The Break of a Lifetime

By Suzanne Carter, M.A., L.P.C.

Well I guess I needed a Break: Looking for the real meaning behind why you broke your bone, and how to allow the healing time to transform your life.

n the first of January, New Year’s Day, 2004, my family and I set out to do one of our most favorite family activities: Hiking in the mountains and taking a picnic along when we found our destination. This was made even more special by the following reasons: We believed that we had finally made it to a stable place in our lives. Instability had been the rule rather than the exception in our lives for the last 7 years. We had successfully navigated our way through many challenges that included job changes, 2 major moves and thus 2 school changes for our son, having to leave 2 private practices because of the moves, the death of my sister and my husband’s sister, several illnesses that go along with stress and all of the other stress factors that occur with so much going on. Our lives appeared to have stabilized because we had just moved to Denver only 3 weeks earlier (Yes, during the Christmas season) and had taken new jobs. My husband had moved to Denver 10 months earlier however and my son and I had stayed in Seattle to sell our wonderful home there. We were finally all together and though we were 65 % unpacked, we felt we were really getting though this stress-filled move.

Thus, the fact that we were all together on New Year’s Day made this time extraordinarily special. We had even met about 20 families the night before at a neighborhood New Year’s Eve party and had made plans to go horse-back riding on the following Sunday with some neighbors who were delighted to let us ride their horses.

We found the perfect place to picnic and were heading back to our car feeling quite satisfied when a new direction to our journey occurred. My son was running ahead with our Golden retriever. I was following close behind when I noticed the trail had some snow left on it from the storm three days ago. I thought about how cold the temperatures must be here compared to Seattle for snow to still be on the ground three days after a storm. In Seattle, even if the temperatures did get cold enough for the rain to turn to snow, the warmer, rainier conditions returned rapidly and the snow was almost always gone within a day or 2 at the most.

As I was thinking about the different climate conditions, I nearly slipped and fell but my wonderful Merrell Hiking shoes saved the day. My son and dog were now far ahead, and I called out to them: “Christopher, Jeremiah, plea ………………………Ahhhh, Oh no, Nat, (my husband), hellllllllllllllllllppppppppppppppppppp mmmmeeeeeeeeee, oh no, what happened………….” My husband came and sat beside me on the I-C-E, I was now laying on. I thought he picked up my ankle, and I said “please don’t hold my leg like that, it hurtssssssssssssssssss”. I noticed he was not touching me. The sensations I felt were the misplaced broken bones in my tibia and also due to the dis-location of my ankle. I was in emotional shock. I could not believe this had happened. After all that we had just been through and had made it. I am a very, very active person who LOVES to exercise and now I have a broken ankle. Again, I could not believe it. Reality began settling in though as I was transported down the hiking trail I had so enthusiastically climbed up just 90 minutes before, on an ATV(all terrain vehicle). Christopher had ran as fast as he could to get help, and several people came to my aid, including an avid hiker who loaned me a coat, a blanket, and some candy, 2 other families, a park ranger, and 4 volunteer fire and rescue people. As I was transported down the trail on the ATV, the sun was shining, the sky was that azure blue that only Colorado can boast of, and I could not walk.

Though I tried to remain “cheerful and helpful” to my wonderful family and rescue people, I was devastated and wanted to bury my head and cry.

The next 2 days were filled with all kinds of new pains, lots of people checking my blood pressure and doing other vital signs, surgery, and learning to walk on crutches. I had been admitted to the hospital after being in the ER for 6 ½ hours, and was preparing for surgery the very next day. The night I was admitted, I was still in disbelief about how on earth I was going to handle not being able to walk for who knows how long when a miracle occurred.

The surgeon, Dr. Stuart Weinerman, (who just happened to be on call that day) who was to perform the surgery came in and spoke in such a confident manner about what was to happen that I literally began my transformation in that moment. I am so grateful that Dr. Weinerman was the doctor on call. I was so vulnerable at this point that it was a miraculous blessing that such a gifted Doctor was going to be my surgeon. He told me I could be walking with one of those “Moon-boots” in about 4 weeks and he believed my ankle would be returned to at least 98% well. He said all he needed from me was my “patience”. In that moment, I saw another miracle occurring. I had been working on being more relaxed, and patient with myself my whole life. This could be, in a sense, an answer to prayer. I could choose to continue to not believe this had happened or I could begin my transformation.

