywholenesscenter.com/equine-therapy/why-i-do-animal-assisted-therapy/ Mon, 20 Jun 2016 15:56:20 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=754 <strong>~Why I do Animal Assisted Therapy~</strong>< strong> </strong> I have been a therapist for over 35 years. Actually I have been a therapist many more years than that because I lovingly say that I became a family therapist at the age of 2 and you may read in to this whatever you like. 😉 But back to the article about Animal Assisted Therapy( AAT); there are many reasons I think AAT is one of the most effective therapies but here are three reasons: NO DIAGNOSIS REQUIRED< ol> <li>In this day and age, in order for a therapist to use someone’s insurance for payment, the therapist must come up with a diagnosis. This means the therapist must come up with a diagnostic code from the latest version of the DSM that spells out exactly what the client’s problem is. And, this diagnosis may stay with one their entire life. Even if a person has only ever tried an anti-depressant for a very short time, say following a job loss or divorce, the person’s records may reflect that the person has a history of depression. I am not kidding about this. And this diagnosis is often just a guess based on what the therapist sees and another therapist or MD or Psychiatrist may seen something different. And, often the diagnosis of depression, for example is really masquerading as sadness. So, the first reason I love AAT is that I don’t have to put a label on my client. The animal certainly does not and actually, I don’t do this in my regular practice as well; this is the main reason I do not take insurance.</li> <li>NO THEORY REQUIRED</li> <li>However, when a therapist is truly trained in the art and the science of AAT, the therapist does not need a diagnosis to facilitate AAT. True AAT is about the relationship between the Animal and the client. Now I have seen many, many therapists act as if they are sitting in their therapist’s chair during AAT and giving the person advice even while the animal is present. This is NOT AAT.</li> <li>The Second reason I love Animal Assisted Therapy is the therapy is not dependent on my theories or areas of expertise. The therapy is dependent on my willingness to be fully and I mean fully present in mind, body, emotions and spirit to what is going on for the client and the animal. It is only with this commitment that one can facilitate a true AAT-session. Thus an AAT session will always look different for any two people and it will always look different on any given day because the person and the animal are not static beings but are always reflecting their own current state of mind, body and emotions. As a certified Equine Assisted Psychotherapist (EAP) with EAGALA.org, I have learned the nuts and bolts of EAP mainly from EAGALA. They suggest that the therapist and Horse Specialist must always be willing to get their “stuff” out of the session. If the team of people facilitating the EAP session is not emotionally and mentally present (meaning not projecting their own issues onto the client and the horse), the EAP session becomes about the therapist’s or horse specialist’s issues. For example, my horse has a severe addiction. She does what the horse world calls, “Wind-sucking”. When she was 9 years old, she was preparing to give birth to her 3 baby and her baby died at birth. Her owner was very grief stricken and gave her away and thus she lost her owner and her baby. Plus, she was put in a stall for the first time in her entire life. Though, some may not agree, I would say that her losses caused severe distress or grief. Wind-sucking is one of many “stall vices” that horses pick up to console their boredom and loneliness when they have to live in a stall. (Think if you had to live in a bathroom ;( ………..).</li> <li>Wind-sucking happens when a horse anchors it’s teeth on a horizontal piece of wood and then they do a deep inhalation. The result is that proverbial “runner’s high”, or the stimulation of endorphins. Harmony gets a “high” when she does this. Though my hope is that she will be able to heal from this, she does help a lot of people who are dealing with addictions. So, I have clients come out and work with her who have addictions, or I have parents come out to work with her if their children have addictions. The beautiful part of the work is that I must keep my own thoughts and feelings out of the therapy arena because what I think about someone’s addiction in the AAT session is really none of my business. They are coming to work with Harmony who is mirroring their addictive self. One time, I had a client (names and details changed), who, in a session with Harmony, said he just wanted to walk away from her as he watched her doing her thing. My “office-therapist-brain”, thought, well, you can’t just abandon yourself, but my AAT-brain, knew to just be present and so I asked him where in the large pasture we were in did he want to walk. We began walking in that direction and my “office-therapist-brain”, was saying, well we will have to go get her in a minute. But my AAT-brain was being present to the client as we walked and within 30 seconds, Harmony was walking beside my client. I was shocked, and the client was delighted for he got instant feedback that not always focusing on her addictive self but rather focusing on moving forward was her next step on her recovery journey.</li> <li></li>< /ol> Thus, AAT is a therapy that one gets better and better at by being willing to deal with their own issues. This type of therapy invites the practitioners to do their own work.& nbsp;& nbsp; TRUE ONENESS< ol> <li>The third reason I love AAT so much is that there is an Art and a Science to AAT. Certainly, one can go trainings and learn ways to set sessions up. One can read very good books on understanding AAT, and one can learn by doing. This is the science of AAT. The Art of AAT is to truly be willing to be fully present to the client, the animal and the whole environment and in this willingness to be present (another form of mindfulness), the therapist can hold the session in a sacred space. The relationship between the client and the animal has the possibility of revealing for the client their next step on their own healing journey if the therapist can be present but not directive. Thus, AAT sessions can be filled with miracles, mystery and true oneness.</li>< /ol> This is why I do Animal Assisted therapy.& nbsp;& nbsp; 754 2016-06-20 15:56:20 2016-06-20 15:56:20 open open why-i-do-animal-assisted-therapy publish 0 0 post 0 Equine Therapy Parent SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light How to solve the problems you see in the world: there is a way. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/spirituality/how-to-solve-the-problems-you-see-in-the-world-there-is-a-way/ Sun, 26 Jun 2016 16:39:20 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=756 ~THE GIFT THAT YOU ARE~ Or ~Who you truly are~ Will solve the problems in the world……. Including any after-math from Brexit( the exiting of Britain from the European Union). Let us listen to the words of this song first:< strong>First, when there’s nothing but a slow glowing dream That your fear seems to hide deep inside your mind All alone I have cried silent tears full of pride In a world made of steel, made of stone Well I hear the music, close my eyes, feel the rhythm Wrap around, take a hold of my heart ……….Take your passion, and make it happen Pictures come alive, you can dance right through your life Now I hear the music, close my eyes, I am rhythm In a flash it takes hold of my heart What a feeling</strong>< strong> </strong>< strong>This song and the movie it came from changed my life.</strong> When the movie came out in 1984, I was doing all that I could to be accepted into ministerial school at Unity School of Religious Studies (it has a different name now but that is the name it had then). There were many reasons why I was not the most likely candidate for ministerial school. The first reason was that I was terrified to speak to a small group of even 2 to 3 people, let alone to a large group on a Sunday morning. Another reason was that I was younger than most of the people applying. I was 28. The final reason was that I had just put myself through 6 years of college and I had no money in the bank, Long story short, I was able to overcome all of these obstacles and I became an ordained Unity minister in 1986. What enabled me to do this was the awareness of that “<strong>slow glowing dream”,</strong>< strong>that indeed my fear did hide deep inside my mind. And I was all alone in so many ways with those silent tears…………</strong>< strong>The world did seem to be made of steel and made of stone.