GRIEF: The easiest path to love, not usually taken.
Dumbledore, the head-master at Hogwarts, (from the Harry Potter books by J.K. Rowling) taught us this:
~GRIEF IS LOVE~
Never is this truth more clear for me than on certain days when something reminds me of my sister who left the planet way too soon in September of 2002 at the age of 45. Sometimes, just seeing two sisters together, or a beloved cocker spaniel,(which is the dog she loved), or the scent of the pines in the morning breeze will stimulate the ache of the pain of her loss.
This happened the other day when I was out on my deck with my morning coffee and my two Golden Retrievers. The air was cooler than usual for a mid July day and the coolness seemed to intensify the smells this early morning. The scent of the pines nearly brought tears of gratitude to my eyes; grateful for this moment and being blessed by nature. I sat down and realized this scent brought back memories of the countless times my dad would coax my sister and I out of bed to go on an early morning picnic in the mountains when we were very young. Once we got to our picnic site and always near a mountain- stream, my dad would fire up the Coleman stove, and begin making bacon and blueberries pancakes. It was always a wonderful time.
So, on this July morning in 2016, the scent of the trees brought this whole memory back and I sat down to feel the pain of her loss. First it is important for you to know that I have taken this path of grief that is not usually taken. What I mean by this is that people avoid their grief as if it will kill them. I chose to grieve consciously and this way has made all the difference. I am certified with The Grief Recovery Institute in California and I am so grateful that I found them when my sister died. Their book, The Grief Recovery Handbook, is enabling people all over the world to consciously grieve and in my opinion, not only does this process help one deal with their grief, it enables them to heal on many levels. I would invite you to buy this book or go to the website, Griefrecoverymethod.com, or contact me and I will tell you how to take this conscious path of grief, the path less taken, the path that will lead you to a deeper love that will heal your heart and your life.
But for the sake of this article today, I return to my story. First of all, since I chose the conscious way of grieving, when I noticed the memory of my sister bubbling up, I did have some tears come up. But next, I had a wonderful idea of going to a mountain stream, taking my dogs and going on a hike.
I did just this. I knew I needed to be in this memory and honor it and it was so wonderful. The hike was grand, my dogs loved it and just as we were finishing our hike and planning to put our paws in the mountain stream, I had another amazing moment that really seemed to verify that my time spent on this hike was the right thing to do.
As we approached the stream, I saw out of the corner of my eye a tiny bit of red. I thought, “Oh my, it couldn’t be, could it?” My thought was, “did I really see a raspberry”? And, yes I did, right there on the path. Raspberries are truly my favorite food. And, because I have been so busy this spring with the marketing of my book, I have not been able to tend to the raspberry bushes I have in my yard. I was sad about this but one can only do so much as we all know.
But, because of my willingness to follow my feelings into the memory of my sister, which of course was stimulated by that wonderful pine scent on my deck, I had a perfect morning. The morning was guided by love and as Robert Frost, author of the poem, THE ROAD NOT TAKEN, would say, this “made all of the difference”.
If we don’t consciously grieve, the moment we have a thought of a loved one who has passed, we will avoid that thought immediately. If we do take the path not taken, we will heal our heart of the immediate pain from the grief and we will then have a living relationship with our loved one. Even though their feet are no longer on the same earth that we travel, the love that connected us in the first place will enable us to feel them in our hearts forever.