If I were on a select committee that was brought together to help solve the problems in the world, and each of us were given one wish to aid us in fulfilling the mission of the committee, (that of solving the problems in the world that are threatening our very existence), my wish would be that all humans would learn to deal with the gift of Anger. I call anger a gift because it is a basic part of the ‘human- system’ to enable the human to know if it has been harmed. The feeling of anger is a natural response to being violated, either emotionally, physically, spiritually or intellectually. Of course, the “gift-aspect” of it has been completely obliterated from our consciousness because humans have been taught to repress anger, to hide it from themselves or to express it so violently that even the mention of anger stirs fear in the heart and soul of most humans on the planet. Thus the function of anger: to aid the human in its survival has now been lost from consciousness and may lead to the destruction of our planet

 

The signs of unhealthy expressions of anger are on the news everyday and so often that I have heard many people tell me they avoid hearing, listening or reading the news because they are tired of hearing about all of the violence.

However, I do believe that if at least a critical number of us do not step up to the plate and do something about this, our beautiful planet will soon be inhabitable. Many, many scientists are saying that if we do not do something NOW to end the violence and destruction of our earth, then life as we know it will only be here for another 10-12 years.

I do believe that the problems of our earth can be traced back to the unhealthy expression of or repression of anger.

 

When someone does not express the feeling of anger, it does not go away. It stays within the system or often goes into the “shadow”, (that part of us where we have placed everything that we have ever been rejected for), until one feels safe to express the anger. However, the expression of this stuffed anger is usually expressed in the wrong way or at the wrong time and is directed at the wrong person.

Have you ever over-reacted to something and were completely blown away by your reaction to

something that seemed so small? Children are the ones who usually get abused by this type of anger-expression. The result is that the child, number one, is abused by the adult’s unexpressed anger, that has found a “safe” target, and number two, the child then learns that anger is not

safe and the best way to DEAL with is to ‘NOT DEAL WITH IT’. Again, it is important to remember, however, that “not dealing with it”, does not mean that the anger has gone away.

 

If we look at the examples that have been in the media lately, it will be easy to see how these tragedies would not have occurred, had the offenders learned how to appropriately deal with their anger.

 

First, the issue of school-violence is now becoming so common, that all parents should wonder if their children are even safe at all in their school.    In several of the school-violence incidents, two elements were common. One, the offending student(s) had been picked on mercilessly by other students at school, and the offending student(s) were not connected with anyone that really cared about them enough to teach healthy boundaries, healthy actions, and to help them grow into the whole individual that we are all capable of becoming. The student(s) who committed these acts of violence had never learned that it is o.k. to feel angry when others call you names and tell you that you are worthless; and that there are healthy ways to express this anger. The schools and families that were involved did not have a way for these children who were being abused by the system to deal with the anger that naturally arises when you are abused.  However, these schools and families are not to blame. How many schools, families, organizations, churches, corporations, government agencies, etc. have a healthy way to identify and then express anger???

 

I believe that we are all called to do something about this, so we can prevent this from happening. And, there is something that we can all do.

 

What we can do is to identify and deal with our own anger.

I believe that we have the ability to do this and the time is NOW!

 

If you would like to take responsibility for your part in healing our world, here are basic steps you can take.

 

I invite you to look once again this checklist of “signs of unexpressed anger”.

 

 

1. Procrastination in the completion of imposed tasks.
   2. Perpetual of habitual
      3. Sarcasm, cynicism or flippancy .
      4.   A liking of sadistic of ironic humor.
      5. Over-politeness, constant cheerfulness, attitude of “grin and bear it”.
         6. Frequent sighing
            7. Smiling and laughing while in pain
            8. Frequent disturbing or frightening dreams
            9.  Over-controlled monotone speaking voice.
               10. Boredom, apathy, loss of interest in things you are usually enthusiastic

 

13. Difficulty in getting to sleep or sleeping through the night
14. Slowing down of movement
    13. Getting tired more easily than usual
        14. Excessive irritability over small things
        15. Getting drowsy at inappropriate times
        16. Sleeping more than usual –12 to 14 hours a night
        17. Waking up tired rather than refreshed
18. Clenched jaws, especially while sleeping
19. Facial tics, spasmodic foot movements, habitual fist clenching, and similar repeated acts done unintentionally.
20. Grinding of the teeth–especially while sleeping
15. Chronically stiff or sore neck or shoulder
16. Chronic periods of feeling down for no
    23. Stomach ulcers

 

Just because we are unaware of being angry does not mean that we are not angry. It is the anger that we are unaware of which can do the most damage to ourselves and to our relationships. The anger does get expressed, but in inappropriate ways. Freud once likened anger to the smoke in an old-fashioned wood burning stove. The normal avenue for discharge of the smoke is up the flue, and out of the chimney; if the normal avenue is blocked, the smoke, will leak out of the stove in unintended ways …around the door, through the grate, etc. choking everyone in the room. If all avenues of escape are blocked, the fire goes out and the stove ceases to function. Likewise the normal (human) expression of anger is gross physical movement and/or loud vocalization.

 

However, most of us are taught at a very early age, that such expressions of anger are unacceptable to others and lead to undesirable consequences such as being beaten, being shamed or having affection withheld. We learn to “be nice”, which means (among other things) hiding “bad feelings. By adulthood, even verbal expression is curtailed, since a civilized person is expected to be “civil”. Thus, the expression of anger and other painful feelings is stifled, and to protect ourselves from the unbearable burden of feeling these unexpressed feelings, we convince ourselves that we are not angry, even when we are. Such self-deception is seldom completely successful however, and the blocked anger “leaks out”, as mentioned above.

 

The items in the list are all danger signals that negative feelings are being bottled up inside. It is true that each of them can have causes other than repressed anger, but the presence of them is reason enough to look within for buried resentment. It is believed that repression of anger and other “negative feelings” causes cancer.

 

They are certainly causing the destruction of our earth.

 

Getting rid of these buried resentments is a major task, a task that is often left for those few individuals who have found a problem so unbearable in their life, that they seek professional help. This may be necessary, but there are things you can do alone or in a support group as well. The first step is willingness, which will lead to awareness.

 

The following formula is a good one that we can all do on our own, unless the uncovering of anger has caused one to feel out of control. Then, professional help should be sought.

 

Here is the formula:

 

1. RECOGNITION OF THE FEELING.
2. OWNING IT–ACKNOWLEDGING THAT IT IS YOURS
3. DISCHARGING IT —ACTING ON IT IN SOME WAY, FOR EXAMPLE, USING THE ADVANCED COMMUNICATION TOOL, “NON-VIOLENT COMMUNICATON”, OR NVC, TO TALK WITH THE PERSON WHO STIMULATED THE ANGER, RELEASING IT WITH A LONG WALK OR EXERCISE, OR GETTING A SAFE PERSON TO JUST LISTEN AND BE PRESENT

 

 

I believe that if even a small number of us make a commitment to allow anger and it’s expression to return to its’ giftedness, then the repressed energy will no longer need to come out of the Shadow and rear its ugly head. Again, anger’s gift is telling us when we have been harmed or violated, and it reminds us of the need to release this feeling and also make sure we are safe from any further assaults. When we learn to communicate clearly and directly, then the warped expression of anger as aggression, violence and passive -aggression   will fade away.   We will be able to become who we are all called to be, in service to each other and in harmony with the earth and all of her creatures.