</strong>< strong>And yet, that slow glowing dream was there and I could not let it go. </strong>< strong>My mom had always been so supportive of dreams. I watched her support the dreams of others from the time I was very little and as often as she could, she supported my dreams.</strong>< strong>So, I believed in my dream; and it came true. I have had many dreams come true since then but the main effect of working to make my dreams come true is that I connected to my true and authentic self which is where un-born dreams abide. They wait there until we connect with them and do all that we can to fulfill them. If they are a dream that is truly coming from our authentic self, their fulfillment is part and parcel of fulfilling our Divine Purpose. This is so because when we work with a dream that comes from our authentic self, in order to fulfill it, we have to connect to our authentic self. Our authentic self is one of the easiest ways to connect with the Divine.</strong>< strong> The only way to solve problems in our personal life, our family life, our work life, our community life, and the world is to connect to and be willing to live from our authentic self. </strong>< strong>This is why I said </strong><strong>~”Who you truly Are”~…….</strong>< strong>……Will indeed solve the problems in our world. </strong>< strong>It is the only way.</strong>< strong> </strong>< strong>I invite you to consider the:</strong><strong> Butterfly effect</strong>< strong> </strong>< strong>Here is a description of this effect which tells us how small causes can have large effects.</strong>< strong>This information was taken from: </strong><strong>Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.</strong>< strong> </strong>< span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>“The <strong>butterfly effect</strong> is the concept that small causes can have large effects. Initially, it was used with weather prediction but later the term became a metaphor used in and out of science.</span><span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>^{<a href=”https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Butterfly_effect#cite_note-:0-1″>[1]</a>}</span>< span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>In <a href=”https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chaos_theory”>chaos theory</a>, the <strong>butterfly effect</strong> is the sensitive dependence on <a href=”https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Initial_condition”>initial conditions</a> in which a small change in one state of a deterministic <a href=”https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonlinear_system”>nonlinear system</a> can result in large differences in a later state. The name, coined by <a href=”https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_Lorenz”>Edward Lorenz</a> for the effect which had been known long before, is derived from the metaphorical example of the details of a hurricane (exact time of formation, exact path taken) being influenced by minor perturbations such as the flapping of the wings of a distant <a href=”https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Butterfly”>butterfly</a> several weeks earlier. Lorenz discovered the effect when he observed that runs of his <a href=”https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Numerical_weather_prediction”>weather model</a> with initial condition data that was rounded in a seemingly inconsequential manner would fail to reproduce the results of runs with the unrounded initial condition data. A very small change in initial conditions had created a significantly different outcome.”</span>& nbsp;< strong>There are many ways to see how the Butterfly effect does indeed explain how we are all so intricately connected. Today I am using the Butterfly effect to explain how when even one person has the courage to connect with their dreams and therefore their true and authentic self, they have found the way that they can help solve the problems in the world. Though it may seem like such a tiny action, that of connecting to one’s true and authentic self, it will have a huge affect.</strong>< strong>As we seek to fulfill our Divine Purpose, which can be seen as a small thing, the effect is not small. Our Divine Purpose has 2 main aspects to it. First, our purpose is the intersection between a need we have and a need in the world. The way to solve the need in the world is after we have solved this resonating personal need. Then we know how to go forth and work to fulfill this need in the world. Many people try to fulfill their own need by trying to solve the need in the world. This never works.</strong>< strong>In conclusion, the way that you can help solve the problems in the world is by:</strong>< ol> <li><strong>Listen to your dreams</strong></li> <li><strong>Your dreams will lead you to your authentic self</strong></li> <li><strong>Follow your highest guidance in fulfilling your need</strong></li> <li><strong>You will then know how to solve this resonating problem in the world in only the way that YOU can.</strong></li>< /ol>< strong> </strong> You may wonder how can doing these 4 steps can help solve the problems that are resulting from Brexit. I heard on the news that the people for the “Leave camp” were yelling that they did not like that unelected officials were making laws and rules for them and telling them they needed to do this. The way that we can apply this to our own lives is this: First consider are there any areas of your life in which you see that you are on opposite sides of an issue with a loved one? If you answered “no”, I want to meet you. Almost everyone has an issue like this. I believe that as we become willing to learn to communicate with the person we are in opposition with by connecting with our authentic selves and then speak and listen from our authentic selves, we can find a solution. When more and more people become willing to communicate in this manner rather than simply calling the other side names and making them wrong, we will find a solution that was not there before. If the government had been willing to listen and understand, then perhaps, Brexit would not have happened. At this time, there is no need to cry about what was not done. The time is now to see what is ours to do.& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;< strong> </strong>< strong> </strong>< strong> </strong>< strong> </strong>< strong> </strong>& nbsp;& nbsp; 756 2016-06-26 16:39:20 2016-06-26 16:39:20 open open how-to-solve-the-problems-you-see-in-the-world-there-is-a-way publish 0 0 post 0 Adult SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light ~ Your gift of freedom to the world: Being who you are~ https://unitywholenesscenter.com/childrens-therapy/your-gift-of-freedom-to-the-world-being-who-you-are/ Wed, 29 Jun 2016 14:41:45 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=759 ~BEING WHO YOU ARE~ The only way you can bring freedom to your life and the world< strong>“Yet the instant we can accept what is not in our nature, rather than being distracted by all we think we could or should be, then all our inner resources are free to transform us into the particular self we are aching to be.”</strong> From Mark Nepo’s, The Book of Awakening, page 213. The truth in these words from Mark Nepo was never clearer to me than when I chose to get a horse vs. going to Argosy University 7 years ago to get my Ph.D. I told the Universe at the beginning of the year, that I was either going to get my PhD or get a horse. Never in my entire life has anything come together more quickly than when things aligned perfectly for my horse to come to me. I have a wonderful story about this which I will send to you if you ask, but for today, please take a moment and ask yourself, “<strong>What dream is trying to manifest through</strong> <strong>me”?</strong> There is no faster way to actualize who you truly are than to listen carefully to the dream that is poking it’s head out of your heart and saying to you: “there is a way…………..there is way……..” As the song from the movie, Flash Dance, tells us:< strong><em><u>“ TAKE YOUR PASSION AND MAKE IT HAPPEN”.