The rest of this pamphlet will give a detailed account of how my total healing occurred. If you follow these ideas and then let them stimulate your own ideas, the healing of your broken bone can be a metaphor for total healing or at least the beginning of that process.

There are 5 areas for you to work in and you will decide which area comes first for you. This order worked for me but we are all different.

ENVIRONMENTAL

Set your environment up so everything is convenient for you. This may seem obvious but I did not do a lot of things initially that would have really helped me early on.

Bathroom—-I was told at the hospital to put 3 trash bags on my leg and in the shower, find a chair to sit on and to also buy one of those hand-held sprayers. This seemed so complicated and I was also told by many people that no matter how many trash bags I put on my leg, my ankle would still get wet. My husband solved the problem by putting a shelf he had in the garage across the tub. It needs to be big enough to fit across and to overlap the edge but this worked. I was then able to rest my leg on the shelf, and I put a towel on it for extra support. The first time I got in the bathtub, I cried with gratitude for my husband’s creative ideas. After being in the hospital for 2 days and not being able to really even wash my hands or face; this felt like utopia.

It is important to have someone help with this bathing ritual, at least initially, but then one can get very creative in making this work for them. My husband put all my shampoos, soaps, etc, where I could reach them.

One should also find a place where they will do their daily grooming ritual and put everything they will need in one area. My husband put a chair in front of the bathroom mirror and we used one of those “unpacked boxes” to store my hair-dryer, makeup, dental floss, and any other grooming or toiletries that one uses.

We also put a chair by the couch where I would watch television and this always had things I would need that I would normally jump up and get. Some of the things that should be put on this chair are chap-stick, hand lotion, water bottle, phone, TV – Guide and TV – Control. These things should remain there the entire time of healing. Plus, one should arrange an area in the kitchen with chap Stick, lotion, and other things that make it easy to stay in one place to make toast or tea, etc.

It is also very important to find the most convenient place for ones purse and appointment book, etc, and to make it o.k. to leave those things there while healing. I left my purse and appointment book by the front door on the floor. I am normally a clutter freak and I want things in their place. This is one area that clutter freaks either learn to let go of or go insane. I learned to let this go, and I was pleasantly surprised to learn that an earthquake would not happen if everything was not in its place.(We had to leave our Christmas tree up until the end of February; this was quite a test to how successful I would be in letting things go).
However, I did have to make it clear to my family that it was important for them to help out by putting their own things away. This latter plea was complied with rarely and I did have a few blow-ups over this.

PHYSICAL

During the first week or two, your body will be getting used to not being able to do what it normally likes to do; for example, exercising, stretching, sleeping in the positions it likes, and so on.
During the first couple of weeks, it essential to learn to relax and not try doing things that would impede the healing of the broken bone. The body is amazing in that it can heal, and the main thing that would stand in its way would be the human tendency to not listen to the body and do what the mind thinks it should do. I listened to my Doctor in every way. I asked him questions about what I could or could not do and I followed his directions perfectly. I cannot tell you how many people told me how great a job I was doing in following my Doctor’s advice. I was thoroughly surprised at this. To me, to not follow one’s Doctor’s words is really stupid.

Also, during the first few weeks, it is important to do what makes you the most comfortable within the guidelines of the Doctor’s orders. That is, if you feel best on the couch, stay on the couch. If being in bed or sitting on your favorite chair works best, then do that. The more comfortable we can be, the more relaxed we will be, and the more able the body is to be able to heal itself. My Doctor told me I could ride an exercise bike just 2 weeks after the surgery as long as I had my “Moon-Boot” on. I was quite hesitant to do this, almost fearful, but when I did do it, it made me feel wonderful. When one’s life is turned upside down, doing anything that is safe that makes one feel in control is a wonderful thing to do. Plus, the exercise really did make me feel good with all those endorphins being released.

