Relationships

Terry Real, Internationally famous Relationship theorist and author of THE NEW RULES OF MARRIAGE, tells us that relationships are the “Pearl of Great Price”.  Further, most of the songs that are written are about relationships.  However, many of the songs are about relationships that have gone bad. The bible speaks about the importance of relationships when we are told to “love our neighbor as ourselves.” So, if they are so important, why have we humans with the highest level of consciousness on earth not figured out how to do them well?

The answer may lie in projection; that age old term that tells us that we often project painful or unidentified issues within ourselves onto others, thereby, not having to own that the issue or pain is about ourselves.

When we project our issues onto others, we then begin to see that person with these issues, and then we see the other AS these issues. For example, if I am out of touch with my own anger, I will project this on to others and then see them as an angry person; and then I will begin to change my behavior around them. They will experience my adapted behavior and then will change their behavior as well.

Soon, we are caught in a web of illusion where no one is really being their true self and no one is speaking their own Truth. Wars are fought because of this illusion. Children are abused because of this illusion. We miss the opportunity to experience, as Terry Real claims, that “relationships are the Pearl of Great Price”, because of this illusion.

The solution to all of this is simple; it may not be easy to implement but is, nevertheless, simple.

The solution is the willingness to connect to oneself, to connect with our entire being, including the pain and the JOY. The truth is if we are willing to identify and heal our own issues, we then can connect with our truest and most authentic self and in this inner connection, we can stop the Projecting of our issues onto others. We can identify and deal with them which is the only place they can be dealt with anyway.

 We then are ready and able to be a clear channel in the world, speaking and acting from our authentic self and having good relationships with everyone who is willing to do the same. And, if we are trying to connect with someone who is at that time, unwilling or unable to connect from their truest self, we can accept this and not project anything onto them. We become willing to “love them from a distance”, and still speak our truth and be that clear channel of truth no matter what is happening outside of us.

Mark Nepo, in his book, THE BOOK OF AWAKENING( page187, the June 5^th reading), gives us three steps to begin to experience the PEARL OF GREAT PRICE.

These steps loosely paraphrased and used with a significant other:

1. Appreciate one another’s willingness to be open and vulnerable.
2. Be willing to keep the channel of vulnerability wide open.
3. Making a promise to the other that if misunderstanding or conflicts arise( which they always will) that they are shared with the other directly with the commitment to not let these misunderstandings or conflicts build.

I do my best to follow these steps as often as I am aware of the.

A beautiful example of the fruit from this commitment happened to me the other day with my horse. (Yes, we can experience this depth of connection or the Pearl of Great Price with all of creation).

I was working with my horse in a round pen near the 300 acre pasture she is spending the summer in with 20 other horses. I released her to go re-connect with her herd. She looked around and then walked off fast. I heard her “neighing” and figured she would sense where her herd was and take off at a run. I was walking back to my car and suddenly, I heard her doing more neighing and I turned around and she was standing at the fence with a “panicked look” in her eyes.

I realized that she could not find her herd. So, I slipped under the fence and without haltering her at all, she and I walked together, up and over a ridge, down a hill and we found her herd at a little creek. The walk to find her herd took about 15 minutes and as I said, she walked with me unhaltered to find her group.

As soon as she saw her family group, she walked slowly to re-connect.

The beautiful part of this story for me is that she came back to me when she was in distress. My perception is that she trusts me and she knew I would help her. Then, she walked with me quite close, until we found her equine family.

I think I am experiencing the Pearl of Great price with her and if we can experience this with a 1000 pound animal that does not speak in words; can you imagine what we can experience with humans? There is no limit.