</u></em></strong> Our dreams are meant to come true. All you need do is believe this and then your next step to its fulfillment will be revealed. Again, from this same reading from Mark Nepo’s book: The instant fish accept that they will never grow arms, they grow fins. 759 2016-06-29 14:41:45 2016-06-29 14:41:45 open open your-gift-of-freedom-to-the-world-being-who-you-are publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Childrens Therapy Equine Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light ~ My Mom has Alzheimer’s…………and I feel…………… https://unitywholenesscenter.com/family-therapy/my-mom-has-alzheimers-and-i-feel/ Sat, 09 Jul 2016 15:00:59 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=762 <span style=”text-decoration: underline;”></span> My Mom has Alzheimer’s and I feel very: SAD& nbsp; As I was cleaning under the guest bathroom cabinet, I found 4 bottles of hair spray; one can of Right Guard deodorant, 2 bottles of Jergens body lotion and one container of anti bacterial soap. These were all left here by mom 4 years ago, the last time she was at my home. She left them here so she would not have to bring them the next time she came. My Mom liked to make sure she had basic essentials. My mom won’t be back to use them. I had to put them back under the sink, I can’t discard these things that she held at this time. Though I know she won’t ever be back to use them; I am not ready to completely accept this. My Mom has Alzheimer’s and I feel very: GRATEFUL& nbsp; I have a child’s little purse that is in the shape of a poodle hanging on my bedroom door. I also have another just like this in my office. These things were given to me by my mom 2 Christmases ago. This was the last time she was able to know Christmas was coming and that she wanted to put together large boxes of Christmas gifts to mail to her family members who lived out of town. That year, there was a bit of curiosity as to why she would send these to me; a little bit of laughter by family watching me open these. I did not laugh though. I thought this could be the last year she sends gifts and so I felt the love with which she gave me these poodle purses. I felt the love and felt her love for me. One Christmas over 33 years ago, I was not able to go home for Christmas, I was not yet married and I worked at Silent Unity (Unity’s 24 hour prayer ministry) and therefore could not get time off for Christmas. I was all alone that year and to make it a nice Christmas, my mom sent me the large box of gifts that she always sent and this particular year, she bought me a little artificial tree with decorations to trim it with, including lights and tinsel. I cannot give this tree away, nor can I give the poodle purses away knowing she held them and sent them to me with great love. My Mom has Alzheimer’s and I feel very: FRUSTRATED& nbsp;& nbsp; I would say nearly 95 %+ of the people I tell that my mom has this horrid disease do not know what to say or do. So, they do what all humans do who when faced with a feeling that surely comes up when someone tells them something so sad. They look away, and then walk away and complete ignore what I just said. They don’t know how to fix this, so they walk away. All I or anyone would want them to do is to say something like this: “Oh, I am so sorry to hear that; how are you feeling about this?” Let me repeat this, All one ever needs say about this or any other challenge that someone is dealing with is:< strong><em><u>“Oh, I am so sorry to hear that; how are you about this?”</u></em></strong>& nbsp; I don’t think anyone has ever asked me this. They recall all of the stories they have heard about this horrid disease and so they figure they cannot possibly know what to say; after all they can’t fix it, so they walk away.& nbsp; My Mom has Alzheimer’s and I feel very: SCARED No one knows how long her disease will last. No one knows how it will affect her and how she will eventually breathe her last breath. My mom loved to have fun, she loved being with people and laughing. She grew up relatively poor monetary wise but she was rich in her family connections. I learned a lot about my mom and relationships by watching her with her family members when I was a very young child. They were always laughing and joking. A fun evening was an evening of simply being together in laughter and JOY. My Mom has Alzheimer’s and I feel very: COMPLETE This may seem odd that I would say this but as a grief counselor with the Grief Recovery Institute in California, I have learned that it is important to stay current and present with one’s feelings. I have learned that if you have something to say to someone, say it NOW! Don’t wait because you never know when the last conversation with someone will be. We humans tend to put off what we need to say, whether it is “positive” or “negative”. This is a grave mistake. Saying what is in our minds and hearts in a clear and non-attacking way has so many benefits but two main benefits are these:< ol> <li>When we speak our truth in love without attack, we are adding clarity to a world that so often seems chaotic. Speaking our truth in love without attack lets the world know who we are and where we stand. And, when we speak this way, we can walk away knowing we did our part to move a relationship forward.</li> <li></li> <li>When we speak our truth in love without attack, we are trusting that the person to whom we are speaking has the ability to listen to what we say and respond in kind. This type of trust enables the other person to show up and also add clarity to the world. If the other person is not able to speak in love without attack, at least they know that we are safe and willing to hear them if or when they decide to communicate.</li> <li></li>< /ol> I said I feel complete with my mom because I have said to her all that I need to say up to this point. This does not mean that I have nothing left to communicate to her. I talk with her every 2 or 3 or 4 days. However, the conversations now are mostly about this very moment and not about much from the past. But I do know that she knows I love her and I am grateful for all that she did for me and she also knows this. I still write her letters and tell her that I love her and list the many things I am grateful for and she understands this in this now moment and then she will forget until I tell her again. She knows that I am a safe person and she trusts me. Though, I have always been the type of person that communicates, the two things that have helped me most in communicating in all of my relationships are the steps in the Grief Recovery Method( see <a href=”http://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/”>www.Griefrecoverymethod.com</a>), and the steps in the Feedback Wheel. The Feedback wheel is a communication technique that when mastered, enables someone to know how to communicate in love without attack. It is amazing.& nbsp;< strong>The Feedback Wheel</strong> includes four steps:< ol> <li>What you saw or heard about the event in question.</li> <li>Your Perception about the event in question.</li> <li>How you feel about it and in this step, when you say, “I feel”, you follow the word feel with a feeling word</li> <li>Your request.</li>< /ol> Though it takes a bit to master this, the steps are actually quite simple. If you want an expanded version of if you want coaching on how to use this, please contact me at <a href=”mailto:equinelites@aol.com”>equinelites@aol.com</a> www.UnityWholenesscenter.com& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; 762 2016-07-09 15:00:59 2016-07-09 15:00:59 open open my-mom-has-alzheimers-and-i-feel publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Family Therapy Grief Therapy _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light How to create Harmony from Conflict : What we learned from the DNC Convention. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/spirituality/how-to-create-harmony-from-conflict-what-we-learned-from-the-dnc-convention/ Sun, 31 Jul 2016 18:42:40 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=768 <strong>What we learned from the DNC Convention</strong>< strong>about how to deal with conflict and anger.</strong> I have been called a “Communication and Relationship Expert”. I love this title and I really can say that I see the truth in this. I have been seeking out how to create healthy relationships my whole life. I have created an alternative ministry that teaches how to have healthy relationships and one of the four steps is healthy communication. We humans tend to not know how to communicate if there is any anger, conflict or disagreement. Humans do one of two things when there is disagreement with another human:< ul> <li><b>They go in to grandiosity, arrogance or a “1-up” position and use the anger that <strong>NATURALLY ** </strong>comes up when humans are in disagreement and they let the other know they are right and the other is wrong. They express their anger incorrectly and this leads to more disconnection, disharmony and pain.</b></li>< /ul>& nbsp;< strong> </strong>< ul> <li><b>The other thing humans do is go into shame or a “1-down position”, and their anger that <strong>NATURALLY** </strong>comes up, gets channeled in to judgment about the other. They don’t express their anger directly, they do it in a dishonest and covert way and this also leads to more disconnection, disharmony and pain.