Finally, it is very important to eat a healthy diet during the healing phase. For one thing, the body needs good nutrition to continue healing. Check with your Doctor to see if he or she recommends extra calcium or other supplements. I took calcium along with all of the other supplements I take, and I felt as if I were helping my bone heal by taking in the calcium.

EMOTIONAL

This is a very big area that is often ignored. When I first broke my ankle, I was so upset and I found that I had very few people to share the emotional pain with. That is, most humans think it is necessary to give positive platitudes to someone in pain rather than to just listen and be present to the feelings. When someone is in pain on an emotional level, all they need is for someone to just listen to them first. Usually, when one is listened to, they can come up with their own ideas of how to solve the problem. We humans erroneously believe that we need to solve the problem for those in pain, however, and we usually make the problem worse.

My best advice here is to find a caring friend to listen to your feelings as soon as possible. If you can, finding a therapist is a great exercise during the healing phase. During any crisis, one’s feelings tend to be right on the surface and thus, finding a good therapist can be the best way to deal with those feelings. Journaling is also a very important thing to do. When I journaled,
I was able to really get in touch with the emotional pain and I was able to be present to my own feelings. In this process, I discovered that I was very mad at myself for falling. That may not make sense but that was what was “UP’ for me on a feeling level. I knew I needed to forgive myself for falling, and in that process, I was able to stop resisting and really relax and cooperate with my body rather than hindering the process. One friend did tell that she was surprised I had not hurt myself sooner because of the fast pace I was living at before the move. Those were truly words of wisdom, and they also helped me forgive myself.

Finally, it is o.k. to feel sad. In fact, if one is not feeling sadness, they are probably out of touch with their feelings. When one breaks a bone, sadness, fear and anger are all part of the grief process. And, this is a Grief process. Whenever one has any kind of loss, the natural response is Grief. I would highly recommend the book, The Grief Recovery Handbook by John James and Russell Friedman. Doing the exercises in this book while healing is a fantastic way to capitalize on the extra time one has during this healing crisis, and by using the time wisely for total healing, the crisis becomes an opportunity……………….

SOCIAL

Now is the time to “cash” in on the times you have helped others out. That is, when someone asks you, “how can I help”, tell them. People want to be helpful, and one of the hardest things for humans to do is ask for help or accept it when it is offered. Further, when someone offers to bring a meal, say something like: “Oh, that would be wonderful!!!”, and leave your response to that.

Also, find a friend or 2 who is willing to come over and just be with you. When they come, and they want to bring lunch, you know what to say. (If you forgot -, re-read the above paragraphJ). It is also alright for you to lie on the couch while they sit and just chat. There are some things that you normally would not do that you should do now, like relaxing and just chatting with a friend. If you want coffee or tea, tell your friend how to make it.

Intellectual

It is important to find things that will stimulate you intellectually during this healing process as well. When able, go to the book store or library (or ask friends to go for you>>>see above paragraphs),
and get caught up on reading those books you have always wanted to read. It is very tempting to just watch television during the healing process and this is o.k. some of the time; but also take time to read. This healing time will be a time that you will always remember, and though you want it to go by fast, you will be amazed at how fast it really does go by after you are well. If you found ways to stimulate your mind, you will remember this time as a time that you used to meet all of your needs rather than the need to just distract.

Spiritual

Finally, this area has to do with connecting with your truest or highest self. Some people will want to meditate daily or do daily prayers but however you do this, it is important to do. This is not about religion. Again, it is about connecting with who you truly are. It can be a time to reflect on your life and where you are and make some decisions about taking steps to make your greatest dreams come true. This can also be a time do self-nurturing and as you connect with your own sense of worth, you can realize how important it is do self-care all of the time and not just when your bone is healing.

In conclusion, some say there are no real accidents. I am not going to judge whether this is true or false but I can absolutely say that this time of healing for my ankle also became a time for a deeper emotional healing. This time will be what you make of it. My best advise to you is to “Be present” to yourself in all ways, and miracles will occur as a result of this healing time.

If you have any questions or would like to set up a consultation with me, you can reach me 24 hours a day at my voice mail: 720-540-6738. Blessings to you and may you allow this to be a BREAK of a lifetime.

©2008 Unity Center for Spiritual wholeness