PARENTING FROM THE INSIDE OUT

At this time of the year, many parents of High School Seniors are getting their High School graduates ready to go to college. And, they are having the “Talk”, with their graduating seniors.  No, it is not the talk about the birds and the bees; it is the talk in which they ask the child what they are going to study in college. Sadly, I have heard the following conversation way too many times in various formats:

Graduate: “Mom, Dad, Grandma, Aunt, …………I really want to go into (here is where the student says what they would really like to study  at college) “ Law enforcement, veterinary  medicine, languages, music, etc, etc”.

And, time and time again, (more often than not), unless the student wants to study something that has the prospect of bringing in” big bucks”, the child’s desire is completely ignored. And, the parents, neighbors, ministers, extended family “work” the student until they agree to study say Business, or Medicine or Computer Science,  or some field that promises to bring in a large future income.

The challenge here is twofold. First of all, the student is given the message loud and clear that they should ignore their own dreams and desires. They are told that they should just focus on making money. And, following from  the first part of the challenge is this: If the student is so manipulated into studying something other than what their heart desires, the likelihood of them staying in that field are pretty slim or if they  do, they may make  “big bucks”, but they will be very unhappy and will most likely turn to medicators, such as alcohol, food, compulsive exercise, compulsive work, compulsive sex or any of the other things that humans use to mask the pain of being dis-connected to their own sense of self. This disconnection to one’s self, and therefore to one’s own feelings, thoughts, perceptions, values, dreams and desires actually fuels most of our problems in the world.

Now, the purpose of my blog today is not to teach how to re-connect or how to teach a child to stay connected to their own authentic self which means knowing how they feel, think, believe and what they want; the purpose today  is to suggest that the greatest gift a parent  could give their child before he or she goes to college is the gift of supporting their dreams, goals and visions.

This would, hands down, be the best support a parent could give to their child.

A tragic example of not supporting the child’s true dreams (which are often built on the child’s true strengths) is the story found in the movie, THE DEAD POET’S SOCIETY. This is a very old movie but a very good one. One of the main characters wants to be in theater. His father, a retired man from the military will not support his son in following his dream; forces him to follow another more lucrative career and in the end, the son kills himself while still in college. He is so unhappy not being able to follow a path in which he is truly gifted and he is so distraught that his father cannot truly see the “one” that he is, that he takes his life in his father’s home.

Now, this outcome, though rare(hopefully) points out how though the child may not die as a result of the parents  not supporting their dreams and true talents, I believe we are committing “soul murder” if we can’t support the child in being him or herself.

So, my hope for any parent reading this is to know how important it is to truly support your child’s dreams, visions, hopes and true gifts. In doing this, you are giving your child the awareness that you approve of them, that you see them and that you want them to become the best “one” they can be. As Author, Ernie Carwile, puts it: You might as well be yourself; everyone else is taken.