<strong>**I say anger comes up naturally because the reptilian level of our brain is wired to be on the alert for potential harm. When this part of our brain perceives disagreement, this reptile brain is on high alert to detect if the system is unsafe. When there is disagreement, one perceives that their boundaries may have been crossed and our bodies naturally create a sense of anger to enable us to pay attention to be safe. Anger is about boundaries being crossed. The reptilian level of or brain may perceive the only way to keep safe is to “look bigger” than our opponent so the other will retreat and not do any more boundary crossing. Humans often do this by getting loud and yelling at their “opponent” and this can escalate into physical or emotional harm. </strong><strong> </strong><em> </em>The wizard brain enables us to be mindful or to pay attention to what is going on in our whole system and enables us to notice anger, and at the same time enables us to express this anger in a way that a higher functioning creature “has the ability to do”. I say “has the ability to do” because the vast majority of humans do not utilize this ability. Instead they allow the lizard brain to become the anger and to express it in an offensive way  </b></li> <li><b>.My next blog will look at anger in a really in-depth way but for the purpose of this blog, I simply list the things that the DNC did when conflict came up and how most of it was resolved by using their “Wizard Brain”, instead of the “lizard brain”, in response to the protests by the Bernie Sanders supporters.</b>The neocortex is what I call the “Wizard Brain”.< ol> <li><strong>There is another way however. Not only do we have this reptilian brain, or “lizard brain”, but we have a “Wizard brain”. This part of our brain is called the neocortex and Medicine.net defines this part of our brain in the following way:</strong></li> <li><strong> </strong><strong><em>Neocortex:</em></strong><em> The newer portion of the <a href=”http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=11490″>cerebral cortex</a> that serves as the center of higher mental functions for humans. The neocortex contains some 100 billion cells, each with 1,000 to 10,000 synapses (connections), and has roughly 100 million meters of wiring, all packed into a structure the size and thickness of a formal dinner napkin. The cells in the neocortex are arranged in six layers, within which different regions permit vision, hearing, touch, and the sense of balance, movement, emotional responses and every other feat of cognition.</em></li>< /ol>< /li>< /ul>& nbsp; Here are the 4 steps the DNC used to deal with and heal from the natural anger that was brought to the DNC Convention.< strong><u>LET THEIR VOICES BE HEARD</u></strong>  This phrase was used a lot along with the phrase; “let them get it off their chest”. This step expresses how very important it is for someone who feels that they have been wronged or treated unfairly to be able to express their feelings and thoughts. This is absolutely essential< b><strong><u>ACKNOWLEDGEMENT</u></strong>  </b>This is the next essential step that must take place after the injured party expresses. The protestors were acknowledged in many ways and in many speeches. Further, Bernie Sanders was able to speak on the first night of the convention and was able to thank his supporters and let them know that the “political revolution” will continue.& nbsp;< b><strong><u>INVITATION TO NEGOTIATE AND COMPROMISE</u></strong>  </b>Because Bernie Sanders has been so gracious and willing to: Look, See, and Work for the greater goal of making sure a Democrat is elected, many of his most important goals were included in the Democratic Platform. Further, most of his supporters also have become willing to Look, See and Work together with the supporters of the Hillary Clinton camp as well so there will be a welcoming environment that the Democratic Party provides to enable the “political revolution” to continue.< strong><u>Watch out for Expectations: Create trust first</u></strong>. Vice President, Joe Biden, said in a post convention interview that he did not expect to become such good friends with President Obama. Two things that enabled them to work together so well, according to Biden were initially that they were willing to respect their roles and from this respect, they became willing to trust one another.< ol> <li style=”text-align: center;”>These steps enable those who are willing to solve all problems and create Global Harmony</li>< /ol>& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;< strong><em> </em></strong>& nbsp;< em> </em> 768 2016-07-31 18:42:40 2016-07-31 18:42:40 open open how-to-create-harmony-from-conflict-what-we-learned-from-the-dnc-convention publish 0 0 post 0 Adult SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light The Gift of Anger https://unitywholenesscenter.com/childrens-therapy/the-gift-of-anger/ Sun, 31 Jul 2016 19:05:25 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=770 If I were on a select committee that was brought together to help solve the problems in the world, and each of us were given one wish to aid us in fulfilling the mission of the committee, (that of solving the problems in the world that are threatening our very existence), my wish would be that all humans would learn to deal with the gift of Anger. I call anger a gift because it is a basic part of the ‘human- system’ to enable the human to know if it has been harmed. The feeling of anger is a natural response to being violated, either emotionally, physically, spiritually or intellectually. Of course, the “gift-aspect” of it has been completely obliterated from our consciousness because humans have been taught to repress anger, to hide it from themselves or to express it so violently that even the mention of anger stirs fear in the heart and soul of most humans on the planet. Thus the function of anger: to aid the human in its survival has now been lost from consciousness and may lead to the destruction of our planet& nbsp; The signs of unhealthy expressions of anger are on the news everyday and so often that I have heard many people tell me they avoid hearing, listening or reading the news because they are tired of hearing about all of the violence. However, I do believe that if at least a critical number of us do not step up to the plate and do something about this, our beautiful planet will soon be inhabitable. Many, many scientists are saying that if we do not do something NOW to end the violence and destruction of our earth, then life as we know it will only be here for another 10-12 years. I do believe that the problems of our earth can be traced back to the unhealthy expression of or repression of anger.& nbsp;< h1>When someone does not express the feeling of anger, it does not go away. It stays within the system or often goes into the “shadow”, (that part of us where we have placed everything that we have ever been rejected for), until one feels safe to express the anger. However, the expression of this stuffed anger is usually expressed in the wrong way or at the wrong time and is directed at the wrong person.</h1>< h1></h1>< strong><em><u>Have you ever over-reacted to something and were completely blown away by your reaction to</u></em></strong>< strong><em><u>something that seemed so small? Children are the ones who usually get abused by this type of anger-expression. The result is that the child, number one, is abused by the adult’s unexpressed anger, that has found a</u></em></strong> <strong><em><u>”safe” target, and number two, the child then learns that anger is not</u></em></strong>< strong><em><u>safe and the best way to DEAL with is to ‘NOT DEAL WITH IT’. Again, </u></em></strong><strong><em><u>it</u></em></strong> <strong><em><u>is</u></em></strong> <strong><em><u>important to remember, however, that “not dealing with </u></em></strong><strong><em><u>it”, </u></em></strong><strong><em><u>does not</u></em></strong> <strong><em><u>mean that the anger has gone away.</u></em></strong>< strong><em><u> </u></em></strong>< strong><em><u>If </u></em></strong><strong><em><u>we look at the examples that have been in the media lately, it</u></em></strong> <strong><em><u>will</u></em></strong> <strong><em><u>be easy to see how these tragedies would not have occurred, had the</u></em></strong> <strong><em><u>offenders learned how to appropriately deal with their anger.</u></em></strong>& nbsp; First, the issue of school-violence is now becoming so common, that all parents should wonder if their children are even safe at all in their school.    