Saying “Good-Bye” to someone you love
Is not easy…………
The only way: let them go in love but keep for yourself the precious memories of life, the life you shared with your loved one:
A part of eternal life and their living legacy.
One of the deepest pains we will ever face is the loss of a loved one. Though it is a fact of life that we will experience a depth of sadness like no other when someone we deeply love makes their transition, most people do not know how to deal with the pain from this inevitable loss. Then, when we do go through this experience, we can be floored by the loss and not know if we can even go on or ever be the same again.
Mark Nepo, from, THE BOOK OF AWAKENING,(page 87) speaks to what one must be willing to do when they go through this type of loss:
“We often move away from pain, which is helpful only before being hurt. Once in pain, it seems the only way out is through. Like someone falling off a boat, struggling to stay above the water only makes things worse. We must accept we are there and settle enough so we can be carried by the deep. The willingness to do this is the genesis of faith, the giving over to larger currents than us”.
When my sister died nearly 14 years ago, I did feel like I had fallen off a boat and all I could do at first was struggle to stay afloat, which as Mark tells us, did make things worse.
Following my sister’s death, with the exception of two close women friends, I was unable to find anyone to really say anything to me that helped the deep and yet invisible wound Linda’s premature death had left in my being. The problem was that because I had no visible tears or rips in my flesh, no one knew of the pain and deep wounding that I was experiencing in my whole being.
I finally called a former therapist in the state of Michigan. (I had moved from Michigan four years before). I thought my extremely gifted therapist would help me process these seeming unbearable feelings. This expectation was wondrously wrong. Paul told me that I needed to secure a copy of the Grief Recovery Handbook, revised edition, by John W. James and Russell Friedman. He advised me to work through the book and as soon as possible to take the Grief Recovery certification training the Grief Recovery Institute offers and begin to help people the world over deal with grief.
I did get the book, I worked through it with my husband and two friends, and then I did the training. I have led grief recovery groups and have counseled many people on grief issues now for 12 years.
The beauty of this program for me is that I have always said my goal as a therapist is for my clients to heal the blocks that would keep them from making their dreams come true. I have discovered that these blocks for probably 95 percent of all people have to do with grief and recovery issues that were never dealt with. I knew Linda had a lot of grief issues to deal with but, try as I may; I was never able to help her get into recovery. Her desire to stop drinking was there 100 percent but her ability to know how to deal with the insurmountable grief, the grief that was underneath and driving her need to drink, was absent.
I’m doing all I can to prevent another premature death of a sister, a daughter, a friend, a cousin, a wife, to the grips of addiction. I hope to remove the stigma of addiction, and help the world to know that we all use addictions to medicate the pain we do not know how to deal with that stems from grief and loss. I dedicate my grief work to my sister, Linda, my precious sister whose radiant light went out way too soon. I vow to not let her death be in vain.
I plan to begin an ongoing Grief and loss group that will be open to anyone who has lost a loved one or whose loved one has a terminal diagnosis. The group will also be open to anyone who knows they have grief issues that are keeping them stuck because everyone and I mean 100% of all people have lost someone they love and this loss has affected their ability to be happy, healthy and in pursuit of their dreams.
If you are interested in the group, please call me at 720-540-6738 or email me at equinelites@aol.com
Rev. Suzanne Carter, LPC
www.UnityWholenesscenter.com