In several of the school-violence incidents, two elements were common. One, the offending student(s) had been picked on mercilessly by other students at school, and the offending student(s) were not connected with anyone that really cared about them enough to teach healthy boundaries, healthy actions, and to help them grow into the whole individual that we are all capable of becoming. The student(s) who committed these acts of violence had never learned that it is o.k. to feel angry when others call you names and tell you that you are worthless; and that there are healthy ways to express this anger. The schools and families that were involved did not have a way for these children who were being abused by the system to deal with the anger that naturally arises when you are abused.  However, these schools and families are not to blame. How many schools, families, organizations, churches, corporations, government agencies, etc. have a healthy way to identify and then express anger???& nbsp; I believe that we are all called to do something about this, so we can prevent this from happening. And, there is something that we can all do.& nbsp; What we can do is to identify and deal with our own anger. I believe that we have the ability to do this and the time is NOW!& nbsp; If you would like to take responsibility for your part in healing our world, here are basic steps you can take.& nbsp; I invite you to look once again this checklist of “signs of unexpressed anger”.& nbsp;& nbsp;< ol> <li>Procrastination in the completion of imposed tasks.< ol start=”2″> <li>Perpetual of habitual< ol start=”3″> <li>Sarcasm, cynicism or flippancy .</li> <li>  A liking of sadistic of ironic humor.</li> <li>Over-politeness, constant cheerfulness, attitude of “grin and bear it”.< ol start=”6″> <li>Frequent sighing< ol start=”7″> <li>Smiling and laughing while in pain</li> <li>Frequent disturbing or frightening dreams</li> <li> Over-controlled monotone speaking voice.< ol start=”10″> <li>Boredom, apathy, loss of interest in things you are usually enthusiastic</li>< /ol>< /li>< /ol>< /li>< /ol>< /li>< /ol>< /li>< /ol>< /li>< /ol>& nbsp;< ol start=”13″> <li>Difficulty in getting to sleep or sleeping through the night</li> <li>Slowing down of movement< ol start=”13″> <li>Getting tired more easily than usual< ol start=”14″> <li>Excessive irritability over small things</li> <li>Getting drowsy at inappropriate times</li> <li>Sleeping more than usual –12 to 14 hours a night</li> <li>Waking up tired rather than refreshed</li>< /ol>< /li>< /ol>< /li>< ol start=”18″> <li>Clenched jaws, especially while sleeping</li> <li>Facial tics, spasmodic foot movements, habitual fist clenching, and similar repeated acts done unintentionally.</li> <li>Grinding of the teeth–especially while sleeping</li>< /ol> <li>Chronically stiff or sore neck or shoulder</li> <li>Chronic periods of feeling down for no< ol start=”23″> <li>Stomach ulcers</li>< /ol>< /li>< /ol>& nbsp; Just because we are unaware of being angry does not mean that we are not angry. It is the anger that we are unaware of which can do the most damage to ourselves and to our relationships. The anger does get expressed, but in inappropriate ways. Freud once likened anger to the smoke in an old-fashioned wood burning stove. The normal avenue for discharge of the smoke is up the flue, and out of the chimney; if the normal avenue is blocked, the smoke, will leak out of the stove in unintended ways …around the door, through the grate, etc. choking everyone in the room. If all avenues of escape are blocked, the fire goes out and the stove ceases to function. Likewise the normal (human) expression of anger is gross physical movement and/or loud vocalization.& nbsp; However, most of us are taught at a very early age, that such expressions of anger are unacceptable to others and lead to undesirable consequences such as being beaten, being shamed or having affection withheld. We learn to “be nice”, which means (among other things) hiding “bad feelings. By adulthood, even verbal expression is curtailed, since a civilized person is expected to be “civil”. Thus, the expression of anger and other painful feelings is stifled, and to protect ourselves from the unbearable burden of feeling these unexpressed feelings, we convince ourselves that we are not angry, even when we are. Such self-deception is seldom completely successful however, and the blocked anger “leaks out”, as mentioned above.& nbsp; The items in the list are all danger signals that negative feelings are being bottled up inside. It is true that each of them can have causes other than repressed anger, but the presence of them is reason enough to look within for buried resentment. It is believed that repression of anger and other “negative feelings” causes cancer.& nbsp; They are certainly causing the destruction of our earth.& nbsp; Getting rid of these buried resentments is a major task, a task that is often left for those few individuals who have found a problem so unbearable in their life, that they seek professional help. This may be necessary, but there are things you can do alone or in a support group as well. The first step is willingness, which will lead to awareness.& nbsp; The following formula is a good one that we can all do on our own, unless the uncovering of anger has caused one to feel out of control. Then, professional help should be sought.& nbsp; Here is the formula:& nbsp;< ol>< ol> <li>RECOGNITION OF THE FEELING.</li> <li>OWNING IT–ACKNOWLEDGING THAT IT IS YOURS</li> <li>DISCHARGING IT —ACTING ON IT IN SOME WAY, FOR EXAMPLE, USING THE ADVANCED COMMUNICATION TOOL, “NON-VIOLENT COMMUNICATON”, OR NVC, TO TALK WITH THE PERSON WHO STIMULATED THE ANGER, RELEASING IT WITH A LONG WALK OR EXERCISE, OR GETTING A SAFE PERSON TO JUST LISTEN AND BE PRESENT</li>< /ol>< /ol>& nbsp;& nbsp; I believe that if even a small number of us make a commitment to allow anger and it’s expression to return to its’ giftedness, then the repressed energy will no longer need to come out of the Shadow and rear its ugly head. Again, anger’s gift is telling us when we have been harmed or violated, and it reminds us of the need to release this feeling and also make sure we are safe from any further assaults. When we learn to communicate clearly and directly, then the warped expression of anger as aggression, violence and passive -aggression   will fade away.   We will be able to become who we are all called to be, in service to each other and in harmony with the earth and all of her creatures.& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp;& nbsp; 770 2016-07-31 19:05:25 2016-07-31 19:05:25 open open the-gift-of-anger publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Childrens Therapy Family Therapy Parent SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light ~Asphalt of Spirituality~ https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/asphalt-of-spirituality/ Sun, 07 Aug 2016 21:01:47 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=773 ~ASPHALT OF SPIRITUALITY~ I am a Unity Minister of 30 years and I have been involved with Unity since I was 24. I love the Unity teachings. A common description of Unity is that it is “spiritual” rather than religious. My definition of someone being “spiritual” rather than religious is that they live from or aspire to live from their true self or higher self. The higher self as defined by Cindy Wigglesworth of Deepchange.com is: “The part of our selves that is unselfish, loving, and wise; our inner voice of wisdom and universal concern that sees that there is no absolute distinction between “me” and “others”. We act from our Higher Self when we are inspired by our vision of the Higher Power. Synonyms: inner wisdom, authentic self, spirit self, essence, true self; and from some religious traditions: spirit self, the light of the Divine within me, Christ consciousness, Buddha-nature, Atman” Unity teaches that we have the Christ spirit within us. The Christ Spirit is another way of talking about our higher self. This is why I was drawn to Unity and after being involved with Unity for only a year and a half, I knew that I would one day be a Unity Minister and 4 ½ years later I became an ordained Unity Minister. I say all of this to let you know how much I love Unity. However, one thing I do not like is the abuse of the Unity teachings. There are at least 3 ways that people abuse the Unity teachings: 1. Pretending that because they are a child of God, they never need look at any painful issues within them. 2. Pretending that the “other’s issues are about something they did wrong and therefore they just need to “change their thinking” to solve the problem, implying that there is something wrong with them or they would not have this issue 3. Believing that because someone is having “negative” feelings means they are in DRAMA! Ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh, this last one makes my blood boil!!! I am also a Family, Child, Couples and Organizational psychotherapist. I help individuals, couples, families and organizations connect with their true essence and heal what stands in the way of the expression of this higher self. When we are blocked from expressing our true or authentic self, whether it is the authentic self of us individually or in a group, we will experience “negative feelings”. However, I am not going to call feelings “negative” any longer in this article. Our being is wondrously made and when we experience someone invading our boundaries on any level, our body generates the emotion of anger to enable us to protect ourselves. When we experience a loss of any kind, our being generates the emotion of sadness to help us know we have in fact experienced a loss and if we are healthy, we will seek comfort from someone who is not afraid of feelings to help us heal from our loss. When we are around something that could harm us, our being generates the emotion of fear, which helps us “pay attention”, so we can “check it out,” and see if there is something dangerous. Now certainly, feelings can become toxic, normally, because they are stuffed into the shadow of our being and not looked at. But normal feelings are meant to be examined and in this examination, we can express the feelings and be made more whole by this examination and expression. And, in this willingness to be present to the feelings, they go away! However, lately, I have noticed on many, many occasions, that people who like to think of themselves as “spiritual”, tell others ( or worse, talk about them to someone else) who are experiencing those so-called “negative” feelings that they are in DRAMA! I have seen and heard the so-called Spiritual person, go into Grandiosity or into a place of “1-upmanship”, and judge the one who is having the feelings. They judge them as less than because they are expressing anger or fear or even sadness. The Truth is the purpose of being on a spiritual path is NOT to get to a place where we won’t experience these feelings. A wonderful result of being committed to a Spiritual path is that we will know how to deal with and how to express these feelings. Granted, many, if not most people, don’t know how to express their feelings without blaming the other. But, if we are on our own spiritual path, we will know how to have a healthy boundary so that we can listen in love to the other and not take their feelings or issues personally. If we are truly on our own spiritual path, we will know that the feelings are ultimately about the one speaking but the feelings may also be about something we have done or not done that stimulated pain, fear, anger or sadness in the other. If we will choose to put up a boundary and then listen in love to the other, not only will we feel better for not having personalized someone else’s pain, but we may actually have helped the other deal with something that perhaps no one else was willing to. Again, the way to do this is to be willing to not take their issue and feelings personally; and then listen and reflect back what we heard them saying. The reason I titled this article, Asphalt of Spirituality, is that many people who think they are being spiritual have simply covered themselves over with this so called asphalt of spirituality. This type of spirituality causes one to insulate themselves from their own feelings as well as those feelings from those around them. Let us recall a part of the definition of our higher self: “The part of our selves that is unselfish, loving, and wise; our inner voice of wisdom and universal concern that sees that there is no absolute distinction between “me” and “others”. When we connect to our higher self, we are able to be lovingly present to ourselves and those around us no matter what is going on and especially if feelings are being experienced or expressed. The Divine within us is greater than anything we humans can ever experience and therefore, the Divine within us is greater than our feelings and can help us deal with them correctly. If we choose to be on our Spiritual path, we will seek to be emotionally intelligent which means knowing how to deal with feelings within ourselves and in all others. It is this simple. It may not be easy but it is simple. An easy way to know if you are coming from the Christ Spirit within versus coming from that asphalt of spirituality is this: You will not be in judgment of the other when they are having a problem if you are coming from your true and authentic and higher self. You will want to listen in love, be present and know that the other simply needs someone to see them and to accept them even if they are having a challenge. If only a small percentage of us chose to be present to the other rather than to think the other is in “DRAMA”, our world could be restored to a place where we are safe to be who we are and to express the Christ Spirit in a way that teaches that God is greater than any feeling. 773 2016-08-07 21:01:47 2016-08-07 21:01:47 open open asphalt-of-spirituality publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Couples Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light GRIEF IS LOVE, AS SPOKEN BY ALBUS DUMBLEDORE https://unitywholenesscenter.com/grief-therapy/grief-is-love-as-spoken-by-albus-dumbledore-2/ Thu, 18 Aug 2016 12:18:22 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=776 GRIEF: The easiest path to love, not usually taken. Dumbledore, the head-master at Hogwarts, (from the Harry Potter books by J.K. Rowling) taught us this: ~GRIEF IS LOVE~ Never is this truth more clear for me than on certain days when something reminds me of my sister who left the planet way too soon in September of 2002 at the age of 45. Sometimes, just seeing two sisters together, or a beloved cocker spaniel,(which is the dog she loved), or the scent of the pines in the morning breeze will stimulate the ache of the pain of her loss. This happened the other day when I was out on my deck with my morning coffee and my two Golden Retrievers. The air was cooler than usual for a mid July day and the coolness seemed to intensify the smells this early morning. The scent of the pines nearly brought tears of gratitude to my eyes; grateful for this moment and being blessed by nature. I sat down and realized this scent brought back memories of the countless times my dad would coax my sister and I out of bed to go on an early morning picnic in the mountains when we were very young. Once we got to our picnic site and always near a mountain- stream, my dad would fire up the Coleman stove, and begin making bacon and blueberries pancakes. It was always a wonderful time. So, on this July morning in 2016, the scent of the trees brought this whole memory back and I sat down to feel the pain of her loss. First it is important for you to know that I have taken this path of grief that is not usually taken. What I mean by this is that people avoid their grief as if it will kill them. I chose to grieve consciously and this way has made all the difference. I am certified with The Grief Recovery Institute in California and I am so grateful that I found them when my sister died. Their book, The Grief Recovery Handbook, is enabling people all over the world to consciously grieve and in my opinion, not only does this process help one deal with their grief, it enables them to heal on many levels. I would invite you to buy this book or go to the website, Griefrecoverymethod.com, or contact me and I will tell you how to take this conscious path of grief, the path less taken, the path that will lead you to a deeper love that will heal your heart and your life. But for the sake of this article today, I return to my story. First of all, since I chose the conscious way of grieving, when I noticed the memory of my sister bubbling up, I did have some tears come up. But next, I had a wonderful idea of going to a mountain stream, taking my dogs and going on a hike. I did just this. I knew I needed to be in this memory and honor it and it was so wonderful. The hike was grand, my dogs loved it and just as we were finishing our hike and planning to put our paws in the mountain stream, I had another amazing moment that really seemed to verify that my time spent on this hike was the right thing to do. As we approached the stream, I saw out of the corner of my eye a tiny bit of red. I thought, “Oh my, it couldn’t be, could it?” My thought was, “did I really see a raspberry”? And, yes I did, right there on the path. Raspberries are truly my favorite food. And, because I have been so busy this spring with the marketing of my book, I have not been able to tend to the raspberry bushes I have in my yard. I was sad about this but one can only do so much as we all know. But, because of my willingness to follow my feelings into the memory of my sister, which of course was stimulated by that wonderful pine scent on my deck, I had a perfect morning. The morning was guided by love and as Robert Frost, author of the poem, THE ROAD NOT TAKEN, would say, this “made all of the difference”. If we don’t consciously grieve, the moment we have a thought of a loved one who has passed, we will avoid that thought immediately. If we do take the path not taken, we will heal our heart of the immediate pain from the grief and we will then have a living relationship with our loved one. Even though their feet are no longer on the same earth that we travel, the love that connected us in the first place will enable us to feel them in our hearts forever. 776 2016-08-18 12:18:22 2016-08-18 12:18:22 open open grief-is-love-as-spoken-by-albus-dumbledore-2 publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Grief Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light WHAT ON EARTH CAN YOU DO ABOUT THESE PROBLEMS WE FACE? HOW ON EARTH WILL MY DREAMS COME TRUE? https://unitywholenesscenter.com/spirituality/what-on-earth-can-you-do-about-these-problems-we-face-how-on-earth-will-my-dreams-come-true/ Sun, 18 Sep 2016 18:35:30 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=780 WHAT ON EARTH CAN YOU DO ABOUT THESE PROBLEMS WE FACE? HOW ON EARTH WILL MY DREAM EVER COME TRUE? Mark Nepo from his book, FINDING INNER COURAGE, tells us this from page 71. “….I offer the passionate insight of Martin Luther King Jr., who revealed an inextricable link between power and love:” “Power properly understood is nothing but the ability to achieve purpose. And one of the great problems of history is that the concepts of love and power have usually been contrasted as opposites—polar opposites—so that love is indentified with a resignation of power, and power with a denial of love. We’ve got to get this thing right. What is needed is a realization that power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic. Power at its best is love implementing the demands of justice, and justice at its best is power correcting everything that stands against love. It is precisely this collision of immoral power with powerless morality which constitutes the major crisis of our time.” There is not much else to say about this except to suggest that IF, even a few of us take these words of King’s to heart, we will know what to do in order to be connected with that sense of love and power that is within. In this connection, we will understand that love and power are two sides of the same coin and they must always remain in that paradoxical state. From this place of inner connection, we will see what our next step is to help solve the problems we face or to begin to manifest the dreams we know should come true. I believe the problems we resonate with and the dreams we desire to manifest are also connected in a way that only the dreamer can understand. And Rev. Marvin Anderson, Unity Minister said this: “All you need do is take your next step”. So no matter what problem we are trying to solve, no matter what dream we are trying to manifest, the next step is in fact forming in our consciousness right now. We would not be guided to this or that dream or to this or that problem were it not for the fact that we can begin to solve the problem or manifest the dream and all we need do is: 1. Connect with Love and Power in their state of oneness 2. Identify our next step 3. Take the next step. 780 2016-09-18 18:35:30 2016-09-18 18:35:30 open open what-on-earth-can-you-do-about-these-problems-we-face-how-on-earth-will-my-dreams-come-true publish 0 0 post 0 Adult SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light FIVE EASY STEPS TO DEAL WITH DEPRESSION. https://unitywholenesscenter.com/couples-therapy/five-easy-steps-to-deal-with-depression/ Sat, 24 Sep 2016 13:26:10 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=782 FIVE EASY STEPS TO DEAL WITH DEPRESSION. 1. Stop saying “my depression”. Think of the state of depression as something you learned and because of the plasticity of our brain, you can learn a new way to deal with the challenges in our lives. Challenges that we all face. 2. Be willing to look at the feelings within the depression you are experiencing. I will send you an easy, (did you hear me say easy?) way to begin to look at the feelings that form the conflicted mass of human emotions that are the depression you are experiencing. We have been told we are not safe to feel. There is a reason you have these feelings, and it is not what is wrong with you, it is what is wrong with society that has taught us to not feel our feelings. 3. Be willing to identify your soul gifts that aid in your soul’s purpose. I will also send you several written exercises that can help you begin to take the Hero’s Journey (a term first coined by Carl Jung) that will enable you to move beyond depression to dream fulfillment. 4. This is a hard one or it may sound harsh: Be willing to move from feeling like a victim to a person that has choice. Truly, the only time we are victimized is when we do not have a choice. This especially occurs when we are young and living around wounded parents who believe they are victims and can do nothing else but what they are doing. Because you are willing to get to number four on this list, you are choosing to not be a victim. Remember, we are victims when we don’t have choice. Once we turn 18, we most likely do have more choices available. Please listen to your “Inner Knowing”** and it will show you that there is a tiny choice available. And, the beautiful part about this step is that all we ever need do is take our next step. That is it. I will send you an article on this if you like. When we take our next step, the next step will be available. **I have just written a book about teaching our children to be connected to their Inner Knowing and I am hearing that adults love the way it also teaches them to be connected to their “Inner Knowing”. The book , ALL CHILDREN ARE GIFTED: Raising Confident and Aware Children, is available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble’s website or through my publisher, Archway Publishing. 5. Find some way to do some exercise. Dan Siegel, world-renowned neuroscientist tells us that 30 minutes of exercise may be the best antidote to depression there is. If you have trouble deciding on what to do, go to the nearest YMCA. They will give you a free pass for a week, and give you ideas on how to begin, and remember you only need take your next step. Take these 5 steps and you will be more aware of your next steps. And take these steps in one week. The time is NOW! You life is not a dress rehearsal. And If I had a magic wand** that I could wave over you, I would ask you to take these next 2 steps after you do the first five. 1. Be willing to eliminate Sugar and white flour. Since I am not a nutritionist, I will only suggest this and for further information, goggle eliminating these culprits from your diet. The thing is you learned to medicate feelings with sugar and white flour. You are not a bad person if you over –use these 2 products. You LEARNED to do this and you can un-learn it. May I suggest that you try this for 3 days? Instead of sugar, try fruit and instead of white flour, use whole wheat flour. If you can, go see a nutritionist. Many health food stores give free nutritional counseling. Just be willing in this area. 2. Get the Grief Recovery Handbook, revised edition, by John James and Russell Friedman and do the written exercises with a friend or partner or a therapist if you can. I do this type of counseling by phone or in person, call me if you would like to discuss this. **Finally, I do not have a magic wand, but I have the next best thing: MY BELIEF IN YOU AND MY BELIEF THAT YOU HAVE A HERO’S HEART WITH MANY SOUL-GIFTS. THE WORLD NEEDS YOU TO BE IN TOUCH WITH YOUR HEROIC NATURE, IGNITE YOUR COURAGE AND BE WHO YOU HAVE COME HERE TO BE!. Call or email me: Suzanne Carter equinelites@aol.com www.Unitywholenesscenter.com 782 2016-09-24 13:26:10 2016-09-24 13:26:10 open open five-easy-steps-to-deal-with-depression publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Couples Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light ~BEST DEFENSE AGAINST THE BOOGEY MAN: YOUR TRUTH~ https://unitywholenesscenter.com/childrens-therapy/best-defense-against-the-boogey-man-your-truth/ Wed, 28 Sep 2016 15:33:33 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=785 WHAT IS THE BEST DEFENSE AGAINST THE BOOGEY MAN: YOUR TRUTH. First, by boogey man, I mean anyone who acts as if they are better than you. I am talking about people who have learned to feel better about themselves by making others feel less than. I am talking about grandiose people. In life, many people choose to be arrogant and grandiose or go “1-up” around others. People use this little trick of going “1-up” because they are feeling “1-down”. Whereas “1-up” has to do with arrogance and grandiosity, “1-down” has to do with feeling less than others or in other words, feeling a sense of shame or that there is something wrong with them. Feeling shame or having a belief that there is something wrong with oneself does not feel good. It feels horrible. So, humans have learned that a quick antidote to this is to find a way to feel “better than”. This is a quick and temporary fix and it does nothing to solve the problems that create these negative beliefs about oneself and others. Children learn these impotent techniques from their parents, their caretakers, aunts, uncles, teachers and virtually most of the adults that they must hang out with when these caretakers have not done enough inner work to know that we are all “equal to”. Then these children are not taught to feel “equal to” all others. They are taught in big and small ways that “the big gun wins”. They are taught that the goal in life is to continually find others to make yourself feel “better than” rather than to discover your own self worth and to live life from this place of being one’s authentic self. When one does choose to live their life from their authenticity, it is really quite easy to also accept that others have the right to do this as well. And, or however, when someone is behaving “1-up” or “1-down”, they are being inauthentic and this does not mean that we need to go “1-up” into judgment or “1-down” in to shame. One’s authenticity is their own Truth. There is no truth with a capital “T” except when Truth pertains to one’s own Truth. In this case, Truth is defined as ones’ own feelings, thoughts, perceptions, history, dreams, desires, and hopes. We all have our own Truth. And when we choose to connect to our own Truth rather than try to change someone else’s truth, real Harmony can begin. We can stay in the awareness that we are all “equal” and this actually does wonders for any one person or group going into grandiosity or shame. I have been running into a lot of grandiose people lately. And, I have been able to stay connected to my Truth that I am no better or no worse than anyone else. I have been able to say No, when I want to say No, and Yes, when I want to say Yes. One example will explain how wonderful it is when we stay connected to our own Truth, set good boundaries and then speak from the “I” with love and respect. The example: I was signing up for an online class with someone who is quite famous. This person, however, is quite arrogant. I made a request and asked the famous person to respond, and not only did this person not respond but his organization seemed to have an “attitude” toward me. At first, I was ignoring this; just thinking I would still do the class. When a 3rd person had this “attitude” toward me, I finally decided to ask for a refund and I cannot tell you how wonderful this felt to me. I stayed true to myself, asked for the refund and I knew that I did the right thing. Again, the truth is this : NO MATTER WHAT STATION IN LIFE ANYONE OCCUPIES, NO MATTER WHAT RACE OR GENDER THEY ARE, NO MATTER WHAT SOCIO-ECONOMIC STATUS ONE IS AT: WE ARE ALL EQUAL. If we would be willing teach our children this right now, our world’s problems could be solved in 5 years. If we choose to believe this right now, our world views will change to believing that the challenges we face are problems that everyone must work together to solve. And, if someone has more resources, or more awareness or more intelligence, then they will use their awareness and resources to take more responsibility to solve the problems. This may sound like “radical thinking” to some. It is not. It simply reflects the truth that the air I breathe, and the water I drink comes from the same place that the air you breathe and the water you drink and we must work together to make sure the supply for both of us stays healthy. 785 2016-09-28 15:33:33 2016-09-28 15:33:33 open open best-defense-against-the-boogey-man-your-truth publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Childrens Therapy Family Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light Releasing the Past: a 4 step process https://unitywholenesscenter.com/grief-therapy/releasing-the-past-a-4-step-process/ Sat, 08 Oct 2016 22:25:47 +0000 Suzanne https://unitywholenesscenter.com/?p=788 Many people say we need to “release the past” and that is a grand idea! What is often missing however is that this grand idea can’t be done by just thinking about it. OK small things can be released by just changing one’s mind; however let’s say that one is continually and repeatedly harmed by someone in the same way. I am suggesting that if there is a pattern of being harmed by the same person in about the same way and even when you ask them to stop, the pattern continues, then releasing the past will take some more actions than just thinking about it. Often the person doing the harming may say: “why can’t you just release the past”, and IF this person is continually doing the same injurious behavior, despite your requests that they stop, something else is going on. This person may be living in arrogance, or thinking they are “better than” and they may be thinking that they can do to others as they see fit and then expect the other who is being harmed to just “get over it”. On the other hand, the person being harmed may be living in shame, thinking they are less than, and so unconsciously may be thinking they deserve to be treated as “less than”. There are 4 steps to take in releasing the past when you find yourself being harmed in the same way even by multiple sources. These 4 steps are part and parcel of what I call “Global Harmony”, which is part of my ministry that I have been working on for a very long time. Here are the steps, briefly stated: 1. Connect with your truth. Everyone has their own truth which basically means ones’ perceptions, history, feelings, thoughts, desires, passions, dreams and more. To connect to one’s truth is more difficult than it seems. Most people are in fact disconnected from their truth or their authentic self. Further, many people are even afraid to “look” at their authentic self. There may be grief to move through because it is very painful to not be connected to our truth or our authentic self. The thing is, however, many people live their lives without really living “their authentic life”. If this sounds like you, please email me and we can discuss how you can identify and begin to live from your authentic self. 2. Heal what stands in the way of expressing the one you have come here to be. This would be doing grief and shadow work. I suggest that you pick up a copy of The Grief Recovery Handbook by John James and Russell Friedman for the fastest way to do grief and shadow work. If you are hearing yourself say, “Well I don’t have any grief to deal with”, then you must not be alive. There is no human on the face of the earth that does not have grief work to do. Grief is the normal and natural response to any and all loss. Loss is part and parcel of the human experience. Everyone has grief work to do and it is the rare human who chooses to do it because our society has taught us that grief work is unnecessary because in fact, all we need do is “release the past”. And now we are back to the original paragraph in this article, and hopefully you are seeing that releasing the past involves far more than our thinking nature. We must engage our feelings, intuition and physical bodies to truly release the past. I do telephone coaching on the Grief Recovery Method and if this resonates with something within you, please call me. 3. Take the tiniest steps to fulfill your Purpose NOW. The time is now. We are not in a dress rehearsal. When we connect to our truth or our authentic self, we automatically begin to discover our deepest passions, our deepest desires, and our purpose on earth. When we do this, we also get in touch with our authentic gifts that we have to enable us to fulfill our purpose. 4. Take action: express, and be your truth: speak truth in love without attack and use advanced communication techniques. Advanced communication techniques enable one to learn how to be themselves in the world and how to communicate to maximize the possibility of others hearing you and vice versa. Each of these steps is important and if you take them, they will not only enable you to release the past but they will enable you to be on your own heroic journey. Please email me if you would like me to be a guide on your heroic and authentic journey…….equinelites@aol.com 788 2016-10-08 22:25:47 2016-10-08 22:25:47 open open releasing-the-past-a-4-step-process publish 0 0 post 0 Adult Grief Therapy SPIRITUALITY _edit_last 3 _et_pb_page_layout et_right_sidebar _et_pb_side_nav off _et_post_bg_color #ffffff _et_post_bg_layout light